a face illumined-第85部分
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ancient Trial by Fire。
〃Curse it all;〃 he muttered; 〃they both can read one's thoughts as
if they were printed on sign…boards。 I was scarcely conscious of
what my ardent friendship for Miss Mayhew meant before she looked
me in the face and saw the whole truth; and she almost the same
as charged me with winning Jennie Burton's heart then throwing it
away; while in the same breath she hinted that I need not attempt
any such folly and meanness in her case。 If ever a man's pride
and self…respect received a mortal wound mine has to…day。 And now
I feel with instinctive certainty; that Miss Burton will see the
truth just as clearly; and then my burden for life will be the
contempt of the two women whom I honor as I do my mother's name。
Well; there is no help for it now; my ship is on the rocks already。〃
He was greatly relieved to find that Ida was not at the table; but;
in spite of his best efforts; Miss Burton soon saw that something
was amiss; and that it was difficult for him to sustain his part of
the conversation。 With her graceful tact; however; she was blind
to all she imagined he would not have her notice; and tried to
enliven both Mr。 Mayhew and himself with her cheery talka vain
effort in each instance now。
〃How slight and spirit…like she is becoming!〃 groaned Van Berg;
inwardly。 〃Great God! if I have wronged her; how awful will be my
punishment!〃
〃She loves him;〃 was Mr。 Mayhew's conclusion; 〃and from his manner
I fear he has given her reason。 At any rate; for some cause; he
is in great perplexity and trouble。〃
After supper Van Berg stood near the main stairway; still conversing
with Miss Burton; when a light; quick step caused him to look up
and he saw Ida who had entered by a side door。 He knew she must
have seen him and Miss Burton also; but she passed him with veiled
and downcast face; and went swiftly up the stairway to her room。 It
seemed to him a cut direct。 〃she and Stanton have been comparing
notes;〃 he said to himself; and he crimsoned at the thought of what
he must now appear to her。 Miss Burton had been standing with her
back towards the stairway and had not seen Ida at first; but Van
Berg's hot flush caused her to glance around and see the cause; and
then she understood his manner better。 But it was her creed that
people manage such things best without interference; even from
the kindliest motives; and she therefore made no allusion to Miss
Mayhew that evening。
〃Miss Jennie;〃 said Van Berg; yielding to what he now felt had
become a necessity; 〃I may seem more of a heathen to you to…morrow
than ever。 There is a distant mountain and lake that I wish to
visit before I return to town; and I shall start early to…morrow。
So if I do not come back very early you need not think that the
earth has swallowed me up or that I have fallen a prey to wild
beasts。 Good night;〃 and he pressed her hand warmly。
She looked at him wistfully and seemed about to speak; for she was
vaguely conscious of his deep trouble。 She checked the impulse;
however; and parted from him with a kindly smile that suggested
sympathy rather than reproach。
Stanton called Mr。 Mayhew aside and the two gentleman spoke very
frankly together。
〃Ida seems even more concerned about you than herself;〃 said Stanton
in conclusion; 〃and it would kill her; as she now feels; if you
should give way to your old weakness again。 She fears that she
won't be able to sustain and cheer you as she intended; but I told
her that we would both stand by her and see her through her trouble。〃
〃I understand you; Ik;〃 said Mr。 Mayhew; quietly。 〃From my heart
I thank you for your kindness to Ida。 But you don't understand
me。 I had a deeper thirst than that for brandy; and when my child
gave me her love; my real thirst was quenched; and the other is
gone。〃
〃That's noble; we'll pull through yet!〃 Stanton resumed; heartily。
〃Ida and I got our supper at a village innat least; we went through
the motionsfor I was bound no one should have a chance to stare
at her to…night。〃
〃No matter;〃 said her father; decisively。 〃I have had prepared as
nice a supper as Mr。 Burleigh could furnish; and I shall take it
to her room。 She shall see that she is not forgotten。〃
Ida tried to eat a little to please him; but she soon came and sat
beside him on her sofa; saying; as she buried her face against his
shoulder; 〃Father; I shall have to lean very hard on you now。〃
〃I won't fail you; Ida;〃 was the gentle and simple reply; but they
understood each other without further words。 With unspoken sympathy
and tenderness he tried to fill the place her mother could not;
for if Mrs。 Mayhew had gained any knowledge of Ida's feelings; she
would have had a great deal to say on the subject with the best
and kindest intentions。 With heavy touch she would try to examine
and heal the wound twenty times a day。
Mr。 Mayhew was right when he said the Van Bergs were a proud race;
and this trait had found its culmination; perhaps; in the hero of
this tale。 He was justly proud of his old and unstained name; he
was proud of those who bore it with him; and he honored his father
and mother; not in obedience to a command; but because every one
honored them; and if his sister was a little cold and stately; she
embodied his ideas of refinement and cultivation; he was proud of
his social position; of his talentfor he knew he had that much;
at leastand of the recognition he had already won in the republic
of art。 But chief of all had he been proud of his unstained manhood;
of the honor; which he believed had been kept unsullied until
this miserable day。 But now; as he strode away in the moonlight;
he found himself confronting certain facts which he felt he could
never explain to any one's satisfaction; not even his own。 He had
openly professed to love a poor and orphaned girl; and had pledged
himself to win her if he couldto be her friend till he could
become far more。 Even granting that she still looked on him merely
as a friend; that did not release him。 It was while possessing
the distinct knowledge that she cherished no warmer feeling that
he had made the pledge; and though she might not be able or willing
to…day or to…morrow; or for years to come; to give up a past love
for his sake; his promise required that he should patiently woo and
wait till she could bury the past with her old lover; and receive;
at his hands; the future that he was in honor bound to keep within
her reach。 Of course; if; after the lapse of years; she assured
him she could not and would not accept of his hand in marriage; he
would be free; but he had scarcely waited weeks before giving his
love to another。 For aught he knew; the hope of happier days; which
he had urged upon her; might be already stealing into her heart。
It gave him but little comfort now to recognize the fact that he
had never loved Jennie Burtonthat he had never known what the
word meant until swept away by the irresistible tide of a passion;
the power of which already appalled him。 To say that he did not
feel like keeping his promise now; or that his feelings had changed;
he knew would be regarded as an excuse beneath contempt; and a week
since he himself would have pronounced the most merciless judgment
against a man in his present position。
Before the vigil of that night was over; he decided that he could
not meet either Ida Mayhew or Jennie Burton again。 He believed
that Ida Mayhew understood him only too well now; and that she
thoroughly despised him。 Indeed; from her manner of passing him;
he doubted whether she willingly would speak to him again; for her
veil had prevented him from seeing the pallor and traces of grief
which she was so anxious to hide。 In his morbidly sensitive state;
it seemed a deliberate but just withdrawal of even her acquaintance。
He felt that the brief dream of Ida Mayhew was over forever; and
that she would indeed keep the priceless kingdom of her heart from
him above all others。 He believed that now; after her conversation
with Stanton; she clearly saw that the absurdly ardent friendship
he had urged upon her was only the incipient stage of a new passion
in a fickle wretch who had dared to trifle with a girl like Jennie
Burtona maiden that; of all others in the world; a man of honor
would shield。
As for Miss Burton herself; now that he realized his situation;
he felt that he could never look her in the face again。 To try to
resume his old relations seemed to be impossible。 He never had and
never could say to her a word that he knew was insincere。 Besides;
he was sure that such an effort would be futile; for she would
detect his hollowness at once; and he feared a glance of scorn from
her blue eyes more than the lightning of heaven。 He resolved to
leave the Lake House on Monday; and from New York write to Miss
Burton the unvarnished truth; assuring her that he knew himself to
be unworthy even to speak to her again。 Then; as soon as he could
complete his preparations; he would go abroad and give himself
wholly to his art。
Having come to these conclusions; he stole by a side entrance like
a guilty shadow to his room and tried to obtain such rest as is
possible to those who are in the hell of mental torment。 After an
early breakfast the following morning; he started for the mountains;
and no wild beast that ever roamed them would have torn him more
pitilessly than did his own outraged sense of honor and manhood。
He returned late in the evening; weary and faint; and with the
furtiveness of an outlaw; again reached his room without meeting
those whom he so wished to avoid。 After the heavy; unrefreshing
sleep of utter exhaustion he once more left the house early; with
his sketch…book in hand to disguise his purpose; for it was his
intention to visit the old garden before he finally left the scenes
to which