the daisy chain, or aspirations-第30部分

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as　my　own　doing；　and　not　be　disappointed。　　I　had　rather　see　you　a
healthy；　vigorous；　useful　man；　than　a　poor　puling　nervous　wretch　of　a
scholar；　if　you　were　to　get　all　the　prizes　in　the　university。〃

Norman　made　a　little　murmuring　sound　of　assent；　and　both　were　silent
for　some　moments；　then　he　said；　〃Then　you　will　not　be　displeased；
papa；　if　I　do　read；　as　long　as　I　feel　it　does　me　no　harm。〃

〃I　told　you　I　don't　mean　to　make　it　a　matter　of　obedience。　　Do　as　you
pleaseI　had　rather　you　read　than　vexed　yourself。〃

〃I　am　glad　of　it。　　Thank　you；　papa；〃　said　Norman；　in　a　much　cheered
voice。

They　had；　in　the　meantime；　been　mounting　a　rising　ground；　clothed
with　stunted　wood；　and　came　out　on　a　wide　heath；　brown　with　dead
bracken；　a　hollow；　traced　by　the　tops　of　leafless　trees；　marked　the
course　of　the　stream　that　traversed　it；　and　the　inequalities　of
ground　becoming　more　rugged　in　outlines　and　grayer　in　colouring　as
they　receded；　till　they　were　closed　by　a　dark　fir　wood；　beyond　which
rose　in　extreme　distance　the　grand　mass　of　Welsh　mountain　heads；
purpled　against　the　evening　sky；　except　where　the　crowning　peaks　bore
a　veil　of　snow。　　Behind；　the　sky　was　pure　gold；　gradually　shading
into　pale　green；　and　then　into　clear　light　wintry　blue；　while　the　sun
sitting　behind　two　of　the　loftiest；　seemed　to　confound　their
outlines；　and　blend　them　in　one　flood　of　soft　hazy　brightness。　　Dr。
May　looked　at　his　son；　and　saw　his　face　clear　up；　his　brow　expand；
and　his　lips　unclose　with　admiration。

〃Yes；〃　said　the　doctor；　〃it　is　very　fine；　is　it　not？　　I　used　to　bring
mamma　here　now　and　then　for　a　treat；　because　it　put　her　in　mind　of
her　Scottish　hills。　　Well；　your's　are　the　golden　hills　of　heaven；
now；　my　Maggie！〃　he　added；　hardly　knowing　that　he　spoke　aloud。
Norman's　throat　swelled；　as　he　looked　up　in　his　face；　then　cast　down
his　eyes　hastily　to　hide　the　tears　that　had　gathered　on　his
eyelashes。

〃I'll　leave　you　here；〃　said　Dr。　May；　〃I　have　to　go　to　a　farmhouse
close　by；　in　the　hollow　behind　us；　there's　a　girl　recovering　from　a
fever。　　I'll　not　be　ten　minutes；　so　wait　here。〃

When　he　came　back；　Norman　was　still　where　he　had　left　him；　gazing
earnestly；　and　the　tears　standing　on　his　cheeks。　　He　did　not　move
till　his　father　laid　his　hand　on　his　shoulderthey　walked　away
together　without　a　word；　and　scarcely　spoke　all　the　way　home。

Dr。　May　went　to　Margaret　and　talked　to　her　of　Norman's　fine
character；　and　intense　affection　for　his　mother；　the　determined
temper；　and　quietly　borne　grief；　for　which　the　doctor　seemed　to　have
worked　himself　into　a　perfect　enthusiasm　of　admiration；　but　lamenting
that　he　could　not　tell　what　to　do　with　himstudy　or　no　study　hurt
him　alikeand　he　dreaded　to　see　health　and　spirits　shattered　for
ever。　　They　tried　to　devise　change　of　scene；　but　it　did　not　seem
possible　just　at　present；　and　Margaret；　besides　her　fears　for　Norman；
was　much　grieved　to　see　this　added　to　her　father's　troubles。

At　night　Dr。　May　again　went　up　to　see　whether　Norman；　whom　he　had
moved　into　Margaret's　former　room；　were　again　suffering　from　fever。
He　found　him　asleep　in　a　restless　attitude；　as　if　he　had　just　dropped
off；　and　waking　almost　at　the　instant　of　his　entrance；　he　exclaimed；
〃Is　it　you？　　I　thought　it　was　mamma。　　She　said　it　was　all　ambition。〃

Then　starting；　and　looking　round　the　room；　and　at　his　father；　he
collected　himself；　and　said；　with　a　slight　smile；　〃I　didn't　know　I
had　been　asleep。　　I　was　awake　just　now；　thinking　about　it。　　Papa；
I'll　give　it　up。　　I'll　try　to　put　next　half　out　of　my　head；　and　not
mind　if　they　do　pass　me。〃

〃That's　right；　my　boy；〃　said　the　doctor。

〃At　least　if　Cheviot　and　Forder　do；　for　they　ought。　　I　only　hope
Anderson　won't。　　I　can　stand　anything　but　that。　　But　that　is　nonsense
too。〃

〃You　are　quite　right；　Norman；〃　said　the　doctor；　〃and　it　is　a　great
relief　to　me　that　you　see　the　thing　so　sensibly。〃

〃No；　I　don't　see　it　sensibly　at　all；　papa。　　I　hate　it　all　the　time；
and　I　don't　know　whether　I　can　keep　from　thinking　of　it；　when　I　have
nothing　to　do；　but　I　see　it　is　wrong；　I　thought　all　ambition　and
nonsense　was　gone　out　of　me；　when　I　cared　so　little　for　the
examination；　but　now　I　see；　though　I　did　not　want　to　be　made　first；　I
can't　bear　not　to　be　first；　and　that's　the　old　story；　just　as　she
used　to　tell　me　to　guard　against　ambition。　　So　I'll　take　my　chance；
and　if　I　should　get　put　down；　why；　'twas　not　fair　that　I　should　be
put　up；　and　it　is　what　I　ought　to　be；　and　serves　me　right　into　the
bargain〃

〃Well；　that's　the　best　sort　of　sense；　your　mother's　sense；〃　said　the
doctor；　more　affected　than　he　liked　to　show。　　〃No　wonder　she　came　to
you　in　your　dream；　Norman；　my　boy；　if　you　had　come　to　such　a
resolution。　　I　was　half　in　hopes　you　had　some　such　notion　when　I　came
upon　you；　on　Far…view　down。〃

〃I　think　that　sky　did　it；〃　said　Norman；　in　a　low　voice；　〃it　made　me
think　of　her　in　a　different　wayand　what　you　said　too。〃

〃What　did　I　say？　　I　don't　remember。〃

But　Norman　could　not　repeat　the　words；　and　only　murmured；　〃Golden
hills。〃　　It　was　enough。

〃I　see；〃　said　the　doctor；　〃you　had　dwelt　on　the　blank　here；　not　taken
home　what　it　is　to　her。〃

〃Ay；〃　almost　sobbed　Norman；　〃I　never　could　beforethat　made　me；〃
after　a　long　silence；　〃and　then　I　know　how　foolish　I　was；　and　how　she
would　say　it　was　wrong　to　make　this　fuss；　when　you　did　not　like　it；
about　my　place；　and　that　it　was　not　for　the　sake　of　my　duty；　but　of
ambition。　　I　knew　that；　but　till　I　went　to　bed　to…night；　I　could　not
tell　whether　I　could　make　up　my　mind；　so　I　would　say　nothing。




CHAPTER　XIII。



The　days　are　sad；　it　is　the　Holy　tide；
When　flowers　have　ceased　to　blow　and　birds　to　sing。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　F。　TENNYSON。


It　had　been　a　hard　struggle　to　give　up　all　thoughts　of　study；　and
Norman　was　not　at　first　rewarded　for　it；　but　rather　exemplified　the
truth　of　his　own　assertion；　that　he　was　worse　without　it；　for　when
this　sole　occupation　for　his　mind　was　taken　away；　he　drooped　still
more。　　He　would　willingly　have　shown　his　father　that　he　was　not
discontented；　but　he　was　too　entirely　unnerved　to　be　either　cheerful
or　capable　of　entering　with　interest　into　any　occupation。　　If　he　had
been　positively　ill；　the　task　would　have　been　easier；　but　the　low
intermittent　fever　that　hung　about　him　did　not　confine　him　to　bed；
only　kept　him　lounging；　listless　and　forlorn；　through　the　weary　day；
not　always　able　to　go　out　with　his　father；　and　on　Christmas　Day　unfit
even　for　church。

All　this　made　the　want　of　his　mother；　and　the　vacancy　in　his　home；
still　more　evident；　and　nothing　was　capable　of　relieving　his　sadness
but　his　father's　kindness；　which　was　a　continual　surprise　to　him。
Dr。　May　was　a　parent　who　could　not　fail　to　be　loved　and　honoured；
but；　as　a　busy　man；　trusting　all　at　home　to　his　wife；　he　had　only
appeared　to　his　children　either　as　a　merry　playfellow；　or　as　a　stern
paternal　authority；　not　often　in　the　intermediate　light　of　guiding
friend；　or　gentle　guardian；　and　it　affected　Norman　exceedingly　to
find　himself；　a　tall　schoolboy；　watched　and　soothed　with　motherly
tenderness　and　affection；　with　complete　comprehension　of　his
feelings；　and　delicate　care　of　them。　　His　father's　solicitude　and
sympathy　were　round　him　day　and　night；　and　this；　in　the　midst　of　so
much　toil；　pain；　grief；　and　anxiety　of　his　own；　that　Norman　might
well　feel　overwhelmed　with　the　swelling；　inexpressible　feelings　of
grateful　affection。

How　could　his　father　know　exactly　what　he　would　likesay　the　very
things　he　was　thinkingsee　that　his　depression　was　not　wilful
repiningfind　exactly　what　best　soothed　him！　　He　wondered；　but　he
could　not　have　said　so　to　any　one；　only　his　eye　brightened；　and；　as
his　sisters　remarked；　he　never　seemed　half　so　uncomfortable　when　papa
was　in　the　room。　　Indeed；　the　certainty　that　his　father　felt　the
sorrow　as　acutely　as　himself；　was　one　reason　of　his　opening　to　him。
He　could　not　feel　that　his　brothers　and　sisters　did　so；　for；
outwardly；　their　habits　were　unaltered；　their　spirits　not　lowered；
their　relish　for　things　around　much　the　same　as　before；　and　this　had
given　Norman　a　sense　of　isolation。　　With　his　father　it　was　different。
Norman　knew　he　could　never　appreciate　what　the　bereavement　was　to
himhe　saw　its　traces　in　almost　every　word　and　look；　and　yet
perceived　that　something　sustained　and　consoled　him；　though　not　in
the　way　of　forgetfulness。　　Now　and　then　Norman　caught　at　what　gave
this　comfort；　and　it　might　be　hoped　he　would　do　so　increasingly；
though；　on　this　Christmas　Day；　Margaret　felt　very　sad　about　him；　as
she　watched　him　sitting　over　the　fire；　cowering　with　chilliness　and
headache；　while　every　one　was　gone　to　church；　and　saw　that　the
reading　of　the　service　with　her　had　been　more　of　a　trouble　than　a
solace。

She　tried　to　think　it　bodily　ailment；　and　strove　hard　not　to　pine　for
her　mother；　to　comfort　them　both；　and　say　the　fond　words　of
refreshing　cheering　pity　that　would　have　made　all　light　to　bear。
Margaret's　home　Christmas　was　so　spent　in　caring　for　brother；　father；
and　children；　that　she　had　hardly　time　to　dwell　on　the　sad　change
that　had　befallen　herself。

Christmas　was　a　season　that　none　of　them　knew　well　how　to　meet：
Blanche　was　overheard　saying　to　Mary　that　she　wished　it　would　not
come；　and　Mary；　shaking　her　head；　and　answering　that　she　was　afraid
that　was　naughty；　but　it　was　very　tiresome　to　have　no　fun。　　Margaret
did　her　best　upstairs；　and　Richard　downstairs；　by　the　help　of　prints
and　hymns；　to　make　the　children　think　of　the　true　joy　of　Christmas；
and　in　the　evening　their　father　gathered　them　round；　and　told　them
the　stories　of　the　Shepherds　and　of　the　Wise　Men；　till　Mary　and
Blanche　agreed；　as　they　went　up　to　bed；　that　it　had　been　a　very　happy
evening。

The　next　day　Harry　discomfited　the　schoolroom　by　bursting　in　with　the
news　that　〃Louisa　and　Fanny　Anderson　were　bearing　down　on　the　front
door。〃　　Ethel　and　Flora　were　obliged　to　appear　in　the　drawing…room；
where　they　were　greeted　by　two　girls；　rather　older　than　themselves。
A　whole　shower　of　inquiries　for　Dr。　May；　for　Margaret；　and　for　the
dear　little　baby；　were　first　poured　out；　then　came　hopes　that　Norman
was　well；　as　they　h