the moscow census-第11部分

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wealthy…poor；　if　I　may　so　express　myself。　　I　went　to　see　some　of
them；　and　some　of　them　received　no　answer。　　Nowhere　did　I　succeed　in
doing　any　thing。　　All　applications　to　me　were　from　persons　who　had
once　occupied　privileged　positions　（I　thus　designate　those　in　which
people　receive　more　from　others　than　they　give）；　who　had　lost　them；
and　who　wished　to　occupy　them　again。　　To　one；　two　hundred　rubles　were
indispensable；　in　order　that　he　might　prop　up　a　failing　business；　and
complete　the　education　of　his　children　which　had　been　begun；　another
wanted　a　photographic　outfit；　a　third　wanted　his　debts　paid；　and
respectable　clothing　purchased　for　him；　a　fourth　needed　a　piano；　in
order　to　perfect　himself　and　support　his　family　by　giving　lessons。
But　the　majority　did　not　stipulate　for　any　given　sum　of　money；　and
simply　asked　for　assistance；　and　when　I　came　to　examine　into　what　was
required；　it　turned　out　that　their　demands　grew　in　proportion　to　the
aid；　and　that　there　was　not　and　could　not　be　any　way　of　satisfying
them。　　I　repeat；　that　it　is　very　possible　that　this　arose　from　the
fact　that　I　did　not　understand　how；　but　I　did　not　help　any　one；
although　I　sometimes　endeavored　to　do　so。

A　very　strange　and　unexpected　thing　happened　to　me　as　regards　the　co…
operation　of　the　benevolently　disposed。　　Out　of　all　the　persons　who
had　promised　me　financial　aid；　and　who　had　even　stated　the　number　of
rubles；　not　a　single　one　handed　to　me　for　distribution　among　the　poor
one　solitary　ruble。　　But　according　to　the　pledges　which　had　been
given　me；　I　could　reckon　on　about　three　thousand　rubles；　and　out　of
all　these　people；　not　one　remembered　our　former　discussions；　or　gave
me　a　single　kopek。　　Only　the　students　gave　the　money　which　had　been
assigned　to　them　for　their　work　on　the　census；　twelve　rubles；　I
think。　　So　my　whole　scheme；　which　was　to　have　been　expressed　by　tens
of　thousands　of　rubles　contributed　by　the　wealthy；　for　hundreds　and
thousands　of　poor　people　who　were　to　be　rescued　from　poverty　and
vice；　dwindled　down　to　this；　that　I　gave　away；　haphazard；　a　few
scores　of　rubles　to　those　people　who　asked　me　for　them；　and　that
there　remained　in　my　hands　twelve　rubies　contributed　by　the　students；
and　twenty…five　sent　to　me　by　the　City　Council　for　my　labor　as　a
superintendent；　and　I　absolutely　did　not　know　to　whom　to　give　them。

The　whole　matter　came　to　an　end。　　And　then；　before　my　departure　for
the　country；　on　the　Sunday　before　carnival；　I　went　to　the　Rzhanoff
house　in　the　morning；　in　order　to　get　rid　of　those　thirty…seven
rubles　before　I　should　leave　Moscow；　and　to　distribute　them　to　the
poor。　　I　made　the　round　of　the　quarters　with　which　I　was　familiar；
and　in　them　found　only　one　sick　man；　to　whom　I　gave　five　rubles。
There　was　no　one　else　there　to　give　any　to。　　Of　course　many　began　to
beg　of　me。　　But　as　I　had　not　known　them　at　first；　so　I　did　not　know
them　now；　and　I　made　up　my　mind　to　take　counsel　with　Ivan　Fedotitch；
the　landlord　of　the　tavern；　as　to　the　persons　upon　whom　it　would　be
proper　to　bestow　the　remaining　thirty…two　rubies。

It　was　the　first　day　of　the　carnival。　　Everybody　was　dressed　up；　and
everybody　was　full…fed；　and　many　were　already　intoxicated。　　In　the
court…yard；　close　to　the　house；　stood　an　old　man；　a　rag…picker；　in　a
tattered　smock　and　bast　shoes；　sorting　over　the　booty　in　his　basket；
tossing　out　leather；　iron；　and　other　stuff　in　piles；　and　breaking
into　a　merry　song；　with　a　fine；　powerful　voice。　　I　entered　into
conversation　with　him。　　He　was　seventy　years　old；　he　was　alone　in　the
world；　and　supported　himself　by　his　calling　of　a　rag…picker；　and　not
only　did　he　utter　no　complaints；　but　he　said　that　he　had　plenty　to
eat　and　drink。　　I　inquired　of　him　as　to　especially　needy　persons。　　He
flew　into　a　rage；　and　said　plainly　that　there　were　no　needy　people；
except　drunkards　and　lazy　men；　but；　on　learning　my　object；　he　asked
me　for　a　five…kopek　piece　to　buy　a　drink；　and　ran　off　to　the　tavern。
I　too　entered　the　tavern　to　see　Ivan　Fedotitch；　and　commission　him　to
distribute　the　money　which　I　had　left。　　The　tavern　was　full；　gayly…
dressed；　intoxicated　girls　were　flitting　in　and　out；　all　the　tables
were　occupied；　there　were　already　a　great　many　drunken　people；　and　in
the　small　room　the　harmonium　was　being　played；　and　two　persons　were
dancing。　　Out　of　respect　to　me；　Ivan　Fedotitch　ordered　that　the　dance
should　be　stopped；　and　seated　himself　with　me　at　a　vacant　table。　　I
said　to　him；　that；　as　he　knew　his　tenants；　would　not　he　point　out　to
me　the　most　needy　among　them；　that　I　had　been　entrusted　with　the
distribution　of　a　little　money；　and；　therefore；　would　he　indicate　the
proper　persons？　　Good…natured　Ivan　Fedotitch　（he　died　a　year　later）；
although　he　was　pressed　with　business；　broke　away　from　it　for　a　time；
in　order　to　serve　me。　　He　meditated；　and　was　evidently　undecided。　　An
elderly　waiter　heard　us；　and　joined　the　conference。

They　began　to　discuss　the　claims　of　persons；　some　of　whom　I　knew；　but
still　they　could　not　come　to　any　agreement。　　〃The　Paramonovna；〃
suggested　the　waiter。　　〃Yes；　that　would　do。　　Sometimes　she　has
nothing　to　eat。　　Yes；　but　then　she　tipples。〃〃Well；　what　of　that？
That　makes　no　difference。〃〃Well；　Sidoron　Ivanovitch　has　children。
He　would　do。〃　　But　Ivan　Fedotitch　had　his　doubts　about　Sidoron
Ivanovitch　also。　　〃Akulina　shall　have　some。　　There；　now；　give
something　to　the　blind。〃　　To　this　I　responded。　　I　saw　him　at　once。
He　was　a　blind　old　man　of　eighty　years；　without　kith　or　kin。　　It
seemed　as　though　no　condition　could　be　more　painful；　and　I　went
immediately　to　see　him。　　He　was　lying　on　a　feather…bed；　on　a　high
bedstead；　drunk；　and；　as　he　did　not　see　me；　he　was　scolding　his
comparatively　youthful　female　companion　in　a　frightful　bass　voice；
and　in　the　very　worst　kind　of　language。　　They　also　summoned　an
armless　boy　and　his　mother。　　I　saw　that　Ivan　Fedotitch　was　in　great
straits；　on　account　of　his　conscientiousness；　for　me　knew　that
whatever　was　given　would　immediately　pass　to　his　tavern。　　But　I　had
to　get　rid　of　my　thirty…two　rubles；　so　I　insisted；　and　in　one　way　and
another；　and　half　wrongfully　to　boot；　we　assigned　and　distributed
them。　　Those　who　received　them　were　mostly　well　dressed；　and　we　had
not　far　to　go　to　find　them；　as　they　were　there　in　the　tavern。　　The
armless　boy　appeared　in　wrinkled　boots；　and　a　red　shirt　and　vest。
With　this　my　charitable　career　came　to　an　end；　and　I　went　off　to　the
country；　irritated　at　others；　as　is　always　the　case；　because　I　myself
had　done　a　stupid　and　a　bad　thing。　　My　benevolence　had　ended　in
nothing；　and　it　ceased　altogether；　but　the　current　of　thoughts　and
feelings　which　it　had　called　up　with　me　not　only　did　not　come　to　an
end；　but　the　inward　work　went　on　with　redoubled　force。



CHAPTER　XII。



What　was　its　nature？

I　had　lived　in　the　country；　and　there　I　was　connected　with　the　rustic
poor。　　Not　out　of　humility；　which　is　worse　than　pride；　but　for　the
sake　of　telling　the　truth；　which　is　indispensable　for　the
understanding　of　the　whole　course　of　my　thoughts　and　sentiments；　I
will　say　that　in　the　country　I　did　very　little　for　the　poor；　but　the
demands　which　were　made　upon　me　were　so　modest　that　even　this　little
was　of　use　to　the　people；　and　formed　around　me　an　atmosphere　of
affection　and　union　with　the　people；　in　which　it　was　possible　to
soothe　the　gnawing　sensation　of　remorse　at　the　independence　of　my
life。　　On　going　to　the　city；　I　had　hoped　to　be　able　to　live　in　the
same　manner。　　But　here　I　encountered　want　of　an　entirely　different
sort。　　City　want　was　both　less　real；　and　more　exacting　and　cruel；
than　country　poverty。　　But　the　principal　point　was；　that　there　was　so
much　of　it　in　one　spot；　that　it　produced　on　me　a　frightful
impression。　　The　impression　which　I　experienced　in　the　Lyapinsky
house　had；　at　the　very　first；　made　me　conscious　of　the　deformity　of
my　own　life。　　This　feeling　was　genuine　and　very　powerful。　　But；
notwithstanding　its　genuineness　and　power；　I　was；　at　that　time；　so
weak　that　I　feared　the　alteration　in　my　life　to　which　this　feeling
commended　me；　and　I　resorted　to　a　compromise。　　I　believed　what
everybody　told　me；　and　everybody　has　said；　ever　since　the　world　was
made；that　there　is　nothing　evil　in　wealth　and　luxury；　that　they　are
given　by　God；　that　one　may　continue　to　live　as　a　rich　man；　and　yet
help　the　needy。　　I　believed　this；　and　I　tried　to　do　it。　　I　wrote　an
essay；　in　which　I　summoned　all　rich　people　to　my　assistance。　　The
rich　people　all　acknowledged　themselves　morally　bound　to　agree　with
me；　but　evidently　they　either　did　not　wish　to　do　any　thing；　or　they
could　not　do　any　thing　or　give　any　thing　to　the　poor。　　I　began　to
visit　the　poor；　and　I　beheld　what　I　had　not　in　the　least　expected。
On　the　one　hand；　I　beheld　in　those　dens；　as　I　called　them；　people
whom　it　was　not　conceivable　that　I　should　help；　because　they　were
working　people；　accustomed　to　labor　and　privation；　and　therefore
standing　much　higher　and　having　a　much　firmer　foothold　in　life　than
myself；　on　the　other　hand；　I　saw　unfortunate　people　whom　I　could　not
aid　because　they　were　exactly　like　myself。　　The　majority　of　the
unfortunates　whom　I　saw　were　unhappy　only　because　they　had　lost　the
capacity；　desire；　and　habit　of　earning　their　own　bread；　that　is　to
say；　their　unhappiness　consisted　in　the　fact　that　they　were　precisely
such　persons　as　myself。

I　found　no　unfortunates　who　were　sick；　hungry；　or　cold；　to　whom　I
could　render　immediate　assistance；　with　the　solitary　exception　of
hungry　Agafya。　　And　I　became　convinced；　that；　on　account　of　my
remoteness　from　the　lives　of　those　people　whom　I　desired　to　help；　it
would　be　almost　impossible　to　find　any　such　unfortunates；　because　all
actual　wants　had　already　been　supplied　by　the　very　people　among　whom
these　unfortunates　live；　and；　most　of　all；　I　was　convinced　that　money
cannot　effect　any　change　in　the　life　led　by　these　unhappy　people。

I　was　convinced　of　all　this；　but　out　of　false　shame　at　abandoning
what　I　had　once　undertaken；　because　of　my　self…delusion　as　a
benefactor；　I　went　on　with　this　matter　for　a　tolerably　long　time；
and　would　have　gone　on　with　it　until　it　came　to　nothing　of　itself；
so　that　it　was　with　the　greatest　difficulty　tha