the ragged trousered philanthropists-第70部分

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‘I　wished　I　was　a　pet　dog；　don't　you？'　remarked　Tommy　Newman　to　Charley　Linden。

‘Not　arf！'　replied　Charley。

‘Here　we　see　another　unemployed　procession；'　continued　Bert　as　he　rolled　another　picture　into　sight；　‘2；000　able…bodied　men　who　are　not　allowed　to　work。　　Next　we　see　the　hinterior　of　a　Hindustrial　'Ome　…　Blind　children　and　cripples　working　for　their　living。　　Our　next　scene　is　called　〃Cheap　Labour〃。　　'Ere　we　see　a　lot　of　small　boys　about　twelve　and　thirteen　years　old　bein'　served　out　with　their　Labour　Stifficats；　which　gives　'em　the　right　to　go　to　work　and　earn　money　to　help　their　unemployed　fathers　to　pay　the　slum　rent。

‘Once　more　we　turns　the　'andle　and　brings　on　one　of　our　finest　scenes。　This　lovely　pitcher　is　hintitled　〃The　Hangel　of　Charity〃；　and　shows　us　the　beautiful　Lady　Slumrent　seated　at　the　table　in　a　cosy　corner　of　'er　charmin'　boodore；　writin'　out　a　little　cheque　for　the　relief　of　the　poor　of　Slumtown。

‘Our　next　scene　is　called　〃The　Rival　Candidates；　or；　a　Scene　during　the　General　Election〃。　　On　the　left　you　will　observe；　standin'　up　in　a　motor　car；　a　swell　bloke　with　a　eyeglass　stuck　in　one　eye；　and　a　overcoat　with　a　big　fur　collar　and　cuffs；　addressing　the　crowd：　this　is　the　Honourable　Augustus　Slumrent；　the　Conservative　candidate。　　On　the　other　side　of　the　road　we　see　another　motor　car　and　another　swell　bloke　with　a　round　pane　of　glass　in　one　eye　and　a　overcoat　with　a　big　fur　collar　and　cuffs；　standing　up　in　the　car　and　addressin'　the　crowd。　This　is　Mr　Mandriver；　the　Liberal　candidate。　　The　crowds　of　shabby…　lookin'　chaps　standin'　round　the　motor　cars　wavin'　their　'ats　and　cheerin'　is　workin'　men。　　Both　the　candidates　is　tellin'　'em　the　same　old　story；　and　each　of　'em　is　askin'　the　workin'　men　to　elect　'im　to　Parlimint；　and　promisin'　to　do　something　or　other　to　make　things　better　for　the　lower　horders。'

As　an　appropriate　selection　to　go　with　this　picture；　Bert　played　the　tune　of　a　popular　song；　the　words　being　well　known　to　the　children；　who　sang　enthusiastically；　clapping　their　hands　and　stamping　their　feet　on　the　floor　in　time　with　the　music：

　　　　　　　　‘We've　both　been　there　before；　　　　　　　　　Many　a　time；　many　a　time！　　　　　　　　　We've　both　been　there　before；　　　　　　　　　Many　a　time！　　　　　　　　　Where　many　a　gallon　of　beer　has　gone。　　　　　　　　　To　colour　his　nose　and　mine；　　　　　　　　　We've　both　been　there　before；　　　　　　　　　Many　a　time；　many　a　time！'

At　the　conclusion　of　the　singing；　Bert　turned　another　picture　into　view。

‘'Ere　we　'ave　another　election　scene。　　At　each　side　we　see　the　two　candidates　the　same　as　in　the　last　pitcher。　　In　the　middle　of　the　road　we　see　a　man　lying　on　the　ground；　covered　with　blood；　with　a　lot　of　Liberal　and　Tory　working　men　kickin'　'im；　jumpin'　on　'im；　and　stampin'　on　'is　face　with　their　'obnailed　boots。　　The　bloke　on　the　ground　is　a　Socialist；　and　the　reason　why　they're　kickin'　'is　face　in　is　because　'e　said　that　the　only　difference　between　Slumrent　and　Mandriver　was　that　they　was　both　alike。'

While　the　audience　were　admiring　this　picture；　Bert　played　another　well…known　tune；　and　the　children　sang　the　words：

　　　　　　　　‘Two　lovely　black　eyes；　　　　　　　　　Oh　what　a　surprise！　　　　　　　　　Only　for　telling　a　man　he　was　wrong；　　　　　　　　　Two　lovely　black　eyes。'

Bert　continued　to　turn　the　handles　of　the　rollers　and　a　long　succession　of　pictures　passed　across　the　stage；　to　the　delight　of　the　children；　who　cheered　and　sang　as　occasion　demanded；　but　the　most　enthusiastic　outburst　of　all　greeted　the　appearance　of　the　final　picture；　which　was　a　portrait　of　the　King。　　Directly　the　children　saw　it　…　without　waiting　for　the　band　…　they　gave　three　cheers　and　began　to　sing　the　chorus　of　the　National　Anthem。

A　round　of　applause　for　Bert　concluded　the　Pandorama　performance；　the　lamp　and　the　candles　of　the　Christmas　tree　were　relit　…　for　although　all　the　toys　had　been　taken　off；　the　tree　still　made　a　fine　show　with　the　shining　glass　ornaments　…　and　then　they　had　some　more　games；　blind　man's　buff；　a　tug…of…war　…　in　which　Philpot　was　defeated　with　great　laughter　…　and　a　lot　of　other　games。　　And　when　they　were　tired　of　these；　each　child　‘said　a　piece'　or　sung　a　song；　learnt　specially　for　the　occasion。　　The　only　one　who　had　not　come　prepared　in　this　respect　was　little　Rosie；　and　even　she　…　so　as　to　be　the　same　as　the　others　…　insisted　on　reciting　the　only　piece　she　knew。　　Kneeling　on　the　hearthrug；　she　put　her　hands　together；　palm　to　palm；　and　shutting　her　eyes　very　tightly　she　repeated　the　verse　she　always　said　every　night　before　going　to　bed：

　　　　　　　　‘Gentle　Jesus；　meek　and　mild；　　　　　　　　　Look　on　me；　a　little　child。　　　　　　　　　Pity　my　simplicity；　　　　　　　　　Suffer　me　to　come　to　Thee。'

Then　she　stood　up　and　kissed　everyone　in　turn；　and　Philpot　crossed　over　and　began　looking　out　of　the　window；　and　coughed；　and　blew　his　nose；　because　a　nut　that　he　had　been　eating　had　gone　down　the　wrong　way。

Most　of　them　were　by　this　time　quite　tired　out；　so　after　some　supper　the　party　broke　up。　　Although　they　were　nearly　all　very　sleepy；　none　of　them　were　very　willing　to　go；　but　they　were　consoled　by　the　thought　of　another　entertainment　to　which　they　were　going　later　on　in　the　week　…　the　Band　of　Hope　Tea　and　Prize　Distribution　at　the　Shining　Light　Chapel。

Bert　undertook　to　see　Elsie　and　Charley　safely　home；　and　Philpot　volunteered　to　accompany　Nellie　and　Tommy　Newman；　and　to　carry　Rosie；　who　was　so　tired　that　she　fell　asleep　on　his　shoulder　before　they　left　the　house。

As　they　were　going　down　the　stairs　Frankie　held　a　hurried　consultation　with　his　mother；　with　the　result　that　he　was　able　to　shout　after　them　an　invitation　to　come　again　next　Christmas。



Chapter　30

The　Brigands　hold　a　Council　of　War


It　being　now　what　is　usually　called　the　festive　season　…　possibly　because　at　this　period　of　the　year　a　greater　number　of　people　are　suffering　from　hunger　and　cold　than　at　any　other　time　…　the　reader　will　not　be　surprised　at　being　invited　to　another　little　party　which　took　place　on　the　day　after　the　one　we　have　just　left。　　The　scene　was　Mr　Sweater's　office。　　Mr　Sweater　was　seated　at　his　desk；　but　with　his　chair　swung　round　to　enable　him　to　face　his　guests　…　Messrs　Rushton；　Didlum；　and　Grinder；　who　were　also　seated。

‘Something　will　'ave　to　be　done；　and　that　very　soon；'　Grinder　was　saying。　　‘We　can't　go　on　much　longer　as　we're　doing　at　present。　　For　my　part；　I　think　the　best　thing　to　do　is　to　chuck　up　the　sponge　at　once；　the　company　is　practically　bankrupt　now；　and　the　longer　we　waits　the　worser　it　will　be。'

‘That's　just　my　opinion；'　said　Didlum　dejectedly。　　‘If　we　could　supply　the　electric　light　at　the　same　price　as　gas；　or　a　little　cheaper；　we　might　have　some　chance；　but　we　can't　do　it。　　The　fact　is　that　the　machinery　we've　got　is　no　dam　good；　it's　too　small　and　it's　wore　out；　consequently　the　light　we　supply　is　inferior　to　gas　and　costs　more。'

‘Yes；　I　think　we're　fairly　beaten　this　time；'　said　Rushton。　　‘Why；　even　if　the　Gas　Coy　hadn't　moved　their　works　beyond　the　borough　boundary；　still　we　shouldn't　'ave　been　hable　to　compete　with　'em。'

‘Of　course　not；'　said　Grinder。　　‘The　truth　of　the　matter　is　just　wot　Didlum　says。　　Our　machinery　is　too　small；　it's　worn　hout；　and　good　for　nothing　but　to　be　throwed　on　the　scrap…heap。　　So　there's　only　one　thing　left　to　do　and　that　is　…　go　into　liquidation。'

‘I　don't　see　it；'　remarked　Sweater。

‘Well；　what　do　you　propose；　then？'　demanded　Grinder。　　‘Reconstruct　the　company？　　Ask　the　shareholders　for　more　money？　　Pull　down　the　works　and　build　fresh；　and　buy　some　new　machinery？　　And　then　most　likely　not　make　a　do　of　it　after　all？　　Not　for　me；　old　chap！　　I've　'ad　enough。　You　won't　catch　me　chuckin'　good　money　after　bad　in　that　way。'

‘Nor　me　neither；'　said　Rushton。

‘Dead　orf！'　remarked　Didlum；　very　decidedly。

Sweater　laughed　quietly。　　‘I'm　not　such　a　fool　as　to　suggest　anything　of　that　sort；'　he　said。　　‘You　seem　to　forget　that　I　am　one　of　the　largest　shareholders　myself。　　No。　　What　I　propose　is　that　we　Sell　Out。'

‘Sell　out！'　replied　Grinder　with　a　contemptuous　laugh　in　which　the　others　joined。　　‘Who's　going　to　buy　the　shares　of　a　concern　that's　practically　bankrupt　and　never　paid　a　dividend？'

‘I've　tried　to　sell　my　little　lot　several　times　already；'　said　Didlum　with　a　sickly　smile；　‘but　nobody　won't　buy　'em。'

‘Who's　to　buy？'　repeated　Sweater；　replying　to　Grinder。　　‘The　municipality　of　course！　　The　ratepayers。　　Why　shouldn't　Mugsborough　go　in　for　Socialism　as　well　as　other　towns？'

Rushton；　Didlum　and　Grinder　fairly　gasped　for　breath：　the　audacity　of　the　chief's　proposal　nearly　paralysed　them。

‘I'm　afraid　we　should　never　git　away　with　it；'　ejaculated　Didlum；　as　soon　as　he　could　speak。　　‘When　the　people　tumbled　to　it；　there'd　be　no　hend　of　a　row。'

‘PEOPLE！　　ROW！'　replied　Sweater；　scornfully。　　‘The　majority　of　the　people　will　never　know　anything　about　it！　Listen　to　me　…'

‘Are　you　quite　sure　as　we　can't　be　over'eard？'　interrupted　Rushton；　glancing　nervously　at　the　door　and　round　the　office。

‘It's　all　right；'　answered　Sweater；　who　nevertheless　lowered　his　voice　almost　to　a　whisper；　and　the　others　drew　their　chairs　closer　and　bent　forward　to　listen。

‘You　know　we　still　have　a　little　money　in　hand：　well；　what　I　propose　is　this：　At　the　annual　meeting；　which；　as　you　know；　comes　off　next　week；　we'll　arrange　for　the　Secretary　to　read　a　highly　satisfactory　report；　and　we'll　declare　a　dividend　of　15　per　cent　…　we　can　arrange　it　somehow　between　us。　　Of　course；　we'll　have　to　cook　the　accounts　a　little；　but　I'll　see　that　it's　done　properly。　　The　other　shareholders　are　not　going　to　ask　any　awkward　questions；　and　we　all　understand　each　other。'

Sweater　paused；　and　regarded　the　other　three　brigands　intently。　　‘Do　you　follow　me？'　he　asked。

‘Yes；　yes；'　said　Didlum　eagerly。　　‘Go　on　with　it。'　　And　Rushton　and　Grinder　nodded　assent。

‘Afterwards；'　resumed　Sweater；　‘I'll　arrange　for　a　good　report　of　the　meeting　to　appear　in　the　Weekly　Ananias。　　I'll　instruct　the　Editor　to　write　it　himself；　and　I'll　tell　him　just　what　to　say。　　I'll　also　get　him　to　write　a　leading　article　about　it；　saying　that　electricity　is　sure　to　supersede　gas　for　lighting　purposes　in　the　very　near　future。　Then　the　article　will　go　on　to　refer　to　the　huge　profits　made　by　the　Gas　Coy　and　to　s