the legacy of cain-第31部分

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me。　As　it　was；　I　hitif　I　may　praise　myselfon　an　ingenious
compromise。

〃What　excuse　could　I　have；〃　I　asked；　〃for　feeling　disappointed？〃

〃Well；　I　hear　you　are　an　official　personageI　ought　to　say；
perhaps；　a　retired　official　personage。　We　might　have　received　you
more　respectfully；　if　_both_　my　father's　daughters　had　been
present　at　the　station。　It's　not　my　fault　that　my　sister　was　not
with　me。〃

The　tone　in　which　she　said　this　strengthened　my　prejudice　against
her。　It　told　me　that　the　two　girls　were　living　together　on　no
very　friendly　terms；　and　it　suggestedjustly　or　unjustly　I　could
not　then　decidethat　Miss　Helena　was　to　blame。

〃My　sister　is　away　from　home。〃

〃Surely；　Miss　Helena；　that　is　a　good　reason　for　her　not　coming　to
meet　me？〃

〃I　beg　your　pardonit　is　a　bad　reason。　She　has　been　sent　away
for　the　recovery　of　her　healthand　the　loss　of　her　health　is
entirely　her　own　fault。〃

What　did　this　matter　to　me？　I　decided　on　dropping　the　subject。　My
memory　reverted；　however；　to　past　occasions　on　which　the　loss　of
_my_　health　had　been　entirely　my　own　fault。　There　was　something
in　these　personal　recollections；　which　encouraged　my　perverse
tendency　to　sympathize　with　a　young　lady　to　whom　I　had　not　yet
been　introduced。　The　young　lady's　sister　appeared　to　be
discouraged　by　my　silence。　She　said：　〃I　hope　you　don't　think　the
worse　of　me　for　what　I　have　just　mentioned？〃

〃Certainly　not。〃

〃Perhaps　you　will　fail　to　see　any　need　of　my　speaking　of　my
sister　at　all？　Will　you　kindly　listen；　if　I　try　to　explain
myself？〃

〃With　pleasure。〃

She　slyly　set　the　best　construction　on　my　perfectly　commonplace
reply。

〃Thank　you；〃　she　said。　〃The　fact　is；　my　father　（I　can't　imagine
why）　wishes　you　to　see　my　sister　as　well　as　me。　He　has　written　to
the　fa　rmhouse　at　which　she　is　now　staying；　to　tell　her　to　come
home　to…morrow。　It　is　possibleif　your　kindness　offers　me　an
opportunitythat　I　may　ask　to　be　guided　by　your　experience；　in　a
little　matter　which　interests　me。　My　sister　is　rash；　and
reckless；　and　has　a　terrible　temper。　I　should　be　very　sorry
indeed　if　you　were　induced　to　form　an　unfavorable　opinion　of　me；
from　anything　you　might　notice　if　you　see　us　together。　You
understand　me；　I　hope？〃

〃I　quite　understand　you。〃

To　set　me　against　her　sister；　in　her　own　private
intereststhere；　as　I　felt　sure；　was　the　motive　under　which　she
was　acting。　As　hard　as　her　mother；　as　selfish　as　her　mother；　and；
judging　from　those　two　bad　qualities；　probably　as　cruel　as　her
mother。　That　was　how　I　understood　Miss　Helena　Gracedieu；　when　our
carriage　drew　up　at　her　father's　house。

A　middle…aged　lady　was　on　the　doorstep；　when　we　arrived；　just
ringing　the　bell。　She　looked　round　at　us　both；　being　evidently　as
complete　a　stranger　to　my　fair　companion　as　she　was　to　me。　When
the　servant　opened　the　door；　she　said：

〃Is　Miss　Jillgall　at　home？〃

At　the　sound　of　that　odd　name；　Miss　Helena　tossed　her　head
disdainfully。　She　took　no　sort　of　notice　of　the　stranger…lady　who
was　at　the　door　of　her　father's　house。　This　young　person's
contempt　for　Miss　Jillgall　appeared　to　extend　to　Miss　Jillgall's
friends。

In　the　meantime；　the　servant's　answer　was：　〃Not　at　home。〃

The　middle　aged　lady　said：　〃Do　you　expect　her　back　soon？〃

〃Yes；　ma'am。〃

〃I　will　call　again；　later　in　the　day。〃

〃What　name；　if　you　please？〃

The　lady　stole　another　look　at　me；　before　she　replied。

〃Never　mind　the　name；〃　she　saidand　walked　away。


CHAPTER　XXXIII。

THE　MINISTER'S　MISFORTUNE。


〃Do　you　know　that　lady？〃　Miss　Helena　asked；　as　we　entered　the
house。

〃She　is　a　perfect　stranger　to　me；〃　I　answered。

〃Are　you　sure　you　have　not　forgotten　her？〃

〃Why　do　you　think　I　have　forgotten　her？〃

〃Because　she　evidently　remembered　you。〃

The　lady　had　no　doubt　looked　at　me　twice。　If　this　meant　that　my
face　was　familiar　to　her；　I　could　only　repeat　what　I　have　already
said。　Never；　to　my　knowledge；　had　I　seen　her　before。

Leading　the　way　upstairs；　Miss　Helena　apologized　for　taking　me
into　her　father's　bedroom。　〃He　is　able　to　sit　up　in　an　armchair；〃
she　said；　〃and　he　might　do　more；　as　I　think；　if　he　would　exert
himself。　He　won't　exert　himself。　Very　sad。　Would　you　like　to　look
at　your　room；　before　you　see　my　father？　It　is　quite　ready　for
you。　We　hope〃she　favored　me　with　a　fascinating　smile；　devoted
to　winning　my　heart　when　her　interests　required　it〃we　hope　you
will　pay　us　a　long　visit；　we　look　on　you　as　one　of　ourselves。〃

I　thanked　her；　and　said　I　would　shake　hands　with　my　old　friend
before　I　went　to　my　room。　We　parted　at　the　bedroom　door。

It　is　out　of　my　power　to　describe　the　shock　that　overpowered　me
when　I　first　saw　the　Minister　again；　after　the　long　interval　of
time　that　had　separated　us。　Nothing　that　his　daughter　said；
nothing　that　I　myself　anticipated；　had　prepared　me　for　that
lamentable　change。　For　the　moment；　I　was　not　sufficiently　master
of　myself　to　be　able　to　speak　to　him。　He　added　to　my
embarrassment　by　the　humility　of　his　manner；　and　the　formal
elaboration　of　his　apologies。

〃I　feel　painfully　that　I　have　taken　a　liberty　with　you；〃　he　said；
〃after　the　long　estrangement　between　usfor　which　my　want　of
Christian　forbearance　is　to　blame。　Forgive　it；　sir；　and　forget
it。　I　hope　to　show　that　necessity　justifies　my　presumption；　in
subjecting　you　to　a　wearisome　journey　for　my　sake。〃

Beginning　to　recover　myself；　I　begged　that　he　would　make　no　more
excuses。　My　interruption　seemed　to　confuse　him。

〃I　wished　to　say；〃　he　went　on；　〃that　you　are　the　one　man　who　can
understand　me。　There　is　my　only　reason　for　asking　to　see　you；　and
looking　forward　as　I　do　to　your　advice。　You　remember　the
nightor　was　it　the　day？before　that　miserable　woman　was
hanged？　You　were　the　only　person　present　when　I　agreed　to　adopt
the　poor　little　creature；　stained　already　（one　may　say）　by　its
mother's　infamy。　I　think　your　wisdom　foresaw　what　a　terrible
responsibility　I　was　undertaking；　you　tried　to　prevent　it。　Well！
well！　you　have　been　in　my　confidenceyou　only。　Mind！　nobody　in
this　house　knows　that　one　of　the　two　girls　is　not　really　my
daughter。　Pray　stop　me；　if　you　find　me　wandering　from　the　point。
My　wish　is　to　show　that　you　are　the　only　man　I　can　open　my　heart
to。　She〃　He　paused；　as　if　in　search　of　a　lost　idea；　and　left
the　sentence　uncompleted。　〃Yes；〃　he　went　on；　〃I　was　thinking　of
my　adopted　child。　Did　I　ever　tell　you　that　I　baptized　her　myself？
and　by　a　good　Scripture　name　tooEunice。　Ah；　sir；　that　little
helpless　baby　is　a　grown…up　girl　now；　of　an　age　to　inspire　love；
and　to　feel　love。　I　blush　to　acknowledge　it；　I　have　behaved　with
a　want　of　self…control；　with　a　cowardly　weakness。No！　I　am；
indeed；　wandering　this　time。　I　ought　to　have　told　you　first　that
I　have　been　brought　face　to　face　with　the　possibility　of　Eunice's
marriage。　And；　to　make　it　worse　still；　I　can't　help　liking　the
young　man。　He　comes　of　a　good　familyexcellent　manners；　highly
educated；　plenty　of　money；　a　gentleman　in　every　sense　of　the
word。　And　poor　little　Eunice　is　so　fond　of　him！　Isn't　it　dreadful
to　be　obliged　to　check　her　dearly…loved　Philip？　The　young
gentleman's　name　is　Philip。　Do　you　like　the　name？　I　say　I　am
obliged　to　cheek　her　sweetheart　in　the　rudest　manner；　when　all　he
wants　to　do　is　to　ask　me　modestly　for　my　sweet　Eunice's　hand。　Oh；
what　have　I　not　suffered；　without　a　word　of　sympathy　to　comfort
me；　before　I　had　courage　enough　to　write　to　you！　Shall　I　make　a
dreadful　confession？　If　my　religious　convictions　had　not　stood　in
my　way；　I　believe　I　should　have　committed　suicide。　Put　yourself
in　my　place。　Try　to　see　yourself　shrinking　from　a　necessary
explanation；　when　the　happiness　of　a　harmless　girlso　dutiful；
so　affectionatedepended　on　a　word　of　kindness　from　your　lips。
And　that　word　you　are　afraid　to　speak！　Don't　take　offense；　sir；　I
mean　myself；　not　you。　Why　don't　you　say　something？〃　he　burst　out
fiercely；　incapable　of　perceiving　that　he　had　allowed　me　no
opportunity　of　speaking　to　him。　〃Good　God！　don't　you　understand
me；　after　all？〃

The　signs　of　mental　confusion　in　his　talk　had　so　distressed　me；
that　I　had　not　been　composed　enough　to　feel　sure　of　what　he
really　meant；　until　he　described　himself　as　〃shrinking　from　a
necessary　explanation。〃　Hearing　those　words；　my　knowledge　of　the
circumstances　helped　me；　I　realized　what　his　situation　really
was。

〃Compose　yourself；〃　I　said；　〃I　understand　you　at　last。〃

He　had　suddenly　become　distrustful。

〃Prove　it；〃　he　muttered；　with　a　furtive　look　at　me。　〃I　want　to　be
satisfied　that　you　understand　my　position。〃

〃This　is　your　position；〃　I　told　him。　〃You　are　placed　between　two
deplorable　alternatives。　If　you　tell　this　young　gentleman　that
Miss　Eunice's　mother　was　a　criminal　hanged　for　murder；　his
familyeven　if　he　himself　doesn't　recoil　from　itwill
unquestionably　forbid　the　marriage；　and　your　adopted　daughter's
happiness　will　be　the　sacrifice。〃

〃True！〃　he　said。　〃Frightfully　true！　Go　on。〃

〃If；　on　the　other　hand；　you　sanction　the　marriage；　and　conceal
the　truth；　you　commit　a　deliberate　act　of　deceit；　and　you　leave
the　lives　of　the　young　couple　at　the　mercy　of　a　possible
discovery；　which　might　part　husband　and　wifecast　a　slur　on
their　childrenand　break　up　the　household。〃

He　shuddered　while　he　listened　to　me。　〃Come　to　the　end　of　it；〃　he
cried。

I　had　no　more　to　say；　and　I　was　obliged　to　answer　him　to　that
effect。

〃No　more　to　say？〃　he　replied。　〃You　have　not　told　me　yet　what　I
most　want　to　know。〃

I　did　a　rash　thing；　I　asked　what　it　was　that　he　most　wanted　to
know。

〃Can't　you　see　it　for　yourself？〃　he　demanded　indignantly。
〃Suppose　you　were　put　between　those　two　alternatives　which　you
mentioned　just　now。〃

〃Well？〃

〃What　would　you　do；　sir；　in　my　place？　Would　you　own　the
disgraceful　truthbefore　the　marriageor　run　the　risk；　and　keep
the　horrid　story　to　yourself？〃

Either　way；　my　reply　might　lead　to　serious　consequences。　I
hesitated。

He　threatened　me　with　his　poor　feeble　hand。　It　was　only　the　anger
of　a　moment；　　his　humor　changed　to　supplication。　He　reminded　me
piteously　of　bygone　days：　〃You　used　to　be　a　kind…hearted　man。　Has
age　hardened　you？　Have　you　no　pity　left　for　your　old　friend？　My
poor　heart　is　sadly　in　want　of　a　word　of　wisdom；