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〃Thus　we　spent　a　winter。　　The　following　winter　an　incident

happened　to　us　which　passed　unnoticed；　but　which　was　the

fundamental　cause　of　all　that　happened　later。　　My　wife　was

suffering；　and　the　rascals　（the　doctors）　would　not　permit　her　to

conceive　a　child；　and　taught　her　how　to　avoid　it。　　I　was

profoundly　disgusted。　　I　struggled　vainly　against　it；　but　she

insisted　frivolously　and　obstinately；　and　I　surrendered。　　The

last　justification　of　our　life　as　wretches　was　thereby

suppressed；　and　life　became　baser　than　ever。



〃The　peasant　and　the　workingman　need　children；　and　hence　their

conjugal　relations　have　a　justification。　　But　we；　when　we　have　a

few　children；　have　no　need　of　any　more。　　They　make　a　superfluous

confusion　of　expenses　and　joint　heirs；　and　are　an　embarrassment。　

Consequently　we　have　no　excuses　for　our　existence　as　wretches；

but　we　are　so　deeply　degraded　that　we　do　not　see　the　necessity　of

a　justification。　　The　majority　of　people　in　contemporary　society

give　themselves　up　to　this　debauchery　without　the　slightest

remorse。　　We　have　no　conscience　left；　except；　so　to　speak；　the

conscience　of　public　opinion　and　of　the　criminal　code。　　But　in

this　matter　neither　of　these　consciences　is　struck。　　There　is　not

a　being　in　society　who　blushes　at　it。　Each　one　practices　it；X；

Y；　Z；　etc。　　What　is　the　use　of　multiplying　beggars；　and　depriving

ourselves　of　the　joys　of　social　life？　　There　is　no　necessity　of

having　conscience　before　the　criminal　code；　or　of　fearing　it：

low　girls；　soldiers'　wives　who　throw　their　children　into　ponds　or

wells；　these　certainly　must　be　put　in　prison。　　But　with　us　the

suppression　is　effected　opportunely　and　properly。



〃Thus　we　passed　two　years　more。　　The　method　prescribed　by　the

rascals　had　evidently　succeeded。　　My　wife　had　grown　stouter　and

handsomer。　　It　was　the　beauty　of　the　end　of　summer。　　She　felt　it；

and　paid　much　attention　to　her　person。　　She　had　acquired　that

provoking　beauty　that　stirs　men。　　She　was　in　all　the　brilliancy

of　the　wife　of　thirty　years；　who　conceives　no　children；　eats

heartily；　and　is　excited。　　The　very　sight　of　her　was　enough　to

frighten　one。　She　was　like　a　spirited　carriage…horse　that　has

long　been　idle；　and　suddenly　finds　itself　without　a　bridle。　　As

for　my　wife；　she　had　no　bridle；　as　for　that　matter；　ninety…nine

hundredths　of　our　women　have　none。〃





CHAPTER　XIX。



Posdnicheff's　face　had　become　transformed；　his　eyes　were

pitiable；　their　expression　seemed　strange；　like　that　of　another

being　than　himself；　his　moustache　and　beard　turned　up　toward　the

top　of　his　face；　his　nose　was　diminished；　and　his　mouth　enlarged；

immense；　frightful。



〃Yes；〃　he　resumed　〃she　had　grown　stouter　since　ceasing　to

conceive；　and　her　anxieties　about　her　children　began　to

disappear。　　Not　even　to　disappear。　　One　would　have　said　that　she

was　waking　from　a　long　intoxication；　that　on　coming　to　herself

she　had　perceived　the　entire　universe　with　its　joys；　a　whole

world　in　which　she　had　not　learned　to　live；　and　which　she　did　not

understand。



〃'If　only　this　world　shall　not　vanish！　　When　time　is　past；　when

old　age　comes；　one　cannot　recover　it。'　　Thus；　I　believe；　she

thought；　or　rather　felt。　　Moreover；　she　could　neither　think　nor

feel　otherwise。　　She　had　been　brought　up　in　this　idea　that　there

is　in　the　world　but　one　thing　worthy　of　attention；love。　　In

marrying；　she　had　known　something　of　this　love；　but　very　far　from

everything　that　she　had　understood　as　promised　her；　everything

that　she　expected。　　How　many　disillusions！　　How　much　suffering！

And　an　unexpected　torture；the　children！　　This　torture　had　told

upon　her；　and　then；　thanks　to　the　obliging　doctor；　she　had

learned　that　it　is　possible　to　avoid　having　children。　　That　had

made　her　glad。　　She　had　tried；　and　she　was　now　revived　for　the

only　thing　that　she　knew；for　love。　　But　love　with　a　husband

polluted　by　jealousy　and　ill…nature　was　no　longer　her　ideal。　　She

began　to　think　of　some　other　tenderness；　at　least；　that　is　what　I

thought。　　She　looked　about　her　as　if　expecting　some　event　or　some

being。　　I　noticed　it；　and　I　could　not　help　being　anxious。



〃Always；　now；　it　happened　that；　in　talking　with　me　through　a

third　party　（that　is；　in　talking　with　others；　but　with　the

intention　that　I　should　hear）；　she　boldly　expressed；not

thinking　that　an　hour　before　she　had　said　the　opposite；half

joking；　half　seriously；　this　idea　that　maternal　anxieties　are　a

delusion；　that　it　is　not　worth　while　to　sacrifice　one's　life　to

children。　　When　one　is　young；　it　is　necessary　to　enjoy　life。　　So

she　occupied　herself　less　with　the　children；　not　with　the　same

intensity　as　formerly；　and　paid　more　and　more　attention　to

herself；　to　her　face；although　she　concealed　it；to　her

pleasures；　and　even　to　her　perfection　from　the　worldly　point　of

view。　　She　began　to　devote　herself　passionately　to　the　piano；

which　had　formerly　stood　forgotten　in　the　corner。　　There；　at　the

piano；　began　the　adventure。



〃The　MAN　appeared。〃



Posdnicheff　seemed　embarrassed；　and　twice　again　there　escaped　him

that　nasal　sound　of　which　I　spoke　above。　　I　thought　that　it　gave

him　pain　to　refer　to　the　MAN；　and　to　remember　him。　　He　made　an

effort；　as　if　to　break　down　the　obstacle　that　embarrassed　him；

and　continued　with　determination。



〃He　was　a　bad　man　in　my　eyes；　and　not　because　he　has　played　such

an　important　role　in　my　life；　but　because　he　was　really　such。　

For　the　rest；　from　the　fact　that　he　was　bad；　we　must　conclude

that　he　was　irresponsible。　　He　was　a　musician；　a　violinist。　　Not

a　professional　musician；　but　half　man　of　the　world；　half　artist。　

His　father；　a　country　proprietor；　was　a　neighbor　of　my　father's。　

The　father　had　become　ruined；　and　the　children；　three　boys；　were

all　sent　away。　　Our　man；　the　youngest；　was　sent　to　his　godmother

at　Paris。　　There　they　placed　him　in　the　Conservatory；　for　he

showed　a　taste　for　music。　　He　came　out　a　violinist；　and　played　in

concerts。〃



On　the　point　of　speaking　evil　of　the　other；　Posdnicheff　checked

himself；　stopped；　and　said　suddenly：



〃In　truth；　I　know　not　how　he　lived。　　I　only　know　that　that　year

he　came　to　Russia；　and　came　to　see　me。　　Moist　eyes　of　almond

shape；　smiling　red　lips；　a　little　moustache　well　waxed；　hair

brushed　in　the　latest　fashion；　a　vulgarly　pretty　face；what　the

women　call　'not　bad；'feebly　built　physically；　but　with　no

deformity；　with　hips　as　broad　as　a　woman's；　correct；　and

insinuating　himself　into　the　familiarity　of　people　as　far　as

possible；　but　having　that　keen　sense　that　quickly　detects　a　false

step　and　retires　in　reason；a　man；　in　short；　observant　of　the

external　rules　of　dignity；　with　that　special　Parisianism　that　is

revealed　in　buttoned　boots；　a　gaudy　cravat；　and　that　something

which　foreigners　pick　up　in　Paris；　and　which；　in　its　peculiarity

and　novelty；　always　has　an　influence　on　our　women。　　In　his

manners　an　external　and　artificial　gayety；　a　way；　you　know；　of

referring　to　everything　by　hints；　by　unfinished　fragments；　as　if

everything　that　one　says　you　knew　already；　recalled　it；　and　could

supply　the　omissions。　　Well；　he；　with　his　music；　was　the　cause　of

all。



〃At　the　trial　the　affair　was　so　represented　that　everything

seemed　attributable　to　jealousy。　　It　is　false；that　is；　not

quite　false；　but　there　was　something　else。　　The　verdict　was

rendered　that　I　was　a　deceived　husband；　that　I　had　killed　in

defence　of　my　sullied　honor　（that　is　the　way　they　put　it　in　their

language）；　and　thus　I　was　acquitted。　　I　tried　to　explain　the

affair　from　my　own　point　of　view；　but　they　concluded　that　I

simply　wanted　to　rehabilitate　the　memory　of　my　wife。　　Her

relations　with　the　musician；　whatever　they　may　have　been；　are　now

of　no　importance　to　me　or　to　her。　　The　important　part　is　what　I

have　told　you。　　The　whole　tragedy　was　due　to　the　fact　that　this

man　came　into　our　house　at　a　time　when　an　immense　abyss　had

already　been　dug　between　us；　that　frightful　tension　of　mutual

hatred；　in　which　the　slightest　motive　sufficed　to　precipitate　the

crisis。　　Our　quarrels　in　the　last　days　were　something　terrible；

and　the　more　astonishing　because　they　were　followed　by　a　brutal

passion　extremely　strained。　　If　it　had　not　been　he；　some　other

would　have　come。　　If　the　pretext　had　not　been　jealousy；　I　should

have　discovered　another。　　I　insist　upon　this　point；that　all

husbands　who　live　the　married　life　that　I　lived　must　either

resort　to　outside　debauchery；　or　separate　from　their　wives；　or

kill　themselves；　or　kill　their　wives　as　I　did。　　If　there　is　any

one　in　my　case　to　whom　this　does　not　happen；　he　is　a　very　rare

exception；　for；　before　ending　as　I　ended；　I　was　several　times　on

the　point　of　suicide；　and　my　wife　made　several　attempts　to　poison

herself。



　

CHAPTER　XX。



〃In　order　that　you　may　understand　me；　I　must　tell　you　how　this

happened。　　We　were　living　along；　and　all　seemed　well。　　Suddenly

we　began　to　talk　of　the　children's　education。　　I　do　not　remember

what　words　either　of　us　uttered；　but　a　discussion　began；

reproaches；　leaps　from　one　subject　to　another。　　'Yes；　I　know　it。　

It　has　been　so　for　a　long　time。'　。　。　。　　'You　said　that。'　。　。　。　

'No；　I　did　not　say　that。'　。　。　。　'Then　I　lie？'　etc。



〃And　I　felt　that　the　frightful　crisis　was　approaching　when　I

should　desire　to　kill　her　or　else　myself。　　I　knew　that　it　was

approaching；　I　was　afraid　of　it　as　of　fire；　I　wanted　to　restrain

myself。　　But　rage　took　possession　of　my　whole　being。　　My　wife

found　herself　in　the　same　condition；　perhaps　worse。　　She　knew

that　she　intentionally　distorted　each　of　my　words；　and　each　of

her　words　was　saturated　with　venom。　　All　that　was　dear　to　me　she

disparaged　and　profaned。　The　farther　the　quarrel　went；　the　more

furious　it　became。　　I　cried；　'Be　silent；'　or　something　like　that。



She　bounded　out　of　the　room　and　ran　toward　the　children。　　I　tried

to　hold　her　back　to　finish　my　insults。　　I　grasped　her　by　the　arm；

and　hurt　her。　　She　cri