david elginbrod-第60部分

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receive。

Thought；　Speculation；　Suggestion；　crowded　upon　each　other；　till　at
length　his　mind　sank　passive；　and　served　only　as　the　lists　in　which
the　antagonist　thoughts　fought　a　confused　battle　without　herald　or
umpire。

But　it　is　amazing　to　think　how　soon　he　began　to　look　back　upon　his
former　fascination　with　a　kind　of　wondering　unbelief。　　This　bespoke
the　strength　of　Hugh's　ideal　sense；　as　well　as　the　weakness　of　his
actual　love。　　He　could　hardly　even　recall　the　feelings　with　which；
on　some　well…remembered　occasion；　he　had　regarded　her；　and　which
then　it　had　seemed　impossible　he　should　ever　forget。　　Had　he
discovered　the　cloven　foot　of　a　demon　under　those　trailing
garmentshe　could　hardly　have　ceased　to　love　her　more　suddenly　or
entirely。　　But　there　is　an　aching　that　is　worse　to　bear　than　pain。

I　trust　my　reader　will　not　judge　very　hardly　of　Hugh；　because　of　the
change　which　had　thus　suddenly　passed　upon　his　feelings。　　He　felt
now　just　as　he　had　felt　on　waking　in　the　morning　and　finding　that　he
had　been　in　love　with　a　dream…lady　all　the　night：　it　had　been　very
delightful；　and　it　was　sad　that　it　was　all　gone；　and　could　come　back
no　more。　　But　the　wonder　to　me　is；　not　that　some　loves　will　not
stand　the　test　of　absence；　but　that；　their　nature　being　what　it　is；
they　should　outlast　one　week　of　familiar　intercourse。

He　mourned　bitterly　over　the　loss　of　those　feelings；　for　they　had
been　precious　to　him。　　But　could　he　help　it？　　Indeed　he　could　not；
for　his　love　had　been　fascination；　and　the　fascination　having
ceased；　the　love　was　gone。

I　believe　some　of　my　readers　will　not　need　this　apology　for　Hugh；
but　will　rather　admire　the　facility　with　which　he　rose　above　a
misplaced　passion；　and　dismissed　its　object。　　So　do　not　I。　It　came
of　his　having　never　loved。　　Had　he　really　loved　Euphra；　herself；　her
own　self；　the　living　woman　who　looked　at　him　out　of　those　eyes；　out
of　that　face；　such　pity　would　have　blended　with　the　love　as　would
have　made　it　greater；　and　permitted　no　indignation　to　overwhelm　it。
As　it　was；　he　was　utterly　passive　and　helpless　in　the　matter。　　The
fault　lay　in　the　original　weakness　that　submitted　to　be　so
fascinated；　that　gave　in　to　it；　notwithstanding　the　vague
expostulations　of　his　better　nature；　and　the　consciousness　that　he
was　neglecting　his　duty　to　Harry；　in　order　to　please　Euphra　and
enjoy　her　society。　　Had　he　persisted　in　doing　his　duty；　it　would　at
least　have　kept　his　mind　more　healthy；　lessened　the　absorption　of
his　passion；　and　given　him　opportunities　of　reflection；　and　moments
of　true　perception　as　to　what　he　was　about。　　But　now　the　spell　was
broken　at　once；　and　the　poor　girl　had　lost　a　worshipper。　　The　golden
image　with　the　feet　of　clay　might　arise　in　a　prophet's　dream；　but　it
could　never　abide　in　such　a　lover's。　　Her　glance　was　powerless　now。
Alas；　for　the　withering　of　such　a　dream！　　Perhaps　she　deserved
nothing　else；　but　our　deserts；　when　we　get　them；　are　sad　enough
sometimes。

All　that　day　he　walked　as　in　a　dream　of　loss。　　As　for　the　person
whom　he　had　used　to　call　Euphra；　she　was　removed　to　a　vast　distance
from　him。　　An　absolutely　impassable　gulf　lay　between　them。

She　sent　for　him。　　He　went　to　her　filled　with　a　sense　of
insensibility。　　She　was　much　worse；　and　suffering　great　pain。　　Hugh
saw　at　once　that　she　knew　that　all　was　over　between　them；　and　that
he　had　seen　her　pass　his　door；　or　had　been　in　her　room；　for　he　had
left　her　door　a　little　open；　and　she　had　left　it　shut。　　One
pathetic；　most　pitiful　glance　of　deprecating　entreaty　she　fixed　upon
him；　as　after　a　few　moments　of　speechless　waiting；　he　turned　to
leave　the　roomwhich　would　have　remained　deathless　in　his　heart；
but　that　he　interpreted　it　to　mean：　〃Don't　tell；〃　so　he　got　rid　of
it　at　once　by　the　grant　of　its　supposed　request。　　She　made　no　effort
to　detain　him。　　She　turned　her　face　away；　and；　hard…hearted；　he
heard　her　sob；　not　as　if　her　heart　would　breakthat　is　littlebut
like　an　immortal　woman　in　immortal　agony；　and　he　did　not　turn　to
comfort　her。　　Perhaps　it　was　betterhow　could　he　comfort　her？　　Some
kinds　of　comfortthe　only　kinds　which　poor　mortals　sometimes　have
to　giveare　like　the　food　on　which　the　patient　and　the　disease　live
together；　and　some　griefs　are　soonest　got　rid　of　by　letting　them
burn　out。　　All　the　fire…engines　in　creation　can　only　prolong　the
time；　and　increase　the　sense　of　burning。　　There　is　but　one　cure：　the
fellow…feeling　of　the　human　God；　which　converts　the　agony　itself
into　the　creative　fire　of　a　higher　life。

As　for　Von　Funkelstein；　Hugh　comforted　himself　with　the　conviction
that　they　were　destined　to　meet　again。

The　day　went　on；　as　days　will　go；　unstayed；　unhastened　by　the　human
souls；　through　which　they　glide　silent　and　awful。　　After　such
lessons　as　he　was　able　to　get　through　with　Harry；who；　feeling　that
his　tutor　did　not　want　him；　left　the　room　as　soon　as　they　were
overhe　threw　himself　on　the　couch；　and　tried　to　think。　　But　think
he　could　not。　　Thoughts　passed　through　him；　but　he　did　not　think
them。　　He　was　powerless　in　regard　to　them。　　They　came　and　went　of
their　own　will：　he　could　neither　say　come　nor　go。　　Tired　at　length
of　the　couch；　he　got　up　and　paced　about　the　room　for　hours。　　When　he
came　to　himself　a　little；　he　found　that　the　sun　was　nearly　setting。
Through　the　top　of　a　beech…tree　taller　than　the　rest；　it　sent　a
golden　light；　full　of　the　floating　shadows　of　leaves　and　branches；
upon　the　wall　of　his　room。　　But　there　was　no　beauty　for　him　in　the
going　down　of　the　sun；　no　glory　in　the　golden　light；　no　message　from
dream…land　in　the　flitting　and　blending　and　parting；　the　constantly
dissolving　yet　ever　remaining　play　of　the　lovely　and　wonderful
shadow…leaves。　　The　sun　sank　below　the　beech…top；　and　was　hidden
behind　a　cloud　of　green　leaves；　thick　as　the　wood　was　deep。　　A　grey
light　instead　of　a　golden　filled　the　room。　　The　change　had　no
interest　for　him。　　The　pain　of　a　lost　passion　tormented　himthe
aching　that　came　of　the　falling　together　of　the　ethereal　walls　of
his　soul；　about　the　space　where　there　had　been　and　where　there　was
no　longer　a　world。

A　young　bird　flew　against　the　window；　and　fluttered　its　wings　two　or
three　times；　vainly　seeking　to　overcome　the　unseen　obstacle　which
the　glass　presented　to　its　flight。　　Hugh　started　and　shuddered。
Then　first　he　knew；　in　the　influence　of　the　signs　of　the
approaching　darkness；　how　much　his　nerves　had　suffered　from　the
change　that　had　passed。　　He　took　refuge　with　Harry。　　His　pupil　was
now　to　be　his　consoler；　who　in　his　turn　would　fare　henceforth　the
better；　for　the　decay　of　Hugh's　pleasures。　　The　poor　boy　was　filled
with　delight　at　having　his　big　brother　all　to　himself　again；　and
worked　harder　than　ever　to　make　the　best　of　his　privileges。　　For
Hugh；　it　was　wonderful　how　soon　his　peace　of　mind　began　to　return
after　he　gave　himself　to　his　duty；　and　how　soon　the　clouds　of
disappointment　descended　below　the　far　horizon；　leaving　the　air
clear　above　and　around。　　Painful　thoughts　about　Euphra　would　still
present　themselves；　but　instead　of　becoming　more　gentle　and
sorrowful　as　the　days　went　on；　they　grew　more　and　more　severe　and
unjust　and　angry。　　He　even　entertained　doubts　whether　she　did　not
know　all　about　the　theft　of　both　rings；　for　to　her　only　had　he
discovered　the　secret　place　in　the　old　desk。　　If　she　was　capable　of
what　he　believed；　why　should　she　not　be　capable　of　anything　else？
It　seemed　to　him　most　simple　and　credible。　　An　impure　woman　might
just　as　well　be　a　thief　too。I　am　only　describing　Hugh's　feelings。

But　along　with　these　feelings　and　thoughts；　of　mingled　good　and　bad；
came　one　feeling　which　he　needed　more　than　anyrepentance。　　Seated
alone　upon　a　fallen　tree　one　day；　the　face　of　poor　Harry　came　back
to　him；　as　he　saw　it　first；　poring　over　Polexander　in　the　library；
and；　full　of　the　joy　of　life　himself；　notwithstanding　his　past
troubles；　strong　as　a　sunrise；　and　hopeful　as　a　Prometheus；　the
quivering　perplexity　of　that　sickly　little　face　smote　him　with　a
pang。　〃What　might　I　not　have　done　for　the　boy！　　He；　too；　was　in　the
hands　of　the　enchantress；　and；　instead　of　freeing　him；　I　became　her
slave　to　enchain　him　further。〃　　Yet；　even　in　this；　he　did　Euphra
injustice；　for　he　had　come　to　the　conclusion　that　she　had　laid　her
plans　with　the　intention　of　keeping　the　boy　a　dwarf；　by　giving　him
only　food　for　babes；　and　not　good　food　either；　withholding　from　him
every　stimulus　to　mental　digestion　and　consequent　hunger；　and　that
she　had　objects　of　her　own　in　doing　soone　perhaps；　to　keep　herself
necessary　to　the　boy　as　she　was　to　the　father；　and　so　secure　the
future。　　But　poor　Euphra's　own　nature　and　true　education　had　been
sadly　neglected。　　A　fine　knowledge　of　music　and　Italian；　and　the
development　of　a　sensuous　sympathy　with　nature；　could　hardly　be
called　education。　　It　was　not　certainly　such　a　development　of　her
own　nature　as　would　enable　her　to　sympathise　with　the　necessities　of
a　boy's　nature。　　Perhaps　the　worst　that　could　justly　be　said　of　her
behaviour　to　Harry　was；　that；　with　a　strong　inclination　to
despotism；　and　some　feeling　of　loneliness；　she　had　exercised　the　one
upon　him　in　order　to　alleviate　the　other　in　herself。　　Upon　him；
therefore；　she　expended　a　certain；　or　rather　an　uncertain　kind　of
affection；　which；　if　it　might　have　been　more　fittingly　spent　upon　a
lapdog；　and　was　worth　but　little；　might　yet　have　become　worth
everything；　had　she　been　moderately　good。

Hugh　did　not　see　Euphra　again　for　more　than　a　fortnight。




CHAPTER　XXX。

CHANGES。

Hey；　and　the　rue　grows　bonny　wi'　thyme！
And　the　thyme　it　is　withered；　and　rue　is　in　prime。

Refrain　of　an　old　Scotch　song；　altered　by　BURNS。

　　He　hath　wronged　me；　indeed　he　hath；at　a　word；　he　hath；believe
me；　Robert　Shallow；　Esquire；　saith　he　is　wronged。

Merry　Wives　of　Windsor。


At　length；　one　evening；　entering　the　drawing…room　before　dinner；
Hugh　found　Euphra　there　alone。　　He　bowed　with　embarrassment；　and
uttered　some　commonplace　congratulation　on　her　recovery。　　She
answered　him　gently　and　coldly。　　Her　whole　air　and　appearance　were
signs　of　acute　suffering。　　She　did　not　make　the　slightest　approach
to　their　former　familiarity；　but　she　spoke　without　any
embarra