speaking of operations-第6部分

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drooping；　cream…separator　mustache　was　at　perfect　liberty　to　use
the　common　drinking　cup　on　the　railroad　train。　　The　appendix　lurked
in　its　snug　retreat；　undisturbed　by　the　prying　fingers　of　curiosity。
The　fever…bearing　skeeter　buzzed　and　flitted；　stinging　where　he
pleased。　　The　germ　theory　was　unfathomed。　　Suitable　food　for　an
invalid　was　anything　the　invalid　could　afford　to　buy。　　Fresh　air；
and　more　especially　fresh　night　air；　was　regarded　as　dangerous；
and　people　hermetically　sealed　themselves　in　before　retiring。　　Not
daily　as　at　present　was　the　world　gladdened　by　the　tidings　that
science　had　unearthed　some　new　and　particularly　unpleasant　disease。
It　never　occurred　to　a　mother　that　she　should　sterilize　the　slipper
before　spanking　her　offspring。　　Babies　were　not　reared　antiseptically；
but　just　so。　　Nobody　was　aware　of　microbes。

In　short；　our　sires　and　our　grandsires　abode　in　the　midst　of　perils。
They　were　surrounded　on　all　sides　by　things　that　are　immediately
fatal　to　the　human　system。　　Not　a　single　one　of　them　had　a　right
to　pass　his　second　birthday。　　In　the　light　of　what　we　know；　we
realize　that　by　now　this　world　should　be　but　a　barren　waste　dotted
at　frequent　intervals　with　large　graveyards　and　populated　only　by
a　few　dispossessed　and　hungry　bacteria；　hanging　over　the　cemetery
fence　singing：　Driven　From　Home！

In　the　conditions　generally　prevalent　up　to　twenty…five　years　ago；
most　of　us　never　had　any　license；　really；　to　be　born　at　all。　　Yet
look　how　many　of　us　are　now　here。　　In　this　age　of　research　I
hesitate　to　attempt　to　account　for　it；　except　on　the　entirely
unscientific　theory　that　what　you　don't　know　doesn't　hurt　you。
Doubtless　a　physician　could　give　you　a　better　explanation；　but
his　would　cost　you　more　than　mine　has。

But　we　digress。　　Let　us　get　back　to　our　main　subject；　which　is
myself。　　I　shall　never　forget　my　first　real　meal　in　that　hospital。
There　was　quite　a　good　deal　of　talk　about　it　beforehand。　　My　nurse
kept　telling　me　that　on　the　next　day　the　doctor　had　promised　I
might　have　something　to　eat。　　I　could　hardly　wait。　　I　had　visions
of　a　tenderloin　steak　smothered　in　fried　onions；　and　some　French…fried
potatoes；　and　a　tall　table…limit　stack　of　wheat　cakes；　and　a　few
other　incidental　comfits　and　kickshaws。　　I　could　hardly　wait　for
that　meal。

The　next　day　came　and　she　brought　it　to　me；　and　I　partook　thereof。
It　was　the　white　of　an　egg。　　For　dessert　I　licked　a　stamp；　but
this　I　did　clandestinely　and　by　stealth；　without　saying　anything
about　it　to　her。　　I　was　not　supposed　to　have　any　sweets。

On　the　occasion　of　the　next　feast　the　diet　was　varied。　　I　had　a
sip　of　one　of　those　fermented　milk　products。　　You　probably　know
the　sort　of　thing　I　mean。　　Even　before　you've　swallowed　it；　it
tastes　as　though　it　had　already　disagreed　with　you。　　The　nurse
said　this　food　was　predigested　but　did　not　tell　me　by　whom。　　Nor
did　I　ask　her。　　I　started　to；　but　thought　better　of　it。　　Sometimes
one　is　all　the　happier　for　not　knowing　too　much。

A　little　later　on；　seeing　that　I　had　not　suffered　an　attack　of
indigestion　from　this　debauch；　they　gave　me　junket。　　In　the
dictionary　I　have　looked　up　the　definitions　of　junket。　　I　quote：

　　JUNKET；　v。　I。　t。　　To　entertain　by　feasting；　regale。　　II。　i。　　To
　　give　or　take　part　in　an　entertainment　or　excursion；　feast　in
　　company；　picnic；　revel。

　　JUNKET；　n。　　A　merry　feast　or　excursion；　picnic。

When　the　author　of　a　dictionary　tries　to　be　frivolous　he　only
succeeds　in　making　himself　appear　foolish。

I　know　not　how　it　may　be　in　the　world　at　large；　but　in　a　hospital；
junket　is　a　custard　that　by　some　subtle　process　has　been　denuded
of　those　ingredients　which　make　a　custard　fascinating　and　exciting。
It　tastes　as　though　the　eggs；　which　form　its　underlying　basis；　had
been　laid　in　a　fit　of　pique　by　a　hen　that　was　severely　upset　at
the　time。

Hereafter　when　the　junket　is　passed　round　somebody　else　may　have
my　share。　　I'll　stick　to　the　mince　pie　a　la　mode。　　And　the　first
cigar　of　my　convalescenceah；　that；　too；　abides　as　a　vivid
memory！　Dropping　in　one　morning　to　replace　the　wrappings　Doctor　Z
said　I　might　smoke　in　moderation。　　So　the　nurse　brought　me　a　cigar；
and　I　lit　it　and　took　one　deep　puff；　but　only　one。　　I　laid　it　aside。
I　said　to　the　nurse：

〃A　mistake　has　been　made　here。　　I　do　not　want　a　cooking　cigar；　you
understand。　　I　desire　a　cigar　for　personal　use。　　This　one　is　full
of　herbs　and　simples；　I　think。　　It　suggests　a　New　England　boiled
dinner；　and　not　a　very　good　New　England　boiled　dinner　at　that。
Let　us　try　again。〃

She　brought　another　cigar。　　It　was　not　satisfactory　either。　　Then
she　showed　me　the　boxan　orthodox　box　containing　cigars　of　a
recognized　and　previously　dependable　brand。　　I　could　only　conclude
that　a　root…and…herb　doctor　had　bought　an　interest　in　the　business
and　was　introducing　his　own　pet　notions　into　the　formula。

But　came　a　dayas　the　fancy　writers　say　when　they　wish　to　convey
the　impression　that　a　day　has　come；　but　hate　to　do　it　in　a
commonplace　mannercame　a　day　when　my　cigar　tasted　as　a　cigar
should　taste　and　food　had　the　proper　relish　to　it；　and　my　appetite
came　back　again　and　found　the　old　home　place　not　so　greatly　changed
after　all。

And　then　shortly　thereafter　came　another　day；　when　I；　all　replete
with　expensive　stitches；　might　drape　the　customary　habiliments　of
civilization　about　my　attenuated　frame　and　go　forth　to　mingle　with
my　fellow　beings。　　I　have　been　mingling　pretty　steadily　ever　since；
for　now　I　have　something　to　talk　abouta　topic　good　for　any
company；　congenial；　an　absorbing　topic。

I　can　spot　a　brother　member　a　block　away。　　I　hasten　up　to　him　and
give　him　the　grand　hailing　sign　of　the　order。　　He　opens　his　mouth
to　speak；　but　I　beat　him　to　it。

〃Speaking　of　operations　〃　I　say。　　And　then　I'm　off。　　Believe　me；
it's　the　life！





End