the little white bird-第6部分

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long　ambition　has　been　like　an　ancient　memory　to　me；　some

glorious　day　recalled　from　my　springtime；　so　much　a　thing　of　the

past　that　I　must　make　a　railway　journey　to　revisit　it　as　to　look

upon　the　pleasant　fields　in　which　that　scene　was　laid。　　But　he

had　been　ambitious　yesterday。



I　mentioned　worldly　ambition。　　〃Good　God！〃　he　said　with　a

shudder。



There　was　a　clock　hard　by　that　struck　the　quarters；　and　one

o'clock　passed　and　two。　　What　time　is　it　now？　　Twenty　past　two。

And　now？　　It　is　still　twenty　past　two。



I　asked　him　about　his　relatives；　and　neither　he　nor　she　had　any。

〃We　have　a　friend〃　he　began　and　paused；　and　then　rambled　into　a

not　very　understandable　story　about　a　letter　and　a　doll's　house

and　some　unknown　man　who　had　bought　one　of　his　pictures；　or　was

supposed　to　have　done　so；　in　a　curiously　clandestine　manner。　　I

could　not　quite　follow　the　story。



〃It　is　she　who　insists　that　it　is　always　the　same　person；〃　he

said。　　〃She　thinks　he　will　make　himself　known　to　me　if　anything

happens　to　her。〃　　His　voice　suddenly　went　husky。　　〃She　told　me；〃

he　said；　〃if　she　died　and　I　discovered　him；　to　give　him　her

love。〃



At　this　we　parted　abruptly；　as　we　did　at　intervals　throughout　the

night；　to　drift　together　again　presently。　　He　tried　to　tell　me　of

some　things　she　had　asked　him　to　do　should　she　not　get　over　this；

but　what　they　were　I　know　not；　for　they　engulfed　him　at　the　first

step。　　He　would　draw　back　from　them　as　ill…omened　things；　and

next　moment　he　was　going　over　them　to　himself　like　a　child　at

lessons。　A　child！　　In　that　short　year　she　had　made　him　entirely

dependent　on　her。　　It　is　ever　thus　with　women：　their　first

deliberate　act　is　to　make　their　husband　helpless。　　There　are　few

men　happily　married　who　can　knock　in　a　nail。



But　it　was　not　of　this　that　I　was　thinking。　　I　was　wishing　I　had

not　degenerated　so　much。



Well；　as　you　know；　the　little　nursery　governess　did　not　die。　　At

eighteen　minutes　to　four　we　heard　the　rustle　of　David's　wings。　

He　boasts　about　it　to　this　day；　and　has　the　hour　to　a　syllable　as

if　the　first　thing　he　ever　did　was　to　look　at　the　clock。



An　oldish　gentleman　had　opened　the　door　and　waved　congratulations

to　my　companion；　who　immediately　butted　at　me；　drove　me　against　a

wall；　hesitated　for　a　second　with　his　head　down　as　if　in　doubt

whether　to　toss　me；　and　then　rushed　away。　　I　followed　slowly。　　I

shook　him　by　the　hand；　but　by　this　time　he　was　haw…haw…hawing　so

abominably　that　a　disgust　of　him　swelled　up　within　me；　and　with

it　a　passionate　desire　to　jeer　once　more　at　Mary　A



〃It　is　little　she　will　care　for　you　now；〃　I　said　to　the　fellow；

〃I　know　the　sort　of　woman；　her　intellectuals　（which　are　all　she

has　to　distinguish　her　from　the　brutes）　are　so　imperfectly

developed　that　she　will　be　a　crazy　thing　about　that　boy　for　the

next　three　years。　　She　has　no　longer　occasion　for　you；　my　dear

sir；　you　are　like　a　picture　painted　out。〃



But　I　question　whether　he　heard　me。　　I　returned　to　my　home。　

Home！　As　if　one　alone　can　build　a　nest。　　How　often　as　I　have

ascended　the　stairs　that　lead　to　my　lonely；　sumptuous　rooms；　have

I　paused　to　listen　to　the　hilarity　of　the　servants　below。　　That

morning　I　could　not　rest：　I　wandered　from　chamber　to　chamber；

followed　by　my　great　dog；　and　all　were　alike　empty　and　desolate。　

I　had　nearly　finished　a　cigar　when　I　thought　I　heard　a　pebble

strike　the　window；　and　looking　out　I　saw　David's　father　standing

beneath。　　I　had　told　him　that　I　lived　in　this　street；　and　I

suppose　my　lights　had　guided　him　to　my　window。



〃I　could　not　lie　down；〃　he　called　up　hoarsely；　〃until　I　heard

your　news。　　Is　it　all　right？〃



For　a　moment　I　failed　to　understand　him。　　Then　I　said　sourly：

〃Yes；　all　is　right。〃



〃Both　doing　well？〃　he　inquired。



〃Both；〃　I　answered；　and　all　the　time　I　was　trying　to　shut　the

window。　　It　was　undoubtedly　a　kindly　impulse　that　had　brought　him

out；　but　I　was　nevertheless　in　a　passion　with　him。



〃Boy　or　girl？〃　persisted　the　dodderer　with　ungentlemanlike

curiosity。



〃Boy；〃　I　said；　very　furiously。



〃Splendid；〃　he　called　out；　and　I　think　he　added　something　else；

but　by　that　time　I　had　closed　the　window　with　a　slam。





V



The　Fight　For　Timothy



Mary's　poor　pretentious　babe　screamed　continually；　with　a　note　of

exultation　in　his　din；　as　if　he　thought　he　was　devoting　himself

to　a　life　of　pleasure；　and　often　the　last　sound　I　heard　as　I　got

me　out　of　the　street　was　his　haw…haw…haw；　delivered　triumphantly

as　if　it　were　some　entirely　new　thing；　though　he　must　have

learned　it　like　a　parrot。　I　had　not　one　tear　for　the　woman；　but

Poor　father；　thought　I；　to　know　that　every　time　your　son　is　happy

you　are　betrayed。　　Phew；　a　nauseous　draught。



I　have　the　acquaintance　of　a　deliciously　pretty　girl；　who　is

always　sulky；　and　the　thoughtless　beseech　her　to　be　bright；　not

witting　wherein　lies　her　heroism。　　She　was　born　the　merriest　of

maids；　but；　being　a　student　of　her　face；　learned　anon　that

sulkiness　best　becomes　it；　and　so　she　has　struggled　and

prevailed。　　A　woman's　history。　　Brave　Margaret；　when　night　falls

and　thy　hair　is　down；　dost　thou　return；　I　wonder；　to　thy　natural

state；　or；　dreading　the　shadow　of　indulgence；　sleepest　thou　even

sulkily？



But　will　a　male　child　do　as　much　for　his　father？　　This　remains　to

be　seen；　and　so；　after　waiting　several　months；　I　decided　to　buy

David　a　rocking…horse。　　My　St。　Bernard　dog　accompanied　me；　though

I　have　always　been　diffident　of　taking　him　to　toy…shops；　which

over…excite　him。　　Hitherto　the　toys　I　had　bought　had　always　been

for　him；　and　as　we　durst　not　admit　this　to　the　saleswoman　we　were

both　horribly　self…conscious　when　in　the　shop。　　A　score　of　times

I　have　told　him　that　he　had　much　better　not　come；　I　have

announced　fiercely　that　he　is　not　to　come。　　He　then　lets　go　of

his　legs；　which　is　how　a　St。　Bernard　sits　down；　making　the　noise

of　a　sack　of　coals　suddenly　deposited；　and；　laying　his　head

between　his　front　paws；　stares　at　me　through　the　red　haws　that

make　his　eyes　so　mournful。　　He　will　do　this　for　an　hour　without

blinking；　for　he　knows　that　in　time　it　will　unman　me。　　My　dog

knows　very　little；　but　what　little　he　does　know　he　knows

extraordinarily　well。　　One　can　get　out　of　my　chambers　by　a　back

way；　and　I　sometimes　steal　softlybut　I　can't　help　looking　back；

and　there　he　is；　and　there　are　those　haws　asking　sorrowfully；　〃Is

this　worthy　of　you？〃



〃Curse　you；〃　I　say；　〃get　your　hat；〃　or　words　to　that　effect。



He　has　even　been　to　the　club；　where　he　waddles　up　the　stairs　so

exactly　like　some　respected　member　that　he　makes　everybody　most

uncomfortable。　　I　forget　how　I　became　possessor　of　him。　　I　think

I　cut　him　out　of　an　old　number　of　Punch。　　He　costs　me　as　much　as

an　eight…roomed　cottage　in　the　country。



He　was　a　full…grown　dog　when　I　first；　most　foolishly；　introduced

him　to　toys。　　I　had　bought　a　toy　in　the　street　for　my　own

amusement。　　It　represented　a　woman；　a　young　mother；　flinging　her

little　son　over　her　head　with　one　hand　and　catching　him　in　the

other；　and　I　was　entertaining　myself　on　the　hearth…rug　with　this

pretty　domestic　scene　when　I　heard　an　unwonted　sound　from

Porthos；　and；　looking　up；　I　saw　that　noble　and　melancholic

countenance　on　the　broad　grin。　　I　shuddered　and　was　for　putting

the　toy　away　at　once；　but　he　sternly　struck　down　my　arm　with　his；

and　signed　that　I　was　to　continue。　　The　unmanly　chuckle　always

came；　I　found；　when　the　poor　lady　dropped　her　babe；　but　the　whole

thing　entranced　him；　he　tried　to　keep　his　excitement　down　by

taking　huge　draughts　of　water；　he　forgot　all　his　niceties　of

conduct；　he　sat　in　holy　rapture　with　the　toy　between　his　paws；

took　it　to　bed　with　him；　ate　it　in　the　night；　and　searched　for　it

so　longingly　next　day　that　I　had　to　go　out　and　buy　him　the　man

with　the　scythe。　　After　that　we　had　everything　of　note；　the

bootblack　boy；　the　toper　with　bottle；　the　woolly　rabbit　that

squeaks　when　you　hold　it　in　your　mouth；　they　all　vanished　as

inexplicably　as　the　lady；　but　I　dared　not　tell　him　my　suspicions；

for　he　suspected　also　and　his　gentle　heart　would　have　mourned　had

I　confirmed　his　fears。



The　dame　in　the　temple　of　toys　which　we　frequent　thinks　I　want

them　for　a　little　boy　and　calls　him　〃the　precious〃　and　〃the

lamb；〃　the　while　Porthos　is　standing　gravely　by　my　side。　　She　is

a　motherly　soul；　but　over…talkative。



〃And　how　is　the　dear　lamb　to…day？〃　she　begins；　beaming。



〃Well；　ma'am；　well；〃　I　say；　keeping　tight　grip　of　his　collar。



〃This　blighty　weather　is　not　affecting　his　darling　appetite？〃



〃No；　ma'am；　not　at　all。〃　　（She　would　be　considerably　surprised　if

informed　that　he　dined　to…day　on　a　sheepshead；　a　loaf；　and　three

cabbages；　and　is　suspected　of　a　leg　of　mutton。）



〃I　hope　he　loves　his　toys？〃



〃He　carries　them　about　with　him　everywhere；　ma'am。〃　　（Has　the　one

we　bought　yesterday　with　him　now；　though　you　might　not　think　it

to　look　at　him。）



〃What　do　you　say　to　a　box　of　tools　this　time？〃



〃I　think　not；　ma'am。〃



〃Is　the　deary　fond　of　digging？〃



〃Very　partial　to　digging。〃　　（We　shall　find　the　leg　of　mutton　some

day。）



〃Then　perhaps　a　weeny　spade　and　a　pail？〃



She　got　me　to　buy　a　model　of　Canterbury　Cathedral　once；　she　was

so　insistent；　and　Porthos　gave　me　his　mind　about　it　when　we　got

home。　He　detests　the　kindergarten　system；　and　as　she　is　absurdly

prejudiced　in　its　favour　we　have　had　to　try　other　shops。　　We　went

to　the　Lowther　Arcade　for　the　rocking…horse。　　Dear　Lowther

Arcade！　　Ofttimes　have　we　wandered　agape　among　thy　enchanted

palaces；　Porthos　and　I；　David　and　I；　David　and　Porthos　and　I。　　I

have　heard　that　thou　art　vulgar；　but　I　cannot　see　how；　unless　it

be　that　tattered　children　haunt　thy　portals；　those　awful　yet

smiling　entrances　to　so　much　joy。　　To　the　Arcade　there　are　two

entrances；　and　with　much　to　be　sung　in　laudation　of　that　which

opens　from　t