madame bovary(包法利夫人)-第38部分

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will　be　your　people；　your　country；　I　will　tend；　I　will　love　you！〃
〃How　sweet　you　are！〃　he　said；　seizing　her　in　his　arms。
〃Really！〃　she　said　with　a　voluptuous　laugh。　〃Do　you　love　me？
Swear　it　then！〃
〃Do　I　love　youlove　you？　I　adore　you；　my　love。〃
The　moon；　full　and　purple…coloured；　was　rising　right　out　of　the
earth　at　the　end　of　the　meadow。　She　rose　quickly　between　the
branches　of　the　poplars；　that　hid　her　here　and　there　like　a　black
curtain　pierced　with　holes。　Then　she　appeared　dazzling　with
whiteness　in　the　empty　heavens　that　she　lit　up；　and　now　sailing
more　slowly　along；　let　fall　upon　the　river　a　great　stain　that
broke　up　into　an　infinity　of　stars；　and　the　silver　sheen　seemed
to　writhe　through　the　very　depths　like　a　heedless　serpent　covered
with　luminous　scales；　it　also　resembled　some　monster　candelabra
all　along　which　sparkled　drops　of　diamonds　running　together。　The
soft　night　was　about　them；　masses　of　shadow　filled　the　branches。
Emma；　her　eyes　half　closed；　breathed　in　with　deep　sighs　the　fresh
wind　that　was　blowing。　They　did　not　speak；　lost　as　they　were　in
the　rush　of　their　reverie。　The　tenderness　of　the　old　days　came
back　to　their　hearts；　full　and　silent　as　the　flowing　river；　with
the　softness　of　the　perfume　of　the　syringas；　and　threw　across
their　memories　shadows　more　immense　and　more　sombre　than　those　of
the　still　willows　that　lengthened　out　over　the　grass。　Often　some
night…animal；　hedgehog　or　weasel；　setting　out　on　the　hunt；
disturbed　the　lovers；　or　sometimes　they　heard　a　ripe　peach
falling　all　alone　from　the　espalier。
〃Ah！　what　a　lovely　night！〃　said　Rodolphe。
〃We　shall　have　others；〃　replied　Emma；　and；　as　if　speaking　to
herself：　〃Yet；　it　will　be　good　to　travel。　And　yet；　why　should　my
heart　be　so　heavy？　Is　it　dread　of　the　unknown？　The　effect　of
habits　left？　Or　rather？　No；　it　is　the　excess　of　happiness。　How
weak　I　am；　am　I　not？　Forgive　me！〃
〃There　is　still　time！〃　he　cried。　〃Reflect！　perhaps　you　may
repent！〃
〃Never！〃　she　cried　impetuously。　And　coming　closer　to　him：　〃What
ill　could　come　to　me？　There　is　no　desert；　no　precipice；　no　ocean
I　would　not　traverse　with　you。　The　longer　we　live　together　the
more　it　will　be　like　an　embrace；　every　day　closer；　more　heart　to
heart。　There　will　be　nothing　to　trouble　us；　no　cares；　no
obstacle。　We　shall　be　alone；　all　to　ourselves　eternally。　Oh；
speak！　Answer　me！〃
At　regular　intervals　he　answered；　〃YesYes〃　She　had　passed　her
hands　through　his　hair；　and　she　repeated　in　a　childlike　voice；
despite　the　big　tears　which　were　falling；　〃Rodolphe！　Rodolphe！
Ah！　Rodolphe！　dear　little　Rodolphe！〃
Midnight　struck。
〃Midnight！〃　said　she。　〃Come；　it　is　to…morrow。　One　day　more！〃
He　rose　to　go；　and　as　if　the　movement　he　made　had　been　the　signal
for　their　flight；　Emma　said；　suddenly　assuming　a　gay　air
〃You　have　the　passports？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃You　are　forgetting　nothing？〃
〃No。〃
〃Are　you　sure？〃
〃Certainly。〃
〃It　is　at　the　Hotel　de　Provence；　is　it　not；　that　you　will　wait
for　me　at　midday？〃
He　nodded。
〃Till　to…morrow　then！〃　said　Emma　in　a　last　caress；　and　she
watched　him　go。
He　did　not　turn　round。　She　ran　after　him；　and；　leaning　over　the
water's　edge　between　the　bulrushes
〃To…morrow！〃　she　cried。
He　was　already　on　the　other　side　of　the　river　and　walking　fast
across　the　meadow。
After　a　few　moments　Rodolphe　stopped；　and　when　he　saw　her　with
her　white　gown　gradually　fade　away　in　the　shade　like　a　ghost；　he
was　seized　with　such　a　beating　of　the　heart　that　he　leant　against
a　tree　lest　he　should　fall。
〃What　an　imbecile　I　am！〃　he　said　with　a　fearful　oath。　〃No　matter！
She　was　a　pretty　mistress！〃
And　immediately　Emma's　beauty；　with　all　the　pleasures　of　their
love；　came　back　to　him。　For　a　moment　he　softened；　then　he
rebelled　against　her。
〃For；　after　all；〃　he　exclaimed；　gesticulating；　〃I　can't　exile
myselfhave　a　child　on　my　hands。〃
He　was　saying　these　things　to　give　himself　firmness。
〃And　besides；　the　worry；　the　expense！　Ah！　no；　no；　no；　no！　a
thousand　times　no！　That　would　be　too　stupid。〃

Chapter　Thirteen
No　sooner　was　Rodolphe　at　home　than　he　sat　down　quickly　at　his
bureau　under　the　stag's　head　that　hung　as　a　trophy　on　the　wall。
But　when　he　had　the　pen　between　his　fingers；　he　could　think　of
nothing；　so　that；　resting　on　his　elbows；　he　began　to　reflect。
Emma　seemed　to　him　to　have　receded　into　a　far…off　past；　as　if　the
resolution　he　had　taken　had　suddenly　placed　a　distance　between
them。
To　get　back　something　of　her；　he　fetched　from　the　cupboard　at　the
bedside　an　old　Rheims　biscuit…box；　in　which　he　usually　kept　his
letters　from　women；　and　from　it　came　an　odour　of　dry　dust　and
withered　roses。　First　he　saw　a　handkerchief　with　pale　little
spots。　It　was　a　handkerchief　of　hers。　Once　when　they　were　walking
her　nose　had　bled；　he　had　forgotten　it。　Near　it；　chipped　at　all
the　corners；　was　a　miniature　given　him　by　Emma：　her　toilette
seemed　to　him　pretentious；　and　her　languishing　look　in　the　worst
possible　taste。　Then；　from　looking　at　this　image　and　recalling
the　memory　of　its　original；　Emma's　features　little　by　little　grew
confused　in　his　remembrance；　as　if　the　living　and　the　painted
face；　rubbing　one　against　the　other；　had　effaced　each　other。
Finally；　he　read　some　of　her　letters；　they　were　full　of
explanations　relating　to　their　journey；　short；　technical；　and
urgent；　like　business　notes。　He　wanted　to　see　the　long　ones
again；　those　of　old　times。　In　order　to　find　them　at　the　bottom　of
the　box；　Rodolphe　disturbed　all　the　others；　and　mechanically
began　rummaging　amidst　this　mass　of　papers　and　things；　finding
pell…mell　bouquets；　garters；　a　black　mask；　pins；　and　hairhair！
dark　and　fair；　some　even；　catching　in　the　hinges　of　the　box；
broke　when　it　was　opened。
Thus　dallying　with　his　souvenirs；　he　examined　the　writing　and　the
style　of　the　letters；　as　varied　as　their　orthography。　They　were
tender　or　jovial；　facetious；　melancholy；　there　were　some　that
asked　for　love；　others　that　asked　for　money。　A　word　recalled
faces　to　him；　certain　gestures；　the　sound　of　a　voice；　sometimes；
however；　he　remembered　nothing　at　all。
In　fact；　these　women；　rushing　at　once　into　his　thoughts；　cramped
each　other　and　lessened；　as　reduced　to　a　uniform　level　of　love
that　equalised　them　all。　So　taking　handfuls　of　the　mixed…up
letters；　he　amused　himself　for　some　moments　with　letting　them
fall　in　cascades　from　his　right　into　his　left　hand。　At　last；
bored　and　weary；　Rodolphe　took　back　the　box　to　the　cupboard；
saying　to　himself；　〃What　a　lot　of　rubbish！〃　Which　summed　up　his
opinion；　for　pleasures；　like　schoolboys　in　a　school　courtyard；
had　so　trampled　upon　his　heart　that　no　green　thing　grew　there；
and　that　which　passed　through　it；　more　heedless　than　children；
did　not　even；　like　them；　leave　a　name　carved　upon　the　wall。
〃Come；〃　said　he；　〃let's　begin。〃
He　wrote
〃Courage；　Emma！　courage！　I　would　not　bring　misery　into　your
life。〃
〃After　all；　that's　true；〃　thought　Rodolphe。　〃I　am　acting　in　her
interest；　I　am　honest。〃
〃Have　you　carefully　weighed　your　resolution？　Do　you　know　to　what
an　abyss　I　was　dragging　you；　poor　angel？　No；　you　do　not；　do　you？
You　were　coming　confident　and　fearless；　believing　in　happiness　in
the　future。　Ah！　unhappy　that　we　areinsensate！〃
Rodolphe　stopped　here　to　think　of　some　good　excuse。
〃If　I　told　her　all　my　fortune　is　lost？　No！　Besides；　that　would
stop　nothing。　It　would　all　have　to　be　begun　over　again　later　on。
As　if　one　could　make　women　like　that　listen　to　reason！〃　He
reflected；　then　went　on
〃I　shall　not　forget　you；　oh　believe　it；　and　I　shall　ever　have　a
profound　devotion　for　you；　but　some　day；　sooner　or　later；　this
ardour　（such　is　the　fate　of　human　things）　would　have　grown　less；
no　doubt。　Lassitude　would　have　come　to　us；　and　who　knows　if　I
should　not　even　have　had　the　atrocious　pain　of　witnessing　your
remorse；　of　sharing　it　myself；　since　I　should　have　been　its
cause？　The　mere　idea　of　the　grief　that　would　come　to　you　tortures
me；　Emma。　Forget　me！　Why　did　I　ever　know　you？　Why　were　you　so
beautiful？　Is　it　my　fault？　O　my　God！　No；　no！　Accuse　only　fate。〃
〃That's　a　word　that　always　tells；〃　he　said　to　himself。
〃Ah；　if　you　had　been　one　of　those　frivolous　women　that　one　sees；
certainly　I　might；　through　egotism；　have　tried　an　experiment；　in
that　case　without　danger　for　you。　But　that　delicious　exaltation；
at　once　your　charm　and　your　torment；　has　prevented　you　from
understanding；　adorable　woman　that　you　are；　the　falseness　of　our
future　position。　Nor　had　I　reflected　upon　this　at　first；　and　I
rested　in　the　shade　of　that　ideal　happiness　as　beneath　that　of
the　manchineel　tree；　without　foreseeing　the　consequences。〃
〃Perhaps　she'll　think　I'm　giving　it　up　from　avarice。　Ah；　well！　so
much　the　worse；　it　must　be　stopped！〃
〃The　world　is　cruel；　Emma。　Wherever　we　might　have　gone；　it　would
have　persecuted　us。　You　would　have　had　to　put　up　with　indiscreet
questions；　calumny；　contempt；　insult　perhaps。　Insult　to　you！　Oh！
And　I；　who　would　place　you　on　a　throne！　I　who　bear　with　me　your
memory　as　a　talisman！　For　I　am　going　to　punish　myself　by　exile
for　all　the　ill　I　have　done　you。　I　am　going　away。　Whither　I　know
not。　I　am　mad。　Adieu！　Be　good　always。　Preserve　the　memory　of　the
unfortunate　who　has　lost　you。　Teach　my　name　to　your　child；　let
her　repeat　it　in　her　prayers。〃
The　wicks　of　the　candles　flickered。　Rodolphe　got　up　to；　shut　the
window；　and　when　he　had　sat　down　again
〃I　think　it's　all　right。　Ah！　and　this　for　fear　she　should　come
and　hunt　me　up。〃
〃I　shall　be　far　away　when　you　read　these　sad　lines；　for　I　have
wished　to　flee　as　quickly　as　possible　to　shun　the　temptation　of
seeing　you　again。　No　weakness！　I　shall　return；　and　perhaps　later
on　we　shall　talk　together　very　coldly　of　our　old　love。　Adieu！〃
And　there　was　a　last　〃adieu〃　divided　into　two　words！　〃A　Dieu！〃
which　he　thought　in　very　excellent　taste。
〃Now　how　am　I　to　sign？〃　he　said　to　himself。　〃　'Yours　devotedly？'
No！　'Your　friend？'　Yes；　that's　it。〃
〃Your　friend。〃
He　re…read　his　letter。　He　considered　it　very　good。
〃Poor　little　woman！〃　he　thought　with　emotion。　〃She'll　think　me
harder　than　a　rock。　There　ought　to　have　been　some　tears　on　this；
but　I　can't　cry；　it　isn't　my　fault。〃　Then；　having　emptied　some
water　into　a　glass；　Rodolphe　dipped　his　finger　into　it；　and　let　a
big　drop　fall　on　the　paper；