a face illumined-第88部分
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and simple times when even water nymphs had hearts; and love was
still the mightiest force in the universe。
His feeling now was far too deep for his former half…frenzied
excitement。 There was not a trace of exultation in his manner;
and there was indeed no ground for rapture。 Only the knowledge
that he carried away her respect; and that he was going to the
performance of what he believed a sacred duty; kept him from despair。
He did not blame himself as bitterly as might have been supposed
that he had not discovered her secret earlier; and it increased
his admiration for her; if that were possible; that she had so
carefully maintained her maidenly reserve。 A conceited man; or
at least a man whose soul was infested with the meanest kind of
conceitthat of imagining that the woman who gives him a friendly
word or smile is disposed to throw herself into his armswould no
doubt have surmised her secret before; but although Van Berg was
intensely proud; as we have seen; and had been rendered self…complacent
and self…confident by the circumstances of his lot; he had none of
this contemptible vanity。 The discovery of Ida's love caused him
far greater surprise than when he recognized his own; and it was a
source of deep satisfaction to him that this modern and conventional
Undine had received a nature of such true and womanly delicacy that
it had led her to conceal her love like the trailing…arbutus that
hides its fragrant blossoms under fallen leaves。
The light had been so clear that he even saw the temptation which
he unconsciously had suggested to her while in the city。 Unlike
the little violet that weakly bowed its head and died because the
brook would not stop; she had resolutely set about the task of
making him stop; and yet never let him suspect that she was even
looking at him。 Hence her attempt to penetrate the wilderness of
knowledge which was at once so pathetic and comical; hence also
her wish to learn the authors and subjects which interested him。
〃And she had every reason to believe that she might have won me
from the one honorable allegiance I can give;〃 he exclaimed; in
deep humiliation; 〃and probably she would have done so eventually
had she not acted liek a saint rather than a woman。 I've lost
faith utterly in Harold Van Berg; and it will require a great many
years to regain it。〃
When he reached a dense tract of woodland through which the road
ran; he concealed himself and waited till she should pass。 Two
hours elapsed before she did so。 The passionate grief that had
overwhelmed her was no slight and passing gust。 He saw that she
leaned back weakly and languidly in the phaeton; and had hidden her
face by a vail of double thickness。 He followed her at a distance
far too great for recognition until she entered the hotel; and
then sought to obtain a little rest and food at the nearest village
inn; for he found now that his fierce paroxysm of rage and mental
torment was over; he had become very faint and exhausted。 After
he had regained somewhat the power to think and act; he turned his
steps towards a narrow; secluded ravine; about a mile from the hotel;
knowing that here he would find the deepest solitude in which to
grow calm and prepare himself for the quiet self…sacrifice of which
Ida had given the example; and which no eye must be able to detect
save his to whom the secrets of all hearts are open。
He made no effort to follow any path; but sprang carelessly and
rapidly down the steep hillside。 When he had almost reached the
bottom of the ravine; his foot slipped on a rock half hidden by
leaves; and he fell and rolled helplessly down。 Before he could
recover himself; the rock; which had been loosely imbedded in the
soil and which his foot had struck so heavily; rolled after him
and on his leg and foot。 In sudden and increasing dismay; he found
that he could not extricate himself。 The stone would have been
beyond his ability to lift even if he had the full use of all his
powers; but he was held in a position that gave him very little
chance to exert his strength。
When he found that it was utterly impossible to push the stone
away; he tried to excavate the earth; by means of sticks and his
small pocket…knife; from under his leg; but soon found; with a sense
of mortal fear; that his limb was resting in a little depression
between two other large rocks deeply imbedded in the bottom of
the ravine。 This depression; and the soft; dry leaves which had
covered it like a cushion; prevented the stone from crushing his
limb and foot; but also held him in a sort of natural sock。
As these appalling facts became clear; he saw that he was in imminent
danger of death by starvation。 Then a worse fear than that chilled
his very soul。 He might die in that lonely spot and never be
discovered。 The prowling vermin of the night might tear away his
flesh; and drag his bones hither and thither; till the leaves that
now would soon fall covered them forever from sight and knowledge;
but Ida Mayhew; and the orphan girl to whom his honor bound him; would
think that he had broken his pledges; and was in truth a vagabond
on the eartheating and drinking; rioting; perhaps in ignoble
obscurity。 The prospect made him sick and faint for a time; for
that which in his first blind sense of shame he had proposed to
do; now that he had heard Ida's heaven…inspired words; seemed base
and cowardly to the last degree。 If she had not brought to him
sane and quiet thought; he would have grimly said to himself that
fate had taken him out of his dilemma in a fitting way; punishing
and destroying him at one and the same time; but now to die and
forever seem unworthy of the trust of the woman he so loved and
revered was a kind of eternal punishment in itself。 He called and
shouted with desperate energy for aid but the freshening wind of
early September rustled millions of leaves in the forest around
him and drowned his voice。 He soon realized that one standing on
the bank just above him would scarcely be able to hear; even though
listening。 Oh; why would that remorseless wind blow so steadily!
Was there no pity in nature?
Then in a frenzy he struggled and wrenched his leg till it was
bruised and bleeding; but the rocky grip would not yield。 He soon
began to consider that he was exhausting himself and thus lessening
his chances of escape; and he lay quietly on his side and tried
to think how long he could survive; and now deeply regretted that
his wild passion for the past two days had drawn so largely on his
vital powers。 Already; after but an hour's durance; he was weak
and faint。
Then various expedients to attract attention began to present
themselves。 By means of a stick he drew down the overhanging
branch of a tree and tied to it his handkerchief。 He also managed
to insert a stick in the ground near him; and on its top placed
his hat; but he saw that they could not be seen through the thick
undergrowth at any great distance。 Then more deliberately; and
with an effort to economize his strength; he again attempted to
undermine the rocks on which his leg rested; but found that they
ran under him and hopelessly deep。 At intervals he would shout
for help; but his cries grew fainter as he became weak and discouraged。
〃O God;〃 he said; 〃there is just the bare chance that some one may
stumble upon me; and that is all;〃 and as the glen fell into deeper
and deeper shadow in the declining day; even more swiftly it seemed
to him that the shadow of death was darkening about him。
At last the bark of squirrels and the chirp and twitter of birds
that haunted the lonely place ceased and it was night。 Only the
notes of fall insects in their monotonous and ceaseless iteration
were heard above the sighing wind; which now sounded like a requiem
to the disheartened man。 Suddenly a great owl flapped heavily over
him; and lighting in a tree near by; began its discordant hootings。
〃That's an omen of death;〃 he muttered; grimly。 Then at last; in
uncontrollable irritation; he shouted; 〃Curse you; begone!〃 and
the ill…boding bird flapped away with a startled screech; that to
Van Berg's morbid fancy was like a demon's laugh。 But it alighted
again a little further off and drove him half wild with its dismal
cries。 At last there was a radiance among the trees on the eastern
side of the ravine; and soon the moon rose clear and bright; the
wind went down; and except the 〃audible silence〃 of insect sounds
all was still。 Nature seemed to him holding her breath in suspense;
waiting for the end。 He called out from time to time till; from
the lateness of the hour; he knew that it was utterly useless。
He began in a dreamy way; to wonder if Ida had missed him yet and
was surprised that he had not returned。 He thought how strange;
how unaccountable even; his conduct must appear to Miss Burton;
and how very difficult it would have been to explain it at best。
〃Ida was wrong; however; in thinking that it is for me that she
is grieving so deeply;〃 he murmured; 〃although she may be right in
believing that I have raised hopes in Jennie's mind of a happier
future; when time had healed the wounds made in the past。 If I
had lived; if by any happy chance I DO live; my only course will be
to maintain the character of a friend until she gives up the past
for the sake of what I can offer。 In a certain sense we will be
on equal footing; for her lover is dead and my love is the same as
dead to me。 But what is the use of such thoughts! I shall be dead
to them both in a few hours more; and what is far worse; despised
by them both;〃 and for the first time in all that awful vigil bitter
tears rolled down his cheeks。
Then; slowly and minutely; he went over all that had occurred during
that eventful summer。 He found a melancholy pleasure which served
to beguile the interminable hours of p