the legacy of cain-第30部分

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said。　〃Kill　her　daringly。　Faint　heart；　do　you　still　want　courage？
Rouse　your　spirit；　look！　see　yourself　in　the　act！〃

The　temptation　took　a　form　which　now　tried　me　for　the　first　time。

As　if　a　mirror　had　reflected　the　scene；　I　saw　myself　standing　by
the　bedside；　with　the　pillow　that　was　to　smother　the　sleeper　in
my　hands。　I　heard　the　whispering　voice　telling　me　how　to　speak
the　words　that　warned　and　condemned　her：　〃Wake！　you　who　have
taken　him　from　me！　Wake！　and　meet　your　doom。〃

I　saw　her　start　up　in　bed。　The　sudden　movement　disordered　the
nightdress　over　her　bosom　and　showed　the　miniature　portrait　of　a
man；　hung　round　her　neck。

The　man　was　Philip。　The　likeness　was　looking　at　me。

So　dear；　so　lovelythose　eyes　that　had　once　been　the　light　of　my
heart；　mourned　for　me　and　judged　me　now。　They　saw　the　guilty
thought　that　polluted　me；　they　brought　me　to　my　knees；　imploring
him　to　help　me　back　to　my　better　self：　〃One　last　mercy；　dear；　to
comfort　me　under　the　loss　of　you。　Let　the　love　that　was　once　my
life；　be　my　good　angel　still。　Save　me；　Philip；　even　though　you
forsake　mesave　me　from　myself！〃

。　。　。　。　。　。　。

There　was　a　sudden　cry。

The　agony　of　it　pierced　my　braindrove　away　the　ghastly
lightsilenced　the　tempting　whispers。　I　came　to　myself。　I
sawand　not　in　a　dream。

Helena　_had_　started　up　in　her　bed。　That　cry　of　terror；　at　the
sight　of　me　in　her　room　at　night；　_had_　burst　from　her　lips。　The
miniature　of　Philip　hung　round　her　neck；　a　visible　reality。
Though　my　head　was　dizzy；　though　my　heart　was　sinking；　I　had　not
lost　my　senses　yet。　All　that　the　night　lamp　could　show　me；　I
still　saw；　and　I　heard　the　sound；　faintly；　when　the　door　of　the
bed…chamber　was　opened。　Alarmed　by　that　piercing　cry；　my　father
came　hurrying　into　the　room。

Not　a　word　passed　between　us　three。　The　whispers　that　I　had　heard
were　wicked；　the　thoughts　that　had　been　in　my　mind　were　vile。　Had
they　left　some　poison　in　the　air　of　the　room；　which　killed　the
words　on　our　lips？

My　father　looked　at　Helena。　With　a　trembling　hand　she　pointed　to
me。　He　put　his　arm　round　me　and　held　me　up。　I　remember　his
leading　me　awayand　I　remember　nothing　more。

My　last　words　are　written。　I　lock　up　this　journal　of
miserynever；　I　hope　and　pray；　to　open　it　again。

…

Second　Period　（continued）。

EVENTS　IN　THE　FAMILY；　RELATED　BY　THE　GOVERNOR。

…

CHAPTER　XXXII。

THE　MIDDLE…AGED　LADY。


IN　the　year　1870　I　found　myself　compelled　to　submit　to　the
demands　of　two　hard　task…masters。

Advancing　age　and　failing　health　reminded　the　Governor　of　the
Prison　of　his　duty　to　his　successor；　in　one　unanswerable
wordResign。

When　they　have　employed　us　and　interested　us；　for　the　greater
part　of　our　lives；　we　bid　farewell　to　our　dutieseven　to　the
gloomy　duties　of　a　prisonwith　a　sense　of　regret。　My　view　of　the
future　presented　a　vacant　prospect　indeed；　when　I　looked　at　my
idle　life　to　come；　and　wondered　what　I　should　do　with　it。　Loose
on　the　worldat　my　age！I　drifted　into　domestic　refuge；　under
the　care　of　my　two　dear　and　good　sons。　After　a　while　（never　mind
how　long　a　while）　I　began　to　grow　restless　under　the　heavy　burden
of　idleness。　Having　nothing　else　to　complain　of；　I　complained　of
my　health；　and　consulted　a　doctor。　That　sagacious　man　hit　on　the
right　way　of　getting　rid　of　mehe　recommended　traveling。

This　was　unexpected　advice。　After　some　hesitation；　I　accepted　it
reluctantly。

The　instincts　of　age　recoil　from　making　new　acquaintances；
contemplating　new　places；　and　adopting　new　habits。　Besides；　I
hate　railway　traveling。　However；　I　contrived　to　get　as　far　as
Italy；　and　stopped　to　rest　at　Florence。　Here；　I　found　pictures　by
the　old　masters　that　I　could　really
　enjoy；　a　public　park　that　I　could　honestly　admire；　and　an
excellent　friend　and　colleague　of　former　days；　once　chaplain　to
the　prison；　now　clergyman　in　charge　of　the　English　Church。　We　met
in　the　gallery　of　the　Pitti　Palace；　and　he　recognized　me
immediately。　I　was　pleased　to　find　that　the　lapse　of　years　had
made　so　little　difference　in　my　personal　appearance。

The　traveler　who　advances　as　far　as　Florence；　and　does　not　go　on
to　Rome；　must　be　regardless　indeed　of　the　opinions　of　his
friends。　Let　me　not　attempt　to　conceal　itI　am　that　insensible
traveler。　Over　and　over　again；　I　said　to　myself：　〃Rome　must　be
done〃；　and　over　and　over　again　I　put　off　doing　it。　To　own　the
truth；　the　fascinations　of　Florence；　aided　by　the　society　of　my
friend；　laid　so　strong　a　hold　on　me　that　I　believe　I　should　have
ended　my　days　in　the　delightful　Italian　city；　but　for　the
dangerous　illness　of　one　of　my　sons。　This　misfortune　hurried　me
back　to　England；　in　dread；　every　step　of　the　way；　of　finding　that
I　had　arrived　too　late。　The　journey　（thank　God！）　proved　to　have
been　taken　without　need。　My　son　was　no　longer　in　danger；　when　I
reached　London　in　the　year　1875。

At　that　date　I　was　near　enough　to　the　customary　limit　of　human
life　to　feel　the　necessity　of　rest　and　quiet。　In　other　words；　my
days　of　travel　had　come　to　their　end。

Having　established　myself　in　my　own　country；　I　did　not　forget　to
let　old　friends　know　where　they　might　find　me。　Among　those　to
whom　I　wrote　was　another　colleague　of　past　years；　who　still　held
his　medical　appointment　in　the　prison。　When　I　received　the
doctor's　reply；　it　inclosed　a　letter　directed　to　me　at　my　old
quarters　in　the　Governor's　rooms。　Who　could　possibly　have　sent　a
letter　to　an　address　which　I　had　left　five　years　since？　My
correspondent　proved　to　be　no　less　a　person　than　the
Congregational　Ministerthe　friend　whom　I　had　estranged　from　me
by　the　tone　in　which　I　had　written　to　him；　on　the　long…past
occasion　of　his　wife's　death。

It　was　a　distressing　letter　to　read。　I　beg　permission　to　give
only　the　substance　of　it　in　this　place。

Entreating　me；　with　touching　expressions　of　humility　and　sorrow；
to　forgive　his　long　silence；　the　writer　appealed　to　my　friendly
remembrance　of　him。　He　was　in　sore　need　of　counsel；　under　serious
difficulties；　and　I　was　the　only　person　to　whom　he　could　apply
for　help。　In　the　disordered　state　of　his　health　at　that　time；　he
ventured　to　hope　that　I　would　visit　him　at　his　present　place　of
abode；　and　would　let　him　have　the　happiness　of　seeing　me　as
speedily　as　possible。　He　concluded　with　this　extraordinary
postscript：

〃When　you　see　my　daughters；　say　nothing　to　either　of　them　which
relates；　in　any　way；　to　the　subject　of　their　ages。　You　shall　hear
why　when　we　meet。〃

The　reading　of　this　letter　naturally　reminded　me　of　the　claims
which　my　friend's　noble　conduct　had　established　on　my　admiration
and　respect；　at　the　past　time　when　we　met　in　the　prison。　I　could
not　hesitate　to　grant　his　requeststrangely　as　it　was　expressed；
and　doubtful　as　the　prospect　appeared　to　be　of　my　answering　the
expectations　which　he　had　founded　on　the　renewal　of　our
intercourse。　Answering　his　letter　by　telegraph；　I　promised　to　be
with　him　on　the　next　day。

On　arriving　at　the　station；　I　found　that　I　was　the　only　traveler；
by　a　first…class　carriage；　who　left　the　train。　A　young　lady；
remarkable　by　her　good　looks　and　good　dressing；　seemed　to　have
noticed　this　trifling　circumstance。　She　approached　me　with　a
ready　smile。　〃I　believe　I　am　speaking　to　my　father's　friend；〃　she
said；　〃my　name　is　Helena　Gracedieu。〃

Here　was　one　of　the　Minister's　two　〃daughters〃；　and　that　one　of
the　twoas　I　discovered　the　moment　I　shook　hands　with　herwho
was　my　friend's　own　child。　Miss　Helena　recalled　to　me　her
mother's　face；　infinitely　improved　by　youth　and　health；　and　by　a
natural　beauty　which　that　cruel　and　deceitful　woman　could　never
have　possessed。　The　slanting　forehead　and　the　shifting；　flashing
eyes；　that　I　recollected　in　the　parent；　were　reproduced　（slightly
reproduced；　I　ought　to　say）　in　the　child。　As　for　the　other
features；　I　had　never　seen　a　more　beautiful　nose　and　mouth；　or　a
more　delicately…shaped　outline；　than　was　presented　by　the　lower
part　of　the　face。　But　Miss　Helena　somehow　failed　to　charm　me。　I
doubt　if　I　should　have　fallen　in　love　with　her；　even　in　the　days
when　I　was　a　foolish　young　man。

The　first　question　that　I　put；　as　we　drove　from　the　station　to
the　house；　related　naturally　to　her　father。

〃He　is　very　ill；〃　she　began；　〃I　am　afraid　you　must　prepare
yourself　to　see　a　sad　change。　Nerves。　The　mischief　first　showed
itself；　the　doctor　tells　us；　in　derangement　of　his　nervous
system。　He　has　been；　I　regret　to　tell　you；　obstinate　in　refusing
to　give　up　his　preaching　and　pastoral　work。　He　ought　to　have
tried　rest　at　the　seaside。　Things　have　gone　on　from　bad　to　worse。
Last　Sunday；　at　the　beginning　of　his　sermon；　he　broke　down。　Very；
very　sad；　is　it　not？　The　doctor　says　that　precious　time　has　been
lost；　and　he　must　make　up　his　mind　to　resign　his　charge。　He　won't
hear　of　it。　You　are　his　old　friend。　Please　try　to　persuade　him。〃

Fluently　spoken；　the　words　well　chosen；　the　melodious　voice
reminding　me　of　the　late　Mrs。　Gracedieu's　advantages　in　that
respect；　little　sighs　judiciously　thrown　in　here　and　there；　just
at　the　right　places；　everything；　let　me　own；　that　could　present　a
dutiful　daughter　as　a　pattern　of　proprietyand　nothing；　let　me
add；　that　could　produce　an　impression　on　my　insensible
temperament。　If　I　had　not　been　too　discreet　to　rush　at　a　hasty
conclusion；　I　might　have　been　inclined　to　say：　her　mother's
child；　every　inch　of　her！

The　interest　which　I　was　still　able　to　feel　in　my　friend's
domestic　affairs　centered　in　the　daughter　whom　he　had　adopted。

In　her　infancy　I　had　seen　the　child；　and　liked　her；　I　was　the　one
person　living　（since　the　death　of　Mrs。　Gracedieu）　who　knew　how
the　Minister　had　concealed　the　sad　secret　of　her　parentage；　and　I
wanted　to　discover　if　the　hereditary　taint　had　begun　to　show
itself　in　the　innocent　offspring　of　the　murderess。　Just　as　I　was
considering　how　I　might　harmlessly　speak　of　Miss　Helena's
〃sister；〃　Miss　Helena　herself　introduced　the　subject。

〃May　I　ask；〃　she　resumed；　〃if　you　were　disappointed　when　you
found　nobody　but　me　to　meet　you　at　our　station？〃

Here　was　an　opportunity　of　paying　her　a　compliment；　if　I　had　been
a　younger　man；　or　if　she　had　produced　a　favorable　impression　on
me。　As　it　was；　I　hitif　I　may　praise　myselfon　an　ingenious
compro