01-the kreutzer sonata-第15部分
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smoking。'
〃And she sat down beside me on the sofa; resting against my
shoulder。 I recoiled; that I might not touch her。
〃'I see that you are displeased with what I wish to play on
Sunday;' said she。
〃'I am not at all displeased;' said I。
〃'Can I not see?'
〃'Well; I congratulate you on your clairvoyance。 Only to you
every baseness is agreeable; and I abhor it。'
〃'If you are going to swear like a trooper; I am going away。'
〃'Then go away。 Only know that; if the honor of the family is
nothing to you; to me it is dear。 As for you; the devil take
you!'
〃'What! What is the matter?'
〃'Go away; in the name of God。'
〃But she did not go away。 Was she pretending not to understand;
or did she really not understand what I meant? But she was
offended and became angry。
〃'You have become absolutely impossible;' she began; or some such
phrase as that regarding my character; trying; as usual; to give
me as much pain as possible。 'After what you have done to my
sister (she referred to an incident with her sister; in which;
beside myself; I had uttered brutalities; she knew that that
tortured me; and tried to touch me in that tender spot) nothing
will astonish me。'
〃'Yes; offended; humiliated; and dishonored; and after that to
hold me still responsible;' thought I; and suddenly a rage; such
a hatred invaded me as I do not remember to have ever felt
before。 For the first time I desired to express this hatred
physically。 I leaped upon her; but at the same moment I
understood my condition; and I asked myself whether it would be
well for me to abandon myself to my fury。 And I answered myself
that it would be well; that it would frighten her; and; instead
of resisting; I lashed and spurred myself on; and was glad to
feel my anger boiling more and more fiercely。
〃'Go away; or I will kill you!' I cried; purposely; with a
frightful voice; and I grasped her by the arm。 She did not go
away。 Then I twisted her arm; and pushed her away violently。
〃'What is the matter with you? Come to your senses!' she
shrieked。
〃'Go away;' roared I; louder than ever; rolling my eyes wildly。
'It takes you to put me in such a fury。 I do not answer for
myself! Go away!'
〃In abandoning myself to my anger; I became steeped in it; and I
wanted to commit some violent act to show the force of my fury。
I felt a terrible desire to beat her; to kill her; but I realized
that that could not be; and I restrained myself。 I drew back
from her; rushed to the table; grasped the paper…weight; and
threw it on the floor by her side。 I took care to aim a little
to one side; and; before she disappeared (I did it so that she
could see it); I grasped a candlestick; which I also hurled; and
then took down the barometer; continuing to shout:
〃'Go away! I do not answer for myself!'
〃She disappeared; and I immediately ceased my demonstrations。 An
hour later the old servant came to me and said that my wife was
in a fit of hysterics。 I went to see her。 She sobbed and
laughed; incapable of expressing anything; her whole body in a
tremble。 She was not shamming; she was really sick。 We sent for
the doctor; and all night long I cared for her。 Toward daylight
she grew calmer; and we became reconciled under the influence of
that feeling which we called 'love。' The next morning; when;
after the reconciliation; I confessed to her that I was jealous
of Troukhatchevsky; she was not at all embarrassed; and began to
laugh in the most natural way; so strange did the possibility of
being led astray by such a man appear to her。
〃'With such a man can an honest woman entertain any feeling
beyond the pleasure of enjoying music with him? But if you like;
I am ready to never see him again; even on Sunday; although
everybody has been invited。 Write him that I am indisposed; and
that will end the matter。 Only one thing annoys me;that any
one could have thought him dangerous。 I am too proud not to
detest such thoughts。'
〃And she did not lie。 She believed what she said。 She hoped by
her words to provoke in herself a contempt for him; and thereby
to defend herself。 But she did not succeed。 Everything was
directed against her; especially that abominable music。 So ended
the quarrel; and on Sunday our guests came; and Troukhatchevsky
and my wife again played together。
CHAPTER XXIII。
〃I think that it is superfluous to say that I was very vain。 If
one has no vanity in this life of ours; there is no sufficient
reason for living。 So for that Sunday I had busied myself in
tastefully arranging things for the dinner and the musical
soiree。 I had purchased myself numerous things for the dinner;
and had chosen the guests。 Toward six o'clock they arrived; and
after them Troukhatchevsky; in his dress…coat; with diamond
shirt…studs; in bad taste。 He bore himself with ease。 To all
questions he responded promptly; with a smile of contentment and
understanding; and that peculiar expression which was intended to
mean: 'All that you may do and say will be exactly what I
expected。' Everything about him that was not correct I now
noticed with especial pleasure; for it all tended to tranquillize
me; and prove to me that to my wife he stood in such a degree of
inferiority that; as she had told me; she could not stoop to his
level。 Less because of my wife's assurances than because of the
atrocious sufferings which I felt in jealousy; I no longer
allowed myself to be jealous。
〃In spite of that; I was not at ease with the musician or with
her during dinner…time and the time that elapsed before the
beginning of the music。 Involuntarily I followed each of their
gestures and looks。 The dinner; like all dinners; was tiresome
and conventional。 Not long afterward the music began。 He went
to get his violin; my wife advanced to the piano; and rummaged
among the scores。 Oh; how well I remember all the details of
that evening! I remember how he brought the violin; how he
opened the box; took off the serge embroidered by a lady's hand;
and began to tune the instrument。 I can still see my wife sit
down; with a false air of indifference; under which it was plain
that she hid a great timidity; a timidity that was especially due
to her comparative lack of musical knowledge。 She sat down with
that false air in front of the piano; and then began the usual
preliminaries;the pizzicati of the violin and the arrangement
of the scores。 I remember then how they looked at each other;
and cast a glance at their auditors who were taking their seats。
They said a few words to each other; and the music began。 They
played Beethoven's 'Kreutzer Sonata。' Do you know the first
presto? Do you know it? Ah!〃 。 。 。
Posdnicheff heaved a sigh; and was silent for a long time。
〃A terrible thing is that sonata; especially the presto! And a
terrible thing is music in general。 What is it ? Why does it do
what it does? They say that music stirs the soul。 Stupidity! A
lie! It acts; it acts frightfully (I speak for myself); but not
in an ennobling way。 It acts neither in an ennobling nor a
debasing way; but in an irritating way。 How shall I say it?
Music makes me forget my real situation。 It transports me into a
state which is not my own。 Under the influence of music I really
seem to feel what I do not feel; to understand what I do not
understand; to have powers which I cannot have。 Music seems to me
to act like yawning or laughter; I have no desire to sleep; but I
yawn when I see others yawn; with no reason to laugh; I laugh
when I hear others laugh。 And music transports me immediately
into the condition of soul in which he who wrote the music found
himself at that time。 I become confounded with his soul; and
with him I pass from one condition to another。 But why that? I
know nothing about it? But he who wrote Beethoven's 'Kreutzer
Sonata' knew well why he found himself in a certain condition。
That condition led him to certain actions; and for that reason to
him had a meaning; but to me none; none whatever。 And that is
why music provokes an excitement which it does not bring to a
conclusion。 For instance; a military march is played; the
soldier passes to the sound of this march; and the music is
finished。 A dance is played; I have finished dancing; and the
music is finished。 A mass is sung; I receive the sacrament; and
again the music is finished。 But any other music provokes an
excitement; and this excitement is not accompanied by the thing
that needs properly to be done; and that is why music is so
dangerous; and sometimes acts so frightfully。
〃In China music is under the control of the State; and that is
the way it ought to be。 Is it admissible that the first comer
should hypnotize one or more persons; and then do with them as he
likes? And especially that the hypnotizer should be the first
immoral individual who happens to come along? It is a frightful
power in the hands of any one; no matter whom。 For instance;
should they be allowed to play this 'Kreutzer Sonata;' the first
presto;and there are many like it;in parlors; among ladies
wearing low necked dresses; or in concerts; then finish the
piece; receive the applause; and then begin another piece? These
things should be played under certain circumstances; only in
cases where it is necessary to incite certain actions
corresponding to the music。 But to incite an energy of feeling
which corresponds to neither the time nor the place; and is
expended in nothing; cannot fail to act dangerously。 On me in
particular this piece acted in a frightful manner。 One would have
said that new sentiments; new virtualities; of which I was
formerly ignorant; had developed in me。 'Ah; yes; that's it!
Not at all as I lived and thought before! This is the right way
to live!'
〃Thus I spoke t