a woman of thirty-第6部分

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ng　Englishman；　by　way　of　amusing　himself；　took　to　studying　his　own　complaint；　which　was　believed　to　be　incurable。　By　degrees　he　acquired　a　liking　for　anatomy　and　physic；　and　took　quite　a　craze　for　that　kind　of　thing；　a　most　extraordinary　taste　in　a　man　of　quality；　though　the　Regent　certainly　amused　himself　with　chemistry！　In　short；　Monsieur　Arthur　made　astonishing　progress　in　his　studies；　his　health　did　the　same　under　the　faculty　of　Montpellier；　he　consoled　his　captivity；　and　at　the　same　time　his　cure　was　thoroughly　completed。　They　say　that　he　spent　two　whole　years　in　a　cowshed；　living　on　cresses　and　the　milk　of　a　cow　brought　from　Switzerland；　breathing　as　seldom　as　he　could；　and　never　speaking　a　word。　Since　he　come　to　Tours　he　has　lived　quite　alone；　he　is　as　proud　as　a　peacock；　but　you　have　certainly　made　a　conquest　of　him；　for　probably　it　is　not　on　my　account　that　he　has　ridden　under　the　window　twice　every　day　since　you　have　been　here。He　has　certainly　fallen　in　love　with　you。〃

That　last　phrase　roused　the　Countess　like　magic。　Her　involuntary　start　and　smile　took　the　Marquise　by　surprise。　So　far　from　showing　a　sign　of　the　instinctive　satisfaction　felt　by　the　most　strait…laced　of　women　when　she　learns　that　she　has　destroyed　the　peace　of　mind　of　some　male　victim；　there　was　a　hard；　haggard　expression　in　Julie's　facea　look　of　repulsion　amounting　almost　to　loathing。

A　woman　who　loves　will　put　the　whole　world　under　the　ban　of　Love's　empire　for　the　sake　of　the　one　whom　she　loves；　but　such　a　woman　can　laugh　and　jest；　and　Julie　at　that　moment　looked　as　if　the　memory　of　some　recently　escaped　peril　was　too　sharp　and　fresh　not　to　bring　with　it　a　quick　sensation　of　pain。　Her　aunt；　by　this　time　convinced　that　Julie　did　not　love　her　nephew；　was　stupefied　by　the　discovery　that　she　loved　nobody　else。　She　shuddered　lest　a　further　discovery　should　show　her　Julie's　heart　disenchanted；　lest　the　experience　of　a　day；　or　perhaps　of　a　night；　should　have　revealed　to　a　young　wife　the　full　extent　of　Victor's　emptiness。

〃If　she　has　found　him　out；　there　is　an　end　of　it；〃　thought　the　dowager。　〃My　nephew　will　soon　be　made　to　feel　the　inconveniences　of　wedded　life。〃

The　Marquise　now　proposed　to　convert　Julie　to　the　monarchical　doctrines　of　the　times　of　Louis　Quinze；　but　a　few　hours　later　she　discovered；　or；　more　properly　speaking；　guessed；　the　not　uncommon　state　of　affairs；　and　the　real　cause　of　her　niece's　low　spirits。

Julie　turned　thoughtful　on　a　sudden；　and　went　to　her　room　earlier　than　usual。　When　her　maid　left　her　for　the　night；　she　still　sat　by　the　fire　in　the　yellow　velvet　depths　of　a　great　chair；　an　old…world　piece　of　furniture　as　well　suited　for　sorrow　as　for　happy　people。　Tears　flowed；　followed　by　sighs　and　meditation。　After　a　while　she　drew　a　little　table　to　her；　sought　writing　materials；　and　began　to　write。　The　hours　went　by　swiftly。　Julie's　confidences　made　to　the　sheet　of　paper　seemed　to　cost　her　dear；　every　sentence　set　her　dreaming；　and　at　last　she　suddenly　burst　into　tears。　The　clocks　were　striking　two。　Her　head；　grown　heavy　as　a　dying　woman's；　was　bowed　over　her　breast。　When　she　raised　it；　her　aunt　appeared　before　her　as　suddenly　as　if　she　had　stepped　out　of　the　background　of　tapestry　upon　the　walls。

〃What　can　be　the　matter　with　you；　child？〃　asked　the　Marquise。　〃Why　are　you　sitting　up　so　late？　And　why；　in　the　first　place；　are　you　crying　alone；　at　your　age？〃

Without　further　ceremony　she　sat　down　beside　her　niece；　her　eyes　the　while　devouring　the　unfinished　letter。

〃Were　you　writing　to　your　husband？〃

〃Do　I　know　where　he　is？〃　returned　the　Countess。

Her　aunt　thereupon　took　up　the　sheet　and　proceeded　to　read　it。　She　had　brought　her　spectacles；　the　deed　was　premeditated。　The　innocent　writer　of　the　letter　allowed　her　to　take　it　without　the　slightest　remark。　It　was　neither　lack　of　dignity　nor　consciousness　of　secret　guilt　which　left　her　thus　without　energy。　Her　aunt　had　come　in　upon　her　at　a　crisis。　She　was　helpless；　right　or　wrong；　reticence　and　confidence；　like　all　things　else；　were　matters　of　indifference。　Like　some　young　maid　who　had　heaped　scorn　upon　her　lover；　and　feels　so　lonely　and　sad　when　evening　comes；　that　she　longs　for　him　to　come　back　or　for　a　heart　to　which　she　can　pour　out　her　sorrow；　Julie　allowed　her　aunt　to　violate　the　seal　which　honor　places　upon　an　open　letter；　and　sat　musing　while　the　Marquise　read　on：

　　〃MY　DEAR　LOUISA；Why　do　you　ask　so　often　for　the　fulfilment　of　as　　　rash　a　promise　as　two　young　and　inexperienced　girls　could　make？　　　You　say　that　you　often　ask　yourself　why　I　have　given　no　answer　to　　　your　questions　for　these　six　months。　If　my　silence　told　you　　　nothing；　perhaps　you　will　understand　the　reasons　for　it　to…day；　as　　　you　read　the　secrets　which　I　am　about　to　betray。　I　should　have　　　buried　them　for　ever　in　the　depths　of　my　heart　if　you　had　not　　　announced　your　own　approaching　marriage。　You　are　about　to　be　　　married；　Louisa。　The　thought　makes　me　shiver。　Poor　little　one！　　　marry；　yes；　in　a　few　months'　time　one　of　the　keenest　pangs　of　　　regret　will　be　the　recollection　of　a　self　which　used　to　be；　of　the　　　two　young　girls　who　sat　one　evening　under　one　of　the　tallest　oak…　　　trees　on　the　hillside　at　Ecouen；　and　looked　along　the　fair　valley　　　at　our　feet　in　the　light　of　the　sunset；　which　caught　us　in　its　　　glow。　We　sat　on　a　slab　of　rock　in　ecstasy；　which　sobered　down　into　　　melancholy　of　the　gentlest。　You　were　the　first　to　discover　that　　　the　far…off　sun　spoke　to　us　of　the　future。　How　inquisitive　and　how　　　silly　we　were！　Do　you　remember　all　the　absurd　things　we　said　and　　　did？　We　embraced　each　other；　'like　lovers；'　said　we。　We　solemnly　　　promised　that　the　first　bride　should　faithfully　reveal　to　the　　　other　the　mysteries　of　marriage；　the　joys　which　our　childish　minds　　　imagined　to　be　so　delicious。　That　evening　will　complete　your　　　despair；　Louisa。　In　those　days　you　were　young　and　beautiful　and　　　careless；　if　not　radiantly　happy；　a　few　days　of　marriage；　and　you　　　will　be；　what　I　am　alreadyugly；　wretched；　and　old。　Need　I　tell　　　you　how　proud　I　was　and　how　vain　and　glad　to　be　married　to　Colonel　　　Victor　d'Aiglemont？　And　besides；　how　could　I　tell　you　now？　for　I　　　cannot　remember　that　old　self。　A　few　moments　turned　my　girlhood　to　　　a　dream。　All　through　the　memorable　day　which　consecrated　a　chain；　　　the　extent　of　which　was　hidden　from　me；　my　behavior　was　not　free　　　from　reproach。　Once　and　again　my　father　tried　to　repress　my　　　spirits；　the　joy　which　I　showed　so　plainly　was　thought　unbefitting　　　the　occasion；　my　talk　scarcely　innocent；　simply　because　I　was　so　　　innocent。　I　played　endless　child's　tricks　with　my　bridal　veil；　my　　　wreath；　my　gown。　Left　alone　that　night　in　the　room　whither　I　had　　　been　conducted　in　state；　I　planned　a　piece　of　mischief　to　tease　　　Victor。　While　I　awaited　his　coming；　my　heart　beat　wildly；　as　it　　　used　to　do　when　I　was　a　child　stealing　into　the　drawing…room　on　　　the　last　day　of　the　old　year　to　catch　a　glimpse　of　the　New　Year's　　　gifts　piled　up　there　in　heaps。　When　my　husband　came　in　and　looked　　　for　me；　my　smothered　laughter　ringing　out　from　beneath　the　lace　in　　　which　I　had　shrouded　myself；　was　the　last　outburst　of　the　　　delicious　merriment　which　brightened　our　games　in　childhood　。　。　。〃

When　the　dowager　had　finished　reading　the　letter；　and　after　such　a　beginning　the　rest　must　have　been　sad　indeed；　she　slowly　laid　her　spectacles　on　the　table；　put　the　letter　down　beside　them；　and　looked　fixedly　at　her　niece。　Age　had　not　dimmed　the　fire　in　those　green　eyes　as　yet。

〃My　little　girl；〃　she　said；　〃a　married　woman　cannot　write　such　a　letter　as　this　to　a　young　unmarried　woman；　it　is　scarcely　proper〃

〃So　I　was　thinking；〃　Julie　broke　in　upon　her　aunt。　〃I　felt　ashamed　of　myself　while　you　were　reading　it。〃

〃If　a　dish　at　table　is　not　to　our　taste；　there　is　no　occasion　to　disgust　others　with　it；　child；〃　the　old　lady　continued　benignly；　〃especially　when　marriage　has　seemed　to　us　all；　from　Eve　downwards；　so　excellent　an　institution。　。　。　You　have　no　mother？〃

The　Countess　trembled；　then　she　raised　her　face　meekly；　and　said：

〃I　have　missed　my　mother　many　times　already　during　the　past　year；　but　I　have　myself　to　blame；　I　would　not　listen　to　my　father。　He　was　opposed　to　my　marriage；　he　disapproved　of　Victor　as　a　son…in…law。〃

She　looked　at　her　aunt。　The　old　face　was　lighted　up　with　a　kindly　look；　and　a　thrill　of　joy　dried　Julie's　tears。　She　held　out　her　young；　soft　hand　to　the　old　Marquise；　who　seemed　to　ask　for　it；　and　the　understanding　between　the　two　women　was　completed　by　the　close　grasp　of　their　fingers。

〃Poor　orphan　child！〃

The　words　came　like　a　final　flash　of　enlightenment　to　Julie。　It　seemed　to　her　that　she　heard　her　father's　prophetic　voice　again。

〃Your　hands　are　burning！　Are　they　always　like　this？〃　asked　the　Marquise。

〃The　fever　only　left　me　seven　or　eight　days　ago。〃

〃You　had　a　fever　upon　you；　and　said　nothing　about　it　to　me！〃

〃I　have　had　it　for　a　year；〃　said　Julie；　with　a　kind　of　timid　anxiety。

〃My　good　little　angel；　then　your　married　life　hitherto　has　been　one　long　time　of　suffering？〃

Julie　did　not　venture　to　reply；　but　an　affirmative　sign　revealed　the　whole　truth。

〃Then　you　are　unhappy？〃

〃On！　no；　no；　aunt。　Victor　loves　me；　he　almost　idolizes　me；　and　I　adore　him；　he　is　so　kind。〃

〃Yes；　you　love　him；　but　you　avoid　him；　do　you　not？〃

〃Yes　。　。　。　sometimes　。　。　。　He　seeks　me　too　often。〃

〃And　often　when　you　are　alone　you　are　troubled　with　the　fear　that　he　may　suddenly　break　in　on　your　solitude？〃

〃Alas！　yes；　aunt。　But；　indeed；　I　love　him；　I　do　assure　you。〃

〃Do　you　not；　in　your　own　thoughts；　blame　yourself　because　you　find　it　impossible　to　share　his　pleasures？　Do　you　never　think　at　times　that　marriage　is　a　heavier　yoke　than　an　illicit　passion　could　be？〃

〃Oh；　that　is　just　it；〃　she　wept。　〃It　is　all　a　riddle　to　me；　and　can　you　guess　it　all？　My　faculties　are　benumbed；　I　have　no　ideas；　I　can　scarcely　see　at　all。　I　am　weighed　down　by　vague　dread；　which　freezes　me　till　I　cannot　feel；　and　keeps　me　in　continual　torpor。　I　have　no　voice　with　which　to　pity　myself；　no　words　to　express　my　trouble。　I　suffer；　and　I　am　ashamed　to　suffer　when　Victor　is　happy　at　my　cost。〃

〃Babyish　nonsense；　and　rubbish；　all　of　it！〃　exclaimed　the　aunt；　and　a　gay　smile；　an　after…