a face illumined-第30部分
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that this was true。 They were walking up and down the piazza one
evening and had been talking with much animation on a subject of
mutual interest。 But she proved that there was in her mind a deeper
and stronger current of thought than that which had been apparent。
As the duskiness increased; and as in their promenade their faces
were turned away from those who might have observed them; she said
a little abruptly and yet with tremulous hesitancy:
〃Mr。 Van Berg; does your philosophy teach you to believe; as you
sung; on Sabbath evening; that
'There is no power to sever
The strong and true in mind?'〃
Before answering he turned to look at her。 Her face seemed to
stand out from the gloom of the night with a light of its own; and
was so white and eager as to be almost spirit…like。 His tones were
sad as he replied:
〃I wish I could answer you otherwise than as I must; for the impulse to
say some words of comfort; which I feel you need; is very strong。
I only sang of what I wished on Sunday evening。 I have little
philosophy; and still less of definite belief in regard to the
future life。 While I am not a theoretic skeptic; all questions of
faith are to me so vague and incomprehensible that I am a practical
materialist; and live only in the present hour。〃
〃But; Mr。 Van Berg;〃 she said; in a low tremulous tone; 〃can you
not understand that some people cannot live in the present hour;
try as they may? Oh; how desperately hard I try to do so! Can
you not imagine that something in one's past may make a future
necessary to save from despair? If I lost my hold on that future
I should go mad;〃 she added in a whisper。 〃How can any materialistic
philosophy be true when it fails us and so bitterly disappoints us
in our need?〃
〃I do not say it is true;〃 he replied; earnestly。 〃Indeed your
words and manner prove to me; as could no labored argument; what a
poor superficial thing it is。 I feel; with the force of conviction;
that it can no more meet your need than could the husks which the
swine did eat。〃
〃Since you were sincere; I will be also;〃 she continued in the
same low tone; looking away from him into the dark cloudy sky。 〃As
the hymn I sung may have suggested to you; I have not got very far
beyond mere submission and hope。 Something in my own soul as well
as in revelation tells me that there is a 'happier shore;' and I
am trying to reach it; but the way; too often; is like that sky;
utterly opaque and rayless。〃
〃I regret more deeply than you can ever know; Miss Burton; that I
find nothing in my own knowledge or experience to help you。 All
I can offer is my honest sympathy; and that you have had from the
first; for from the time of our first meeting the impression has
been growing upon me that your character had obtained its power
and beauty through some deep and sorrowful experience。 But while
I am unable to give you any help; perhaps I can suggest a pleasant
thought from your own illustration。 The black clouds yonder which
seem to you a true type of the shadows that have fallen across
your path; are; after all; but a film in the sky。 The sun; and a
multitude of other luminous worlds; are shining beyond them in the
heavens。 I would I had your chances of reaching a 'happier shore。'〃
〃That's a pretty sentiment;〃 she said; shaking her head slowly;
〃but those luminous worlds are a great way off; with cold and vast
reaches of space between them。 Besides; a luminous world would
not do me one bit of good。 I want…〃 she stopped abruptly with
something like a low sob。 〃There; there;〃 she resumed hastily
dashing away a few tears。 〃I have occupied your thoughts too long
with my forlorn little self。 I did not mean to show this weakness;
but have been betrayed into doing os; I think; because you impressed
me as being honest; and I thought that perhapsperhaps your man's
reason might have thought of some argument or probably conjecture
relating to the subject that; for causes obvious to you; would be
naturally interesting to one so alone in the world as I am。〃
〃I am sorry indeed that I never used my reason to so good a purpose;〃
he replied; 〃and yet; as I said at first; these subjects have ever
seemed to me so above and beyond my reason that I have carelessly
given them the go…by。 My profession has wholly absorbed me since
I have been capable of anything worth the name of thought; and the
world; toward which your mind is turning; is so large and vague
that I cannot even follow you; much less guide。〃
She sighed: 〃It is indeed 'large and vague。'〃 Then she added in
firm; quiet tones: 〃Mr。 Van Berg; please forget what I have said。
The weak must show their weakness at times in spite of themselves;
and your kindness and sincerity have beguiled me into inflicting
myself upon you。〃
〃You ask that which is impossible; Miss Burton;〃 he replied earnestly。
〃I cannot forget what you have said; nor do I wish to。 I need not
assure you; however; that I regard your confidence as sacred as if
it came from my own sister。 Will you also let me say that I never
felt so honored before in my life as I have to…night; in the fact
that I seemed to your woman's intuition worthy of your trust。〃
They were now turned towards the light that streamed dimly from
one of the windows。 She looked up at him with a bright; grateful
smile; but she apparently saw something in his eager face and manner
which checked her smile as suddenly as if he had been an apparition。
she gave him her hand; saying hastily; 〃Good…night; Mr。 Van Berg;
I thank you。 IIdo not feel very well;〃 and she passed swiftly
to a side door and disappeared。
Chapter XX。 A Wretched Secret that Must be Kept。
The interview described in the previous chapter touched Van Berg
deeply; but its close puzzled him。 Under the influences of his
aroused feelings had his face expressed more than mere sympathy?
Had her strong intuition; that was like a second sight; interpreted
his heart more clearly than he had been able to understand it himself
as yet? Reason and judgement; his privy council; had already begun
to advise him to win if possible this unselfish maiden; who with
a divine alchemy transmuted her shadows into sunshine for others;
and often suggested the thought; if she can do this in sorrow; how
inexpressibly happy she might make you and your aged father and
mother if you could first find out in some way how to make her
happy。
Indeed; so clear a case did these counsellors make out; that conscience
added her authoritative voice also; and assured him that he would
be false to himself and his future did he not; to the utmost; avail
himself and his future did he not; to the utmost; avail himself
of the opportunity of winning one whose society from the first had
been an inspiration to better thoughts and better living。
Until this evening his heart had remained sluggish。 Sweet and
potent as her voice had been; it had not penetrated to the 〃holy
of holies〃 within his soul。 But had not her low sad tones echoed
there to…night in the half involuntary confidence she had given
him?
In his deep sympathy; in the answering feeling evoked by her strong
but repressed emotion; he thought his heart had been stirred to
its depths; and that henceforth its chief desire would be to banish
the sorrowful memories typified to her mind by the black clouds
above him。 Had his face revealed this impulse of his heart before
he had been fully conscious of it himself? Was it an unwelcome
discovery; that she so hastily fled from it? Or had she been only
startledher maidenly reserve shrinking from the first fore…shadowing
of the supreme request that she should unveil the mysteries of her
life to one who but now had been a stranger? He did not know。 He
felt he scarcely understood her or himself; but he was conscious
of a hope that both might meet their happy fate in each other。
He leaned thus for a time absorbed in thought against a pillar where
she had left him; then sauntered with bowed head and preoccupied
manner to the main entrance; down the steps and out into the darkness。
He did not even notice that he passed Ida Mayhew; where she stood
among a group of gay chattering young people。 Still less did he
know that she had been furtively watching his interview with Miss
Burton; and that when he passed her without a glance her face was
as pale as had been that of the object of his thoughts。 But he
had not strolled very far down a gravelled path before she compelled
him to distinguish her reckless laugh and tones above all the
others。
With an impatient gesture he muttered; 〃God made them both; I
suppose; and so there's another mystery。〃
As Van Berg's interest in Miss Burton had deepened; it had naturally
flagged toward the one whose marvelously fair features had first
caught his attention and now promised to be links in a chain
of causes that might produce effects little anticipated。 He had
virtually abandoned the project of seeking to ennoble and harmonize
these features that suggested new possibilities of beauty to almost
every glance; for the reason that he not only believed there was
no mind to be awakened; but also because he had been led to think
the girl so depraved and selfish at heart that the very thought of
a larger; purer life was repugnant to her。 He believed she disliked
and even detested him; not so much on personal grounds as because
he represented to her mind a class of ideas and a self…restraint
that were hateful。 Circumstances had associated her in his mind
with Sibley; who thus cast a baleful shadow athwart even her beauty
and made it repulsive。 Indeed the mocking perfection of her features
irritated him; and he began to make a conscious and persistent effort
not to look toward her。 He now regarded his hope to illumine her
face from wit