the ragged trousered philanthropists-第82部分

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he　clock…case。　　‘I　remember　'avin'　a　look　at　the　moon　through　that　big　telescope。　　I　was　never　so　surprised　in　me　life：　you　can　see　it　quite　plain；　and　it's　round！'

‘Round？'　said　Didlum　with　a　puzzled　look。　　‘Round？　　Of　course　it's　round！　　You　didn't　used　to　think　it　was　square；　did　yer？'

‘No；　of　course　not；　but　I　always　used　to　think　it　was　flat　…　like　a　plate；　but　it's　round　like　a　football。'

‘Certainly：　the　moon　is　a　very　simler　body　to　the　earth；'　explained　Didlum；　describing　an　aerial　circle　with　a　wave　of　his　hand。　　They　moves　through　the　air　together；　but　the　earth　is　always　nearest　to　the　sun　and　consequently　once　a　fortnight　the　shadder　of　the　earth　falls　on　the　moon　and　darkens　it　so　that　it's　invisible　to　the　naked　eye。　The　new　moon　is　caused　by　the　moon　movin'　a　little　bit　out　of　the　earth's　shadder；　and　it　keeps　on　comin'　more　and　more　until　we　gets　the　full　moon；　and　then　it　goes　back　again　into　the　shadder；　and　so　it　keeps　on。'

For　about　a　minute　everyone　looked　very　solemn；　and　the　profound　silence　was　disturbed　only　the　the　crunching　of　the　biscuits　between　the　jaws　of　Mr　Bosher；　and　by　certain　gurglings　in　the　interior　of　that　gentleman。

‘Science　is　a　wonderful　thing；'　said　Mr　Sweater　at　length；　wagging　his　head　gravely；　‘wonderful！'

‘Yes：　but　a　lot　of　it　is　mere　theory；　you　know；'　observed　Rushton。　‘Take　this　idear　that　the　world　is　round；　for　instance；　I　fail　to　see　it！　　And　then　they　say　as　Hawstralia　is　on　the　other　side　of　the　globe；　underneath　our　feet。　In　my　opinion　it's　ridiculous；　because　if　it　was　true；　wot's　to　prevent　the　people　droppin'　orf？'

‘Yes：　well；　of　course　it's　very　strange；'　admitted　Sweater。　　‘I've　often　thought　of　that　myself。　　If　it　was　true；　we　ought　to　be　able　to　walk　on　the　ceiling　of　this　room；　for　instance；　but　of　course　we　know　that's　impossible；　and　I　really　don't　see　that　the　other　is　any　more　reasonable。'

‘I've　often　noticed　flies　walkin'　on　the　ceilin'；'　remarked　Didlum；　who　felt　called　upon　to　defend　the　globular　theory。

‘Yes；　but　they're　different；'　replied　Rushton。　　‘Flies　is　provided　by　nature　with　a　gluey　substance　which　oozes　out　of　their　feet　for　the　purpose　of　enabling　them　to　walk　upside　down。'

‘There's　one　thing　that　seems　to　me　to　finish　that　idear　once　for　all；'　said　Grinder；　‘and　that　is　…　water　always　finds　its　own　level。　You　can't　get　away　from　that；　and　if　the　world　was　round；　as　they　want　us　to　believe；　all　the　water　would　run　off　except　just　a　little　at　the　top。　　To　my　mind；　that　settles　the　whole　argymint。'

‘Another　thing　that　gets　over　me；'　continued　Rushton；　‘is　this：　according　to　science；　the　earth　turns　round　on　its　axle　at　the　rate　of　twenty　miles　a　minit。　　Well；　what　about　when　a　lark　goes　up　in　the　sky　and　stays　there　about　a　quarter　of　an　hour？　　Why；　if　it　was　true　that　the　earth　was　turnin'　round　at　that　rate　all　the　time；　when　the　bird　came　down　it　would　find　itself　'undreds　of　miles　away　from　the　place　where　it　went　up　from！　　But　that　doesn't　'appen　at　all；　the　bird　always　comes　down　in　the　same　spot。'

‘Yes；　and　the　same　thing　applies　to　balloons　and　flyin'　machines；'　said　Grinder。　　‘If　it　was　true　that　the　world　is　spinnin'　round　on　its　axle　so　quick　as　that；　if　a　man　started　out　from　Calais　to　fly　to　Dover；　by　the　time　he　got　to　England　he'd　find　'imself　in　North　America；　or　p'r'aps　farther　off　still。'

‘And　if　it　was　true　that　the　world　goes　round　the　sun　at　the　rate　they　makes　out；　when　a　balloon　went　up；　the　earth　would　run　away　from　it！　They'd　never　be　able　to　get　back　again！'　remarked　Rushton。

This　was　so　obvious　that　nearly　everyone　said　there　was　probably　something　in　it；　and　Didlum　could　think　of　no　reply。　　Mr　Bosher　upon　being　appealed　to　for　his　opinion；　explained　that　science　was　alright　in　its　way；　but　unreliable：　the　things　scientists　said　yesterday　they　contradicted　today；　and　what　they　said　today　they　would　probably　repudiate　tomorrow。　　It　was　necessary　to　be　very　cautious　before　accepting　any　of　their　assertions。

‘Talking　about　science；'　said　Grinder；　as　the　holy　man　relapsed　into　silence　and　started　on　another　biscuit　and　a　fresh　cup　of　tea。　‘Talking　about　science　reminds　me　of　a　conversation　I　'ad　with　Dr　Weakling　the　other　day。　　You　know；　he　believes　we're　all　descended　from　monkeys。'

Everyone　laughed；　the　thing　was　so　absurd：　the　idea　of　placing　intellectual　beings　on　a　level　with　animals！

‘But　just　wait　till　you　hear　how　nicely　I　flattened　'im　out；'　continued　Grinder。　　‘After　we'd　been　arguin'　a　long　time　about　wot　'e　called　everlution　or　some　sich　name；　and　a　lot　more　tommy…rot　that　I　couldn't　make　no　'ead　or　tail　of　…　and　to　tell　you　the　truth　I　don't　believe　'e　understood　'arf　of　it　'imself　…　I　ses　to　'im；　〃Well；〃　I　ses；　〃if　it's　true　that　we're　hall　descended　from　monkeys；〃　I　ses；　〃I　think　your　famly　must　'ave　left　orf　where　mine　begun。〃'

In　the　midst　of　the　laughter　that　greeted　the　conclusion　of　Grinder's　story　it　was　seen　that　Mr　Bosher　had　become　black　in　the　face。　　He　was　waving　his　arms　and　writhing　about　like　one　in　a　fit；　his　goggle　eyes　bursting　from　their　sockets；　whilst　his　huge　stomach　quivering　spasmodically；　alternately　contracted　and　expanded　as　if　it　were　about　to　explode。

In　the　exuberance　of　his　mirth；　the　unfortunate　disciple　had　swallowed　two　biscuits　at　once。　　Everybody　rushed　to　his　assistance；　Grinder　and　Didlum　seized　an　arm　and　a　shoulder　each　and　forced　his　head　down。　Rushton　punched　him　in　the　back　and　the　ladies　shrieked　with　alarm。　They　gave　him　a　big　drink　of　tea　to　help　to　get　the　biscuits　down；　and　when　he　at　last　succeeded　in　swallowing　them　he　sat　in　the　armchair　with　his　eyes　red…rimmed　and　full　of　tears；　which　ran　down　over　his　white；　flabby　face。

The　arrival　of　the　other　members　of　the　committee　put　an　end　to　the　interesting　discussion；　and　they　shortly　afterwards　proceeded　with　the　business　for　which　the　meeting　had　been　called　…　the　arrangements　for　the　forthcoming　Rummage　Sale。



Chapter　39

The　Brigands　at　Work


The　next　day；　at　the　meeting　of　the　Town　Council；　Mr　Wireman's　report　concerning　the　Electric　Light　Works　was　read。　　The　expert's　opinion　was　so　favourable　…　and　it　was　endorsed　by　the　Borough　Engineer；　Mr　Oyley　Sweater　…　that　a　resolution　was　unanimously　carried　in　favour　of　acquiring　the　Works　for　the　town；　and　a　secret　committee　was　appointed　to　arrange　the　preliminaries。　　Alderman　Sweater　then　suggested　that　a　suitable　honorarium　be　voted　to　Mr　Wireman　for　his　services。　　This　was　greeted　with　a　murmur　of　approval　from　most　of　the　members；　and　Mr　Didlum　rose　with　the　intention　of　proposing　a　resolution　to　that　effect　when　he　was　interrupted　by　Alderman　Grinder；　who　said　he　couldn't　see　no　sense　in　giving　the　man　a　thing　like　that。　　‘Why　not　give　him　a　sum　of　money？'

Several　members　said　‘Hear；　hear；'　to　this；　but　some　of　the　others　laughed。

‘I　can't　see　nothing　to　laugh　at；'　cried　Grinder　angrily。　　‘For　my　part　I　wouldn't　give　you　tuppence　for　all　the　honorariums　in　the　country。　　I　move　that　we　pay　'im　a　sum　of　money。'

‘I'll　second　that；'　said　another　member　of　the　Band　…　one　of　those　who　had　cried　‘Hear；　Hear。'

Alderman　Sweater　said　that　there　seemed　to　be　a　little　misunderstanding　and　explained　that　an　honorarium　WAS　a　sum　of　money。

‘Oh；　well；　in　that　case　I'll　withdraw　my　resolution；'　said　Grinder。　‘I　thought　you　wanted　to　give　'im　a　'luminated　address　or　something　like　that。'

Didlum　now　moved　that　a　letter　of　thanks　and　a　fee　of　fifty　guineas　be　voted　to　Mr　Wireman；　and　this　was　also　unanimously　agreed　to。　　Dr　Weakling　said　that　it　seemed　rather　a　lot；　but　he　did　not　go　so　far　as　to　vote　against　it。

The　next　business　was　the　proposal　that　the　Corporation　should　take　over　the　drain　connecting　Mr　Sweater's　house　with　the　town　main。　　Mr　Sweater　…　being　a　public…spirited　man　…　proposed　to　hand　this　connecting　drain　…　which　ran　through　a　private　road　…　over　to　the　Corporation　to　be　theirs　and　their　successors　for　ever；　on　condition　that　they　would　pay　him　the　cost　of　construction　…　？5　…　and　agreed　to　keep　it　in　proper　repair。　　After　a　brief　discussion　it　was　decided　to　take　over　the　drain　on　the　terms　offered；　and　then　Councillor　Didlum　proposed　a　vote　of　thanks　to　Alderman　Sweater　for　his　generosity　in　the　matter：　this　was　promptly　seconded　by　Councillor　Rushton　and　would　have　been　carried　nem。　con。；　but　for　the　disgraceful　conduct　of　Dr　Weakling；　who　had　the　bad　taste　to　suggest　that　the　amount　was　about　double　what　the　drain　could　possibly　have　cost　to　construct；　that　it　was　of　no　use　to　the　Corporation　at　all；　and　that　they　would　merely　acquire　the　liability　to　keep　it　in　repair。

However；　no　one　took　the　trouble　to　reply　to　Weakling；　and　the　Band　proceeded　to　the　consideration　of　the　next　business；　which　was　Mr　Grinder's　offer　…　on　behalf　of　the　‘Cosy　Corner　Refreshment　Company'　…　to　take　the　Kiosk　on　the　Grand　Parade。　　Mr　Grinder　submitted　a　plan　of　certain　alterations　that　he　would　require　the　Corporation　to　make　at　the　Kiosk；　and；　provided　the　Council　agreed　to　do　this　work　he　was　willing　to　take　a　lease　of　the　place　for　five　years　at　？0　per　year。

Councillor　Didlum　proposed　that　the　offer　of　the　‘Cosy　Corner　Refreshment　Co。　Ltd'　be　accepted　and　the　required　alterations　proceeded　with　at　once。　　The　Kiosk　had　brought　in　no　rent　for　nearly　two　years；　but；　apart　from　that　consideration；　if　they　accepted　this　offer　they　would　be　able　to　set　some　of　the　unemployed　to　work。　（Applause。）

Councillor　Rushton　seconded。

Dr　Weakling　pointed　out　that　as　the　proposed　alterations　would　cost　about　？75　…　according　to　the　estimate　of　the　Borough　Engineer　…　and；　the　rent　being　only　？0　a　year；　it　would　mean　that　the　Council　would　be　？5　out　of　pocket　at　the　end　of　the　five　years；　to　say　nothing　of　the　expense　of　keeping　the　place　in　repair　during　all　that　time。　（Disturbance。）　　He　moved　as　an　amendment　that　the　alterations　be　made；　and　that　they　then　invite　tenders；　and　let　the　place　to　the　highest　bidder。　　（Great　uproar。）

Councillor　Rushton　said　he　was　disgusted　with　the　attitude　taken　up　by　that　man　Weakling。　　（Applause。）　　Perhaps　it　was　hardly　right　to　call　him　a　man。　　（Hear！　Hear！）　　In　the　matter　of　these　alterations　they　had　had　the　use　of　Councillor　Grinder's　brains：　it　was　he　who　first　thou