jeremy-第39部分

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found　Hamlet　quickly　and　came　back。　Perhaps　Hamlet　never　would　be
found。　Then　Jeremy's　heart　would　be　broken。

She　slept　from　utter　exhaustion；　and　was　so　found；　when　the　room　was
quite　dark　and　only　shadows　moved　in　it；　by　her　mother。

〃Why；　Mary！〃　said　Mrs。　Cole。　〃What　are　you　doing　here？　We　couldn't
think　where　you　were。　And　where's　Jeremy？〃

〃Jeremy！〃　She　started　up；　remembering　everything。

〃Hasn't　he　come　back？　Oh；　he's　lost　and　he'll　be　killed；　and　it　will
be　all　my　fault！〃　She　burst　into　another　fit　of　wild　hysterical
crying。

Her　mother　took　her　arm。　〃Mary；　explainWhat　have　you　done？〃

Mary　explained；　her　teeth　chattering；　her　head　aching　so　that　she
could　not　see。

〃And　you　shut　him　up　like　that？　WhateverOh；　Mary；　you　wicked　girl！
And　JeremyHe's　been　away　two　hours　now〃

She　turned　off；　leaving　Mary　alone　in　the　black　room。

Mary　was　left　to　every　terror　that　can　beset　a　lonely；　hysterical
childterror　of　Jeremy's　fate；　terror　of　Hamlet's　loss；　terror　of
her　own　crimes；　above　all；　terror　of　the　lonely　room；　the　waving
elms　and　the　gathering　dark。　She　could　not　move；　she　could　not　even
close　the　door　of　the　wardrobe；　into　whose　shelter　she　had　again
crept。　She　stared　at　the　white　sheet　of　the　window；　with　its　black
bars　like　railings　and　its　ghostly　hinting　of　a　moon　that　would　soon
be　up　above　the　trees。　Every　noise　frightened　her；　the　working　of
the　〃separator〃　in　a　distant　part　of　the　farm；　the　whistling　of　some
farm…hand　out　in　the　yard；　the　voice　of　some　boy；　〃coo…ee〃…ing
faintly；　the　lingering　echo　of　the　vanished　dayall　these　seemed　to
accuse　her；　to　point　fingers　at　her；　to　warn　her　of　some　awful
impending　punishment。　〃Ah！　you're　the　little　girl；〃　they　seemed　to
say；　〃who　lost　Jeremy's　dog　and　broke　Jeremy's　heart。〃　She　was　sure
that　someone　was　beneath　her　bed。　That　old　terror　haunted　her　with
an　almost　humorous　persistency　every　night　before　she　went　to　sleep；
but　to…night　there　was　a　ghastly　certainty　and　imminence　about　it
that　froze　her　blood。　She　crouched　up　against　the　hanging　skirts；
gazing　at　the　black　line　between　the　floor　and　the　white　sheets；
expecting　at　every　second　to　see　a　protruding　black　mask；　bloodshot
eyes；　a　coarse　hand。　The　memory　of　the　burglary　that　they　had　had　in
the　spring　came　upon　her　with　redoubled　force。　Ah！　surely；　surely
someone　was　there！　She　heard　a　movement；　a　scraping　of　a　boot　upon
the　floor；　the　thick　hurried　breathing　of　some　desperate
villain。　。　。

Then　these　fears　gave　way　to　something　worse　than　them　all；　the
certainty　that　Jeremy　was　dead。　Ridiculous　pictures　passed　before
her；　of　Jeremy　hanging　from　a　tree；　Jeremy　lying　frozen　in　the　wood；
the　faithful　Hamlet　dead　at　his　side；　Jeremy　stung　by　an　adder　and
succumbing　to　his　horrible　tortures；　Jeremy　surrounded　by　violent
men；　who　snatched　Hamlet　from　him；　beat　him　on　the　head　and　left　him
for　dead　on　the　ground。

She　passed　what　seemed　to　her　hours　of　torture　under　these　horrible
imaginings；　tired　out；　almost　out　of　her　mind　with　the　hysteria　of
her　loneliness；　her　imagination　and　her　conscience；　she　passed　into
a　kind　of　apathy　of　unhappiness；　thinking　now　only　of　Jeremy；
longing　for　him；　beseeching　him　to　come　back；　telling　the　empty
moonlit　room　that　she　never　meant　it；　that　she　would　do　everything
he　wanted　if　only　he　came　back　to　her；　that　she　was　a　wicked　girl；
that　she　would　never　be　wicked　again。　。　。　。　And　she　took　her
punishment　alone。

After　endless　ages　of　darkness　and　terror　and　misery　she　heard
voicesthen　HIS　voice！　She　jumped　out　of　the　wardrobe　and　listened。
Yes；　it　WAS　his　voice。　She　pushed　back　the　door；　crept　down　the
passage；　and　came　suddenly　upon　a　little　group；　with　Jeremy　in　its
midst；　crowded　together　at　the　top　of　the　stairs。　Jeremy　was　wrapped
up　in　his　father's　heavy　coat；　and　looked　very　small　and　impish　as
he　peered　from　out　of　it。　He　was　greatly　excited；　his　eyes　shining；
his　mouth　smiling；　his　cheeks　flushed。

His　audience　consisted　of　Helen；　Mrs。　Cole；　Miss　Jones；　and　Aunt
Amy。　He　described　to　them　how　he　had　run　along　the　road　〃for　miles
and　miles　and　miles；〃　how　at　last　he　had　found　the　farm；　had　rung
the　bell；　and　inquired；　and　discovered　Hamlet　licking　up　sugary　tea
in　the　farm　kitchen；　there　had　then　been　a　rapturous　meeting；　and　he
had　boldly　declared　that　he　could　find　his　way　home　again　without
aid。　〃They　wanted　me　to　be　driven　home　in　their　trap；　but　I　wasn't
going　to　have　that。　They'd　been　at　the　fair　all　day；　and　didn't　want
to　go　out　again。　I　could　see　that。〃　So　he　and　Hamlet　started　gaily
on　their　walk　home；　and　then；　in　some　way　or　another；　he　took　the
wrong　turn；　and　suddenly　they　were　in　Mellot　Wood。　〃It　was　dark　as
anything；　you　know；　although　there　was　going　to　be　a　moon。　We
couldn't　see　a　thing；　and　then　I　got　loster　and　loster。　At　last　we
just　sat　under　a　tree。　There　was　nothing　more　to　do！〃　Then；
apparently；　Jeremy　had　slept；　and　had；　finally；　been　found　in　the
proper　romantic　manner　by　Jim　and　his　father。

〃Well；　all's　well　that　ends　well；〃　said　Aunt　Amy；　with　a　sniff。　In
spite　of　that　momentary　softness　over　the　defeat　of　the　Dean's
Ernest　she　liked　her　young　nephew　no　better　than　of　old。　She　had
desired　that　he　should　be　punished　for　this；　but　as　she　looked　at
the　melting　eyes　of　Mrs。　Cole　and　Miss　Jones　she　had　very　little
hope。

Mary　was　forgotten；　no　one　noticed　her。

〃Bed；〃　said　Mrs。　Cole。

〃Really；　what　a　terrible　affair；〃　said　Miss　Jones。　〃And　I　can't　help
feeling　that　it　was　my　fault。〃

〃What　Mary〃　began　Mrs。　Cole。　And　then　she　stopped。　She　had　perhaps
some　sense　that　Mary　had　already　received　sufficient　punishment。

Mary　waited；　standing　against　the　passage　wall。　Jeremy；　who　had　not
seen　her；　vanished　into　his　room。　She　waited；　then　plucking　up　all
her　courage　with　the　desperate　suffocating　sense　of　a　prisoner
laying　himself　beneath　the　guillotine；　she　knocked　timidly　on　his
door。

He　said：　〃Come　in；〃　and　entering；　she　saw　him；　in　his　braces；
standing　on　a　chair　trying　to　put　the　picture　entitled　〃Daddy's
Christmas〃　straight　upon　its　nail。　The　sight　of　this　familiar　task
the　picture　would　never　hang　straight；　although　every　day　Jeremy；
who；　strangely　enough；　had　an　eye　to　such　matters；　tried　to　correct
itcheered　her　a　little。

〃Won't　it　go　straight？〃　she　said　feebly。

〃No；　it　won't；〃　he　began；　and　then；　suddenly　realising　the　whole
position；　stopped。

〃I'm　sorry；　Jeremy；〃　she　muttered；　hanging　her　head　down。

〃Oh；　that's　all　right；〃　he　answered；　turning　away　from　her　and
pulling　at　the　string。　〃It　was　a　beastly　thing　to　do　all　the　same；〃
he　added。

〃Will　you　forgive　me？〃　she　asked。

〃Oh；　there　isn't　any　forgiveness　about　it。　Girls　are　queer；　I
suppose。　I　don't　understand　them　myself。　There；　that's　better。　。　。　I
say；　it　was　simply　beastly　under　that　tree〃

〃Was　it？〃

〃Beastly！　There　was　something　howling　somewherea　cat　or
something。〃

〃You　do　forgive　me；　don't　you？〃

〃Yes；　yes。　。　。　I　say；　is　that　right　now？　Oh；　it　won't　stay　there。
It's　the　wall　or　something。〃

He　came　down　from　the　chair　yawning。

〃Jim's　nice；〃　he　confided　to　her。　〃He's　going　to　take　me　ratting　one
day！〃

〃I'm　going；〃　Mary　said　again；　and　waited。

Jeremy　coloured；　looked　as　though　he　would　say　something；　then；　in
silence；　presented　a　very　grimy　cheek。　〃Good…night；〃　he　said；　with
an　air　of　intense　relief。

〃Good…night；〃　she　said；　kissing　him。

She　closed　the　door　behind　her。　She　knew　that　the　worst　had
happened。　He　had　passed　away；　utterly　beyond　her　company；　her　world；
her　interests。　She　crept　along　to　her　room；　and　there；　with　a
determination　and　a　strength　rare　in　a　child　so　young　and　so
undisciplined；　faced　her　loneliness。




CHAPTER　XI

THE　MERRY…GO…ROUND


I


The　holidays　were　over。　The　Coles　were　once　more　back　in　Polchester；
and　the　most　exciting　period　of　Jeremy's　life　had　begun。　So　at　any
rate　he　felt　it。　It　might　be　that　in　later　years　there　would　be　new
exciting　events；　lion…hunting；　for　instance；　or　a　war；　or　the
tracking　of　niggers　in　the　heart　of　Africahe　would　be　ready　for
them　when　they　camebut　these　last　weeks　before　his　first　departure
for　school　offered　him　the　prospect　of　the　first　real　independence
of　his　life。　There　could　never　be　anything　quite　like　that　again。
Nevertheless；　school　seemed　still　a　long　way　distant。　It　was　only
his　manliness　that　he　was　realising　and　a　certain　impatience　and
restlessness　that　underlay　everything　that　he　did。

September　and　October　are　often　very　lovely　months　in　Polchester；
autumn　seems　to　come　there　with　a　greater　warmth　and　richness　than
it　does　elsewhere。　Along　all　the　reaches　of　the　Pol；　right　down　to
the　sea；　the　leaves　of　the　woods　hung　with　a　riotous　magnificence
that　is　glorious　in　its　recklessness。　The　waters　of　that　silent
river　are　so　still；　so　glassy；　that　the　banks　of　gold　and　flaming
red　are　reflected　in　all　their　richest　colour　down　into　the　very
heart　of　the　stream；　and　it　is　only　when　a　fish　jumps　or　a　twig
falls　from　the　overhanging　trees　that　the　mirror　is　broken　and　the
colours　flash　into　ripples　and　shadows　of　white　and　grey。　The　utter
silence　of　all　this　world　makes　the　Cathedral　town　sleepy；　sluggish；
forgotten　of　all　men。　As　the　autumn　comes　it　seems　to　drowse　away
into　winter　to　the　tune　of　its　Cathedral　bells；　to　the　scent　of　its
burning　leaves　and　the　soft　steps　of　its　Canons　and　clergy。　There　is
every　autumn　here　a　clerical　conference；　and　long　before　the
appointed　week　begins；　and　long　after　it　is　lawfully　concluded；
clergymen；　strange　clergymen　with　soft　black　hats；　take　the　town　for
their　own；　gaze　into　Martin　the　pastry…cook's；　sit　in　the　dusk　of
the　Cathedral　listening　to　the　organ；　walk；　their　heads　in　air；
their　arms　folded　behind　their　backs；　straight　up　Orange　Street　as
though　they　were　scaling　Heaven　itself；　stop　little　children；　pat
their　heads；　and　give　them　pennies；　stand　outside　Poole's　bookshop
and　delve　in　the　2d。　box　for　thumb…marked　sermons；　stand　gazing　in
learned　fashion　at　the　great　West　Door；　investigating　the　saints　and
apostles　portrayed　thereon；　hurry　in　their　best　hats　and　coats　along
the　Close　to　some　ladies'　tea…party；　or　pass　with　solemn　and　anxious
mien　into　the　palace　of　th