armadale-第124部分

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Southeastern；　to　leave　my　luggage　（labeled　in　Midwinter's　name）；
to　wait　for　me　till　the　starting　of　the　tidal　train　on　Monday。
Next；　to　the　General　Post…office；　to　post　a　letter　to　Midwinter
at　the　rectory；　which　he　will　receive　to…morrow　morning。　Lastly；
back　again　to　this　housefrom　which　I　shall　move　no　more　till
Monday　comes。

〃My　letter　to　Midwinter　will；　I　have　little　doubt；　lead　to　his
seconding　（quite　innocently）　the　precautions　that　I　am　taking　for
my　own　safety。　The　shortness　of　the　time　at　our　disposal　on
Monday　will　oblige　him　to　pay　his　bill　at　the　hotel　and　to　remove
his　luggage　before　the　marriage　ceremony　takes　place。　All　I　ask
him　to　do　beyond　this　is　to　take　the　luggage　himself　to　the
Southeastern　（so　as　to　make　any　inquiries　useless　which　may
address　themselves　to　the　servants　at　the　hotel）and；　that　done；
to　meet　me　at　the　church　door；　instead　of　calling　for　me　here。
The　rest　concerns　nobody　but　myself。　When　Sunday　night　or　Monday
morning　comes；　it　will　be　hard；　indeedfreed　as　I　am　now　from
all　incumbrancesif　I　can't　give　the　people　who　are　watching　me
the　slip　for　the　second　time。

〃It　seems　needless　enough　to　have　written　to　Midwinter　to…day；
when　he　is　coming　back　to　me　to…morrow　night。　But　it　was
impossible　to　ask；　what　I　have　been　obliged　to　ask　of　him；
without　making　my　false　family　circumstances　once　more　the
excuse；　and　having　this　to　doI　must　own　the　truthI　wrote　to
him　because；　after　what　I　suffered　on　the　last　occasion；　I　can
never　again　deceive　him　to　his　face。


〃August　9th。Two　o'clock。I　rose　early　this　morning；　more
depressed　in　spirits　than　usual。　The　re…beginning　of　one's　life；
at　the　re…beginning　of　every　day；　has　already　been　something
weary　and　hopeless　to　me　for　years　past。　I　dreamed；　too；　all
through　the　nightnot　of　Midwinter　and　of　my　married　life；　as　I
had　hoped　to　dreambut　of　the　wretched　conspiracy　to　discover
me；　by　which　I　have　been　driven　from　one　place　to　another；　like　a
hunted　animal。　Nothing　in　the　shape　of　a　new　revelation
enlightened　me　in　my　sleep。　All　I　could　guess　dreaming　was　what　I
had　guessed　waking；　that　Mother　Oldershaw　is　the　enemy　who　is
attacking　me　in　the　dark。

〃My　restless　night　has；　however；　produced　one　satisfactory
result。　It　has　led　to　my　winning　the　good　graces　of　the　servant
here；　and　securing　all　the　assistance　she　can　give　me　when　the
time　comes　for　making　my　escape。

〃The　girl　noticed　this　morning　that　I　looked　pale　and　anxious。　I
took　her　into　my　confidence；　to　the　extent　of　telling　her　that　I
was　privately　engaged　to　be　married；　and　that　I　had　enemies　who
were　trying　to　part　me　from　my　sweetheart。　This　instantly　roused
her　sympathy；　and　a　present　of　a　ten…shilling　piece　for　her　kind
services　to　me　did　the　rest。　In　the　intervals　of　her　housework
she　has　been　with　me　nearly　the　whole　morning；　and　I　found　out；
among　other　things；　that　_her_　sweetheart　is　a　private　soldier　in
the　Guards；　and　that　she　expects　to　see　him　to…morrow。　I　have　got
money　enough　left；　little　as　it　is；　to　turn　the　head　of　any
Private　in　the　British　army；　and；　if　the　person　appointed　to
watch　me　to…morrow　is　a　man；　I　think　it　just　possible　that　he　may
find　his　attention　disagreeably　diverted　from　Miss　Gwilt　in　the
course　of　the　evening。

〃When　Midwinter　came　here　last　from　the　railway；　he　came　at
half…past　eight。　How　am　I　to　get　through　the　weary；　weary　hours
between　this　and　the　evening？　I　think　I　shall　darken　my　bedroom；
and　drink　the　blessing　of　oblivion　from　my　bottle　of　Drops。


〃Eleven　o'clock。We　have　parted　for　the　last　time　before　the　day
comes　that　makes　us　man　and　wife。

〃He　has　left　me。　as　he　left　me　before；　with　an　absorbing　subject
of　interest　to　think　of　in　his　absence。　I　noticed　a　change　in　him
the　moment　he　entered　the　room。　When　he　told　me　of　the　funeral；
and　of　his　parting　with　Armadale　on　board　the　yacht；　though　he
spoke　with　feelings　deeply　moved；　he　spoke　with　a　mastery　over
himself　which　is　new　to　me　in　my　experience　of　him。　It　was　the
same　when　our　talk　turned　next　on　our　own　hopes　and　prospects。　He
was　plainly　disappointed　when　he　found　that　my　family
embarrassments　would　prevent　our　meeting　to…morrow；　and　plainly
uneasy　at　the　prospect　of　leaving　me　to　find　my　way　by　myself　on
Monday　to　the　church。　But　there　was　a　certain　hopefulness　and
composure　of　manner　underlying　it　all；　which　produced　so　strong
an　impression　on　me　that　I　was　obliged　to　notice　it。

〃　'You　know　what　odd　fancies　take　possession　of　me　sometimes；'　I
said。　'Shall　I　tell　you　the　fancy　that　has　taken　possession　of　me
now？　I　can't　help　thinking　that　something　has　happened　since　we
last　saw　each　other　which　you　have　not　told　me　yet。

〃　'Something　_has_　happened；'　he　answered。　'And　it　is　something
which　you　ought　to　know。'

〃With　those　words　he　took　out　his　pocket…book；　and　produced　two
written　papers　from　it。　One　he　looked　at　and　put　back。　The　other
he　placed　on　the　table。

〃　'Before　I　tell　you　what　this　is；　and　how　it　came　into　my
possession；'　he　said；　'I　must　own　something　that　I　have　concealed
from　you。　It　is　no　more　serious　confession　than　the　confession　of
my　own　weakness。'

〃He　then　acknowledged　to　me　that　the　renewal　of　his　friendship
with　Armadale　had　been　clouded；　through　the　whole　period　of　their
intercourse　in　London；　by　his　own　superstitious　misgivings。　He
had　obeyed　the　summons　which　called　him　to　the　rector's　bedside；
with　the　firm　intention　of　confiding　his　previsions　of　coming
trouble　to　Mr。　Brock；　and　he　had　been　doubly　confirmed　in　his
superstition　when　he　found　that　Death　had　entered　the　house
before　him；　and　had　parted　them；　in　this　world；　forever。　More
than　this；　he　had　traveled　back　to　be　present　at　the　funeral；
with　a　secret　sense　of　relief　at　the　prospect　of　being　parted
from　Armadale；　and　with　a　secret　resolution　to　make　the
after…meeting　agreed　on　between　us　three　at　Naples　a　meeting　that
should　never　take　place。　With　that　purpose　in　his　heart；　he　had
gone　up　alone　to　the　room　prepared　for　him　on　his　arrival　at　the
rectory；　and　had　opened　a　letter　which　he　found　waiting　for　him
on　the　table。　The　letter　had　only　that　day　been
discovereddropped　and　lostunder　the　bed　on　which　Mr。　Brock
had　died。　It　was　in　the　rector's　handwriting　throughout；　and　the
person　to　whom　it　was　addressed　was　Midwinter　himself。

〃Having　told　me　this；　nearly　in　the　words　in　which　I　have　written
it；　he　gave　me　the　written　paper　that　lay　on　the　table　between
us。

〃　'Read　it；'　he　said；　'and　you　will　not　need　to　be　told　that　my
mind　is　at　peace　again；　and　that　I　took　Allan's　hand　at　parting
with　a　heart　that　was　worthier　of　Allan's　love。'

〃I　read　the　letter。　There　was　no　superstition　to　be　conquered　in
_my_　mind；　there　were　no　old　feelings　of　gratitude　toward
Armadale　to　be　roused　in　_my_　heart；　and　yet；　the　effect　which
the　letter　had　had　on　Midwinter　was；　I　firmly　believe；　more　than
matched　by　the　effect　that　the　letter　now　produced　on　Me。

〃It　was　vain　to　ask　him　to　leave　it；　and　to　let　me　read　it　again
（as　I　wished）　when　I　was　left　by　myself。　He　is　determined　to　keep
it　side　by　side　with　that　other　paper　which　I　had　seen　him　take
out　of　his　pocket…book；　and　which　contains　the　written　narrative
of　Armadale's　Dream。　All　I　could　do　was　to　ask　his　leave　to　copy
it；　and　this　he　granted　readily。　I　wrote　the　copy　in　his
presence；　and　I　now　place　it　here　in　my　diary；　to　mark　a　day
which　is　one　of　the　memorable　days　in　my　life。

〃Boscombe　Rectory；　August　2d。

〃MY　DEAR　MIDWINTERFor　the　first　time　si　nce　the　beginning　of　my
illness；　I　found　strength　enough　yesterday　to　look　over　my
letters。　One　among　them　is　a　letter　from　Allan；　which　has　been
lying　unopened　on　my　table　for　ten　days　past。　He　writes　to　me　in
great　distress；　to　say　that　there　has　been　dissension　between
you；　and　that　you　have　left　him。　If　you　still　remember　what
passed　between　us。　when　you　first　opened　your　heart　to　me　in　the
Isle　of　Man；　you　will　be　at　no　loss　to　understand　how　I　have
thought　over　this　miserable　news；　through　the　night　that　has　now
passed；　and　you　will　not　be　surprised　to　hear　that　I　have　roused
myself　this　morning　to　make　the　effort　of　writing　to　you。

〃I　want　no　explanation　of　the　circumstances　which　have　parted　you
from　your　friend。　If　my　estimate　of　your　character　is　not　founded
on　an　entire　delusion；　the　one　influence　which　can　have　led　to
your　estrangement　from　Allan　is　the　influence　of　that　evil　spirit
of　Superstition　which　I　have　once　already　cast　out　of　your
heartwhich　I　will　once　again　conquer；　please　God；　if　I　have
strength　enough　to　make　my　pen　speak　my　mind　to　you　in　this
letter。

〃It　is　no　part　of　my　design　to　combat　the　belief　which　I　know　you
to　hold；　that　mortal　creatures　may　be　the　objects　of　supernatural
intervention　in　their　pilgrimage　through　this　world。　Speaking　as
a　reasonable　man；　I　own　that　I　cannot　prove　you　to　be　wrong。
Speaking　as　a　believer　in　the　Bible；　I　am　bound　to　go　further；
and　to　admit　that　you　possess　a　higher　than　any　human　warrant　for
the　faith　that　is　in　you。　The　one　object　which　I　have　it　at　heart
to　attain　is　to　induce　you　to　free　yourself　from　the　paralyzing
fatalism　of　the　heathen　and　the　savage；　and　to　look　at　the
mysteries　that　perplex；　and　the　portents　that　daunt　you；　from　the
Christian's　point　of　view。　If　I　can　succeed　in　this；　I　shall
clear　your　mind　of　the　ghastly　doubts　that　now　oppress　it；　and　I
shall　reunite　you　to　your　friend；　never　to　be　parted　from　him
again。

〃I　have　no　means　of　seeing　and　questioning　you。　I　can　only　send
this　letter　to　Allan　to　be　forwarded；　if　he　knows；　or　can
discover；　your　present　address。　Placed　in　this　position　toward
you；　I　am　bound　to　assume　all　that　_can_　be　assumed　in　your
favor。　I　will　take　it　for　granted　that　something　has　happened　to
you　or　to　Allan　which　to　your　mind　has　not　only　confirmed　the
fatalist　conviction　in　which　your　father　died；　but　has　added　a
new　and　terrible　meaning　to　the　warning　which　he　sent　you　in　his
death…bed　letter。

〃On　this　common　ground　I　meet　you。　On　this　common　ground　I　appeal
to　your　higher　nature　and　your　better　sense。

〃Preserve　your　present　conviction　that　the　events　which　have
happened　（be　they　what　they　may）　are　not　to　be　reconcil