sense and sensibility(理智与情感)-第25部分
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hardly believe it to be gone。 He said so repeatedly； other things he
said too； which marked the turn of his feelings and gave the lie to
his actions。 He had no pleasure at Norland； he detested being in
town； but either to Norland or London； he must go。 He valued
their kindness beyond any thing； and his greatest happiness was
in being with them。 Yet； he must leave them at the end of a week；
in spite of their wishes and his own； and without any restraint on
his time。
Elinor placed all that was astonishing in this way of acting to
his mother’s account； and it was happy for her that he had a
mother whose character was so imperfectly known to her； as to be
the general excuse for every thing strange on the part of her son。
Disappointed； however； and vexed as she was； and sometimes
displeased with his uncertain behaviour to herself； she was very
well disposed on the whole to regard his actions with all the
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candid allowances and generous qualifications； which had been
rather more painfully extorted from her； for Willoughby’s service；
by her mother。 His want of spirits； of openness； and of consistency；
were most usually attributed to his want of independence； and his
better knowledge of Mrs。 Ferrars’s disposition and designs。 The
shortness of his visit； the steadiness of his purpose in leaving
them； originated in the same fettered inclination； the same
inevitable necessity of temporising with his mother。 The old well…
established grievance of duty against will； parent against child；
was the cause of all。 She would have been glad to know when
these difficulties were to cease； this opposition was to yield；—
when Mrs。 Ferrars would be reformed； and her son be at liberty to
be happy。 But from such vain wishes she was forced to turn for
comfort to the renewal of her confidence in Edward’s affection； to
the remembrance of every mark of regard in look or word which
fell from him while at Barton； and above all to that flattering proof
of it which he constantly wore round his finger。
“I think； Edward；” said Mrs。 Dashwood； as they were at
breakfast the last morning； “you would be a happier man if you
had any profession to engage your time and give an interest to
your plans and actions。 Some inconvenience to your friends；
indeed； might result from it—you would not be able to give them
so much of your time。 But （with a smile） you would be materially
benefited in one particular at least—you would know where to go
when you left them。”
“I do assure you；” he replied； “that I have long thought on this
point； as you think now。 It has been； and is； and probably will
always be a heavy misfortune to me； that I have had no necessary
business to engage me； no profession to give me employment； or
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afford me any thing like independence。 But unfortunately my own
nicety； and the nicety of my friends； have made me what I am； an
idle； helpless being。 We never could agree in our choice of a
profession。 I always preferred the church； as I still do。 But that
was not smart enough for my family。 They recommended the
army。 That was a great deal too smart for me。 The law was allowed
to be genteel enough； many young men； who had chambers in the
Temple； made a very good appearance in the first circles； and
drove about town in very knowing gigs。 But I had no inclination
for the law； even in this less abstruse study of it； which my family
approved。 As for the navy； it had fashion on its side； but I was too
old when the subject was first started to enter it—and； at length； as
there was no necessity for my having any profession at all； as I
might be as dashing and expensive without a red coat on my back
as with one； idleness was pronounced on the whole to be most
advantageous and honourable； and a young man of eighteen is not
in general so earnestly bent on being busy as to resist the
solicitations of his friends to do nothing。 I was therefore entered at
Oxford and have been properly idle ever since。”
“The consequence of which； I suppose； will be；” said Mrs。
Dashwood； “since leisure has not promoted your own happiness；
that your sons will be brought up to as many pursuits；
employments； professions； and trades as Columella’s。”
“They will be brought up；” said he； in a serious accent； “to be as
unlike myself as is possible。 In feeling； in action； in condition； in
every thing。”
“Come； come； this is all an effusion of immediate want of spirits；
Edward。 You are in a melancholy humour； and fancy that any one
unlike yourself must be happy。 But remember that the pain of
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parting from friends will be felt by every body at times； whatever
be their education or state。 Know your own happiness。 You want
nothing but patience—or give it a more fascinating name； call it
hope。 Your mother will secure to you； in time； that independence
you are so anxious for； it is her duty； and it will； it must ere long
become her happiness to prevent your whole youth from being
wasted in discontent。 How much may not a few months do？”
“I think；” replied Edward； “that I may defy many months to
produce any good to me。”
This desponding turn of mind； though it could not be
communicated to Mrs。 Dashwood； gave additional pain to them all
in the parting； which shortly took place； and left an uncomfortable
impression on Elinor’s feelings especially； which required some
trouble and time to subdue。 But as it was her determination to
subdue it； and to prevent herself from appearing to suffer more
than what all her family suffered on his going away； she did not
adopt the method so judiciously employed by Marianne； on a
similar occasion； to augment and fix her sorrow； by seeking
silence； solitude and idleness。 Their means were as different as
their objects； and equally suited to the advancement of each。
Elinor sat down to her drawing…table as soon as he was out of
the house； busily employed herself the whole day； neither sought
nor avoided the mention of his name； appeared to interest herself
almost as much as ever in the general concerns of the family； and
if； by this conduct； she did not lessen her own grief； it was at least
prevented from unnecessary increase； and her mother and sisters
were spared much solicitude on her account。
Such behaviour as this； so exactly the reverse of her own；
appeared no more meritorious to Marianne； than her own had
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seemed faulty to her。 The business of self…command she settled
very easily；—with strong affections it was impossible； with calm
ones it could have no merit。 That her sister’s affections were calm；
she dared not deny； though she blushed to acknowledge it； and of
the strength of her own； she gave a very striking proof； by still
loving and respecting that sister； in spite of this mortifying
conviction。
Without shutting herself up from her family； or leaving the
house in determined solitude to avoid them； or lying awake the
whole night to indulge meditation； Elinor found every day
afforded her leisure enough to think of Edward； and of Edward’s
behaviour； in every possible variety which the different state of
her spirits at different times could produce；—with tenderness；
pity； approbation； censure； and doubt。 There were moments in
abundance； when； if not by the absence of her mother and sisters；
at least by the nature of their employments； conversation was
forbidden among them； and every effect of solitude was produced。
Her mind was inevitably at liberty； her thoughts could not be
chained elsewhere； and the past and the future； on a subject so
interesting； must be before her； must force her attention； and
engross her memory； her reflection； and her fancy。
From a reverie of this kind； as she sat at her drawing…table； she
