armadale-第22部分

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windows；　crying；　with　my　little　dead　dog　in　my　arms。　Don't
suppose　I　complain　of　their　laughter；　it　did　me　good　service；　it
roused　the　indignation　of　the　two　ladies。　One　of　them　took　me
into　her　own　garden；　and　showed　me　a　place　where　I　might　bury　my
dog　under　the　flowers；　and　be　sure　that　no　other　hands　should
ever　disturb　him　again。　The　other　went　to　her　father；　and
persuaded　him　to　give　the　forlorn　little　vagabond　a　chance　in　the
house；　under　one　of　the　upper　servants。　Yes！　you　have　been
cruising　in　company　with　a　man　who　was　once　a　foot…boy。　I　saw　you
look　at　me；　when　I　amused　Mr。　Armadale　by　laying　the　cloth　on
board　the　yacht。　Now　you　know　why　I　laid　it　so　neatly；　and　forgot
nothing。　It　has　been　my　good　fortune　to　see　something　of　society；
I　have　helped　to　fill　its　stomach　and　black　its　boots。　My
experience　of　the　servants'　hall　was　not　a　long　one。　Before　I　had
worn　out　my　first　suit　of　livery；　there　was　a　scandal　in　the
house。　It　was　the　old　story；　there　is　no　need　to　tell　it　over
again　for　the　thousandth　time。　Loose　money　left　on　a　table；　and
not　found　there　again；　all　the　servants　with　characters　to　appeal
to　except　the　foot…boy；　who　had　been　rashly　taken　on　trial。　Well！
well！　I　was　lucky　in　that　house　to　the　last；　I　was　not　prosecuted
for　taking　what　I　had　not　only　never　touched；　but　never　even
seen：　I　was　only　turned　out。　One　morning　I　went　in　m　y　old
clothes　to　the　grave　where　I　had　buried　Tommy。　I　gave　the　place　a
kiss；　I　said　good…by　to　my　little　dead　dog；　and　there　I　was；　out
in　the　world　again；　at　the　ripe　age　of　thirteen　years！〃

〃In　that　friendless　state；　and　at　that　tender　age；〃　said　Mr。
Brock；　〃did　no　thought　cross　your　mind　of　going　home　again？〃

〃I　went　home　again；　sir；　that　very　nightI　slept　on　the
hill…side。　What　other　home　had　I？　In　a　day　or　two's　time　I
drifted　back　to　the　large　towns　and　the　bad　company；　the　great
open　country　was　so　lonely　to　me；　now　I　had　lost　the　dogs！　Two
sailors　picked　me　up　next。　I　was　a　handy　lad；　and　I　got　a
cabin…boy's　berth　on　board　a　coasting…　vessel。　A　cabin…boy's
berth　means　dirt　to　live　in；　offal　to　eat；　a　man's　work　on　a
boy's　shoulders；　and　the　rope's…end　at　regular　intervals。　The
vessel　touched　at　a　port　in　the　Hebrides。　I　was　as　ungrateful　as
usual　to　my　best　benefactors；　I　ran　away　again。　Some　women　found
me；　half　dead　of　starvation；　in　the　northern　wilds　of　the　Isle　of
Skye。　It　was　near　the　coast　and　I　took　a　turn　with　the　fishermen
next。　There　was　less　of　the　rope's…end　among　my　new　masters；　but
plenty　of　exposure　to　wind　and　weather；　and　hard　work　enough　to
have　killed　a　boy　who　was　not　a　seasoned　tramp　like　me。　I　fought
through　it　till　the　winter　came；　and　then　the　fishermen　turned　me
adrift　again。　I　don't　blame　them；　food　was　scarce；　and　mouths
were　many。　With　famine　staring　the　whole　community　in　the　face；
why　should　they　keep　a　boy　who　didn't　belong　to　them？　A　great
city　was　my　only　chance　in　the　winter…time；　so　I　went　to　Glasgow；
and　all　but　stepped　into　the　lion's　mouth　as　soon　as　I　got　there。
I　was　minding　an　empty　cart　on　the　Broomielaw；　when　I　heard　my
stepfather's　voice　on　the　pavement　side　of　the　horse　by　which　I
was　standing。　He　had　met　some　person　whom　he　knew；　and；　to　my
terror　and　surprise；　they　were　talking　about　me。　Hidden　behind
the　horse；　I　heard　enough　of　their　conversation　to　know　that　I
had　narrowly　escaped　discovery　before　I　went　on　board　the
coasting…vessel。　I　had　met　at　that　time　with　another　vagabond　boy
of　my　own　age；　we　had　quarreled　and　parted。　The　day　after；　my
stepfather's　inquiries　were　made　in　that　very　district；　and　it
became　a　question　with　him　（a　good　personal　description　being
unattainable　in　either　case）　which　of　the　two　boys　he　should
follow。　One　of　them；　he　was　informed；　was　known　as　〃Brown；〃　and
the　other　as　〃Midwinter。〃　Brown　was　just　the　common　name　which　a
cunning　runaway　boy　would　be　most　likely　to　assume；　Midwinter；
just　the　remarkable　name　which　he　would　be　most　likely　to　avoid。
The　pursuit　had　accordingly　followed　Brown；　and　had　allowed　me　to
escape。　I　leave　you　to　imagine　whether　I　was　not　doubly　and
trebly　determined　to　keep　my　gypsy　master's　name　after　that。　But
my　resolution　did　not　stop　here。　I　made　up　my　mind　to　leave　the
country　altogether。　After　a　day　or　two's　lurking　about　the
outward…bound　vessels　in　port；　I　found　out　which　sailed　first；
and　hid　myself　on　board。　Hunger　tried　hard　to　force　me　out　before
the　pilot　had　left；　but　hunger　was　not　new　to　me；　and　I　kept　my
place。　The　pilot　was　out　of　the　vessel　when　I　made　my　appearance
on　deck；　and　there　was　nothing　for　it　but　to　keep　me　or　throw　me
overboard。　The　captain　said　（I　have　no　doubt　quite　truly）　that　he
would　have　preferred　throwing　me　overboard；　but　the　majesty　of
the　law　does　sometimes　stand　the　friend　even　of　a　vagabond　like
me。　In　that　way　I　came　back　to　a　sea…life。　In　that　way　I　learned
enough　to　make　me　handy　and　useful　（as　I　saw　you　noticed）　on
board　Mr。　Armadale's　yacht。　I　sailed　more　than　one　voyage；　in
more　than　one　vessel；　to　more　than　one　part　of　the　world；　and　I
might　have　followed　the　sea　for　life；　if　I　could　only　have　kept
my　temper　under　every　provocation　that　could　be　laid　on　it。　I　had
learned　a　great　deal；　but；　not　having　learned　that；　I　made　the
last　part　of　my　last　voyage　home　to　the　port　of　Bristol　in　irons；
and　I　saw　the　inside　of　a　prison　for　the　first　time　in　my　life；
on　a　charge　of　mutinous　conduct　to　one　of　my　officers。　You　have
heard　me　with　extraordinary　patience；　sir；　and　I　am　glad　to　tell
you；　in　return；　that　we　are　not　far　now　from　the　end　of　my　story。
You　found　some　books；　if　I　remember　right；　when　you　searched　my
luggage　at　the　Somersetshire　inn？〃

Mr。　Brock　answered　in　the　affirmative。

〃Those　books　mark　the　next　change　in　my　lifeand　the　last；
before　I　took　the　usher's　place　at　the　school。　My　term　of
imprisonment　was　not　a　long　one。　Perhaps　my　youth　pleaded　for　me；
perhaps　the　Bristol　magistrates　took　into　consideration　the　time
I　had　passed　in　irons　on　board　ship。　Anyhow；　I　was　just　turned
seventeen　when　I　found　myself　out　on　the　world　again。　I　had　no
friends　to　receive　me；　I　had　no　place　to　go　to。　A　sailor's　life；
after　what　had　happened；　was　a　life　I　recoiled　from　in　disgust。　I
stood　in　the　crowd　on　the　bridge　at　Bristol；　wondering　what　I
should　do　with　my　freedom　now　I　had　got　it　back。　Whether　I　had
altered　in　the　prison；　or　whether　I　was　feeling　the　change　in
character　that　comes　with　coming　manhood；　I　don't　know；　but　the
old　reckless　enjoyment　of　the　old　vagabond　life　seemed　quite　worn
out　of　my　nature。　An　awful　sense　of　loneliness　kept　me　wandering
about　Bristol；　in　horror　of　the　quiet　country；　till　after
nightfall。　I　looked　at　the　lights　kindling　in　the　parlor　windows；
with　a　miserable　envy　of　the　happy　people　inside。　A　word　of
advice　would　have　been　worth　something　to　me　at　that　time。　Well！
I　got　it：　a　policeman　advised　me　to　move　on。　He　was　quite　right；
what　else　could　I　do？　I　looked　up　at　the　sky；　and　there　was　my
old　friend　of　many　a　night's　watch　at　sea；　the　north　star。　'All
points　of　the　compass　are　alike　to　me；'　I　thought　to　myself；
'I'll　go　_your_　way。'　Not　even　the　star　would　keep　me　company
that　night。　It　got　behind　a　cloud；　and　left　me　alone　in　the　rain
and　darkness。　I　groped　my　way　to　a　cart…shed；　fell　asleep；　and
dreamed　of　old　times；　when　I　served　my　gypsy　master　and　lived
with　the　dogs。　God！　what　I　would　have　given　when　I　woke　to　have
felt　Tommy's　little　cold　muzzle　in　my　hand！　Why　am　I　dwelling　on
these　things？　Why　don't　I　get　on　to　the　end？　You　shouldn't
encourage　me；　sir；　by　listening；　so　patiently。　After　a　week　more
of　wandering；　without　hope　to　help　me；　or　prospects　to　look　to；　I
found　myself　in　the　streets　of　Shrewsbury；　staring　in　at　the
windows　of　a　book…seller's　shop。　An　old　man　came　to　the　shop
door；　looked　about　him；　and　saw　me。　'Do　you　want　a　job？'　he
asked。　'And　are　you　not　above　doing　it　cheap？'　The　prospect　of
having　something　to　do；　and　some　human　creature　to　speak　a　word
to；　tempted　me；　and　I　did　a　day's　dirty　work　in　the　book…seller's
warehouse　for　a　shilling。　More　work　followed　at　the　same　rate。　In
a　week　I　was　promoted　to　sweep　out　the　shop　and　put　up　the
shutters。　In　no　very　long　time　after；　I　was　trusted　to　carry　the
books　out；　and　when　quarter…day　came；　and　the　shop…man　left；　I
took　his　place。　Wonderful　luck！　you　will　say；　here　I　had　found　my
way　to　a　friend　at　last。　I　had　found　my　way　to　one　of　the　most
merciless　misers　in　England；　and　I　had　risen　in　the　little　world
of　Shrewsbury　by　the　purely　commercial　process　of　underselling
all　my　competitors。　The　job　in　the　warehouse　had　been　declined　at
the　price　by　every　idle　man　in　the　town；　and　I　did　it。　The
regular　porter　received　his　weekly　pittance　under　weekly　protest。
I　took　two　shillings　less；　and　made　no　complaint。　The　shop…man
gave　warning　on　the　ground　that　he　was　underfed　as　well　as
underpaid　。　I　received　half　his　salary；　and　lived　contentedly　on
his　reversionary　scraps。　Never　were　two　men　so　well　suited　to
each　other　as　that　book…seller　and　I。　_His_　one　object　in　life
was　to　find　somebody　who　would　work　for　him　at　starvation　wages。
_My_　one　object　in　life　was　to　find　somebody　who　would　give　me　an
asylum　over　my　head。　Without　a　single　sympathy　in　commonwithout
a　vestige　of　feeling　of　any　sort；　hostile　or　friendly；　growing　up
between　us　on　either　sidewithout　wishing　each　other　good…night
when　we　parted　on　the　house　stairs；　or　good…morning　when　we　met
at　the　shop　counter；　we　lived　alone　in　that　house；　strangers　from
first　to　last；　for　two　whole　years。　　A　dismal　existence　for　a　lad
of　my　age；　was　it　not？　You　are　a　clergyman　and　a　scholarsurely
you　can　guess　what　made　the　life　endurable　to　me？〃

Mr。　Brock　remembered　the　well…worn　volumes　which　had　been　found
in　the　usher's　bag。　〃The　books　made　it　endurable　to　you；〃　he
said。

The　eyes　of　the　castaway　kindled　with　a　new　light。

〃Yes！〃　he　said；　〃the　booksthe　generous　friends　who　met　me
without　suspicionthe　merciful　masters　who　never　used　me　ill！
The　only　years　of　my　life　that　I　can　look　back　on　with　something
like　pride　are　the　years　I　passed　in　the　miser's　house。　The　only
unalloyed　pleasure　I　have　ever　tasted　is　the　pleasure