the story of an african farm-第39部分
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laughter。 She stretched out her little hand to feel for his。
〃It is so nice to lie here and hear that noise；〃 she said。 〃I like to feel
that strange life beating up against me。 I like to realise forms of life
utterly unlike mine。〃 She drew a long breath。 〃When my own life feels
small； and I am oppressed with it； I like to crush together； and see it in
a picture； in an instant； a multitude of disconnected unlike phases of
human lifea mediaeval monk with his string of beads pacing the quiet
orchard； and looking up from the grass at his feet to the heavy fruit…
trees； little Malay boys playing naked on a shining sea…beach； a Hindoo
philosopher alone under his banyan tree； thinking； thinking； thinking； so
that in the thought of God he may lose himself； a troop of Bacchanalians
dressed in white； with crowns of vine…leaves； dancing along the Roman
streets； a martyr on the night of his death looking through the narrow
window to the sky； and feeling that already he has the wings that shall
bear him up〃 （she moved her hand dreamily over her face）； 〃an epicurean
discoursing at a Roman bath to a knot of his disciples on the nature of
happiness； a Kaffer witchdoctor seeking for herbs by moonlight； while from
the huts on the hillside come the sound of dogs barking； and the voices of
women and children； a mother giving bread…and…milk to her children in
little wooden basins and singing the evening song。 I like to see it all； I
feel it run through methat life belongs to me； it makes my little life
larger； it breaks down the narrow walls that shut me in。〃
She sighed； and drew a long breath。
〃Have you made any plans？〃 she asked him presently。
〃Yes；〃 he said； the words coming in jets； with pauses between； 〃I will take
the grey mareI will travel firstI will see the worldthen I will find
work。〃
〃What work？〃
〃I do not know。〃
She made a little impatient movement。
〃That is no plan； travelsee the worldfind work！ If you go into the
world aimless； without a definite object； dreamingdreaming； you will be
definitely defeated； bamboozled； knocked this way and that。 In the end you
will stand with your beautiful life all spent； and nothing to show。 They
talk of geniusit is nothing but this； that a man knows what he can do
best； and does it； and nothing else。 Waldo；〃 she said； knitting her little
fingers closer among his； 〃I wish I could help you； I wish I could make you
see that you must decide what you will be and do。 It does not matter what
you choosebe a farmer； businessman； artist； what you willbut know your
aim； and live for that one thing。 We have only one life。 The secret of
success is concentration； wherever there has been a great life； or a great
work； that has gone before。 Taste everything a little； look at everything
a little； but live for one thing。 Anything is possible to a man who knows
his end and moves straight for it； and for it alone。 I will show you what
I mean；〃 she said； concisely； 〃words are gas till you condense them into
pictures。〃
〃Suppose a woman； young； friendless as I am； the weakest thing on God's
earth。 But she must make her way through life。 What she would be she
cannot be because she is a woman； so she looks carefully at herself and the
world about her； to see where her path must be made。
〃There is no one to help her； she must help herself。 She looks。 These
things she hasa sweet voice； rich in subtile intonations； a fair； very
fair face； with a power of concentrating in itself； and giving expression
to； feelings that otherwise must have been dissipated in words； a rare
power of entering into other lives unlike her own； and intuitively reading
them aright。 These qualities she has。 How shall she use them？ A poet； a
writer； needs only the mental； what use has he for a beautiful body that
registers clearly mental emotions？ And the painter wants an eye for form
and colour； and the musician an ear for time and tune； and the mere drudge
has no need for mental gifts。
〃But there is one art in which all she has would be used； for which they
are all necessarythe delicate expressive body； the rich voice； the power
of mental transposition。 The actor； who absorbs and then reflects from
himself other human lives； needs them all； but needs not much more。 This
is her end； but how to reach it？ Before her are endless difficulties：
seas must be crossed； poverty must be endured； loneliness； want。 She must
be content to wait long before she can even get her feet upon the path。 If
she has made blunders in the past； if she has weighted herself with a
burden which she must bear to the end； she must but bear the burden
bravely； and labour on。 There is no use in wailing and repentance here：
the next world is the place for that； this life is too short。 By our
errors we see deeper into life。 They help us。〃 She waited for a while。
〃If she does all thisif she waits patiently； if she is never cast down；
never despairs； never forgets her end； moves straight toward it； bending
men and things most unlikely to her purposeshe must succeed at last。 Men
and things are plastic； they part to the right and left when one comes
among them moving in a straight line to one end。 I know it by my own
little experience；〃 she said。 〃Long years ago I resolved to be sent to
school。 It seemed a thing utterly out of my power； but I waited； I
watched； I collected clothes； I wrote； took my place at the school； when
all was ready I bore with my full force on the Boer…woman； and she sent me
at last。 It was a small thing； but life is made up of small things； as a
body is built up of cells。 What has been done in small things can be done
in large。 Shall be；〃 she said softly。
Waldo listened。 To him the words were no confession； no glimpse into the
strong； proud； restless heart of the woman。 They were general words with a
general application。 He looked up into the sparkling sky with dull eyes。
〃Yes；〃 he said； 〃but when we lie and think； and think； we see that there is
nothing worth doing。 The universe is so large； and man is so small〃
She shook her head quickly。
〃But we must not think so far； it is madness； it is a disease。 We know
that no man's work is great； and stands forever。 Moses is dead； and the
prophets and the books that our grandmothers fed on the mould is eating。
Your poet and painter and actor；before the shouts that applaud them have
died their names grow strange； they are milestones that the world has
passed。 Men have set their mark on mankind forever； as they thought； but
time has washed it out as it has washed out mountains and continents。〃 She
raised herself on her elbow。 〃And what if we could help mankind； and leave
the traces of our work upon it to the end？ Mankind is only an ephemeral
blossom on the tree of time； there were others before it opened； there will
be others after it has fallen。 Where was man in the time of the
dicynodont； and when hoary monsters wallowed in the mud？ Will he be found
in the aeons that are to come？ We are sparks； we are shadows； we are
pollen； which the next wind will carry away。 We are dying already； it is
all a dream。
〃I know that thought。 When the fever of living is on us； when the desire
to become； to know； to do； is driving us mad； we can use it as an anodyne；
to still the fever and cool our beating pulses。 But it is a poison； not a
food。 If we live on it it will turn our blood to ice； we might as well be
dead。 We must not； Waldo； I want your life to be beautiful； to end in
something。 You are nobler and stronger than I；〃 she said； 〃and as much
better as one of God's great angels is better than a sinning man。 Your
life must go for something。〃
〃Yes； we will work；〃 he said。
She moved closer to him and lay still； his black curls touching her smooth
little head。
Doss； who had lain at his master's side； climbed over the bench； and curled
himself up in her lap。 She drew her skirt up over him； and the three sat
motionless for a long time。
〃Waldo；〃 she said； suddenly； 〃they are laughing at us。〃
〃Who？〃 he asked； starting up。
〃Theythe stars！〃 she said； softly。 〃Do you not see？ There is a little
white； mocking finger pointing down at us from each one of them！ We are
talking of tomorrow and tomorrow； and our hearts are so strong； we are not
thinking of something that can touch us softly in the dark and make us
still forever。 They are laughing at us Waldo。〃
Both sat looking upward。
〃Do you ever pray？〃 he asked her in a low voice。
〃No。〃
〃I never do； but I might when I look up there。 I will tell you；〃 he added；
in a still lower voice； 〃where I could pray。 If there were a wall of rock
on the edge of a world； and one rock stretched out far； far into space； and
I stood alone upon it； alone； with stars above me； and stars below me；I
would not say anything； but the feeling would be prayer。〃
There was an end to their conversation after that； and Doss fell asleep on
her knee。 At last the night…wind grew very chilly。
〃Ah；〃 she said； shivering； and drawing the skirt about her shoulders； 〃I am
cold。 Span…in the horses； and call me when you are ready。〃
She slipped down and walked toward the house； Doss stiffly following her；
not pleased at being roused。 At the door she met Gregory。
〃I have been looking for you everywhere； may I not drive you home？〃 he
said。
〃Waldo drives me；〃 she replied； passing on； and it appeared to Gregory that
she looked at him in the old way； without seeing him。 But before she had
reached the door an idea had occurred to her； for she turned。
〃If you wish to drive me you may。〃
Gregory went to look for Em； whom he found pouring out coffee in the back
room。 He put his hand quickly on her shoulder。
〃You must ride with Waldo； I am going to drive your cousin home。〃
〃But I can't come just now； Greg； I promised Tan
