burlesques-第84部分

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principal　nobility　that　our　metropolis　had　produced。　　When　I

mention；　among　the　company　to　tea；　her　Grace　the　Duchess　of　Zero；

her　son　the　Marquis　of　Fitzurse；　and　the　Ladies　North　Pole　her

daughters；　when　I　say　that　there　were　yet　OTHERS；　whose　names　may

be　found　in　the　Blue　Book；　but　shan't；　out　of　modesty；　be　mentioned

here；　I　think　I've　said　enough　to　show　that；　in　our　time；　No。　96；

Portland　Place；　was　the　resort　of　the　best　of　company。



It　was　our　first　dinner；　and　dressed　by　our　new　cook；　Munseer

Cordongblew。　　I　bore　it　very　well；　eating；　for　my　share；　a　filly

dysol　allamater　dotell；　a　cutlet　soubeast；　a　pully　bashymall；　and

other　French　dishes：　and；　for　the　frisky　sweet　wine；　with　tin　tops

to　the　bottles；　called　Champang；　I　must　say　that　me　and　Mrs。　Coxe…

Tuggeridge　Coxe　drank　a　very　good　share　of　it　（but　the　Claret　and

Jonnysberger；　being　sour；　we　did　not　much　relish）。　　However；　the

feed；　as　I　say；　went　off　very　well：　Lady　Blanche　Bluenose　sitting

next　to　me；　and　being　so　good　as　to　put　me　down　for　six　copies　of

all　her　poems；　the　Count　and　Baron　von　Punter　engaging　Jemimarann

for　several　waltzes；　and　the　Field…Marshal　plying　my　dear　Jemmy

with　Champagne；　until；　bless　her！　her　dear　nose　became　as　red　as

her　new　crimson　satin　gown；　which；　with　a　blue　turban　and　bird…of…

paradise　feathers；　made　her　look　like　an　empress；　I　warrant。



Well；　dinner　past；　Mrs。　C。　and　the　ladies　went　off：thunder…under…

under　came　the　knocks　at　the　door；　squeedle…eedle…eedle；　Mr。

Wippert's　fiddlers　began　to　strike　up；　and；　about　half…past　eleven；

me　and　the　gents　thought　it　high　time　to　make　our　appearance。　　I

felt　a　LITTLE　squeamish　at　the　thought　of　meeting　a　couple　of

hundred　great　people；　but　Count　Mace　and　Sir　Gorman　O'Gallagher

taking　each　an　arm；　we　reached；　at　last；　the　drawing…room。



The　young　ones　in　company　were　dancing；　and　the　Duchess　and　the

great　ladies　were　all　seated；　talking　to　themselves　very　stately；

and　working　away　at　the　ices　and　macaroons。　　I　looked　out　for　my

pretty　Jemimarann　amongst　the　dancers；　and　saw　her　tearing　round

the　room　along　with　Baron　Punter；　in　what　they　call　a　gallypard；

then　I　peeped　into　the　circle　of　the　Duchesses；　where；　in　course；　I

expected　to　find　Mrs。　C。；　but　she　wasn't　there！　　She　was　seated　at

the　further　end　of　the　room；　looking　very　sulky；　and　I　went　up　and

took　her　arm；　and　brought　her　down　to　the　place　where　the　Duchesses


were。　　〃Oh；　not　there！〃　said　Jemmy；　trying　to　break　away。

〃Nonsense；　my　dear；〃　says　I：　〃you　are　missis；　and　this　is　your

place。〃　　Then　going　up　to　her　ladyship　the　Duchess；　says　I；　〃Me　and

my　missis　are　most　proud　of　the　honor　of　seeing　of　you。〃



The　Duchess　（a　tall　red…haired　grenadier　of　a　woman）　did　not　speak。



I　went　on：　〃The　young　ones　are　all　at　it；　ma'am；　you　see；　and　so　we

thought　we　would　come　and　sit　down　among　the　old　ones。　　You　and　I；

ma'am；　I　think；　are　too　stiff　to　dance。〃



〃Sir！〃　says　her　Grace。



〃Ma'am；〃　says　I；　〃don't　you　know　me？　　My　name's　Cox。　　Nobody's

introduced　me；　but；　dash　it；　it's　my　own　house；　and　I　may　present

myselfso　give　us　your　hand；　ma'am。〃



And　I　shook　hers　in　the　kindest　way　in　the　world；　butwould　you

believe　it？the　old　cat　screamed　as　if　my　hand　had　been　a　hot

'tater。　　〃Fitzurse！　Fitzurse！〃　shouted　she；　〃help！　help！〃　　Up

scuffled　all　the　other　Dowagersin　rushed　the　dancers。　　〃Mamma！

mamma！〃　squeaked　Lady　Julia　North　Pole。　　〃Lead　me　to　my　mother；〃

howled　Lady　Aurorer：　and　both　came　up　and　flung　themselves　into　her

arms。　　〃Wawt's　the　raw？〃　said　Lord　Fitzurse；　sauntering　up　quite

stately。



〃Protect　me　from　the　insults　of　this　man；〃　says　her　Grace。　　〃Where's

Tufthunt？　he　promised　that　not　a　soul　in　this　house　should　speak

to　me。〃



〃My　dear　Duchess；〃　said　Tufthunt；　very　meek。



〃Don't　Duchess　ME；　sir。　　Did　you　not　promise　they　should　not　speak；

and　hasn't　that　horrid　tipsy　wretch　offered　to　embrace　me？　　Didn't

his　monstrous　wife　sicken　me　with　her　odious　familiarities？　　Call

my　people；　Tufthunt！　　Follow　me；　my　children！〃



〃And　my　carriage；〃　〃And　mine；〃　〃And　mine！〃　shouted　twenty　more

voices。　　And　down　they　all　trooped　to　the　hall：　Lady　Blanche

Bluenose　and　Lady　Max　among　the　very　first；　leaving　only　the

Field…Marshal　and　one　or　two　men；　who　roared　with　laughter　ready

to　split。



〃Oh；　Sam；〃　said　my　wife；　sobbing；　〃why　would　you　take　me　back　to

them？　they　had　sent　me　away　before！　　I　only　asked　the　Duchess

whether　she　didn't　like　rum…shrub　better　than　all　your　Maxarinos

and　Curasosos：　andwould　you　believe　it？all　the　company　burst

out　laughing；　and　the　Duchess　told　me　just　to　keep　off；　and　not　to

speak　till　I　was　spoken　to。　　Imperence！　　I'd　like　to　tear　her　eyes

out。〃



And　so　I　do　believe　my　dearest　Jemmy　would！





A　DAY　WITH　THE　SURREY　HOUNDS。





Our　ball　had　failed　so　completely　that　Jemmy；　who　was　bent　still

upon　fashion；　caught　eagerly　at　Tagrag's　suggestion；　and　went　down

to　Tuggeridgeville。　　If　we　had　a　difficulty　to　find　friends　in

town；　here　there　was　none：　for　the　whole　county　came　about　us；　ate

our　dinners　and　suppers；　danced　at　our　ballsay；　and　spoke　to　us

too。　　We　were　great　people　in　fact：　I　a　regular　country　gentleman；

and　as　such；　Jemmy　insisted　that　I　should　be　a　sportsman；　and　join

the　county　hunt。　　〃But；〃　says　I；　〃my　love；　I　can't　ride。〃　　〃Pooh！

Mr。　C。〃　said　she；　〃you're　always　making　difficulties：　you　thought

you　couldn't　dance　a　quadrille；　you　thought　you　couldn't　dine　at

seven　o'clock；　you　thought　you　couldn't　lie　in　bed　after　six；　and

haven't　you　done　every　one　of　these　things？　　You　must　and　you　shall

ride！〃　　And　when　my　Jemmy　said　〃must　and　shall；〃　I　knew　very　well

there　was　nothing　for　it：　so　I　sent　down　fifty　guineas　to　the　hunt；

and；　out　of　compliment　to　me；　the　very　next　week；　I　received　notice

that　the　meet　of　the　hounds　would　take　place　at　Squashtail　Common；

just　outside　my　lodge…gates。



I　didn't　know　what　a　meet　was；　and　me　and　Mrs。　C。　agreed　that　it

was　most　probable　the　dogs　were　to　be　fed　there。　　However；　Tagrag

explained　this　matter　to　us；　and　very　kindly　promised　to　sell　me　a

horse；　a　delightful　animal　of　his　own；　which；　being　desperately

pressed　for　money；　he　would　let　me　have　for　a　hundred　guineas；　he

himself　having　given　a　hundred　and　fifty　for　it。



Well；　the　Thursday　came：　the　hounds　met　on　Squashtail　Common；　Mrs。

C。　turned　out　in　her　barouche　to　see　us　throw　off；　and；　being

helped　up　on　my　chestnut　horse；　Trumpeter；　by　Tagrag　and　my　head

groom；　I　came　presently　round　to　join　them。



Tag　mounted　his　own　horse；　and；　as　we　walked　down　the　avenue；　〃I

thought；〃　he　said；　〃you　told　me　you　knew　how　to　ride；　and　that　you

had　ridden　once　fifty　miles　on　a　stretch！〃



〃And　so　I　did；〃　says　I；　〃to　Cambridge；　and　on　the　box　too。〃



〃ON　THE　BOX！〃　says　he；　〃but　did　you　ever　mount　a　horse　before？〃



〃Never；〃　says　I；　〃but　I　find　it　mighty　easy。〃



〃Well；〃　says　he；　〃you're　mighty　bold　for　a　barber；　and　I　like　you；

Coxe；　for　your　spirit。〃　　And　so　we　came　out　of　the　gate。



As　for　describing　the　hunt；　I　own；　fairly；　I　can't。　　I've　been　at　a

hunt；　but　what　a　hunt　iswhy　the　horses　WILL　go　among　the　dogs　and

ride　them　downwhy　the　men　cry　out　〃yooooic〃why　the　dogs　go

snuffing　about　in　threes　and　fours；　and　the　huntsman　says；　〃Good

Towlergood　Betsy；〃　and　we　all　of　us　after　him　say；　〃Good　Towler

good　Betsy〃　in　course：　then；　after　hearing　a　yelp　here　and　a　howl

there；　tow；　row；　yow；　yow；　yow！　burst　out；　all　of　a　sudden；　from

three　or　four　of　them；　and　the　chap　in　a　velvet　cap　screeches　out

（with　a　number　of　oaths　I　shan't　repeat　here）；　〃Hark；　to　Ringwood！〃

and　then；　〃There　he　goes！〃　says　some　one；　and　all　of　a　sudden；

helter　skelter；　skurry　hurry；　slap　bang；　whooping；　screeching　and

hurraing；　blue…coats　and　red…coats；　bays　and　grays；　horses；　dogs；

donkeys；　butchers；　baro…knights；　dustmen；　and　blackguard　boys；　go

tearing　all　together　over　the　common　after　two　or　three　of　the　pack

that　yowl　loudest。　　Why　all　this　is；　I　can't　say；　but　it　all　took

place　the　second　Thursday　of　last　March；　in　my　presence。



Up　to　this；　I'd　kept　my　seat　as　well　as　the　best；　for　we'd　only

been　trotting　gently　about　the　field　until　the　dogs　found；　and　I

managed　to　stick　on　very　well；　but　directly　the　tow…rowing　began；

off　went　Trumpeter　like　a　thunderbolt；　and　I　found　myself　playing

among　the　dogs　like　the　donkey　among　the　chickens。　　〃Back；　Mr。

Coxe；〃　holloas　the　huntsman；　and　so　I　pulled　very　hard；　and　cried

out；　Wo！〃　but　he　wouldn't；　and　on　I　went　galloping　for　the　dear

life。　　How　I　kept　on　is　a　wonder；　but　I　squeezed　my　knees　in　very

tight；　and　shoved　my　feet　very　hard　into　the　stirrups；　and　kept

stiff　hold　of　the　scruff　of　Trumpeter's　neck；　and　looked　betwixt

his　ears　as　well　as　ever　I　could；　and　trusted　to　luck：　for　I　was　in

a　mortal　fright；　sure　enough；　as　many　a　better　man　would　be　in　such

a　case；　let　alone　a　poor　hairdresser。



As　for　the　hounds；　after　my　first　riding　in　among　them；　I　tell　you

honestly；　I　never　saw　so　much　as　the　tip　of　one　of　their　tails；

nothing　in　this　world　did　I　see　except　Trumpeter's　dun…colored

mane；　and　that　I　gripped　firm：　riding；　by　the　blessing　of　luck；

safe　through　the　walking；　the　trotting；　the　galloping；　and　never　so

much　as　getting　a　tumble。



There　was　a　chap　at　Croydon　very　well　known　as　the　〃Spicy　Dustman；〃

who；　when　he　could　get　no　horse　to　ride　to　the　hounds；　turned

regularly　out　on　his　donkey；　and　on　this　occasion　made　one　of　us。

He　generally　managed　to　keep　up　with　the　dogs　by　trotting　quietly

through　the　cross…roads；　and　knowing　the　country　well。　　Well；

having　a　good　guess　where　the　hounds　would　find；　and　the　line　that

sly　Reynolds　（as　they　call　the　fox）　would　take；　the　Spicy　Dustman

turned　his　animal　down　the　lane　from　Squashtail　to　Cutshins　Common；

across　which；　sure　enough；　came　the　whole　hunt。　　There's　a　small

hedge　and　a　remarkably　fine　ditch　here：　some　of　the　leading　chaps

took　b