the way of all flesh-第77部分

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aimed　low　enough　if　I　had　thought　I　had　got　the　chance。〃

I　suppose　after　all　that　no　one　whose　mind　was　not；　to　put　it
mildly；　abnormal；　ever　yet　aimed　very　high　out　of　pure　malice
aforethought。　　I　once　saw　a　fly　alight　on　a　cup　of　hot　coffee　on
which　the　milk　had　formed　a　thin　skin；　he　perceived　his　extreme
danger；　and　I　noted　with　what　ample　strides　and　almost　supermuscan
effort　he　struck　across　the　treacherous　surface　and　made　for　the
edge　of　the　cupfor　the　ground　was　not　solid　enough　to　let　him
raise　himself　from　it　by　his　wings。　　As　I　watched　him　I　fancied　that
so　supreme　a　moment　of　difficulty　and　danger　might　leave　him　with　an
increase　of　moral　and　physical　power　which　might　even　descend　in
some　measure　to　his　offspring。　　But　surely　he　would　not　have　got　the
increased　moral　power　if　he　could　have　helped　it；　and　he　will　not
knowingly　alight　upon　another　cup　of　hot　coffee。　　The　more　I　see　the
more　sure　I　am　that　it　does　not　matter　why　people　do　the　right　thing
so　long　only　as　they　do　it；　nor　why　they　may　have　done　the　wrong　if
they　have　done　it。　　The　result　depends　upon　the　thing　done　and　the
motive　goes　for　nothing。　　I　have　read　somewhere；　but　cannot　remember
where；　that　in　some　country　district　there　was　once　a　great　scarcity
of　food；　during　which　the　poor　suffered　acutely；　many　indeed
actually　died　of　starvation；　and　all　were　hard　put　to　it。　　In　one
village；　however；　there　was　a　poor　widow　with　a　family　of　young
children；　who；　though　she　had　small　visible　means　of　subsistence；
still　looked　well…fed　and　comfortable；　as　also　did　all　her　little
ones。　　〃How；〃　everyone　asked；　〃did　they　manage　to　live？〃　　It　was
plain　they　had　a　secret；　and　it　was　equally　plain　that　it　could　be
no　good　one；　for　there　came　a　hurried；　hunted　look　over　the　poor
woman's　face　if　anyone　alluded　to　the　way　in　which　she　and　hers
throve　when　others　starved；　the　family；　moreover；　were　sometimes
seen　out　at　unusual　hours　of　the　night；　and　evidently　brought　things
home；　which　could　hardly　have　been　honestly　come　by。　　They　knew　they
were　under　suspicion；　and；　being　hitherto　of　excellent　name；　it　made
them　very　unhappy；　for　it　must　be　confessed　that　they　believed　what
they　did　to　be　uncanny　if　not　absolutely　wicked；　nevertheless；　in
spite　of　this　they　throve；　and　kept　their　strength　when　all　their
neighbours　were　pinched。

At　length　matters　came　to　a　head　and　the　clergyman　of　the　parish
cross…questioned　the　poor　woman　so　closely　that　with　many　tears　and
a　bitter　sense　of　degradation　she　confessed　the　truth；　she　and　her
children　went　into　the　hedges　and　gathered　snails；　which　they　made
into　broth　and　atecould　she　ever　be　forgiven？　　Was　there　any　hope
of　salvation　for　her　either　in　this　world　or　the　next　after　such
unnatural　conduct？

So　again　I　have　heard　of　an　old　dowager　countess　whose　money　was　all
in　Consols；　she　had　had　many　sons；　and　in　her　anxiety　to　give　the
younger　ones　a　good　start；　wanted　a　larger　income　than　Consols　would
give　her。　　She　consulted　her　solicitor　and　was　advised　to　sell　her
Consols　and　invest　in　the　London　and　North…Western　Railway；　then　at
about　85。　　This　was　to　her　what　eating　snails　was　to　the　poor　widow
whose　story　I　have　told　above。　　With　shame　and　grief；　as　of　one
doing　an　unclean　thingbut　her　boys　must　have　their　startshe　did
as　she　was　advised。　　Then　for　a　long　while　she　could　not　sleep　at
night　and　was　haunted　by　a　presage　of　disaster。　　Yet　what　happened？
She　started　her　boys；　and　in　a　few　years　found　her　capital　doubled
into　the　bargain；　on　which　she　sold　out　and　went　back　again　to
Consols　and　died　in　the　full　blessedness　of　fund…holding。

She　thought；　indeed；　that　she　was　doing　a　wrong　and　dangerous　thing；
but　this　had　absolutely　nothing　to　do　with　it。　　Suppose　she　had
invested　in　the　full　confidence　of　a　recommendation　by　some　eminent
London　banker　whose　advice　was　bad；　and　so　had　lost　all　her　money；
and　suppose　she　had　done　this　with　a　light　heart　and　with　no
conviction　of　sinwould　her　innocence　of　evil　purpose　and　the
excellence　of　her　motive　have　stood　her　in　any　stead？　　Not　they。

But　to　return　to　my　story。　　Towneley　gave　my　hero　most　trouble。
Towneley；　as　I　have　said；　knew　that　Ernest　would　have　money　soon；
but　Ernest　did　not　of　course　know　that　he　knew　it。　　Towneley　was
rich　himself；　and　was　married　now；　Ernest　would　be　rich　soon；　had
bona　fide　intended　to　be　married　already；　and　would　doubtless　marry
a　lawful　wife　later　on。　　Such　a　man　was　worth　taking　pains　with；　and
when　Towneley　one　day　met　Ernest　in　the　street；　and　Ernest　tried　to
avoid　him；　Towneley　would　not　have　it；　but　with　his　usual　quick　good
nature　read　his　thoughts；　caught　him；　morally　speaking；　by　the
scruff　of　his　neck；　and　turned　him　laughingly　inside　out；　telling
him　he　would　have　no　such　nonsense。

Towneley　was　just　as　much　Ernest's　idol　now　as　he　had　ever　been；　and
Ernest；　who　was　very　easily　touched；　felt　more　gratefully　and　warmly
than　ever　towards　him；　but　there　was　an　unconscious　something　which
was　stronger　than　Towneley；　and　made　my　hero　determine　to　break　with
him　more　determinedly　perhaps　than　with　any　other　living　person；　he
thanked　him　in　a　low　hurried　voice　and　pressed　his　hand；　while　tears
came　into　his　eyes　in　spite　of　all　his　efforts　to　repress　them。　　〃If
we　meet　again；〃　he　said；　〃do　not　look　at　me；　but　if　hereafter　you
hear　of　me　writing　things　you　do　not　like；　think　of　me　as　charitably
as　you　can；〃　and　so　they　parted。

〃Towneley　is　a　good　fellow；〃　said　I；　gravely；　〃and　you　should　not
have　cut　him。〃

〃Towneley；〃　he　answered；　〃is　not　only　a　good　fellow；　but　he　is
without　exception　the　very　best　man　I　ever　saw　in　my　lifeexcept；〃
he　paid　me　the　compliment　of　saying；　〃yourself；　Towneley　is　my
notion　of　everything　which　I　should　most　like　to　bebut　there　is　no
real　solidarity　between　us。　　I　should　be　in　perpetual　fear　of　losing
his　good　opinion　if　I　said　things　he　did　not　like；　and　I　mean　to　say
a　great　many　things；〃　he　continued　more　merrily；　〃which　Towneley
will　not　like。〃

A　man；　as　I　have　said　already；　can　give　up　father　and　mother　for
Christ's　sake　tolerably　easily　for　the　most　part；　but　it　is　not　so
easy　to　give　up　people　like　Towneley。



CHAPTER　LXXXI



So　he　fell　away　from　all　old　friends　except　myself　and　three　or　four
old　intimates　of　my　own；　who　were　as　sure　to　take　to　him　as　he　to
them；　and　who　like　myself　enjoyed　getting　hold　of　a　young　fresh
mind。　　Ernest　attended　to　the　keeping　of　my　account　books　whenever
there　was　anything　which　could　possibly　be　attended　to；　which　there
seldom　was；　and　spent　the　greater　part　of　the　rest　of　his　time　in
adding　to　the　many　notes　and　tentative　essays　which　had　already
accumulated　in　his　portfolios。　　Anyone　who　was　used　to　writing　could
see　at　a　glance　that　literature　was　his　natural　development；　and　I
was　pleased　at　seeing　him　settle　down　to　it　so　spontaneously。　　I　was
less　pleased；　however；　to　observe　that　he　would　still　occupy　himself
with　none　but　the　most　serious；　I　had　almost　said　solemn；　subjects；
just　as　he　never　cared　about　any　but　the　most　serious　kind　of　music。

I　said　to　him　one　day　that　the　very　slender　reward　which　God　had
attached　to　the　pursuit　of　serious　inquiry　was　a　sufficient　proof
that　He　disapproved　of　it；　or　at　any　rate　that　He　did　not　set　much
store　by　it　nor　wish　to　encourage　it。

He　said：　　〃Oh；　don't　talk　about　rewards。　　Look　at　Milton；　who　only
got　5　pounds　for　'Paradise　Lost。'〃

〃And　a　great　deal　too　much；〃　I　rejoined　promptly。　　〃I　would　have
given　him　twice　as　much　myself　not　to　have　written　it　at　all。〃

Ernest　was　a　little　shocked。　　〃At　any　rate；〃　he　said　laughingly；　〃I
don't　write　poetry。〃

This　was　a　cut　at　me；　for　my　burlesques　were；　of　course；　written　in
rhyme。　　So　I　dropped　the　matter。

After　a　time　he　took　it　into　his　head　to　re…open　the　question　of　his
getting　300　pounds　a　year　for　doing；　as　he　said；　absolutely　nothing；
and　said　he　would　try　to　find　some　employment　which　should　bring　him
in　enough　to　live　upon。

I　laughed　at　this　but　let　him　alone。　　He　tried　and　tried　very　hard
for　a　long　while；　but　I　need　hardly　say　was　unsuccessful。　　The　older
I　grow；　the　more　convinced　I　become　of　the　folly　and　credulity　of
the　public；　but　at　the　same　time　the　harder　do　I　see　it　is　to　impose
oneself　upon　that　folly　and　credulity。

He　tried　editor　after　editor　with　article　after　article。　　Sometimes
an　editor　listened　to　him　and　told　him　to　leave　his　articles；　he
almost　invariably；　however；　had　them　returned　to　him　in　the　end　with
a　polite　note　saying　that　they　were　not　suited　for　the　particular
paper　to　which　he　had　sent　them。　　And　yet　many　of　these　very
articles　appeared　in　his　later　works；　and　no　one　complained　of　them；
not　at　least　on　the　score　of　bad　literary　workmanship。　　〃I　see；〃　he
said　to　me　one　day；　〃that　demand　is　very　imperious；　and　supply　must
be　very　suppliant。〃

Once；　indeed；　the　editor　of　an　important　monthly　magazine　accepted
an　article　from　him；　and　he　thought　he　had　now　got　a　footing　in　the
literary　world。　　The　article　was　to　appear　in　the　next　issue　but
one；　and　he　was　to　receive　proof　from　the　printers　in　about　ten　days
or　a　fortnight；　but　week　after　week　passed　and　there　was　no　proof；
month　after　month　went　by　and　there　was　still　no　room　for　Ernest's
article；　at　length　after　about　six　months　the　editor　one　morning
told　him　that　he　had　filled　every　number　of　his　review　for　the　next
ten　months；　but　that　his　article　should　definitely　appear。　　On　this
he　insisted　on　having　his　MS。　returned　to　him。

Sometimes　his　articles　were　actually　published；　and　he　found　the
editor　had　edited　them　according　to　his　own　fancy；　putting　in　jokes
which　he　thought　were　funny；　or　cutting　out　the　very　passage　which
Ernest　had　considered　the　point　of　the　whole　thing；　and　then；　though
the　articles　appeared；　when　it　came　to　paying　for　them　it　was
another　matter；　and　he　never　saw　his　money。　　〃Editors；〃　he　said　to
me　one　day　about　this　time；　〃are　like　the　people　who　bought　and　sold
in　the　book　of　Revelation；　there　is　not　one　but　has　the　mark　of　the
beast　upon　him。〃

At　last　after　months　of　disappointment　and　many　a　tedious　hour
wasted　in　dingy　ante…rooms　（and　of　all　anterooms　those　of　editors
appear　to　me