erewhon revisited-第2部分

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〃alcoholic　poisoning〃　even　more　effectively　than　if　he　had　uttered
the　words　themselves。　　For　a　man's　tongue　lies　often　in　his
shoulders。

Readers　of　my　father's　book　will　remember　that　Chowbok　had　given　a
very　different　version　when　he　had　returned　to　his　employer's
station；　but　Time　and　Distance　afford　cover　under　which　falsehood
can　often　do　truth　to　death　securely。

I　never　understood　why　my　father　did　not　bring　my　mother　forward　to
confirm　his　story。　　He　may　have　done　so　while　I　was　too　young　to
know　anything　about　it。　　But　when　people　have　made　up　their　minds；
they　are　impatient　of　further　evidence；　my　mother；　moreover；　was　of
a　very　retiring　disposition。　　The　Italians　say：…


〃Chi　lontano　va　ammogliare
Sara　ingannato；　o　vorra　ingannare。〃


〃If　a　man　goes　far　afield　for　a　wife；　he　will　be　deceivedor　means
deceiving。〃　　The　proverb　is　as　true　for　women　as　for　men；　and　my
mother　was　never　quite　happy　in　her　new　surroundings。　　Wilfully
deceived　she　assuredly　was　not；　but　she　could　not　accustom　herself
to　English　modes　of　thought；　indeed　she　never　even　nearly　mastered
our　language；　my　father　always　talked　with　her　in　Erewhonian；　and
so　did　I；　for　as　a　child　she　had　taught　me　to　do　so；　and　I　was　as
fluent　with　her　language　as　with　my　father's。　　In　this　respect　she
often　told　me　I　could　pass　myself　off　anywhere　in　Erewhon　as　a
native；　I　shared　also　her　personal　appearance；　for　though　not
wholly　unlike　my　father；　I　had　taken　more　closely　after　my　mother。
In　mind；　if　I　may　venture　to　say　so；　I　believe　I　was　more　like　my
father。

I　may　as　well　here　inform　the　reader　that　I　was　born　at　the　end　of
September　1871；　and　was　christened　John；　after　my　grandfather。
From　what　I　have　said　above　he　will　readily　believe　that　my
earliest　experiences　were　somewhat　squalid。　　Memories　of　childhood
rush　vividly　upon　me　when　I　pass　through　a　low　London　alley；　and
catch　the　faint　sickly　smell　that　pervades　ithalf　paraffin；　half
black…currants；　but　wholly　something　very　different。　　I　have　a
fancy　that　we　lived　in　Blackmoor　Street；　off　Drury　Lane。　　My
father；　when　first　I　knew　of　his　doing　anything　at　all；　supported
my　mother　and　myself　by　drawing　pictures　with　coloured　chalks　upon
the　pavement；　I　used　sometimes　to　watch　him；　and　marvel　at　the
skill　with　which　he　represented　fogs；　floods；　and　fires。　　These
three　〃f's；〃　he　would　say；　were　his　three　best　friends；　for　they
were　easy　to　do　and　brought　in　halfpence　freely。　　The　return　of　the
dove　to　the　ark　was　his　favourite　subject。　　Such　a　little　ark；　on
such　a　hazy　morning；　and　such　a　little　pigeonthe　rest　of　the
picture　being　cheap　sky；　and　still　cheaper　sea；　nothing；　I　have
often　heard　him　say；　was　more　popular　than　this　with　his　clients。
He　held　it　to　be　his　masterpiece；　but　would　add　with　some　naivete
that　he　considered　himself　a　public　benefactor　for　carrying　it　out
in　such　perishable　fashion。　　〃At　any　rate；〃　he　would　say；　〃no　one
can　bequeath　one　of　my　many　replicas　to　the　nation。〃

I　never　learned　how　much　my　father　earned　by　his　profession；　but　it
must　have　been　something　considerable；　for　we　always　had　enough　to
eat　and　drink；　I　imagine　that　he　did　better　than　many　a　struggling
artist　with　more　ambitious　aims。　　He　was　strictly　temperate　during
all　the　time　that　I　knew　anything　about　him；　but　he　was　not　a
teetotaler；　I　never　saw　any　of　the　fits　of　nervous　excitement　which
in　his　earlier　years　had　done　so　much　to　wreck　him。　　In　the
evenings；　and　on　days　when　the　state　of　the　pavement　did　not　permit
him　to　work；　he　took　great　pains　with　my　education；　which　he　could
very　well　do；　for　as　a　boy　he　had　been　in　the　sixth　form　of　one　of
our　foremost　public　schools。　　I　found　him　a　patient；　kindly
instructor；　while　to　my　mother　he　was　a　model　husband。　　Whatever
others　may　have　said　about　him；　I　can　never　think　of　him　without
very　affectionate　respect。

Things　went　on　quietly　enough；　as　above　indicated；　till　I　was　about
fourteen；　when　by　a　freak　of　fortune　my　father　became　suddenly
affluent。　　A　brother　of　his　father's　had　emigrated　to　Australia　in
1851；　and　had　amassed　great　wealth。　　We　knew　of　his　existence；　but
there　had　been　no　intercourse　between　him　and　my　father；　and　we　did
not　even　know　that　he　was　rich　and　unmarried。　　He　died　intestate
towards　the　end　of　1885；　and　my　father　was　the　only　relative　he
had；　except；　of　course；　myself；　for　both　my　father's　sisters　had
died　young；　and　without　leaving　children。

The　solicitor　through　whom　the　news　reached　us　was；　happily；　a　man
of　the　highest　integrity；　and　also　very　sensible　and　kind。　　He　was
a　Mr。　Alfred　Emery　Cathie；　of　15　Clifford's　Inn；　E。C。；　and　my
father　placed　himself　unreservedly　in　his　hands。　　I　was　at　once
sent　to　a　first…rate　school；　and　such　pains　had　my　father　taken
with　me　that　I　was　placed　in　a　higher　form　than　might　have　been
expected　considering　my　age。　　The　way　in　which　he　had　taught　me　had
prevented　my　feeling　any　dislike　for　study；　I　therefore　stuck
fairly　well　to　my　books；　while　not　neglecting　the　games　which　are
so　important　a　part　of　healthy　education。　　Everything　went　well
with　me；　both　as　regards　masters　and　school…fellows；　nevertheless；
I　was　declared　to　be　of　a　highly　nervous　and　imaginative
temperament；　and　the　school　doctor　more　than　once　urged　our
headmaster　not　to　push　me　forward　too　rapidlyfor　which　I　have
ever　since　held　myself　his　debtor。

Early　in　1890；　I　being　then　home　from　Oxford　（where　I　had　been
entered　in　the　preceding　year）；　my　mother　died；　not　so　much　from
active　illness；　as　from　what　was　in　reality　a　kind　of　maladie　du
pays。　　All　along　she　had　felt　herself　an　exile；　and　though　she　had
borne　up　wonderfully　during　my　father's　long　struggle　with
adversity；　she　began　to　break　as　soon　as　prosperity　had　removed　the
necessity　for　exertion　on　her　own　part。

My　father　could　never　divest　himself　of　the　feeling　that　he　had
wrecked　her　life　by　inducing　her　to　share　her　lot　with　his　own；　to
say　that　he　was　stricken　with　remorse　on　losing　her　is　not　enough；
he　had　been　so　stricken　almost　from　the　first　year　of　his　marriage；
on　her　death　he　was　haunted　by　the　wrong　he　accused　himselfas　it
seems　to　me　very　unjustlyof　having　done　her；　for　it　was　neither
his　fault　nor　hersit　was　Ate。

His　unrest　soon　assumed　the　form　of　a　burning　desire　to　revisit　the
country　in　which　he　and　my　mother　had　been　happier　together　than
perhaps　they　ever　again　were。　　I　had　often　heard　him　betray　a
hankering　after　a　return　to　Erewhon；　disguised　so　that　no　one
should　recognise　him；　but　as　long　as　my　mother　lived　he　would　not
leave　her。　　When　death　had　taken　her　from　him；　he　so　evidently
stood　in　need　of　a　complete　change　of　scene；　that　even　those
friends　who　had　most　strongly　dissuaded　him　from　what　they　deemed　a
madcap　enterprise；　thought　it　better　to　leave　him　to　himself。　　It
would　have　mattered　little　how　much　they　tried　to　dissuade　him；　for
before　long　his　passionate　longing　for　the　journey　became　so
overmastering　that　nothing　short　of　restraint　in　prison　or　a
madhouse　could　have　stayed　his　going；　but　we　were　not　easy　about
him。　　〃He　had　better　go；〃　said　Mr。　Cathie　to　me；　when　I　was　at　home
for　the　Easter　vacation；　〃and　get　it　over。　　He　is　not　well；　but　he
is　still　in　the　prime　of　life；　doubtless　he　will　come　back　with
renewed　health　and　will　settle　down　to　a　quiet　home　life　again。〃

This；　however；　was　not　said　till　it　had　become　plain　that　in　a　few
days　my　father　would　be　on　his　way。　　He　had　made　a　new　will；　and
left　an　ample　power　of　attorney　with　Mr。　Cathieor；　as　we　always
called　him；　Alfredwho　was　to　supply　me　with　whatever　money　I
wanted；　he　had　put　all　other　matters　in　order　in　case　anything
should　happen　to　prevent　his　ever　returning；　and　he　set　out　on
October　1；　1890；　more　composed　and　cheerful　than　I　had　seen　him　for
some　time　past。

I　had　not　realised　how　serious　the　danger　to　my　father　would　be　if
he　were　recognised　while　he　was　in　Erewhon；　for　I　am　ashamed　to　say
that　I　had　not　yet　read　his　book。　　I　had　heard　over　and　over　again
of　his　flight　with　my　mother　in　the　balloon；　and　had　long　since
read　his　few　opening　chapters；　but　I　had　found；　as　a　boy　naturally
would；　that　the　succeeding　pages　were　a　little　dull；　and　soon　put
the　book　aside。　　My　father；　indeed；　repeatedly　urged　me　not　to　read
it；　for　he　said　there　was　much　in　itmore　especially　in　the
earlier　chapters；　which　I　had　alone　found　interestingthat　he
would　gladly　cancel　if　he　could。　　〃But　there！〃　he　had　said　with　a
laugh；　〃what　does　it　matter？〃

He　had　hardly　left；　before　I　read　his　book　from　end　to　end；　and；　on
having　done　so；　not　only　appreciated　the　risks　that　he　would　have
to　run；　but　was　struck　with　the　wide　difference　between　his
character　as　he　had　himself　portrayed　it；　and　the　estimate　I　had
formed　of　it　from　personal　knowledge。　　When；　on　his　return；　he
detailed　to　me　his　adventures；　the　account　he　gave　of　what　he　had
said　and　done　corresponded　with　my　own　ideas　concerning　him；　but　I
doubt　not　the　reader　will　see　that　the　twenty　years　between　his
first　and　second　visit　had　modified　him　even　more　than　so　long　an
interval　might　be　expected　to　do。

I　heard　from　him　repeatedly　during　the　first　two　months　of　his
absence；　and　was　surprised　to　find　that　he　had　stayed　for　a　week　or
ten　days　at　more　than　one　place　of　call　on　his　outward　journey。　　On
November　26　he　wrote　from　the　port　whence　he　was　to　start　for
Erewhon；　seemingly　in　good　health　and　spirits；　and　on　December　27；
1891；　he　telegraphed　for　a　hundred　pounds　to　be　wired　out　to　him　at
this　same　port。　　This　puzzled　both　Mr。　Cathie　and　myself；　for　the
interval　between　November　26　and　December　27　seemed　too　short　to
admit　of　his　having　paid　his　visit　to　Erewhon　and　returned；　as；
moreover；　he　had　added　the　words；　〃Coming　home；〃　we　rather　hoped
that　he　had　abandoned　his　intention　of　going　there。

We　were　also　surprised　at　his　wanting　so　much　money；　for　he　had
taken　a　hundred　pounds　in　gold；　which　from　some　fancy；　he　had
stowed　in　a　small　silver　jewel…box　that　he　had　given　my　mother　not
long　before　she　died。　　He　had　also　taken　a　hundred　pounds　worth　of
gold　nuggets；　which　he　had　intended　to　sell　in　Erewhon　so　as　to
provide　himself　with　money　when　he　got　there。

I　sho