a face illumined-第87部分
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Stanton! His course has been straightforward; noble; regalI have
acted like one of the 'canaille。'〃
〃You deeply regret then; that your feelings have so changed towards
Miss Burton?〃 said Ida; with her eyes again fastened upon his face。
〃I do not think my feelings have changed towards her;〃 he replied;
〃she is admirable; perfect; and I honor her from the depths of my
heart。 Don't you see? I mistook my deep respect; sympathy; and
admiration for something more; and I smiled complacently in my
superior way and flattered myself that it was in this eminently
well…bred and rational manner that Harold Van Berg would pay his
addresses to a lady; and that Stanton's absorbing passion was only
the result of ungoverned; unbalanced natureaccursed prig that I
was! While in this very complacent and superior condition of mind
I committed myself to a course that I cannot carry out; and yet
my failure to do so slays my honor and self…respect。 Now; I have
been as explicit with you as you were with me; and with what you
have seen of yourself; you know the whole miserable truth。 By a
strange fate we who only met a few months since have come to share
a common; very sad knowledge。 The memory of your own past; and
I suppose; your Christian faith also; have made you very merciful
and generous; but I shall tax these qualities no further。〃
〃What will you do; Mr。 Van Berg?〃 Ida asked in sudden dread。
〃I shall never look Miss Burton in the face again; and after I have
written to her simply and briefly what I have told you; her regret
will be small indeed。 Good…by; Miss Mayhew。 If I stay any longer
I may speak words to you that would be insults; coming from me。〃
〃Stay;〃 she said; earnestly; 〃I have something very important to
say to you。〃
He hesitated and looked at her in strong surprise。
〃Give me a few minutes to think;〃 she pleaded; and he saw; from the
quick rise and fall of her bosom and the nervous clasp of her hands;
that she was deeply agitated。 She turned from him and looked
wistfully at the young tree on which she had inscribed her name the
day she had promised Mr。 Eltinge to receive all heavenly influences
and guidance。 She soon lifted her eyes above the tree and her lips
moved in earnest prayer as ever came from a human heart。 She was
facing the sorest temptation of her life; for she had only to be
silent now; she believed; and the success of her efforts to win
him from Jennie Burton would be complete。 If left to himself in
this wild; distracted mood he would indeed break every tie that
bound him to her rival; but after time had blunted his poignant
self…condemnation he would inevitably come back to her。 The
conscience whispered: 〃Who forgave you here? What did you promise
here? What does that tree mean with its branches reaching out
towards heaven? What would you think of Jennie Burton were she
trying to win him from you?〃
〃O Friend of the weak! be though my strength in this moment of
desperate need;〃 she sighed。
Van Berg watched her with increasing wonder; and his heart beat
thick and fast as she at last turned to him with an expression such
as he never had seen before on a human face。 Was it the autumn
sunlight that illumined her features? He learned eventually that
it was the spiritual radiance of the noblest self…sacrifice of
which a woman is capable。
〃Mr。 Van Berg;〃 she said; in tones that were quiet and firm; 〃please
take Mr。 Eltinge's seat; for I wish to speak to you as a friend。〃
He obeyed mechanically; without removing his eyes from her face。
〃I once took counsel of passion and despair;〃 she resumed; 〃and you
know what might have resulted; but on this spot God forgave me and
I promised to try to do right。 With shame I confess I have not
fully kept that promise; but I shall try to do so hereafter; be
the consequences what they may。 Pardon me for speaking so plainly;
but you are now taking counsel of passion and turning your back
on duty。 While almost insane from self…reproach and wounded pride
you are taking steps that may blast your own life and the lives
of others。 To my mind there is an infinite distance between the
error you naturally fell into in view of Miss Burton's loveliness
of character and any base intent; but even if I should share in
your harsh judgementwhich I never canI would still say that you
cannot help the past; and you are now bound by all that's sacred to
ask only what is right; and to do that at every cost to yourself。
You are pledged to Miss Burton; and you must make good your pledge。〃
〃What! I go to that snow…white maiden with a lie on my lips!〃 he
exclaimed indignantly。
〃No! go to her with truth on your lips and in your heart; except
as in unselfish loyalty to her and to your word you may hide some
truth that would give her pain。 Mr。 Van Berg; you word is pledged。
You have won her love and this is your only honorable course。 Thus
far you have not done her intentional wrong; but if you rush away
from duty now in cowardly flight you will do her a bitter and fatal
wrong; for she loves you as only few women can love。 She has grown
wan and pale in your absence; and it touched me to the heart to see
her yesterday; though she made such brave efforts to be cheerful
and to encourage father。 O God; forgive me that IGo to her when
you have become calmyour true self。 Love like hers will take
what you can give till you can give more; and surely one so lovely
will soon win all。 If ever I have seen human idolatry in any face
it has been in hers; and she will soon banish all this wild passion
from your mind。 But be that as it may you must keep your word if
you would keep my respect; and I would not lose my respect for you
for the world。 I know you too well to doubt but that you will take
up this sacred duty and seek to perform it with the whole strength
of your manhood。〃
Never for a moment had Van Berg removed his eyes from Ida's face;
and her words and manner seemed both to awe and control him。 As
she spoke; his expression became quiet and strong; and when she
concluded he came to her side and said earnestly:
〃Miss Mayhew; since it is still possible; I will keep your respect;
for it is absolutely essential to me。 God has indeed given you a
woman's soul; and he NEVER MADE A NOBLER WOMAN。 You are a friend
in truth and not in name; and you have saved me from madly destroying
my own future; and perhaps the future of others; which is of far
more consequence。 If I fail in obeying both the letter and spirit
of your words it will be because I cannot help myself。〃
Her face; which had been so sweet and luminous with her generous
impulse and noble thoughts; was growing very pale now; but she
rose and gave him her hand; saying with a faint smile that was like
the fading light of evening; 〃I knew you would not disappoint me;
I was sure you were worthy of my trust。 Let the honest right be
our motto henceforth; and all will be well some day。 Good…by。〃
He pressed her hand in both of his as he said fervently; 〃God bless
you; Ida Mayhew!〃 Then he turned and hastened away; flying from
his own weakness and a womanly loveliness which at the moment far
excelled any ideal he had ever formed。
He had scarcely reached the road before he remembered that he had
left his sketch…book; and he went back for it; but as he turned
the corner of the shady path he stopped instantly。 The strong;
clear…eyed maiden who had rallied the forces of his shattered
manhood; and given him the vantage…ground again in life's battle;
had bowed her head on the arm of the rustic seat and was sobbing
convulsively。 Indeed; her grief was so uncontrollable and passionate
that in his very soul he trembled before it。
〃Oh; Jennie Burton;〃 she moaned; 〃it would have been easier for
me to die for you than to give him up。 God help himGod help me
through the dreadful years to come!〃
His first impulse was to spring to her side; but he hesitated;
and then with a gesture and look of infinite regret he turned and
stole silently away。
Chapter LIII。 A Night's Vigil。
As Van Berg left Mr。 Eltinge's grounds he had the aspect of a man
who had seen a vision。 He had seen more; for the human face expressive
of absolute; even though brief; mastery over evil is a nobler object
than can be the serene visage of a sinless and untempted angel。
At last he understood Ida Mayhew。 If he had deeply honored her when
he supposed that as a sincere; honest friend only she had spoken
her strong; true words; which might save him from wrecking his life
from impulses of shame and wounded pride; how instantaneously was
this honor changed into reverence and wonder as he recognized her
self…sacrifice at the dictates of conscience。 All was now perfectly
clear。 The truth of her love had flashed out from the dark cloud
of her passionate grief; and in its white radiance all the baffling
mystery of her past action was dissipated instantly。 Now he knew
why the brilliant music at the concert garden could not brighten
her face; and the end of the symphony saw her in tears。 Now he
understood why she could not be Jennie Burton's friend; even though
capable of becoming a martyr for her sake from a sense of duty。 The
despairing farewell letter she had once written to him now became
fraught with a deeper meaning; and he saw that in throwing away
the imperfect rose…bud; and in looking at her as a creature akin
to Sibley; he had inflicted mortal wounds on a heart that gave him
only love in return。 In her desperate effort to conceal an unsought
love she had sought the nearest covert; and the stains Sibley had
left upon her were no more hers than if he had been a blackened
wall。 After all her woman's soul had come to her as in the old
and simple times when even water nymphs had hearts; and love was
still the mightiest force i