the way of all flesh-第42部分

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〃My　young　friend；〃　said　he；　good…naturedly；　〃you　really　must　not
carry　on　conversations　with　people　in　the　sun；　while　you　are　in　a
public　railway　carriage。〃

The　old　gentleman　said　not　another　word；　but　unfolded　his　Times　and
began　to　read　it。　　As　for　Ernest；　he　blushed　crimson。　　The　pair　did
not　speak　during　the　rest　of　the　time　they　were　in　the　carriage；　but
they　eyed　each　other　from　time　to　time；　so　that　the　face　of　each　was
impressed　on　the　recollection　of　the　other。



CHAPTER　XLV



Some　people　say　that　their　school　days　were　the　happiest　of　their
lives。　　They　may　be　right；　but　I　always　look　with　suspicion　upon
those　whom　I　hear　saying　this。　　It　is　hard　enough　to　know　whether
one　is　happy　or　unhappy　now；　and　still　harder　to　compare　the
relative　happiness　or　unhappiness　of　different　times　of　one's　life；
the　utmost　that　can　be　said　is　that　we　are　fairly　happy　so　long　as
we　are　not　distinctly　aware　of　being　miserable。　　As　I　was　talking
with　Ernest　one　day　not　so　long　since　about　this；　he　said　he　was　so
happy　now　that　he　was　sure　he　had　never　been　happier；　and　did　not
wish　to　be　so；　but　that　Cambridge　was　the　first　place　where　he　had
ever　been　consciously　and　continuously　happy。

How　can　any　boy　fail　to　feel　an　ecstasy　of　pleasure　on　first　finding
himself　in　rooms　which　he　knows　for　the　next　few　years　are　to　be　his
castle？　　Here　he　will　not　be　compelled　to　turn　out　of　the　most
comfortable　place　as　soon　as　he　has　ensconced　himself　in　it　because
papa　or　mamma　happens　to　come　into　the　room；　and　he　should　give　it
up　to　them。　　The　most　cosy　chair　here　is　for　himself；　there　is　no
one　even　to　share　the　room　with　him；　or　to　interfere　with　his　doing
as　he　likes　in　itsmoking　included。　　Why；　if　such　a　room　looked　out
both　back　and　front　on　to　a　blank　dead　wall　it　would　still　be　a
paradise；　how　much　more　then　when　the　view　is　of　some　quiet　grassy
court　or　cloister　or　garden；　as　from　the　windows　of　the　greater
number　of　rooms　at　Oxford　and　Cambridge。

Theobald；　as　an　old　fellow　and　tutor　of　Emmanuelat　which　college
he　had　entered　Ernestwas　able　to　obtain　from　the　present　tutor　a
certain　preference　in　the　choice　of　rooms；　Ernest's；　therefore；　were
very　pleasant　ones；　looking　out　upon　the　grassy　court　that　is
bounded　by　the　Fellows'　gardens。

Theobald　accompanied　him　to　Cambridge；　and　was　at　his　best　while
doing　so。　　He　liked　the　jaunt；　and　even　he　was　not　without　a　certain
feeling　of　pride　in　having　a　full…blown　son　at　the　University。　　Some
of　the　reflected　rays　of　this　splendour　were　allowed　to　fall　upon
Ernest　himself。　　Theobald　said　he　was　〃willing　to　hope〃this　was
one　of　his　tagsthat　his　son　would　turn　over　a　new　leaf　now　that　he
had　left　school；　and　for　his　own　part　he　was　〃only　too　ready〃this
was　another　tagto　let　bygones　be　bygones。

Ernest；　not　yet　having　his　name　on　the　books；　was　able　to　dine　with
his　father　at　the　Fellows'　table　of　one　of　the　other　colleges　on　the
invitation　of　an　old　friend　of　Theobald's；　he　there　made
acquaintance　with　sundry　of　the　good　things　of　this　life；　the　very
names　of　which　were　new　to　him；　and　felt　as　he　ate　them　that　he　was
now　indeed　receiving　a　liberal　education。　　When　at　length　the　time
came　for　him　to　go　to　Emmanuel；　where　he　was　to　sleep　in　his　new
rooms；　his　father　came　with　him　to　the　gates　and　saw　him　safe　into
college；　a　few　minutes　more　and　he　found　himself　alone　in　a　room　for
which　he　had　a　latch…key。

From　this　time　he　dated　many　days　which；　if　not　quite　unclouded；
were　upon　the　whole　very　happy　ones。　　I　need　not　however　describe
them；　as　the　life　of　a　quiet　steady…going　undergraduate　has　been
told　in　a　score　of　novels　better　than　I　can　tell　it。　　Some　of
Ernest's　schoolfellows　came　up　to　Cambridge　at　the　same　time　as
himself；　and　with　these　he　continued　on　friendly　terms　during　the
whole　of　his　college　career。　　Other　schoolfellows　were　only　a　year
or　two　his　seniors；　these　called　on　him；　and　he　thus　made　a
sufficiently　favourable　entree　into　college　life。　　A
straightforwardness　of　character　that　was　stamped　upon　his　face；　a
love　of　humour；　and　a　temper　which　was　more　easily　appeased　than
ruffled　made　up　for　some　awkwardness　and　want　of　savoir　faire。　　He
soon　became　a　not　unpopular　member　of　the　best　set　of　his　year；　and
though　neither　capable　of　becoming；　nor　aspiring　to　become；　a
leader；　was　admitted　by　the　leaders　as　among　their　nearer　hangers…
on。

Of　ambition　he　had　at　that　time　not　one　particle；　greatness；　or
indeed　superiority　of　any　kind；　seemed　so　far　off　and
incomprehensible　to　him　that　the　idea　of　connecting　it　with　himself
never　crossed　his　mind。　　If　he　could　escape　the　notice　of　all　those
with　whom　he　did　not　feel　himself　en　rapport；　he　conceived　that　he
had　triumphed　sufficiently。　　He　did　not　care　about　taking　a　good
degree；　except　that　it　must　be　good　enough　to　keep　his　father　and
mother　quiet。　　He　did　not　dream　of　being　able　to　get　a　fellowship；
if　he　had；　he　would　have　tried　hard　to　do　so；　for　he　became　so　fond
of　Cambridge　that　he　could　not　bear　the　thought　of　having　to　leave
it；　the　briefness　indeed　of　the　season　during　which　his　present
happiness　was　to　last　was　almost　the　only　thing　that　now　seriously
troubled　him。

Having　less　to　attend　to　in　the　matter　of　growing；　and　having　got
his　head　more　free；　he　took　to　reading　fairly　wellnot　because　he
liked　it；　but　because　he　was　told　he　ought　to　do　so；　and　his　natural
instinct；　like　that　of　all　very　young　men　who　are　good　for　anything；
was　to　do　as　those　in　authority　told　him。　　The　intention　at
Battersby　was　（for　Dr　Skinner　had　said　that　Ernest　could　never　get　a
fellowship）　that　he　should　take　a　sufficiently　good　degree　to　be
able　to　get　a　tutorship　or　mastership　in　some　school　preparatory　to
taking　orders。　　When　he　was　twenty…one　years　old　his　money　was　to
come　into　his　own　hands；　and　the　best　thing　he　could　do　with　it
would　be　to　buy　the　next　presentation　to　a　living；　the　rector　of
which　was　now　old；　and　live　on　his　mastership　or　tutorship　till　the
living　fell　in。　　He　could　buy　a　very　good　living　for　the　sum　which
his　grandfather's　legacy　now　amounted　to；　for　Theobald　had　never　had
any　serious　intention　of　making　deductions　for　his　son's　maintenance
and　education；　and　the　money　had　accumulated　till　it　was　now　about
five　thousand　pounds；　he　had　only　talked　about　making　deductions　in
order　to　stimulate　the　boy　to　exertion　as　far　as　possible；　by　making
him　think　that　this　was　his　only　chance　of　escaping　starvationor
perhaps　from　pure　love　of　teasing。

When　Ernest　had　a　living　of　600　pounds　or　700　pounds　a　year　with　a
house；　and　not　too　many　parishionerswhy；　he　might　add　to　his
income　by　taking　pupils；　or　even　keeping　a　school；　and　then；　say　at
thirty；　he　might　marry。　　It　was　not　easy　for　Theobald　to　hit　on　any
much　more　sensible　plan。　　He　could　not　get　Ernest　into　business；　for
he　had　no　business　connectionsbesides　he　did　not　know　what
business　meant；　he　had　no　interest；　again；　at　the　Bar；　medicine　was
a　profession　which　subjected　its　students　to　ordeals　and　temptations
which　these　fond　parents　shrank　from　on　behalf　of　their　boy；　he
would　be　thrown　among　companions　and　familiarised　with　details　which
might　sully　him；　and　though　he　might　stand；　it　was　〃only　too
possible〃　that　he　would　fall。　　Besides；　ordination　was　the　road
which　Theobald　knew　and　understood；　and　indeed　the　only　road　about
which　he　knew　anything　at　all；　so　not　unnaturally　it　was　the　one　he
chose　for　Ernest。

The　foregoing　had　been　instilled　into　my　hero　from　earliest　boyhood；
much　as　it　had　been　instilled　into　Theobald　himself；　and　with　the
same　resultthe　conviction；　namely；　that　he　was　certainly　to　be　a
clergyman；　but　that　it　was　a　long　way　off　yet；　and　he　supposed　it
was　all　right。　　As　for　the　duty　of　reading　hard；　and　taking　as　good
a　degree　as　he　could；　this　was　plain　enough；　so　he　set　himself　to
work；　as　I　have　said；　steadily；　and　to　the　surprise　of　everyone　as
well　as　himself　got　a　college　scholarship；　of　no　great　value；　but
still　a　scholarship；　in　his　freshman's　term。　　It　is　hardly　necessary
to　say　that　Theobald　stuck　to　the　whole　of　this　money；　believing　the
pocket…money　he　allowed　Ernest　to　be　sufficient　for　him；　and　knowing
how　dangerous　it　was　for　young　men　to　have　money　at　command。　　I　do
not　suppose　it　even　occurred　to　him　to　try　and　remember　what　he　had
felt　when　his　father　took　a　like　course　in　regard　to　himself。

Ernest's　position　in　this　respect　was　much　what　it　had　been　at
school　except　that　things　were　on　a　larger　scale。　　His　tutor's　and
cook's　bills　were　paid　for　him；　his　father　sent　him　his　wine；　over
and　above　this　he　had　50　pounds　a　year　with　which　to　keep　himself　in
clothes　and　all　other　expenses；　this　was　about　the　usual　thing　at
Emmanuel　in　Ernest's　day；　though　many　had　much　less　than　this。
Ernest　did　as　he　had　done　at　schoolhe　spent　what　he　could；　soon
after　he　received　his　money；　he　then　incurred　a　few　modest
liabilities；　and　then　lived　penuriously　till　next　term；　when　he
would　immediately　pay　his　debts；　and　start　new　ones　to　much　the　same
extent　as　those　which　he　had　just　got　rid　of。　　When　he　came　into　his
5000　pounds　and　became　independent　of　his　father；　15　pounds　or　20
pounds　served　to　cover　the　whole　of　his　unauthorised　expenditure。

He　joined　the　boat　club；　and　was　constant　in　his　attendance　at　the
boats。　　He　still　smoked；　but　never　took　more　wine　or　beer　than　was
good　for　him；　except　perhaps　on　the　occasion　of　a　boating　supper；
but　even　then　he　found　the　consequences　unpleasant；　and　soon　learned
how　to　keep　within　safe　limits。　　He　attended　chapel　as　often　as　he
was　compelled　to　do　so；　he　communicated　two　or　three　times　a　year；
because　his　tutor　told　him　he　ought　to；　in　fact　he　set　himself　to
live　soberly　and　cleanly；　as　I　imagine　all　his　instincts　prompted
him　to　do；　and　when　he　fellas　who　that　is　born　of　woman　can　help
sometimes　doing？it　was　not　till　after　a　sharp　tussle　with　a
temptation　that　was　more　than　his　flesh　and　blood　could　stand；　then
he　was　very　penitent　and　would　go　a　fairly　long　while　without
sinning　again；　and　this　was　how　it　had　always　been　with　him　since　he
had　arrived　at　years　of　indiscretion。

Even　to　the　end　of　his　career　at　Cambridge　he　was　not