burlesques-第92部分

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virtuous　poverty　of　the　Coxesfrom　which　he　glanced　passionately；

for　a　few　minutes　（until　the　judge　stopped　him）；　to　the　poverty　of

his　own　country；　my　excellence　as　a　husband；　father；　landlord；　my

wife's；　as　a　wife；　mother；　landlady。　　All　was　in　vainthe　trial

went　against　us。　　I　was　soon　taken　in　execution　for　the　damages；

five　hundred　pounds　of　law　expenses　of　my　own；　and　as　much　more　of

Tuggeridge's。　　He　would　not　pay　a　farthing；　he　said；　to　get　me　out

of　a　much　worse　place　than　the　Fleet。　　I　need　not　tell　you　that

along　with　the　land　went　the　house　in　town；　and　the　money　in　the

funds。　　Tuggeridge；　he　who　had　thousands　before；　had　it　all。　　And

when　I　was　in　prison；　who　do　you　think　would　come　and　see　me？

None　of　the　Barons；　nor　Counts；　nor　Foreign　Ambassadors；　nor

Excellencies；　who　used　to　fill　our　house；　and　eat　and　drink　at

our　expense；not　even　the　ungrateful　Tagrag！



I　could　not　help　now　saying　to　my　dear　wife；　〃See；　my　love；　we　have

been　gentlefolks　for　exactly　a　year；　and　a　pretty　life　we　have　had

of　it。　　In　the　first　place；　my　darling；　we　gave　grand　dinners；　and

everybody　laughed　at　us。〃



〃Yes；　and　recollect　how　ill　they　made　you；〃　cries　my　daughter。



〃We　asked　great　company；　and　they　insulted　us。〃



〃And　spoilt　mamma's　temper；〃　said　Jemimarann。



〃Hush！　Miss；〃　said　her　mother；　〃we　don't　want　YOUR　advice。〃



〃Then　you　must　make　a　country　gentleman　of　me。〃



〃And　send　Pa　into　dunghills；〃　roared　Tug。



〃Then　you　must　go　to　operas；　and　pick　up　foreign　Barons　and

Counts。〃



〃Oh；　thank　heaven；　dearest　papa；　that　we　are　rid　of　them；〃　cries　my

little　Jemimarann；　looking　almost　happy；　and　kissing　her　old　pappy。



〃And　you　must　make　a　fine　gentleman　of　Tug　there；　and　send　him　to　a

fine　school。〃



〃And　I　give　you　my　word；〃　says　Tug；　〃I'm　as　ignorant　a　chap　as　ever

lived。〃



〃You're　an　insolent　saucebox；〃　says　Jemmy；　〃you've　learned　that　at

your　fine　school。〃



〃I've　learned　something　else；　too；　ma'am；　ask　the　boys　if　I

haven't；〃　grumbles　Tug。



〃You　hawk　your　daughter　about；　and　just　escape　marrying　her　to　a

swindler。〃



〃And　drive　off　poor　Orlando；〃　whimpered　my　girl。



〃Silence！　Miss；〃　says　Jemmy；　fiercely。



〃You　insult　the　man　whose　father's　property　you　inherited；　and

bring　me　into　this　prison；　without　hope　of　leaving　it：　for　he　never

can　help　us　after　all　your　bad　language。〃　　I　said　all　this　very

smartly；　for　the　fact　is；　my　blood　was　up　at　the　time；　and　I

determined　to　rate　my　dear　girl　soundly。



〃Oh！　Sammy；〃　said　she；　sobbing　（for　the　poor　thing's　spirit　was

quite　broken）；　〃it's　all　true；　I've　been　very；　very　foolish　and

vain；　and　I've　punished　my　dear　husband　and　children　by　my　follies；

and　I　do　so；　so　repent　them！〃　　Here　Jemimarann　at　once　burst　out

crying；　and　flung　herself　into　her　mamma's　arms；　and　the　pair

roared　and　sobbed　for　ten　minutes　together。　　Even　Tug　looked　queer：

and　as　for　me；　it's　a　most　extraordinary　thing；　but　I'm　blest　if

seeing　them　so　miserable　didn't　make　me　quite　happy。I　don't

think；　for　the　whole　twelve　months　of　our　good　fortune；　I　had　ever

felt　so　gay　as　in　that　dismal　room　in　the　Fleet；　where　I　was　locked

up。



Poor　Orlando　Crump　came　to　see　us　every　day；　and　we；　who　had　never

taken　the　slightest　notice　of　him　in　Portland　Place；　and　treated

him　so　cruelly　that　day　at　Beulah　Spa；　were　only　too　glad　of　his

company　now。　　He　used　to　bring　books　for　my　girl；　and　a　bottle　of

sherry　for　me；　and　he　used　to　take　home　Jemmy's　fronts　and　dress

them　for　her；　and　when　locking…up　time　came；　he　used　to　see　the

ladies　home　to　their　little　three…pair　bedroom　in　Holborn；　where

they　slept　now；　Tug　and　all。　　〃Can　the　bird　forget　its　nest？〃

Orlando　used　to　say　（he　was　a　romantic　young　fellow；　that's　the

truth；　and　blew　the　flute　and　read　Lord　Byron　incessantly；　since　he

was　separated　from　Jemimarann）。　　〃Can　the　bird；　let　loose　in

eastern　climes；　forget　its　home？　　Can　the　rose　cease　to　remember

its　beloved　bulbul？Ah；　no！　Mr。　Cox；　you　made　me　what　I　am；　and

what　I　hope　to　diea　hairdresser。　　I　never　see　a　curling…irons

before　I　entered　your　shop；　or　knew　Naples　from　brown　Windsor。　　Did

you　not　make　over　your　house；　your　furniture；　your　emporium　of

perfumery；　and　nine…and…twenty　shaving　customers；　to　me？　　Are　these

trifles？　　Is　Jemimarann　a　trifle？　if　she　would　allow　me　to　call　her

so。　　Oh；　Jemimarann；　your　Pa　found　me　in　the　workhouse；　and　made　me

what　I　am。　　Conduct　me　to　my　grave；　and　I　never；　never　shall　be

different！〃　　When　he　had　said　this；　Orlando　was　so　much　affected；

that　he　rushed　suddenly　on　his　hat　and　quitted　the　room。



Then　Jemimarann　began　to　cry　too。　　〃Oh；　Pa！〃　said　she；　〃isn't　he

isn't　he　a　nice　young　man？〃



〃I'm　HANGED　if　he　ain't；〃　says　Tug。　　〃What　do　you　think　of　his

giving　me　eighteenpence　yesterday；　and　a　bottle　of　lavender…water

for　Mimarann？〃



〃He　might　as　well　offer　to　give　you　back　the　shop　at　any　rate；〃

says　Jemmy。



〃What！　to　pay　Tuggeridge's　damages？　　My　dear；　I'd　sooner　die　than

give　Tuggeridge　the　chance。〃





FAMILY　BUSTLE。





Tuggeridge　vowed　that　I　should　finish　my　days　there；　when　he　put　me

in　prison。　　It　appears　that　we　both　had　reason　to　be　ashamed　of

ourselves；　and　were；　thank　God！　　I　learned　to　be　sorry　for　my　bad

feelings　toward　him；　and　he　actually　wrote　to　me　to　say





〃SIR；I　think　you　have　suffered　enough　for　faults　which；　I

believe；　do　not　lie　with　you；　so　much　as　your　wife；　and　I　have

withdrawn　my　claims　which　I　had　against　you　while　you　were　in

wrongful　possession　of　my　father's　estates。　　You　must　remember　that

when；　on　examination　of　my　father's　papers；　no　will　was　found；　I

yielded　up　his　property；　with　perfect　willingness；　to　those　who　I

fancied　were　his　legitimate　heirs。　　For　this　I　received　all　sorts

of　insults　from　your　wife　and　yourself　（who　acquiesced　in　them）；

and　when　the　discovery　of　a　will；　in　India；　proved　MY　just　claims；

you　must　remember　how　they　were　met；　and　the　vexatious　proceedings

with　which　you　sought　to　oppose　them。



〃I　have　discharged　your　lawyer's　bill；　and；　as　I　believe　you　are

more　fitted　for　the　trade　you　formerly　exercised　than　for　any

other；　I　will　give　five　hundred　pounds　for　the　purchase　of　a　stock

and　shop；　when　you　shall　find　one　to　suit　you。



〃I　enclose　a　draft　for　twenty　pounds　to　meet　your　present　expenses。

You　have；　I　am　told；　a　son；　a　boy　of　some　spirit：　if　he　likes　to

try　his　fortune　abroad；　and　go　on　board　an　Indiaman；　I　can　get　him

an　appointment；　and　am；　Sir；　your　obedient　servant；



〃JOHN　TUGGERIDGE〃





It　was　Mrs。　Breadbasket；　the　housekeeper；　who　brought　this　letter；

and　looked　mighty　contemptuous　as　she　gave　it。



〃I　hope；　Breadbasket；　that　your　master　will　send　me　my　things　at

any　rate；〃　cries　Jemmy。　　〃There's　seventeen　silk　and　satin　dresses；

and　a　whole　heap　of　trinkets；　that　can　be　of　no　earthly　use　to

him。〃



〃Don't　Breadbasket　me；　mem；　if　you　please；　mem。　　My　master　says

that　them　things　is　quite　obnoxious　to　your　sphere　of　life。

Breadbasket；　indeed！〃　　And　so　she　sailed　out。



Jemmy　hadn't　a　word；　she　had　grown　mighty　quiet　since　we　have　been

in　misfortune：　but　my　daughter　looked　as　happy　as　a　queen；　and　Tug；

when　he　heard　of　the　ship；　gave　a　jump　that　nearly　knocked　down

poor　Orlando。　　〃Ah；　I　suppose　you'll　forget　me　now？〃　says　he　with　a

sigh；　and　seemed　the　only　unhappy　person　in　company。



〃Why；　you　conceive；　Mr。　Crump；〃　says　my　wife；　with　a　great　deal　of

dignity；　〃that；　connected　as　we　are；　a　young　man　born　in　a　work〃



〃Woman！〃　cried　I　（for　once　in　my　life　determined　to　have　my　own

way）；　〃hold　your　foolish　tongue。　　Your　absurd　pride　has　been　the

ruin　of　us　hitherto；　and；　from　this　day；　I'll　have　no　more　of　it。

Hark　ye；　Orlando；　if　you　will　take　Jemimarann；　you　may　have　her；

and　if　you'll　take　five　hundred　pounds　for　a　half…share　of　the

shop；　they're　yours；　and　THAT'S　for　you；　Mrs。　Cox。〃



And　here　we　are；　back　again。　　And　I　write　this　from　the　old　back

shop；　where　we　are　all　waiting　to　see　the　new　year　in。　　Orlando

sits　yonder；　plaiting　a　wig　for　my　Lord　Chief　Justice；　as　happy　as

may　be；　and　Jemimarann　and　her　mother　have　been　as　busy　as　you　can

imagine　all　day　long；　and　are　just　now　giving　the　finishing　touches

to　the　bridal…dresses：　for　the　wedding　is　to　take　place　the　day

after　to…morrow。　　I've　cut　seventeen　heads　off　（as　I　say）　this　very

day；　and　as　for　Jemmy；　I　no　more　mind　her　than　I　do　the　Emperor　of

China　and　all　his　Tambarins。　　Last　night　we　had　a　merry　meeting　of

our　friends　and　neighbors；　to　celebrate　our　reappearance　among

them；　and　very　merry　we　all　were。　　We　had　a　capital　fiddler；　and　we

kept　it　up　till　a　pretty　tidy　hour　this　morning。　　We　begun　with

quadrills；　but　I　never　could　do　'em　well；　and　after　that；　to　please

Mr。　Crump　and　his　intended；　we　tried　a　gallopard；　which　I　found

anything　but　easy：　for　since　I　am　come　back　to　a　life　of　peace　and

comfort；　it's　astonishing　how　stout　I'm　getting。　　So　we　turned　at

once　to　what　Jemmy　and　me　excels　ina　country　dance；　which　is

rather　surprising；　as　we　was　both　brought　up　to　a　town　life。　　As

for　young　Tug；　he　showed　off　in　a　sailor's　hornpipe：　which　Mrs。　Cox

says　is　very　proper　for　him　to　learn；　now　he　is　intended　for　the

sea。　　But　stop！　here　comes　in　the　punchbowls；　and　if　we　are　not

happy；　who　is？　　I　say　I　am　like　the　Swish　people；　for　I　can't

flourish　out　of　my　native　HAIR。











End