desperate remedies-第3部分

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sound。　　One　by　one　the　people　about　her；　unconscious　of　what　had
happened；　turned　their　heads；　and　inquiry　and　alarm　became　visible
upon　their　faces　at　the　sight　of　the　poor　child。　　A　moment　longer；
and　she　fell　to　the　floor；

The　next　impression　of　which　Cytherea　had　any　consciousness　was　of
being　carried　from　a　strange　vehicle　across　the　pavement　to　the
steps　of　her　own　house　by　her　brother　and　an　older　man。
Recollection　of　what　had　passed　evolved　itself　an　instant　later；　and
just　as　they　entered　the　doorthrough　which　another　and　sadder
burden　had　been　carried　but　a　few　instants　beforeher　eyes　caught
sight　of　the　south…western　sky；　and；　without　heeding；　saw　white
sunlight　shining　in　shaft…like　lines　from　a　rift　in　a　slaty　cloud。
Emotions　will　attach　themselves　to　scenes　that　are　simultaneous
however　foreign　in　essence　these　scenes　may　beas　chemical　waters
will　crystallize　on　twigs　and　wires。　　Even　after　that　time　any
mental　agony　brought　less　vividly　to　Cytherea's　mind　the　scene　from
the　Town　Hall　windows　than　sunlight　streaming　in　shaft…like　lines。

4。　　OCTOBER　THE　NINETEENTH

When　death　enters　a　house；　an　element　of　sadness　and　an　element　of
horror　accompany　it。　　Sadness；　from　the　death　itself：　　horror；　from
the　clouds　of　blackness　we　designedly　labour　to　introduce。

The　funeral　had　taken　place。　　Depressed；　yet　resolved　in　his
demeanour；　Owen　Graye　sat　before　his　father's　private　escritoire；
engaged　in　turning　out　and　unfolding　a　heterogeneous　collection　of
papersforbidding　and　inharmonious　to　the　eye　at　all　timesmost　of
all　to　one　under　the　influence　of　a　great　grief。　　Laminae　of　white
paper　tied　with　twine　were　indiscriminately　intermixed　with　other
white　papers　bounded　by　black　edgesthese　with　blue　foolscap
wrapped　round　with　crude　red　tape。

The　bulk　of　these　letters；　bills；　and　other　documents　were　submitted
to　a　careful　examination；　by　which　the　appended　particulars　were
ascertained：

　　　　　First；　that　their　father's　income　from　professional　sources　had
been　very　small；　amounting　to　not　more　than　half　their　expenditure；
and　that　his　own　and　his　wife's　property；　upon　which　he　had　relied
for　the　balance；　had　been　sunk　and　lost　in　unwise　loans　to
unscrupulous　men；　who　had　traded　upon　their　father's　too　open…
hearted　trustfulness。

　　　　　Second；　that　finding　his　mistake；　he　had　endeavoured　to　regain
his　standing　by　the　illusory　path　of　speculation。　　The　most　notable
instance　of　this　was　the　following。　　He　had　been　induced；　when　at
Plymouth　in　the　autumn　of　the　previous　year；　to　venture　all　his
spare　capital　on　the　bottomry　security　of　an　Italian　brig　which　had
put　into　the　harbour　in　distress。　　The　profit　was　to　be
considerable；　so　was　the　risk。　　There　turned　out　to　be　no　security
whatever。　　The　circumstances　of　the　case　tendered　it　the　most
unfortunate　speculation　that　a　man　like　himselfignorant　of　all
such　matterscould　possibly　engage　in。　　The　vessel　went　down；　and
all　Mr。　Graye's　money　with　it。

　　　　　Third；　that　these　failures　had　left　him　burdened　with　debts　he
knew　not　how　to　meet；　so　that　at　the　time　of　his　death　even　the　few
pounds　lying　to　his　account　at　the　bank　were　his　only　in　name。

　　　　　Fourth；　that　the　loss　of　his　wife　two　years　earlier　had
awakened　him　to　a　keen　sense　of　his　blindness；　and　of　his　duty　by
his　children。　　He　had　then　resolved　to　reinstate　by　unflagging　zeal
in　the　pursuit　of　his　profession；　and　by　no　speculation；　at　least　a
portion　of　the　little　fortune　he　had　let　go。

Cytherea　was　frequently　at　her　brother's　elbow　during　these
examinations。　　She　often　remarked　sadly

'Poor　papa　failed　to　fulfil　his　good　intention　for　want　of　time；
didn't　he；　Owen？　　And　there　was　an　excuse　for　his　past；　though　he
never　would　claim　it。　　I　never　forget　that　original　disheartening
blow；　and　how　that　from　it　sprang　all　the　ills　of　his　life
everything　connected　with　his　gloom；　and　the　lassitude　in　business
we　used　so　often　to　see　about　him。'

'I　remember　what　he　said　once；'　returned　the　brother；　'when　I　sat　up
late　with　him。　　He　said；　〃Owen；　don't　love　too　blindly：　　blindly　you
will　love　if　you　love　at　all；　but　a　little　care　is　still　possible　to
a　well…disciplined　heart。　　May　that　heart　be　yours　as　it　was　not
mine；〃　father　said。　　〃Cultivate　the　art　of　renunciation。〃　　And　I　am
going　to；　Cytherea。'

'And　once　mamma　said　that　an　excellent　woman　was　papa's　ruin；
because　he　did　not　know　the　way　to　give　her　up　when　he　had　lost　her。
I　wonder　where　she　is　now；　Owen？　　We　were　told　not　to　try　to　find
out　anything　about　her。　　Papa　never　told　us　her　name；　did　he？'

'That　was　by　her　own　request；　I　believe。　　But　never　mind　her；　she
was　not　our　mother。'

The　love　affair　which　had　been　Ambrose　Graye's　disheartening　blow
was　precisely　of　that　nature　which　lads　take　little　account　of；　but
girls　ponder　in　their　hearts。

5。　　FROM　OCTOBER　THE　NINETEENTH　TO　JULY　THE　NINTH

Thus　Ambrose　Graye's　good　intentions　with　regard　to　the
reintegration　of　his　property　had　scarcely　taken　tangible　form　when
his　sudden　death　put　them　for　ever　out　of　his　power。

Heavy　bills；　showing　the　extent　of　his　obligations；　tumbled　in
immediately　upon　the　heels　of　the　funeral　from　quarters　previously
unheard　and　unthought　of。　　Thus　pressed；　a　bill　was　filed　in
Chancery　to　have　the　assets；　such　as　they　were；　administered　by　the
Court。

'What　will　become　of　us　now？'　thought　Owen　continually。

There　is　in　us　an　unquenchable　expectation；　which　at　the　gloomiest
time　persists　in　inferring　that　because　we　are　OURSELVES；　there　must
be　a　special　future　in　store　for　us；　though　our　nature　and
antecedents　to　the　remotest　particular　have　been　common　to
thousands。　　Thus　to　Cytherea　and　Owen　Graye　the　question　how　their
lives　would　end　seemed　the　deepest　of　possible　enigmas。　　To　others
who　knew　their　position　equally　well　with　themselves　the　question
was　the　easiest　that　could　be　asked'Like　those　of　other　people
similarly　circumstanced。'

Then　Owen　held　a　consultation　with　his　sister　to　come　to　some
decision　on　their　future　course；　and　a　month　was　passed　in　waiting
for　answers　to　letters；　and　in　the　examination　of　schemes　more　or
less　futile。　　Sudden　hopes　that　were　rainbows　to　the　sight　proved
but　mists　to　the　touch。　　In　the　meantime；　unpleasant　remarks；
disguise　them　as　some　well…meaning　people　might；　were　floating
around　them　every　day。　　The　undoubted　truth；　that　they　were　the
children　of　a　dreamer　who　let　slip　away　every　farthing　of　his　money
and　ran　into　debt　with　his　neighboursthat　the　daughter　had　been
brought　up　to　no　professionthat　the　son　who　had；　had　made　no
progress　in　it；　and　might　come　to　the　dogscould　not　from　the
nature　of　things　be　wrapped　up　in　silence　in　order　that　it　might　not
hurt　their　feelings；　and　as　a　matter　of　fact；　it　greeted　their　ears
in　some　form　or　other　wherever　they　went。　　Their　few　acquaintances
passed　them　hurriedly。　　Ancient　pot…wallopers；　and　thriving
shopkeepers；　in　their　intervals　of　leisure；　stood　at　their　shop…
doorstheir　toes　hanging　over　the　edge　of　the　step；　and　their　obese
waists　hanging　over　their　toesand　in　discourses　with　friends　on
the　pavement；　formulated　the　course　of　the　improvident；　and　reduced
the　children's　prospects　to　a　shadow…like　attenuation。　　The　sons　of
these　men　（who　wore　breastpins　of　a　sarcastic　kind；　and　smoked
humorous　pipes）　stared　at　Cytherea　with　a　stare　unmitigated　by　any
of　the　respect　that　had　formerly　softened　it。

Now　it　is　a　noticeable　fact　that　we　do　not　much　mind　what　men　think
of　us；　or　what　humiliating　secret　they　discover　of　our　means；
parentage；　or　object；　provided　that　each　thinks　and　acts　thereupon
in　isolation。　　It　is　the　exchange　of　ideas　about　us　that　we　dread
most；　and　the　possession　by　a　hundred　acquaintances；　severally
insulated；　of　the　knowledge　of　our　skeleton…closet's　whereabouts；　is
not　so　distressing　to　the　nerves　as　a　chat　over　it　by　a　party　of
half…a…dozenexclusive　depositaries　though　these　may　be。

Perhaps；　though　Hocbridge　watched　and　whispered；　its　animus　would
have　been　little　more　than　a　trifle　to　persons　in　thriving
circumstances。　　But　unfortunately；　poverty；　whilst　it　is　new；　and
before　the　skin　has　had　time　to　thicken；　makes　people　susceptible
inversely　to　their　opportunities　for　shielding　themselves。　　In　Owen
was　found；　in　place　of　his　father's　impressibility；　a　larger　share
of　his　father's　pride；　and　a　squareness　of　idea　which；　if　coupled
with　a　little　more　blindness；　would　have　amounted　to　positive
prejudice。　　To　him　humanity；　so　far　as　he　had　thought　of　it　at　all；
was　rather　divided　into　distinct　classes　than　blended　from　extreme
to　extreme。　　Hence　by　a　sequence　of　ideas　which　might　be　traced　if
it　were　worth　while；　he　either　detested　or　respected　opinion；　and
instinctively　sought　to　escape　a　cold　shade　that　mere　sensitiveness
would　have　endured。　　He　could　have　submitted　to　separation；
sickness；　exile；　drudgery；　hunger　and　thirst；　with　stoical
indifference；　but　superciliousness　was　too　incisive。

After　living　on　for　nine　months　in　attempts　to　make　an　income　as　his
father's　successor　in　the　professionattempts　which　were　utterly
fruitless　by　reason　of　his　inexperienceGraye　came　to　a　simple　and
sweeping　resolution。　　They　would　privately　leave　that　part　of
England；　drop　from　the　sight　of　acquaintances；　gossips；　harsh
critics；　and　bitter　creditors　of　whose　misfortune　he　was　not　the
cause；　and　escape　the　position　which　galled　him　by　the　only　road
their　great　poverty　left　open　to　themthat　of　his　obtaining　some
employment　in　a　distant　place　by　following　his　profession　as　a
humble　under…draughtsman。

He　thought　over　his　capabilities　with　the　sensations　of　a　soldier
grinding　his　sword　at　the　opening　of　a　campaign。　　What　with　lack　of
employment；　owing　to　the　decrease　of　his　late　father's　practice；　and
the　absence　of　direct　and　uncompromising　pressure　towards　monetary
results　from　a　pupil's　labour　（which　seems　to　be　always　the　case
when　a　professional　man's　pupil　is　also　his　son）；　Owen's　progress　in
the　art　and　science　of　architecture　had　been　very　insignificant
indeed。　　Though　anything　but　an　idle　young　man；　he　had　hardly
reached　the　age　at　which　industrious　men　who　lack　an　external　whip
to　send　them　on　in　the　w