burlesques-第14部分

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M…rt…ng…le；　that　he　would　pass　a　week　under　the　roof　of　a　celebrated

and　lovely　young　heiress；　who　lives　not　a　hundred　miles　from

B…lgr…ve　Squ…re。　　The　bet　having　been　made；　the　earl　pretended　an

illness；　and　having　taken　lessons　from　one　of　his　lordship's　own

footmen　（Mr。　James　Plush；　whose　name　he　also　borrowed）　in　'the

MYSTERIES　of　the　PROFESSION；'　actually　succeeded　in　making　an　entry

into　Miss　P…ml…co's　mansion；　where　he　stopped　one　week　exactly；

having　time　to　win　his　bet；　and　to　save　the　life　of　the　lady；　whom

we　hear　he　is　about　to　lead　to　the　altar。　　He　disarmed　the　Prince

of　Borodino　in　a　duel　fought　on　Calais　sandsand；　it　is　said；

appeared　at　the　C　club　wearing　his　PLUSH　COSTUME　under　a　cloak；

and　displaying　it　as　a　proof　that　he　had　won　his　wager。〃



Such；　indeed；　were　the　circumstances。　　The　young　couple　have　not

more　than　nine　hundred　thousand　a　year；　but　they　live　cheerfully；

and　manage　to　do　good；　and　Emily　de　Pentonville；　who　adores　her

daughter…in…law　and　her　little　grandchildren；　is　blest　in　seeing

her　darling　son　enfin　un　homme　range。







CRINOLINE。



BY　JE…MES　PL…SH；　ESQ。





I。





I'm　not　at　libbaty　to　divulj　the　reel　names　of　the　2　Eroes　of　the

igstrawny　Tail　which　I　am　abowt　to　relait　to　those　unlightnd

paytrons　of　letarature　and　true　connyshures　of　merritthe　great

Brittish　publicBut　I　pledj　my　varacity　that　this　singlar　story　of

rewmantic　love；　absobbing　pashn；　and　likewise　of　GENTEEL　LIFE；　is；

in　the　main　fax；　TREW。　　The　suckmstanzas　I　elude　to；　ocurd　in　the

rain　of　our　presnt　Gratious　Madjisty　and　her　beluvd　and　roil

Concert　Prince　Halbert。



Welthen。　　Some　time　in　the　seazen　of　18　（mor　I　dar　not　rewheel）

there　arrived　in　this　metropulus；　per　seknd　class　of　the　London　and

Dover　Railway；　an　ellygant　young　foring　gentleman；　whom　I　shall

danomminate　Munseer　Jools　De　Chacabac。



Having　read　through　〃The　Vicker　of　Wackfield〃　in　the　same　oridganal

English　tung　in　which　this　very　harticle　I　write　is　wrote　too；　and

halways　been　remarkyble；　both　at　collidge　and　in　the　estamminy；　for

his　aytred　and　orror　of　perfidgus　Halbion；　Munseer　Jools　was

considered　by　the　prapriretors　of　the　newspaper　in　which　he　wrote；

at　Parris；　the　very　man　to　come　to　this　country；　igsamin　its

manners　and　customs；　cast　an　i　upon　the　politticle　and　finalshle

stat　of　the　Hempire；　and　igspose　the　mackynations　of　the　infyamous

Palmerston；　and　the　ebomminable　Sir　Pillboth　enemies　of　France；

as　is　every　other　Britten　of　that　great；　gloarus；　libberal；　and

peasable　country。　　In　one　word；　Jools　de　Chacabac　was　a　penny…a…

liner。



〃I　will　go　see　with　my　own　I's；〃　he　said；　〃that　infimus　hiland　of

which　the　innabitants　are　shopkeepers；　gorged　with　roast　beef　and

treason。　　I　will　go　and　see　the　murderers　of　the　Hirish；　the

pisoners　of　the　Chynese；　the　villians　who　put　the　Hemperor　to　death

in　Saintyleany；　the　artful　dodges　who　wish　to　smother　Europe　with

their　cotton；　and　can't　sleep　or　rest　heasy　for　henvy　and　hatred　of

the　great　inwinsable　French　nation。　　I　will　igsammin；　face　to　face；

these　hotty　insularies；　I　will　pennytrate　into　the　secrets　of　their

Jessywhittickle　cabinet；　and　beard　Palmerston　in　his　denn。〃　　When

he　jumpt　on　shor　at　Foaxton　（after　having　been　tremenguously　sick

in　the　fourcabbing）；　he　exclaimed；　〃Enfin　je　te　tiens；　Ile　maudite！

je　te　crache　a　la　figure；　vieille　Angleterre！　　Je　te　foule　a　mes

pieds　an　nom　du　monde　outrage；〃　and　so　proseaded　to　inwade　the

metropulus。



As　he　wisht　to　micks　with　the　very　chicest　sosiaty；　and　git　the

best　of　infamation　about　this　country；　Munseer　Jools　of　coarse　went

and　lodgd　in　Lester　SquareLester　Squarr；　as　he　calls　itwhich；

as　he　was　infommed　in　the　printed　suckular　presented　to　him　by　a

very　greasy　but　polite　comishner　at　the　Custumus　Stares；　was　in　the

scenter　of　the　town；　contiggus　to　the　Ouses　of　Parlyment；　the

prinsple　theayters；　the　parx；　St。　Jams　Pallice；　and　the　Corts　of

Lor。　　〃I　can　surwhey　them　all　at　one　cut　of　the　eye；〃　Jools

thought；　〃the　Sovring；　the　infamus　Ministers　plotting　the

destruction　of　my　immortial　country；　the　business　and　pleasure　of

these　pusprond　Londoners　and　aristoxy；　I　can　look　round　and　see

all。〃　　So　he　took　a　three…pair　back　in　a　French　hotel；　the　〃Hotel

de　l'Ail；〃　kep　by　Monsieur　Gigotot；　Cranbourne　Street；　Lester

Squarr；　London。



In　this　otell　there's　a　billiard…room　on　the　first　floor；　and　a

tabble…doat　at　eighteenpence　peredd　at　5　o'clock；　and　the　landlord；

who　kem　into　Jools's　room　smoaking　a　segar；　told　the　young　gent

that　the　house　was　friquented　by　all　the　Brittish　nobillaty；　who

reglar　took　their　dinners　there。　　〃They　can't　ebide　their　own

quiseen；〃　he　said。　　〃You'll　see　what　a　dinner　we'll　serve　you　to…

day。〃　　Jools　wrote　off　to　his　paper



〃The　members　of　the　haughty　and　luxurious　English　aristocracy；　like

all　the　rest　of　the　world；　are　obliged　to　fly　to　France　for　the

indulgence　of　their　luxuries。　　The　nobles　of　England；　quitting

their　homes；　their　wives；　miladies　and　mistriss；　so　fair　but　so

cold；　dine　universally　at　the　tavern。　　That　from　which　I　write　is

frequented　by　Peel　and　Palmerston。　　I　fremis　to　think　that　I　may

meet　them　at　the　board　to…day。〃



Singlar　to　say；　Peel　and　Palmerston　didn't　dine　at　the　〃Hotel　de

l'Ail〃　on　that　evening。　　〃It's　quite　igstronnary　they　don't　come；〃

said　Munseer　de　l'Ail。



〃Peraps　they're　ingaged　at　some　boxing…match　or　some　combaw　de

cock；〃　Munseer　Jools　sejested；　and　the　landlord　egreed　that　was

very　likely。



Instedd　of　English　there　was；　however；　plenty　of　foring　sociaty；　of

every　nation　under　the　sun。　　Most　of　the　noblemen　were　great

hamatures　of　hale　and　porter。　　The　tablecloth　was　marked　over　with

brown　suckles；　made　by　the　pewter…pots　on　that　and　the　previous

days。



〃It　is　the　usage　here；〃　wrote　Jools　to　his　newspaper；　〃among　the

Anglais　of　the　fashonne　to　absorb　immense　quantities　of　ale　and

porter　during　their　meals。　　These　stupefying；　but　cheap；　and　not

unpalatable　liquors　are　served　in　shining　pewter　vessels。　　A　mug　of

foaming　hafanaf　（so　a　certain　sort　of　beer　is　called）　was　placed　by

the　side　of　most　of　the　convives。　　I　was　disappointed　of　seeing　Sir

Peel：　he　was　engaged　to　a　combat　of　cocks　which　occurs　at　Windsor。〃



Not　one　word　of　English　was　spoke　during　this　dinner；　excep　when

the　gentlemen　said　〃Garsong　de　l'afanaf；〃　but　Jool　was　very　much

pleased　to　meet　the　eleet　of　the　foringers　in　town；　and　ask　their

opinion　about　the　reel　state　of　thinx。　　Was　it　likely　that　the

bishops　were　to　be　turned　out　of　the　Chambre　des　Communes？　　Was　it

true　that　Lor　Palmerston　had　boxed　with　Lor　Broghamm　in　the　House

of　Lords；　until　they　were　sepparayted　by　the　Lor　Maire？　　Who　was

the　Lor　Maire？　　Wasn't　he　Premier　Minister？　and　wasn't　the

Archeveque　de　Cantorbery　a　Quaker？　　He　got　answers　to　these

questions　from　the　various　gents　round　about　during　the　dinner

which；　he　remarked；　was　very　much　like　a　French　dinner；　only

dirtier。　　And　he　wrote　off　all　the　infamation　he　got　to　his

newspaper。



〃The　Lord　Maire；　Lord　Lansdowne；　is　Premier　Ministre。　　His　Grace

has　his　dwelling　in　the　City。　　The　Archbishop　of　Cantabery　is　not

turned　Quaker；　as　some　people　stated。　　Quakers　may　not　marry；　nor

sit　in　the　Chamber　of　Peers。　　The　minor　bishops　have　seats　in

the　House　of　Commons；　where　they　are　attacked　by　the　bitter

pleasantries　of　Lord　Brougham。　　A　boxer　is　in　the　house；　he　taught

Palmerston　the　science　of　the　pugilate；　who　conferred　upon　him　the

seat；〃　&c。　&c。



His　writing　hover；　Jools　came　down　and　ad　a　gaym　at　pool　with　two

Poles；　a　Bulgian；　and　2　of　his　own　countrymen。　　This　being　done

amidst　more　hafanaf；　without　which　nothink　is　done　in　England；　and

as　there　was　no　French　play　that　night；　he　&　the　two　French　gents

walked　round　and　round　Lester　Squarr　smoking　segaws　in　the　faces　of

other　French　gents　who　were　smoaking　2。　　And　they　talked　about　the

granjer　of　France　and　the　perfidgusness　of　England；　and　looked　at

the　aluminated　pictur　of　Madame　Wharton　as　Haryadney　till　bedtime。

But　befor　he　slep；　he　finished　his　letter　you　may　be　sure；　and

called　it　his　〃Fust　Imprestiuns　of　Anglyterre。〃



〃Mind　and　wake　me　early；〃　he　said　to　Boots；　the　ony　Brittish

subject　in　the　〃Hotel　de　l'Ail；〃　and　who　therefore　didn't

understand　him。　　〃I　wish　to　be　at　Smithfield　at　6　hours　to　see　THE

MEN　SELL　THEIR　WIVES。〃　　And　the　young　roag　fell　asleep；　thinking

what　sort　of　a　one　he'd　buy。



This　was　the　way　Jools　passed　his　days；　and　got　infamation　about

Hengland　and　the　Henglishwalking　round　and　round　Lester　Squarr

all　day；　and　every　day　with　the　same　company；　occasionally

dewussified　by　an　Oprer　Chorus…singer　or　a　Jew　or　two；　and　every

afternoon　in　the　Quadrant　admiring　the　genteal　sosiaty　there。

Munseer　Jools　was　not　over　well　funnisht　with　pocket…money；　and　so

his　pleasure　was　of　the　gratis　sort　cheafly。



Well；　one　day　as　he　and　a　friend　was　taking　their　turn　among　the

aristoxy　under　the　Quadrantthey　were　struck　all　of　a　heap　by

seeing　　But；　stop！　who　WAS　Jools's　friend？　　Here　you　have

pictures　of　bothbut　the　Istory　of　Jools's　friend　must　be　kep　for

another　innings。





II。





Not　fur　from　that　knowble　and　cheerflie　Squear　which　Munseer　Jools

de　Chacabac　had　selacted　for　his　eboad　in　Londonnot　fur；　I　say；

from　Lester　Squarr；　is　a　rainje　of　bildings　called　Pipping's

Buildings；　leading　to　Blue　Lion　Court；　leading　to　St。　Martin's

Lane。　　You　know　Pipping's　Buildings　by　its　greatest　ornament；　an　am

and　beefouce　（where　Jools　has　often　stood　admiring　the　degstaraty

of　the　carver　a…cuttin　the　varous　jints）；　and　by　the　little

fishmungur's；　where　you　remark　the　mouldy　lobsters；　the　fly…blown

picklesammon；　the　playbills；　and　the　gingybear　bottles　in　the

windowabove　all；　by　the　〃Constantinople〃　Divan；　kep　by　the　Misses

Mordeky；　and　well　known　to　every　lover　of　〃a　prime　sigaw　and　an

exlent　cup　of　reel　Moky　Coffy　for　6d。