01-the kreutzer sonata-第14部分

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arrange　things　that　I　shall　never　see　him　again。　　But　can　it　be

that　I；　_I_；　fear　him？　　No；　I　do　not　fear　him。　It　would　be　too

humiliating！'



〃And　there　in　the　hall；　knowing　that　my　wife　heard　me；　I　insisted

that　he　should　come　that　very　evening　with　his　violin。　　He

promised　me；　and　went　away。　　In　the　evening　he　arrived　with　his

violin；　and　they　played　together。　　But　for　a　long　time　things　did

not　go　well；　we　had　not　the　necessary　music；　and　that　which　we

had　my　wife　could　not　play　at　sight。　　I　amused　myself　with　their

difficulties。　　I　aided　them；　I　made　proposals；　and　they　finally

executed　a　few　pieces；songs　without　words；　and　a　little　sonata

by　Mozart。　　He　played　in　a　marvellous　manner。　　He　had　what　is

called　the　energetic　and　tender　tone。　As　for　difficulties；　there

were　none　for　him。　Scarcely　had　he　begun　to　play；　when　his　face

changed。　　He　became　serious；　and　much　more　sympathetic。　　He　was；

it　is　needless　to　say；　much　stronger　than　my　wife。　　He　helped

her；　he　advised　her　simply　and　naturally；　and　at　the　same　time

played　his　game　with　courtesy。　　My　wife　seemed　interested　only　in

the　music。　　She　was　very　simple　and　agreeable。　　Throughout　the

evening　I　feigned；　not　only　for　the　others；　but　for　myself；　an

interest　solely　in　the　music。　Really；　I　was　continually　tortured

by　jealousy。　　From　the　first　minute　that　the　musician's　eyes　met

those　of　my　wife；　I　saw　that　he　did　not　regard　her　as　a

disagreeable　woman；　with　whom　on　occasion　it　would　be　unpleasant

to　enter　into　intimate　relations。



〃If　I　had　been　pure；　I　should　not　have　dreamed　of　what　he　might

think　of　her。　　But　I　looked　at　women；　and　that　is　why　I

understood　him　and　was　in　torture。　　I　was　in　torture；　especially

because　I　was　sure　that　toward　me　she　had　no　other　feeling　than

of　perpetual　irritation；　sometimes　interrupted　by　the　customary

sensuality；　and　that　this　man；thanks　to　his　external　elegance

and　his　novelty；　and；　above　all；　thanks　to　his　unquestionably

remarkable　talent；　thanks　to　the　attraction　exercised　under　the

influence　of　music；　thanks　to　the　impression　that　music　produces

upon　nervous　natures；this　man　would　not　only　please；　but　would

inevitably；　and　without　difficulty；　subjugate　and　conquer　her；

and　do　with　her　as　he　liked。



〃I　could　not　help　seeing　this。　　I　could　not　help　suffering；　or

keep　from　being　jealous。　　And　I　was　jealous；　and　I　suffered；　and

in　spite　of　that；　and　perhaps　even　because　of　that；　an　unknown

force；　in　spite　of　my　will；　impelled　me　to　be　not　only　polite；

but　more　than　polite；　amiable。　I　cannot　say　whether　I　did　it　for

my　wife；　or　to　show　him　that　I　did　not　fear　HIM；　or　to　deceive

myself；　but　from　my　first　relations　with　him　I　could　not　be　at　my

ease。　　I　was　obliged；　that　I　might　not　give　way　to　a　desire　to

kill　him　immediately；　to　'caress'　him。　　I　filled　his　glass　at　the

table；　I　grew　enthusiastic　over　his　playing；　I　talked　to　him　with

an　extremely　amiable　smile；　and　I　invited　him　to　dinner　the

following　Sunday；　and　to　play　again。　　I　told　him　that　I　would

invite　some　of　my　acquaintances；　lovers　of　his　art；　to　hear　him。



〃Two　or　three　days　later　I　was　entering　my　house；　in　conversation

with　a　friend；　when　in　the　hall　I　suddenly　felt　something　as

heavy　as　a　stone　weighing　on　my　heart；　and　I　could　not　account

for　it。　　And　it　was　this；　it　was　this：　in　passing　through　the

hall；　I　had　noticed　something　which　reminded　me　of　HIM。　　Not

until　I　reached　my　study　did　I　realize　what　it　was；　and　I

returned　to　the　hall　to　verify　my　conjecture。　Yes；　I　was　not

mistaken。　　It　was　his　overcoat　（everything　that　belonged　to　him；

I；　without　realizing　it；　had　observed　with　extraordinary

attention）。　　I　questioned　the　servant。　　That　was　it。　He　had　come。



I　passed　near　the　parlor；　through　my　children's　study…room。　

Lise；　my　daughter；　was　sitting　before　a　book；　and　the　old　nurse；

with　my　youngest　child；　was　beside　the　table；　turning　the　cover

of　something　or　other。　　In　the　parlor　I　heard　a　slow　arpeggio；

and　his　voice；　deadened；　and　a　denial　from　her。　　She　said：　'No；

no！　　There　is　something　else！'　　And　it　seemed　to　me　that　some　one

was　purposely　deadening　the　words　by　the　aid　of　the　piano。



〃My　God！　　How　my　heart　leaped！　　What　were　my　imaginations！　　When

I　remember　the　beast　that　lived　in　me　at　that　moment；　I　am　seized

with　fright。　　My　heart　was　first　compressed；　then　stopped；　and

then　began　to　beat　like　a　hammer。　　The　principal　feeling；　as　in

every　bad　feeling；　was　pity　for　myself。　　'Before　the　children；

before　the　old　nurse；'　thought　I；　'she　dishonors　me。　　I　will　go

away。　　I　can　endure　it　no　longer。　　God　knows　what　I　should　do　if。

。　。　。　　But　I　must　go　in。'



The　old　nurse　raised　her　eyes　to　mine；　as　if　she　understood；　and

advised　me　to　keep　a　sharp　watch。　　'I　must　go　in；'　I　said　to

myself；　and；　without　knowing　what　I　did；　I　opened　the　door。　He

was　sitting　at　the　piano　and　making　arpeggios　with　his　long；

white；　curved　fingers。　　She　was　standing　in　the　angle　of　the

grand　piano；　before　the　open　score。　　She　saw　or　heard　me　first；

and　raised　her　eyes　to　mine。　　Was　she　stunned；　was　she　pretending

not　to　be　frightened；　or　was　she　really　not　frightened　at　all？　

In

any　case；　she　did　not　tremble；　she　did　not　stir。　She　blushed；　but

only　a　little　later。



〃'How　glad　I　am　that　you　have　come！　　We　have　not　decided　what　we

will　play　Sunday；'　said　she；　in　a　tone　that　she　would　not　have

had　if　she　had　been　alone　with　me。



〃This　tone；　and　the　way　in　which　she　said　'we'　in　speaking　of

herself　and　of　him；　revolted　me。　　I　saluted　him　silently。　　He

shook　hands　with　me　directly；　with　a　smile　that　seemed　to　me　full

of　mockery。　　He　explained　to　me　that　he　had　brought　some　scores；

in　order　to　prepare　for　the　Sunday　concert；　and　that　they　were

not　in　accord　as　to　the　piece　to　choose；whether　difficult；

classic　things；　notably　a　sonata　by　Beethoven；　or　lighter　pieces。



And　as　he　spoke；　he　looked　at　me。　　It　was　all　so　natural；　so

simple；　that　there　was　absolutely　nothing　to　be　said　against　it。　

And　at　the　same　time　I　saw；　I　was　sure；　that　it　was　false；　that

they　were　in　a　conspiracy　to　deceive　me。



〃One　of　the　most　torturing　situations　for　the　jealous　（and　in　our

social　life　everybody　is　jealous）　are　those　social　conditions

which　allow　a　very　great　and　dangerous　intimacy　between　a　man　and

a　woman　under　certain　pretexts。　　One　must　make　himself　the

laughing　stock　of　everybody；　if　he　desires　to　prevent

associations　in　the　ball…room；　the　intimacy　of　doctors　with　their

patients；　the　familiarity　of　art　occupations；　and　especially　of

music。　　In　order　that　people　may　occupy　themselves　together　with

the　noblest　art；　music；　a　certain　intimacy　is　necessary；　in　which

there　is　nothing　blameworthy。　　Only　a　jealous　fool　of　a　husband

can　have　anything　to　say　against　it。　　A　husband　should　not　have

such　thoughts；　and　especially　should　not　thrust　his　nose　into

these　affairs；　or　prevent　them。　　And　yet；　everybody　knows　that

precisely　in　these　occupations；　especially　in　music；　many

adulteries　originate　in　our　society。



〃I　had　evidently　embarrassed　them；　because　for　some　time　I　was

unable　to　say　anything。　　I　was　like　a　bottle　suddenly　turned

upside　down；　from　which　the　water　does　not　run　because　it　is　too

full。　　I　wanted　to　insult　the　man；　and　to　drive　him　away；　but　I

could　do　nothing　of　the　kind。　　On　the　contrary；　I　felt　that　I　was

disturbing　them；　and　that　it　was　my　fault。　　I　made　a　presence　of

approving　everything；　this　time　also；　thanks　to　that　strange

feeling　that　forced　me　to　treat　him　the　more　amiably　in

proportion　as　his　presence　was　more　painful　to　me。　　I　said　that　I

trusted　to　his　taste；　and　I　advised　my　wife　to　do　the　same。　　He

remained　just　as　long　as　it　was　necessary　in　order　to　efface　the

unpleasant　impression　of　my　abrupt　entrance　with　a　frightened

face。　　He　went　away　with　an　air　of　satisfaction　at　the

conclusions　arrived　at。　　As　for　me；　I　was　perfectly　sure　that；　in

comparison　with　that　which　preoccupied　them；　the　question　of

music　was　indifferent　to　them。　　I　accompanied　him　with　especial

courtesy　to　the　hall　（how　can　one　help　accompanying　a　man　who　has

come　to　disturb　your　tranquillity　and　ruin　the　happiness　of　the

entire　family？）；　and　I　shook　his　white；　soft　hand　with　fervent

amiability。



　

CHAPTER　XXII。




〃All　that　day　I　did　not　speak　to　my　wife。　　I　could　not。　　Her

proximity　excited　such　hatred　that　I　feared　myself。　　At　the　table

she　asked　me；　in　presence　of　the　children；　when　I　was　to　start

upon　a　journey。　　I　was　to　go　the　following　week　to　an　assembly　of

the　Zemstvo；　in　a　neighboring　locality。　　I　named　the　date。　　She

asked　me　if　I　would　need　anything　for　the　journey。　　I　did　not

answer。　　I　sat　silent　at　the　table；　and　silently　I　retired　to　my

study。　　In　those　last　days　she　never　entered　my　study；　especially

at　that　hour。　　Suddenly　I　heard　her　steps；　her　walk；　and　then　a

terribly　base　idea　entered　my　head　that；　like　the　wife　of　Uri；

she　wished　to　conceal　a　fault　already　committed；　and　that　it　was

for　this　reason　that　she　came　to　see　me　at　this　unseasonable

hour。　　'Is　it　possible；'　thought　I；　'that　she　is　coming　to　see

me？'　　On　hearing　her　step　as　it　approached：　'If　it　is　to　see　me

that　she　is　coming；　then　I　am　right。'



〃An　inexpressible　hatred　invaded　my　soul。　The　steps　drew　nearer；

and　nearer；　and　nearer　yet。　　Would　she　pass　by　and　go　on　to　the

other　room？　　No；　the　hinges　creaked；　and　at　the　door　her　tall；

graceful；　languid　figure　appeared。　　In　her　face；　in　her　eyes；　a

timidity；　an　insinuating　expression；　which　she　tried　to　hide；　but

which　I　saw；　and　of　which　I　understood　the　meaning。　　I　came　near

suffocating；　such　were　my　efforts　to　hold　my　breath；　and；

continuing　to　look　at　her；　I　took　my　cigarette；　and　lighted　it。



〃'What　does　this　mean？　　One　comes　to　talk　with　you；　and　you　go　to

smoking。'



〃And　she　sat　down　beside　me　on　the　sofa；　resting　against　my

shoulder。　　I　recoiled；　that　I