the garden of allah-第94部分

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could　once　more　be　alone　in　the　little　Eden　I　loved。

〃Strangely；　Domini；　strangely；　that　day；　of　all　the　days　of　my　life；　I
was　most　in　loveit　was　like　that；　like　being　in　lovewith　my　monk's
existence。　The　terrible　feeling　that　had　begun　to　ravage　me　had
completely　died　away。　I　adored　the　peace　in　which　my　days　were　passed。
I　looked　at　the　flowers　and　compared　my　happiness　with　theirs。　They
blossomed；　bloomed；　faded；　died　in　the　garden。　So　would　I　wish　to
blossom；　bloom；　fadewhen　my　time　camedie　in　the　gardenalways　in
peace；　always　in　safety；　always　isolated　from　the　terrors　of　life；
always　under　the　tender　watchful　eye　ofofDomini；　that　day　I　was
happy；　as　perhaps　they　areperhapsthe　saints　in　Paradise。　I　was
happy　because　I　felt　no　inclination　to　evil。　I　felt　as　if　my　joy　lay
entirely　in　being　innocent。　Oh；　what　an　ecstasy　such　a　feeling　is！　'My
will　accord　with　Thy　designI　love　to　live　as　Thou　intendest　me　to
live！　Any　other　way　of　life　would　be　to　me　a　terror；　would　bring　to　me
despair。'

〃And　I　felt　thatintensely　I　felt　it　at　that　moment　in　heart　and
soul。　It　was　as　if　I　had　God's　arms　round　me；　caressing　me　as　a　father
caresses　his　child。〃

He　moved　away　a　step　or　two　in　the　sand；　came　back；　and　went　on　with
an　effort：

〃Within　a　few　minutes　the　porter　of　the　monastery　came　through　the
archway　of　the　arcade　followed　by　a　young　man。　As　I　looked　up　at　him　I
was　uncertain　of　his　nationality。　But　I　scarcely　thought　about　it
except　in　the　first　moment。　For　something　else　seized　my　attention
the　intense；　active　misery　in　the　stranger's　face。　He　looked　ravaged；
eaten　by　grief。　I　said　he　was　youngperhaps　twenty…six　or　twenty…
seven。　His　face　was　rather　dark…complexioned；　with　small；　good
features。　He　had　thick　brown　hair；　and　his　eyes　shone　with
intelligence；　with　an　intelligence　that　was　almost　painfulsomehow。
His　eyes　always　looked　to　me　as　if　they　were　seeing　too　much；　had
always　seen　too　much。　There　was　a　restlessness　in　the　swiftness　of
their　observation。　One　could　not　conceive　of　them　closed　in　sleep。　An
activity　that　must　surely　be　eternal　blazed　in　them。

〃The　porter　left　the　stranger　in　the　archway。　It　was　now　my　duty　to
attend　to　him。　I　welcomed　him　in　French。　He　took　off　his　hat。　When　he
did　that　I　felt　sure　he　was　an　Englishmanby　the　look　of　him
bareheadedand　I　told　him　that　I　spoke　English　as　well　as　French。　He
answered　that　he　was　at　home　in　French；　but　that　he　was　English。　We
talked　English。　His　entrance　into　the　garden　had　entirely　destroyed　my
sense　of　its　peaceeven　my　own　peace　was　disturbed　at　once　by　his
appearance。

〃I　felt　that　I　was　in　the　presence　of　a　misery　that　was　like　a
devouring　element。　Before　we　had　time　for　more　than　a　very　few　halting
words　the　bell　was　rung　by　Francois。

〃'What's　that　for；　Father？'　the　stranger　said；　with　a　start；　which
showed　that　his　nerves　were　shattered。

〃'It　is　time　for　your　meal；'　I　answered。

〃'One　must　eat！'　he　said。　Then；　as　if　conscious　that　he　was　behaving
oddly；　he　added　politely：

〃'I　know　you　entertain　us　too　well　here；　and　have　sometimes　been
rewarded　with　coarse　ingratitude。　Where　do　I　go？'

〃I　showed　him　into　the　parlour。　There　was　no　one　there　that　day。　He
sat　at　the　long　table。

〃'I　am　to　eat　alone？'　he　asked。

〃'Yes；　I　will　serve　you。'

〃Francois；　always　waited　on　the　guests；　but　that　daymindful　of　the
selfishness　of　my　thoughts　in　the　gardenI　resolved　to　add　to　my
duties。　I　therefore　brought　the　soup；　the　lentils；　the　omelette；　the
oranges；　poured　out　the　wine；　and　urged　the　young　man　cordially　to
eat。　When　I　did　so　he　looked　up　at　me。　His　eyes　were　extraordinarily
expressive。　It　was　as　if　I　heard　them　say　to　me；　'Why；　I　like　you！'
and　as　if；　just　for　a　moment；　his　grief　were　lessened。

〃In　the　empty　parlour；　long；　clean；　bare；　with　a　crucifix　on　the　wall
and　the　name　'Saint　Bernard'　above　the　door；　it　was　very　quiet；　very
shady。　The　outer　blinds　of　green　wood　were　drawn　over　the　window…
spaces；　shutting　out　the　gold　of　the　garden。　But　its　murmuring
tranquillity　seemed　to　filter　in；　as　if　the　flowers；　the　insects；　the
birds　were　aware　of　our　presence　and　were　trying　to　say　to　us；　'Are
you　happy　as　we　are？　Be　happy　as　we　are。'

〃The　stranger　looked　at　the　shady　room；　the　open　windows。　He　sighed。

〃'How　quiet　it　is　here！'　he　said；　almost　as　if　to　himself。　'How　quiet
it　is！'

〃'Yes；'　I　answered。　'Summer　is　beginning。　For　months　now　scarcely
anyone　will　come　to　us　here。'

〃'Us？'　he　said；　glancing　at　me　with　a　sudden　smile。

〃'I　meant　to　us　who　are　monks；　who　live　always　here。'

〃'May　Iis　it　indiscreet　to　ask　if　you　have　been　here　long？'

〃I　told　him。

〃'More　than　nineteen　years！'　he　said。

〃'Yes。'

〃'And　always　in　this　silence？'

〃He　sat　as　if　listening；　resting　his　head　on　his　hand。

〃'How　extraordinary！'　he　said　at　last。　'How　wonderful！　Is　it
happiness？'

〃I　did　not　answer。　The　question　seemed　to　me　to　be　addressed　to
himself；　not　to　me。　I　could　leave　him　to　seek　for　the　answer。　After　a
moment　he　went　on　eating　and　drinking　in　silence。　When　he　had　finished
I　asked　him　whether　he　would　take　coffee。　He　said　he　would；　and　I　made
him　pass　into　the　St。　Joseph　/salle/。　There　I　brought　him　coffee　and
and　that　liqueur。　I　told　him　that　it　was　my　invention。　He　seemed　to　be
interested。　At　any　rate；　he　took　a　glass　and　praised　it　strongly。　I
was　pleased。　I　think　I　showed　it。　From　that　moment　I　felt　as　if　we
were　almost　friends。　Never　before　had　I　experienced　such　a　feeling　for
anyone　who　had　come　to　the　monastery；　or　for　any　monk　or　novice　in　the
monastery。　Although　I　had　been　vexed；　irritated；　at　the　approach　of　a
stranger　I　now　felt　regret　at　the　idea　of　his　going　away。　Presently
the　time　came　to　show　him　round　the　garden。　We　went　out　of　the　shadowy
parlour　into　the　sunshine。　No　one　was　in　the　garden。　Only　the　bees
were　humming；　the　birds　were　passing；　the　cats　were　basking　on　the
broad　path　that　stretched　from　the　arcade　along　the　front　of　the
/hotellerie/。　As　we　came　out　a　bell　chimed；　breaking　for　an　instant
the　silence；　and　making　it　seem　the　sweeter　when　it　returned。　We
strolled　for　a　little　while。　We　did　not　talk　much。　The　stranger's
eyes；　I　noticed；　were　everywhere；　taking　in　every　detail　of　the　scene
around　us。　Presently　we　came　to　the　vineyard；　to　the　left　of　which　was
the　road　that　led　to　the　cemetery；　passed　up　the　road　and　arrived　at
the　cemetery　gate。

〃'Here　I　must　leave　you；'　I　said。

〃'Why？'　he　asked　quickly。

〃'There　is　another　Father　who　will　show　you　the　chapel。　I　shall　wait
for　you　here。'

〃I　sat　down　and　waited。　When　the　stranger　returned　it　seemed　to　me
that　his　face　was　calmer；　that　there　was　a　quieter　expression　in　his
eyes。　When　we　were　once　more　before　the　/hotellerie/　I　said：

〃'You　have　seen　all　my　small　domain　now。'

〃He　glanced　at　the　house。

〃'But　there　seems　to　be　a　number　of　rooms；'　he　said。

〃'Only　the　bedrooms。'

〃'Bedrooms？　Do　people　stay　the　night　here？'

〃'Sometimes。　If　they　please　they　can　stay　for　longer　than　a　night。'

〃'How　much　longer？'

〃'For　any　time　they　please；　if　they　conform　to　one　or　two　simple　rules
and　pay　a　small　fixed　sum　to　the　monastery。'

〃'Do　you　mean　that　you　could　take　anyone　in　for　the　summer？'　he　said
abruptly。

〃'Why　not？　The　consent　of　the　Reverend　Pere　has　to　be　obtained。　That
is　all。'

〃'I　should　like　to　see　the　bedrooms。'

〃I　took　him　in　and　showed　him　one。

〃'All　the　others　are　the　same；'　I　said。

〃He　glanced　round　at　the　white　walls；　the　rough　bed；　the　crucifix
above　it；　the　iron　basin；　the　paved　floor；　then　went　to　the　window　and
looked　out。

〃'Well；'　he　said；　drawing　back　into　the　room；　'I　will　go　now　to　see
the　Pere　Abbe；　if　it　is　permitted。'

〃On　the　garden　path　I　bade　him　good…bye。　He　shook　my　hand。　There　was
an　odd　smile　in　his　face。　Half…an…hour　later　I　saw　him　coming　again
through　the　arcade。

〃'Father；'　he　said；　'I　am　not　going　away。　I　have　asked　the　Pere　Abbe's
permission　to　stay　here。　He　has　given　it　to　me。　To…morrow　such　luggage
as　I　need　will　be　sent　over　from　Tunis。　Are　youare　you　very　vexed　to
have　a　stranger　to　trouble　your　peace？'

〃His　intensely　observant　eyes　were　fixed　upon　me　while　he　spoke。　I
answered：

〃'I　do　not　think　you　will　trouble　my　peace。'

〃And　my　thought　was：

〃'I　will　help　you　to　find　the　peace　which　you　have　lost。'

〃Was　it　a　presumptuous　thought；　Domini？　Was　it　insolent？　At　the　time
it　seemed　to　me　absolutely　sincere；　one　of　the　best　thoughts　I　had
ever　hada　thought　put　into　my　heart　by　God。　I　didn't　know　thenI
didn't　know。〃

He　stopped　speaking；　and　stood　for　a　time　quite　still；　looking　down　at
the　sand；　which　was　silver　white　under　the　moon。　At　last　he　lifted　his
head　and　said；　speaking　slowly：

〃It　was　the　coming　of　this　man　that　put　the　spark　to　that　torch。　It
was　he　who　woke　up　in　me　the　half　of　myself　which；　unsuspected　by　me；
had　been　slumbering　through　all　my　life；　slumbering　and　gathering
strength　in　slumberas　the　body　doesgathering　a　strength　that　was
tremendous；　that　was　to　overmaster　the　whole　of　me；　that　was　to　make
of　me　one　mad　impulse。　He　woke　up　in　me　the　body　and　the　body　was　to
take　possession　of　the　soul。　I　wondercan　I　make　you　feel　why　this
man　was　able　to　affect　me　thus？　Can　I　make　you　know　this　man？

〃He　was　a　man　full　of　secret　violence；　violence　of　the　mind　and
violence　of　the　body；　a　volcanic　man。　He　was　Englishhe　said　sobut
there　must　have　been　blood　that　was　not　English　in　his　veins。　When　I
was　with　him　I　felt　as　if　I　was　with　fire。　There　was　the　restlessness
of　fire　in　him。　There　was　the　intensity　of　fire。　He　could　be　reserved。
He　could　appear　to　be　cold。　But　always　I　was　conscious　that　if　there
was　stone　without　there　was　scorching　heat　within。　He　was　watchful　of
himself　and　of　everyone　with　whom　he　came　into　the　slightest　contact。
He　was　very　clever。　He　had　an　immense　amount　of　personal　charm；　I
think；　at　any　rate　for　me。　He　was　very　human；　passionately　interested
in　humanity。　He　wasand　this　was　specially　part　of　him；　a　dominant
traithe　was　savagely；　yes；　savagely；　eager　to　be　happy；　and　when　he
came　to　live　in　the　/hotellerie/　he　was　savagely　unhappy。　An　egoist　he
was；　a　thinker；　a　man　who　longed　to　lay　hold　of　something　b