armadale-第24部分

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Mr。　Armadale's　name　first　startled　me　as　the　echo　of　my　own。　You
will　readily　understand　that　I　only　hesitated　to　tell　him　I　was
his　namesake；　because　I　hesitated　to　damage　my　positionin　your
estimation；　if　not　in　hisby　confessing　that　I　had　come　among
you　under　an　assumed　name。　And；　after　all　that　you　have　just
heard　of　my　vagabond　life　and　my　low　associates；　you　will　hardly
wonder　at　the　obstinate　silence　I　maintained　about　myself；　at　a
time　when　I　did　not　feel　the　sense　of　responsibility　which　my
father's　confession　has　laid　on　me。　We　can　return　to　these　small
personal　explanations；　if　you　wish　it；　at　another　time；　they
cannot　be　suffered　to　keep　us　from　the　greater　interests　which　we
must　settle　before　you　leave　this　place。　We　may　come　now〃　His
voice　faltered；　and　he　suddenly　turned　his　face　toward　the
window；　so　as　to　hide　it　from　the　rector's　view。　〃We　may　come
now；〃　he　repeated；　his　hand　trembling　visibly　as　it　held　the
page；　〃to　the　murder　on　board　the　timber…ship；　and　to　the　warning
that　has　followed　me　from　my　father's　grave。〃

Softlyas　if　he　feared　they　might　reach　Allan；　sleeping　in　the
neighboring　roomhe　read　the　last　terrible　words　which　the
Scotchman's　pen　had　written　at　Wildbad；　as　they　fell　from　his
father's　lips：

〃Avoid　the　widow　of　the　man　I　killedif　the　widow　still　lives。
Avoid　the　maid　whose　wicked　hand　smoothed　the　way　to　the
marriageif　the　maid　is　still　in　her　service。　And；　more　than
all；　avoid　the　man　who　bears　the　same　name　as　your　own。　Offend
your　best　benefactor；　if　that　benefactor's　influence　has
connected　you　one　with　the　other。　Desert　the　woman　who　loves　you；
if　that　woman　is　a　link　between　you　and　him。　Hide　yourself　from
him　under　an　assumed　name。　Put　the　mountains　and　the　seas　between
you；　be　ungrateful；　be　unforgiving；　be　all　that　is　most　repellent
to　your　own　gentler　nature；　rather　than　live　under　the　same　roof
and　breathe　the　same　air　with　that　man。　Never　let　the　two　Allan
Armadales　meet　in　this　world；　never；　never；　never！〃

After　reading　those　sentences；　he　pushed　the　manuscript　from　him；
without　looking　up。　The　fatal　reserve　which　he　had　been　in　a　fair
way　of　conquering　but　a　few　minutes　since；　possessed　itself　of
him　once　more。　Again　his　eyes　wandered；　again　his　voice　sank　in
tone。　A　stranger　who　had　heard　his　story；　and　who　saw　him　now；
would　have　said；　〃His　look　is　lurking；　his　manner　is　bad；　he　is；
every　inch　of　him；　his　father's　son。〃

〃I　have　a　question　to　ask　you；〃　said　Mr。　Brock；　breaking　the
silence　between　them；　on　his　side。　〃Why　have　you　just　read　that
passage　in　your　father's　letter？〃

〃To　force　me　into　telling　you　the　truth；〃　was　the　answer。　〃You
must　know　how　much　there　is　of　my　father　in　me　before　you　trust
me　to　be　Mr。　Armadale's　friend。　I　got　my　letter　yesterday；　in　the
morning。　Some　inner　warning　troubled　me；　and　I　went　down　on　the
sea…shore　by　myself　before　I　broke　the　seal。　Do　you　believe　the
dead　can　come　back　to　the　world　they　once　lived　in？　I　believe　my
father　came　back　in　that　bright　morning　light；　through　the　glare
of　that　broad　sunshine　and　the　roar　of　that　joyful　sea；　and
watched　me　while　I　read。　When　I　got　to　the　words　that　you　have
just　heard；　and　when　I　knew　that　the　very　end　which　he　had　died
dreading　was　the　end　that　had　really　come；　I　felt　the　horror　that
had　crept　over　him　in　his　last　moments　creeping　over　me。　I
struggled　against　myself；　as　_he_　would　have　had　me　struggle。　I
tried　to　be　all　that　was　most　repellent　to　my　own　gentler　nature；
I　tried　to　think　pitilessly　of　putting　the　mountains　and　the　seas
between　me　and　the　man　who　bore　my　name。　Hours　passed　before　I
could　prevail　on　myself　to　go　back　and　run　the　risk　of　meeting
Allan　Armadale　in　this　house。　When　I　did　get　back；　and　when　he
met　me　at　night　on　the　stairs；　I　thought　I　was　looking　him　in　the
face　as　_my_　father　looked　_his_　father　in　the　face　when　the
cabin　door　closed　between　them。　Draw　your　own　conclusions；　sir。
Say；　if　you　like；　that　the　inheritance　of　my　father's　heathen
belief　in　fate　is　one　of　the　inheritances　he　has　left　to　me。　I
won't　dispute　it；　I　won't　deny　that　all　through　yesterday　_his_
superstition　was　_my_　superstition。　The　night　came　before　I　could
find　my　way　to　calmer　and　brighter　thoughts。　But　I　did　find　my
way。　You　may　set　it　down　in　my　favor　that　I　lifted　myself　at　last
above　the　influence　of　this　horrible　letter。　Do　you　know　what
helped　me？〃

〃Did　you　reason　with　yourself？〃

〃I　can't　reason　about　what　I　feel。〃

〃Did　you　quiet　your　mind　by　prayer？〃

〃I　was　not　fit　to　pray。〃

〃And　yet　something　guided　you　to　the　better　feeling　and　the　truer
view？〃

〃Something　did。〃

〃What　was　it？〃

〃My　love　for　Allan　Armadale。〃

He　cast　a　doubting；　almost　a　timid　look　at　Mr。　Brock　as　he　gave
that　answer；　and；　suddenly　leaving　the　table；　went　back　to　the
window…seat。

〃Have　I　no　right　to　speak　of　him　in　that　way？〃　he　asked；　keeping
his　face　hidden　from　the　rector。　〃Have　I　not　known　him　long
enough；　have　I　not　done　enough　for　him　yet？　Remember　what　my
experience　of　other　men　had　been　when　I　first　saw　his　hand　held
out　to　mewhen　I　first　heard　his　voice　speaking　to　me　in　my
sick…room。　What　had　I　known　of　strangers'　hands　all　through　my
childhood？　I　had　only　known　them　as　hands　raised　to　threaten　and
to　strike　me。　His　hand　put　my　pillow　straight；　and　patted　me　on
the　shoulder；　and　gave　me　my　food　and　drink。　What　had　I　known　of
other　men's　voices；　when　I　was　growing　up　to　be　a　man　myself？　I
had　only　known　them　as　voices　that　jeered；　voices　that　cursed；
voices　that　whispered　in　corners　with　a　vile　distrust。　_His_
voice　said　to　me；　'Cheer　up；　Midwinter！　we'll　soon　bring　you
round　again。　You'll　be　strong　enough　in　a　week　to　go　out　for　a
drive　with　me　in　our　Somersetshire　lanes。'　Think　of　the　gypsy's
stick；　think　of　the　devils　　laughing　at　me　when　I　we　nt　by　their
windows　with　my　little　dead　dog　in　my　arms；　think　of　the　master
who　cheated　me　of　my　month's　salary　on　his　deathbedand　ask　your
own　heart　if　the　miserable　wretch　whom　Allan　Armadale　has　treated
as　his　equal　and　his　friend　has　said　too　much　in　saying　that　he
loves　him？　I　do　love　him！　It　_will_　come　out　of　me；　I　can't　keep
it　back。　I　love　the　very　ground　he　treads　on！　I　would　give　my
lifeyes；　the　life　that　is　precious　to　me　now；　because　his
kindness　has　made　it　a　happy　oneI　tell　you　I　would　give　my
life〃

The　next　words　died　away　on　his　lips；　the　hysterical　passion
rose；　and　conquered　him。　He　stretched　out　one　of　his　hands　with　a
wild　gesture　of　entreaty　to　Mr。　Brock；　his　head　sank　on　the
window…sill　and　he　burst　into　tears。

Even　then　the　hard　discipline　of　the　man's　life　asserted　itself。
He　expected　no　sympathy；　he　counted　on　no　merciful　human　respect
for　human　weakness。　The　cruel　necessity　of　self…suppression　was
present　to　his　mind；　while　the　tears　were　pouring　over　his
cheeks。　〃Give　me　a　minute；〃　he　said；　faintly。　〃I'll　fight　it　down
in　a　minute；　I　won't　distress　you　in　this　way　again。〃

True　to　his　resolution；　in　a　minute　he　had　fought　it　down。　In　a
minute　more　he　was　able　to　speak　calmly。

〃We　will　get　back；　sir；　to　those　better　thoughts　which　have
brought　me　from　my　room　to　yours；〃　he　resumed。　〃I　can　only　repeat
that　I　should　never　have　torn　myself　from　the　hold　which　this
letter　fastened　on　me；　if　I　had　not　loved　Allan　Armadale　with　all
that　I　have　in　me　of　a　brother's　love。　I　said　to　myself；　'If　the
thought　of　leaving　him　breaks　my　heart；　the　thought　of　leaving
him　is　wrong！'　That　was　some　hours　since；　and　I　am　in　the　same
mind　still。　I　can't　believeI　won't　believethat　a　friendship
which　has　grown　out　of　nothing　but　kindness　on　one　side；　and
nothing　but　gratitude　on　the　other；　is　destined　to　lead　to　an
evil　end。　Judge；　you　who　are　a　clergyman；　between　the　dead
father；　whose　word　is　in　these　pages；　and　the　living　son；　whose
word　is　now　on　his　lips！　What　is　it　appointed　me　to　do；　now　that
I　am　breathing　the　same　air；　and　living　under　the　same　roof　with
the　son　of　the　man　whom　my　father　killedto　perpetuate　my
father's　crime　by　mortally　injuring　him；　or　to　atone　for　my
father's　crime　by　giving　him　the　devotion　of　my　whole　life？　The
last　of　those　two　faiths　is　my　faith；　and　shall　be　my　faith；
happen　what　may。　In　the　strength　of　that　better　conviction；　I
have　come　here　to　trust　you　with　my　father's　secret；　and　to
confess　the　wretched　story　of　my　own　life。　In　the　strength　of
that　better　conviction；　I　can　face　you　resolutely　with　the　one
plain　question；　which　marks　the　one　plain　end　of　all　that　I　have
come　here　to　say。　Your　pupil　stands　at　the　starting…point　of　his
new　career；　in　a　position　singularly　friendless；　his　one　great
need　is　a　companion　of　his　own　age　on　whom　he　can　rely。　The　time
has　come；　sir；　to　decide　whether　I　am　to　be　that　companion　or
not。　After　all　you　have　heard　of　Ozias　Midwinter；　tell　me
plainly；　will　you　trust　him　to　be　Allan　Armadale's　friend？〃

Mr。　Brock　met　that　fearlessly　frank　question　by　a　fearless
frankness　on　his　side。

〃I　believe　you　love　Allan；〃　he　said；　〃and　I　believe　you　have
spoken　the　truth。　A　man　who　has　produced　that　impression　on　me　is
a　man　whom　I　am　bound　to　trust。　I　trust　you。〃

Midwinter　started　to　his　feet；　his　dark　face　flushing　deep；　his
eyes　fixed　brightly　and　steadily；　at　last；　on　the　rector's　face。
〃A　light！　〃　he　exclaimed；　tearing　the　pages　of　his　father's
letter；　one　by　one；　from　the　fastening　that　held　them。　〃Let　us
destroy　the　last　link　that　holds　us　to　the　horrible　past！　Let　us
see　this　confession　a　heap　of　ashes　before　we　part！〃

〃Wait！〃　said　Mr。　Brock。　〃Before　you　burn　it；　there　is　a　reason
for　looking　at　it　once　more。〃

The　parted　leaves　of　the　manuscript　dropped　from　Midwinter's
hands。　Mr。　Brock　took　them　up；　and　sorted　them　carefully　until　he
found　the　last　page。

〃I　view　your　father's　superstition　as　you　view　it；〃　said　the
rector。　〃But　there　is　a　warning　given　you　here；　which　you　will　do
well　（for　Allan's　sake　and　for　your　own　sake）　not　to　neglect。　The
last　link　with　the　past　will　not　be　destroyed　when　you　have
burned　these　pages。　One　of　the　actors　in　this　story　of　treachery
and　murder　is　not　dead　yet。　Read　those　words。〃

He　pushed　the　page　across　the　table；　with　his　finger　on　one
sentence。　Midwinter's