the essays of montaigne, v17-第10部分

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it　in　some　sort　serves　me　for　a　rule。　　I　have；　at　times；　some
consideration　of　not　betraying　the　history　of　my　life：　this　public
declaration　obliges　me　to　keep　my　way；　and　not　to　give　the　lie　to　the
image　I　have　drawn　of　my　qualities；　commonly　less　deformed　and
contradictory　than　consists　with　the　malignity　and　infirmity　of　the
judgments　of　this　age。　　The　uniformity　and　simplicity　of　my　manners
produce　a　face　of　easy　interpretation；　but　because　the　fashion　is　a
little　new　and　not　in　use；　it　gives　too　great　opportunity　to　slander。
Yet　so　it　is；　that　whoever　would　fairly　assail　me；　I　think　I　so
sufficiently　assist　his　purpose　in　my　known　and　avowed　imperfections；
that　he　may　that　way　satisfy　his　ill…nature　without　fighting　with　the
wind。　　If　I　myself；　to　anticipate　accusation　and　discovery；　confess
enough　to　frustrate　his　malice；　as　he　conceives；　'tis　but　reason　that　he
make　use　of　his　right　of　amplification；　and　to　wire…draw　my　vices　as　far
as　he　can；　attack　has　its　rights　beyond　justice；　and　let　him　make　the
roots　of　those　errors　I　have　laid　open　to　him　shoot　up　into　trees：　let
him　make　his　use；　not　only　of　those　I　am　really　affected　with；　but　also
of　those　that　only　threaten　me；　injurious　vices；　both　in　quality　and
number；　let　him　cudgel　me　that　way。　　I　should　willingly　follow　the
example　of　the　philosopher　Bion：　Antigonus　being　about　to　reproach　him
with　the　meanness　of　his　birth；　he　presently　cut　him　short　with　this
declaration：　〃I　am；〃　said　he；　〃the　son　of　a　slave；　a　butcher；　and
branded；　and　of　a　strumpet　my　father　married　in　the　lowest　of　his
fortune；　both　of　them　were　whipped　for　offences　they　had　committed。　　An
orator　bought　me；　when　a　child；　and　finding　me　a　pretty　and　hopeful　boy；
bred　me　up；　and　when　he　died　left　me　all　his　estate；　which　I　have
transported　into　this　city　of　Athens；　and　here　settled　myself　to　the
study　of　philosophy。　　Let　the　historians　never　trouble　themselves　with
inquiring　about　me：　I　will　tell　them　about　it。〃　　A　free　and　generous
confession　enervates　reproach　and　disarms　slander。　　So　it　is　that；　one
thing　with　another；　I　fancy　men　as　often　commend　as　undervalue　me　beyond
reason；　as；　methinks　also；　from　my　childhood；　in　rank　and　degree　of
honour；　they　have　given　me　a　place　rather　above　than　below　my　right。
I　should　find　myself　more　at　ease　in　a　country　where　these　degrees　were
either　regulated　or　not　regarded。　　Amongst　men；　when　an　altercation　about
the　precedence　either　of　walking　or　sitting　exceeds　three　replies；　'tis
reputed　uncivil。　　I　never　stick　at　giving　or　taking　place　out　of　rule；　to
avoid　the　trouble　of　such　ceremony；　and　never　any　man　had　a　mind　to　go
before　me；　but　I　permitted　him　to　do　it。

Besides　this　profit　I　make　of　writing　of　myself；　I　have　also　hoped　for
this　other　advantage；　that　if　it　should　fall　out　that　my　humour　should
please　or　jump　with　those　of　some　honest　man　before　I　die；　he　would　then
desire　and　seek　to　be　acquainted　with　me。　　I　have　given　him　a　great　deal
of　made…way；　for　all　that　he　could　have；　in　many　years；　acquired　by　close
familiarity；　he　has　seen　in　three　days　in　this　memorial；　and　more　surely
and　exactly。　　A　pleasant　fancy：　many　things　that　I　would　not　confess　to
any　one　in　particular；　I　deliver　to　the　public；　and　send　my　best　friends
to　a　bookseller's　shop；　there　to　inform　themselves　concerning　my　most
secret　thoughts；

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　〃Excutienda　damus　praecordia。〃

　　　　　＇〃We　give　our　hearts　to　be　examined。〃Persius；　V。　22。＇

Did　I；　by　good　direction；　know　where　to　seek　any　one　proper　for　my
conversation；　I　should　certainly　go　a　great　way　to　find　him　out：　for　the
sweetness　of　suitable　and　agreeable　company　cannot；　in　my　opinion；　be
bought　too　dear。　　O　what　a　thing　is　a　true　friend！　　how　true　is　that　old
saying；　that　the　use　of　a　friend　is　more　pleasing　and　necessary　than　the
elements　of　water　and　fire！

To　return　to　my　subject：　there　is；　then；　no　great　harm　in　dying　privately
and　far　from　home；　we　conceive　ourselves　obliged　to　retire　for　natural
actions　less　unseemly　and　less　terrible　than　this。　　But；　moreover；　such
as　are　reduced　to　spin　out　a　long　languishing　life；　ought　not；　perhaps；
to　wish　to　trouble　a　great　family　with　their　continual　miseries；
therefore　the　Indians；　in　a　certain　province；　thought　it　just　to　knock　a
man　on　the　head　when　reduced　to　such　a　necessity；　and　in　another　of　their
provinces；　they　all　forsook　him　to　shift　for　himself　as　well　as　he　could。
To　whom　do　they　not；　at　last；　become　tedious　and　insupportable？　the
ordinary　offices　of　fife　do　not　go　that　length。　　You　teach　your　best
friends　to　be　cruel　perforce；　hardening　wife　and　children　by　long　use
neither　to　regard　nor　to　lament　your　sufferings。　　The　groans　of　the　stone
are　grown　so　familiar　to　my　people；　that　nobody　takes　any　notice　of　them。
And　though　we　should　extract　some　pleasure　from　their　conversation　（which
does　not　always　happen；　by　reason　of　the　disparity　of　conditions；　which
easily　begets　contempt　or　envy　toward　any　one　whatever）；　is　it　not　too
much　to　make　abuse　of　this　half　a　lifetime？　　The　more　I　should　see　them
constrain　themselves　out　of　affection　to　be　serviceable　to　me；　the　more　I
should　be　sorry　for　their　pains。　　We　have　liberty　to　lean；　but　not　to　lay
our　whole　weight　upon　others；　so　as　to　prop　ourselves　by　their　ruin；　like
him　who　caused　little　children's　throats　to　be　cut　to　make　use　of　their
blood　for　the　cure　of　a　disease　he　had；　or　that　other；　who　was
continually　supplied　with　tender　young　girls　to　keep　his　old　limbs　warm
in　the　night；　and　to　mix　the　sweetness　of　their　breath　with　his；　sour　and
stinking。　　I　should　readily　advise　Venice　as　a　retreat　in　this　decline　of
life。　　Decrepitude　is　a　solitary　quality。　　I　am　sociable　even　to　excess；
yet　I　think　it　reasonable　that　I　should　now　withdraw　my　troubles　from　the
sight　of　the　world　and　keep　them　to　myself。　　Let　me　shrink　and　draw　up
myself　in　my　own　shell；　like　a　tortoise；　and　learn　to　see　men　without
hanging　upon　them。　　I　should　endanger　them　in　so　slippery　a　passage：　'tis
time　to　turn　my　back　to　company。

〃But；　in　these　travels；　you　will　be　taken　ill　in　some　wretched　place；
where　nothing　can　be　had　to　relieve　you。〃　　I　always　carry　most　things
necessary　about　me；　and　besides；　we　cannot　evade　Fortune　if　she　once
resolves　to　attack　us。　　I　need　nothing　extraordinary　when　I　am　sick。
I　will　not　be　beholden　to　my　bolus　to　do　that　for　me　which　nature　cannot。
At　the　very　beginning　of　my　fevers　and　sicknesses　that　cast　me　down；
whilst　still　entire；　and　but　little；　disordered　in　health；　I　reconcile
myself　to　Almighty　God　by　the　last　Christian；　offices；　and　find　myself　by
so　doing　less　oppressed　and　more　easy；　and　have　got；　methinks；　so　much
the　better　of　my　disease。　　And　I　have　yet　less　need　of　a　notary　or
counsellor　than　of　a　physician。　　What　I　have　not　settled　of　my　affairs
when　I　was　in　health；　let　no　one　expect　I　should　do　it　when　I　am　sick。
What　I　will　do　for　the　service　of　death　is　always　done；　I　durst　not　so
much　as　one　day　defer　it；　and　if　nothing　be　done；　'tis　as　much　as　to　say
either　that　doubt　hindered　my　choice　（and　sometimes　'tis　well　chosen　not
to　choose）；　or　that　I　was　positively　resolved　not　to　do　anything　at　all。

I　write　my　book　for　few　men　and　for　few　years。　　Had　it　been　matter　of
duration；　I　should　have　put　it　into　firmer　language。　　According　to　the
continual　variation　that　ours　has　been　subject　to；　up　to　this　day；　who
can　expect　that　its　present　form　should　be　in　use　fifty　years　hence？
It　slips　every　day　through　our　fingers；　and　since　I　was　born；　it　is
altered　above　one…half。　　We　say　that　it　is　now　perfect；　and　every　age
says　the　same　of　its　own。　　I　shall　hardly　trust　to　that；　so　long　as　it
varies　and　changes　as　it　does。　　'Tis　for　good　and　useful　writings　to
rivet　it　to　them；　and　its　reputation　will　go　according　to　the　fortune　of
our　state。　　For　which　reason　I　am　not　afraid　to　insert　in　it　several
private　articles；　which　will　spend　their　use　amongst　the　men　that　are　now
living；　and　that　concern　the　particular　knowledge　of　some　who　will　see
further　into　them　than　every　common　reader。　　I　will　not；　after　all；　as　I
often　hear　dead　men　spoken　of；　that　men　should　say　of　me：　〃He　judged；　he
lived　so　and　so；　he　would　have　done　this　or　that；　could　he　have　spoken
when　he　was　dying；　he　would　have　said　so　or　so；　and　have　given　this　thing
or　t'other；　I　knew　him　better　than　any。〃　　Now；　as　much　as　decency
permits；　I　here　discover　my　inclinations　and　affections；　but　I　do　more
willingly　and　freely　by　word　of　mouth　to　any　one　who　desires　to　be
informed。　　So　it　is　that　in　these　memoirs；　if　any　one　observe；　he　will
find　that　I　have　either　told　or　designed　to　tell　all；　what　I　cannot
express；　I　point　out　with　my　finger：

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　〃Verum　animo　satis　haec　vestigia　parva　sagaci
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Sunt；　per　quae　possis　cognoscere　caetera　tute〃

　　　　　＇〃By　these　footsteps　a　sagacious　mind　many　easily　find　all　other
　　　　　matters　（are　sufficient　to　enable　one　to　learn　the　rest　well。）〃
　　　　　Lucretius；　i。　403。＇

I　leave　nothing　to　be　desired　or　to　be　guessed　at　concerning　me。　　If
people　must　be　talking　of　me；　I　would　have　it　to　be　justly　and　truly；　I
would　come　again；　with　all　my　heart；　from　the　other　world　to　give　any　one
the　lie　who　should　report　me　other　than　I　was；　though　he　did　it　to　honour
me。　　I　perceive　that　people　represent；　even　living　men；　quite　another
thing　than　what　they　really　are；　and　had　I　not　stoutly　defended　a　friend
whom　I　have　lost；＇De　la　Boetie。＇　they　would　have　torn　him　into　a
thousand　contrary　pieces。

To　conclude　the　account　of　my　poor　humours；　I　confess　that　in　my　travels
I　seldom　reach　my　inn　but　that　it　comes　into　my　mind　to　consider　whether
I　could　there　be　sick　and　dying　at　my　ease。　　I　desire　to　be　lodged　in
some　private　part　of　the　house；　remote　from　all　noise；　ill　scents；　and
smoke。　　I　endeavour　to　flatter　death　by　these　frivolous　circumstances；
or；　to　say　better；　to　discharge　myself　from　all　other　incumbrances；　that
I　may　have　nothing　to　do；　nor　be　troubled　with　anything　but　that　which
will　lie　heavy　enough　upon　me　without　any　other　load。　　I　would　have　my
death　share　in　the　ease　and　conveniences　of　my　life；　'tis　a　great　part　of
it；　and　of　great　importance；