burlesques-第86部分

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an　eye；　I　beat　him　once　making　thirteen　off　the　balls　without

stopping。



We　had　some　more　wine　after　this；　and　if　you　could　have　seen　the

long　faces　of　the　other　noblemen；　as　they　pulled　out　their　pencils

and　wrote　I。O。U。's　for　the　Count！　　〃Va　toujours；　mon　cher；〃　says　he

to　me；　〃you　have　von　for　me　three　hundred　pounds。〃



〃I'll　blay　you　guineas　dis　time；〃　says　the　Baron。　　〃Zeven　to　four

you　must　give　me　though。〃　　And　so　I　did：　and　in　ten　minutes　THAT

game　was　won；　and　the　Baron　handed　over　his　pounds。　　〃Two　hundred

and　sixty　more；　my　dear；　dear　Coxe；〃　says　the　Count：　〃you　are　mon

ange　gardien！〃　　〃Wot　a　flat　Misther　Coxsh　is；　not　to　back　his

luck；〃　I　hoard　Abednego　whisper　to　one　of　the　foreign　noblemen。



〃I'll　take　your　seven　to　four；　in　tens；〃　said　I　to　the　Baron。

〃Give　me　three；〃　says　he；　〃and　done。〃　　I　gave　him　three；　and　lost

the　game　by　one。　　〃Dobbel；　or　quits；〃　says　he。　　〃Go　it；〃　says　I；　up

to　my　mettle：　〃Sam　Coxe　never　says　no；〃　and　to　it　we　went。　　I　went

in；　and　scored　eighteen　to　his　five。　　〃Holy　Moshesh！〃　says

Abednego；　〃dat　little　Coxsh　is　a　vonder！　who'll　take　odds？〃



〃I'll　give　twenty　to　one；〃　says　I；　〃in　guineas。〃



〃Ponays；　yase；　done；〃　screams　out　the　Count。



〃BONIES；　done；〃　roars　out　the　Baron：　and；　before　I　could　speak；

went　in；　andwould　you　believe　it？in　two　minutes　he　somehow　made

the　game！



　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。



Oh；　what　a　figure　I　cut　when　my　dear　Jemmy　heard　of　this　afterwards！

In　vain　I　swore　it　was　guineas：　the　Count　and　the　Baron　swore　to

ponies；　and　when　I　refused；　they　both　said　their　honor　was

concerned；　and　they　must　have　my　life；　or　their　money。　　So　when　the

Count　showed　me　actually　that；　in　spite　of　this　bet　（which　had　been

too　good　to　resist）　won　from　me；　he　had　been　a　very　heavy　loser　by

the　night；　and　brought　me　the　word　of　honor　of　Abednego；　his　Jewish

friend；　and　the　foreign　noblemen；　that　ponies　had　been　betted；why；

I　paid　them　one　thousand　pounds　sterling　of　good　and　lawful

money。But　I've　not　played　for　money　since：　no；　no；　catch　me　at

THAT　again　if　you　can。





A　NEW　DROP…SCENE　AT　THE　OPERA。





No　lady　is　a　lady　without　having　a　box　at　the　Opera：　so　my　Jemmy；

who　knew　as　much　about　music；bless　her！as　I　do　about　Sanscrit；

algebra；　or　any　other　foreign　language；　took　a　prime　box　on　the

second　tier。　　It　was　what　they　called　a　double　box；　it　really　COULD

hold　two；　that　is；　very　comfortably；　and　we　got　it　a　great　bargain

for　five　hundred　a　year！　　Here；　Tuesdays　and　Saturdays；　we　used

regularly　to　take　our　places；　Jemmy　and　Jemimarann　sitting　in

front；　me；　behind：　but　as　my　dear　wife　used　to　wear　a　large　fantail

gauze　hat　with　ostrich　feathers；　birds…of…paradise；　artificial

flowers；　and　tags　of　muslin　or　satin；　scattered　all　over　it；　I'm

blest　if　she　didn't　fill　the　whole　of　the　front　of　the　box；　and　it

was　only　by　jumping　and　dodging；　three　or　four　times　in　the　course

of　the　night；　that　I　could　manage　to　get　a　sight　of　the　actors。　　By

kneeling　down；　and　looking　steady　under　my　darling　Jemmy's　sleeve；

I　DID　contrive；　every　now　and　then；　to　have　a　peep　of　Senior

Lablash's　boots；　in　the　〃Puritanny；〃　and　once　actually　saw　Madame

Greasi's　crown　and　head…dress　in　〃Annybalony。〃



What　a　place　that　Opera　is；　to　be　sure！　and　what　enjoyments　us

aristocracy　used　to　have！　　Just　as　you　have　swallowed　down　your

three　courses　（three　curses　I　used　to　call　them；for　so；　indeed；

they　are；　causing　a　deal　of　heartburns；　headaches；　doctor's　bills；

pills；　want　of　sleep；　and　such　like）just；　I　say；　as　you　get　down

your　three　courses；　which　I　defy　any　man　to　enjoy　properly　unless

he　has　two　hours　of　drink　and　quiet　afterwards；　up　comes　the

carriage；　in　bursts　my　Jemmy；　as　fine　as　a　duchess；　and　scented

like　our　shop。　　〃Come；　my　dear；〃　says　she；　〃it's　'Normy'　tonight〃

（or　〃Annybalony；〃　or　the　〃Nosey　di　Figaro；〃　or　the　〃Gazzylarder；〃

as　the　case　may　be）。　　〃Mr。　Foster　strikes　off　punctually　at　eight；

and　you　know　it's　the　fashion　to　be　always　present　at　the　very

first　bar　of　the　aperture。〃　　And　so　off　we　are　obliged　to　budge；　to

be　miserable　for　five　hours；　and　to　have　a　headache　for　the　next

twelve；　and　all　because　it's　the　fashion！



After　the　aperture；　as　they　call　it；　comes　the　opera；　which；　as　I

am　given　to　understand；　is　the　Italian　for　singing。　　Why　they

should　sing　in　Italian；　I　can't　conceive；　or　why　they　should　do

nothing　BUT　sing。　　Bless　us！　how　I　used　to　long　for　the　wooden

magpie　in　the　〃Gazzylarder〃　to　fly　up　to　the　top　of　the　church…

steeple；　with　the　silver　spoons；　and　see　the　chaps　with　the

pitchforks　come　in　and　carry　off　that　wicked　Don　June。　　Not　that　I

don't　admire　Lablash；　and　Rubini；　and　his　brother；　Tomrubini：　him

who　has　that　fine　bass　voice；　I　mean；　and　acts　the　Corporal　in　the

first　piece；　and　Don　June　in　the　second；　but　three　hours　is　a

LITTLE　too　much；　for　you　can't　sleep　on　those　little　rickety　seats

in　the　boxes。



The　opera　is　bad　enough；　but　what　is　that　to　the　bally？　　You　SHOULD

have　seen　my　Jemmy　the　first　night　when　she　stopped　to　see　it；　and

when　Madamsalls　Fanny　and　Theresa　Hustler　came　forward；　along　with

a　gentleman；　to　dance；　you　should　have　seen　how　Jemmy　stared；　and

our　girl　blushed；　when　Madamsall　Fanny；　coming　forward；　stood　on

the　tips　of　only　five　of　her　toes；　and　raising　up　the　other　five；

and　the　foot　belonging　to　them；　almost　to　her　shoulder；　twirled

round；　and　round；　and　round；　like　a　teetotum；　for　a　couple　of

minutes　or　more；　and　as　she　settled　down；　at　last；　on　both　feet；　in

a　natural　decent　posture；　you　should　have　heard　how　the　house

roared　with　applause；　the　boxes　clapping　with　all　their　might；　and

waving　their　handkerchiefs；　the　pit　shouting；　〃　Bravo！〃　　Some

people；　who；　I　suppose；　were　rather　angry　at　such　an　exhibition；

threw　bunches　of　flowers　at　her；　and　what　do　you　think　she　did？

Why；　hang　me；　if　she　did　not　come　forward；　as　though　nothing　had

happened；　gather　up　the　things　they　had　thrown　at　her；　smile；　press

them　to　her　heart；　and　begin　whirling　round　again　faster　than　ever。

Talk　about　coolness；　I　never　saw　such　in　all　MY　born　days。



〃Nasty　thing！〃　says　Jemmy；　starting　up　in　a　fury；　〃if　women　WILL

act　so；　it　serves　them　right　to　be　treated　so。〃



〃Oh；　yes！　she　acts　beautifully；〃　says　our　friend　his　Excellency；

who　along　with　Baron　von　Punter　and　Tagrag；　used　very　seldom　to

miss　coming　to　our　box。



〃She　may　act　very　beautifully；　Munseer；　but　she　don't　dress　so；　and

I　am　very　glad　they　threw　that　orange…peel　and　all　those　things　at

her；　and　that　the　people　waved　to　her　to　get　off。〃



Here　his　Excellency；　and　the　Baron　and　Tag；　set　up　a　roar　of

laughter。



〃My　dear　Mrs。　Coxe；〃　says　Tag；　〃those　are　the　most　famous　dancers

in　the　world；　and　we　throw　myrtle；　geraniums；　and　lilies　and　roses

at　them；　in　token　of　our　immense　admiration！〃



〃Well；　I　never！〃　said　my　wife；　and　poor　Jemimarann　slunk　behind　the

curtain；　and　looked　as　red　as　it　almost。　　After　the　one　had　done

the　next　begun；　but　when；　all　of　a　sudden；　a　somebody　came　skipping

and　bounding　in；　like　an　Indian…rubber　ball；　flinging　itself　up；　at

least　six　feet　from　the　stage；　and　there　shaking　about　its　legs

like　mad；　we　were　more　astonished　than　ever！



〃That's　Anatole；〃　says　one　of　the　gentlemen。



〃Anna　who？〃　says　my　wife；　and　she　might　well　be　mistaken：　for　this

person　had　a　hat　and　feathers；　a　bare　neck　and　arms；　great　black

ringlets；　and　a　little　calico　frock；　which　came　down　to　the　knees。



〃Anatole。　　You　would　not　think　he　was　sixty…three　years　old；　he's

as　active　as　a　man　of　twenty。〃



〃HE！〃　shrieked　out　my　wife；　〃what；　is　that　there　a　man？　　For　shame！

Munseer。　　Jemimarann；　dear；　get　your　cloak；　and　come　along；　and

I'll　thank　you；　my　dear；　to　call　our　people；　and　let　us　go　home。〃



You　wouldn't　think；　after　this；　that　my　Jemmy；　who　had　shown　such　a

horror　at　the　bally；　as　they　call　it；　should　ever　grow　accustomed

to　it；　but　she　liked　to　hear　her　name　shouted　out　in　the　crush…

room；　and　so　would　stop　till　the　end　of　everything；　and；　law　bless

you！　in　three　weeks　from　that　time；　she　could　look　at　the　ballet　as

she　would　at　a　dancing…dog　in　the　streets；　and　would　bring　her

double…barrelled　opera…glass　up　to　her　eyes　as　coolly　as　if　she　had

been　a　born　duchess。　　As　for　me；　I　did　at　Rome　as　Rome　does；　and

precious　fun　it　used　to　be；　sometimes。



My　friend　the　Baron　insisted　one　night　on　my　going　behind　the

scenes；　where；　being　a　subscriber；　he　said　I　had　what　they　call　my

ONTRAY。　　Behind；　then；　I　went；　and　such　a　place　you　never　saw　nor

heard　of！　　Fancy　lots　of　young　and　old　gents　of　the　fashion

crowding　round　and　staring　at　the　actresses　practising　their　steps。

Fancy　yellow　snuffy　foreigners；　chattering　always；　and　smelling

fearfully　of　tobacco。　　Fancy　scores　of　Jews；　with　hooked…noses　and

black　muzzles；　covered　with　rings；　chains；　sham　diamonds；　and　gold

waistcoats。　　Fancy　old　men　dressed　in　old　nightgowns；　with　knock…

knees；　and　dirty　flesh…colored　cotton　stockings；　and　dabs　of　brick…

dust　on　their　wrinkled　old　chops；　and　tow…wigs　（such　wigs！）　for　the

bald　ones；　and　great　tin　spears　in　their　hands　mayhap；　or　else

shepherds'　crooks；　and　fusty　garlands　of　flowers　made　of　red　and

green　baize。　　Fancy　troops　of　girls　giggling；　chattering；　pushing

to　and　fro；　amidst　old　black　canvas；　Gothic　halls；　thrones；

pasteboard　Cupids；　dragons；　and　such　like。　　Such　dirt；　darkness；

crowd；　confusion　and　gabble　of　all　conceivable　languages　was　never

known！



If　you　COULD　but　have　seen　Munseer　Anatole！　　Instead　of　looking

twenty；　he　looked　a　thousand。　　The　old　man's　wig　was　off；　and　a

barber　was　giving　it　a　touch　with　the　tongs；　Munseer　was　taking

snuff　himself；　and　a　boy　was　standing　by　with　a　pint　of　beer　from

the　public…house　at　the　corner　of　Charles　Street。



I　met　with　a　little　accident　during　the　three…quarters　of　an　hour

which　they　allow　for　the　entertainment　o