the lily of the valley(幽谷百合)-第32部分

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will　always　be　spent　hereWhy；　what　is　the　matter？〃　I　said　to　the
countess；　putting　my　arm　round　her　waist　and　holding　her　up　in
presence　of　them　all。

〃Oh；　don't！〃　she　said；　springing　away　from　me；　〃it　is　nothing。〃

I　read　her　mind；　and　answered　to　its　secret　thought　by　saying；　〃Am　I
not　allowed　to　be　your　faithful　slave？〃

She　took　my　arm；　left　the　count；　the　children；　and　the　abbe；　and　led
me　to　a　distance　on　the　lawn；　though　still　within　sight　of　the　others；
then；　when　sure　that　her　voice　could　not　be　heard　by　them；　she　spoke。

〃Felix；　my　dear　friend；〃　she　said；　〃forgive　my　fears；　I　have　but　one
thread　by　which　to　guide　me　in　the　labyrinth　of　life；　and　I　dread　to
see　it　broken。　Tell　me　that　I　am　more　than　ever　Henriette　to　you；　that
you　will　never　abandon　me；　that　nothing　shall　prevail　against　me；　that
you　will　ever　be　my　devoted　friend。　I　have　suddenly　had　a　glimpse　into
my　future；　and　you　were　not　there；　as　hitherto；　your　eyes　shining　and
fixed　upon　me〃

〃Henriette！　idol　whose　worship　is　like　that　of　the　Divine；lily；
flower　of　my　life；　how　is　it　that　you　do　not　know；　you　who　are　my
conscience；　that　my　being　is　so　fused　with　yours　that　my　soul　is　here
when　my　body　is　in　Paris？　Must　I　tell　you　that　I　have　come　in
seventeen　hours；　that　each　turn　of　the　wheels　gathered　thoughts　and
desires　in　my　breast；　which　burst　forth　like　a　tempest　when　I　saw
you？〃

〃Yes；　tell　me！　tell　me！〃　she　cried；　〃I　am　so　sure　of　myself　that　I　can
hear　you　without　wrong。　God　does　not　will　my　death。　He　sends　you　to　me
as　he　sends　his　breath　to　his　creatures；　as　he　pours　the　rain　of　his
clouds　upon　a　parched　earth；tell　me！　tell　me！　Do　you　love　me
sacredly？〃

〃Sacredly。〃

〃For　ever？〃

〃For　ever。〃

〃As　a　virgin　Mary；　hidden　behind　her　veil；　beneath　her　white　crown。〃

〃As　a　virgin　visible。〃

〃As　a　sister？〃

〃As　a　sister　too　dearly　loved。〃

〃With　chivalry　and　without　hope？〃

〃With　chivalry　and　with　hope。〃

〃As　if　you　were　still　twenty　years　of　age；　and　wearing　that　absurd
blue　coat？〃

〃Oh　better　far！　I　love　you　thus；　and　I　also　love　you〃she　looked　at
me　with　keen　apprehension〃as　you　loved　your　aunt。〃

〃I　am　happy！　You　dispel　my　terrors；〃　she　said；　returning　towards　the
family；　who　were　surprised　at　our　private　conference。　〃Be　still　a
child　at　Clochegourdefor　you　are　one　still。　It　may　be　your　policy　to
be　a　man　with　the　king；　but　here；　let　me　tell　you；　monsieur；　your　best
policy　is　to　remain　a　child。　As　a　child　you　shall　be　loved。　I　can
resist　a　man；　but　to　a　child　I　can　refuse　nothing；　nothing！　He　can　ask
for　nothing　I　will　not　give　him。Our　secrets　are　all　told；〃　she　said；
looking　at　the　count　with　a　mischievous　air；　in　which　her　girlish；
natural　self　reappeared。　〃I　leave　you　now；　I　must　go　and　dress。〃

Never　for　three　years　had　I　heard　her　voice　so　richly　happy。　For　the
first　time　I　heard　those　swallow　cries；　the　infantile　notes　of　which　I
told　you。　I　had　brought　Jacques　a　hunting　outfit；　and　for　Madeleine　a
work…boxwhich　her　mother　afterwards　used。　The　joy　of　the　two
children；　delighted　to　show　their　presents　to　each　other；　seemed　to
annoy　the　count；　always　dissatisfied　when　attention　was　withdrawn　from
himself。　I　made　a　sign　to　Madeleine　and　followed　her　father；　who
wanted　to　talk　to　me　of　his　ailments。

〃My　poor　Felix；〃　he　said；　〃you　see　how　happy　and　well　they　all　are。　I
am　the　shadow　on　the　picture；　all　their　ills　are　transferred　to　me；
and　I　bless　God　that　it　is　so。　Formerly　I　did　not　know　what　was　the
matter　with　me；　now　I　know。　The　orifice　of　my　stomach　is　affected；　I
can　digest　nothing。〃

〃How　do　you　come　to　be　as　wise　as　the　professor　of　a　medical　school？〃
I　asked；　laughing。　〃Is　your　doctor　indiscreet　enough　to　tell　you　such
things？〃

〃God　forbid　I　should　consult　a　doctor；〃　he　cried；　showing　the　aversion
most　imaginary　invalids　feel　for　the　medical　profession。

I　now　listened　to　much　crazy　talk；　in　the　course　of　which　he　made　the
most　absurd　confidences；complained　of　his　wife；　of　the　servants；　of
the　children；　of　life；　evidently　pleased　to　repeat　his　daily　speeches
to　a　friend　who；　not　having　heard　them　daily；　might　be　alarmed；　and
who　at　any　rate　was　forced　to　listen　out　of　politeness。　He　must　have
been　satisfied；　for　I　paid　him　the　utmost　attention；　trying　to
penetrate　his　inconceivable　nature；　and　to　guess　what　new　tortures　he
had　been　inflicting　on　his　wife；　of　which　she　had　not　written　to　me。
Henriette　presently　put　an　end　to　the　monologue　by　appearing　in　the
portico。　The　count　saw　her；　shook　his　head；　and　said　to　me：　〃You
listen　to　me；　Felix；　but　here　no　one　pities　me。〃

He　went　away；　as　if　aware　of　the　constraint　he　imposed　on　my
intercourse　with　Henriette；　or　perhaps　from　a　really　chivalrous
consideration　for　her；　knowing　he　could　give　her　pleasure　by　leaving
us　alone。　His　character　exhibited　contradictions　that　were　often
inexplicable；　he　was　jealous；　like　all　weak　beings；　but　his　confidence
in　his　wife's　sanctity　was　boundless。　It　may　have　been　the　sufferings
of　his　own　self…esteem；　wounded　by　the　superiority　of　that　lofty
virtue；　which　made　him　so　eager　to　oppose　every　wish　of　the　poor
woman；　whom　he　braved　as　children　brave　their　masters　or　their
mothers。

Jacques　was　taking　his　lessons；　and　Madeleine　was　being　dressed；　I　had
therefore　a　whole　hour　to　walk　with　the　countess　alone　on　the　terrace。

〃Dear　angel！〃　I　said；　〃the　chains　are　heavier；　the　sands　hotter；　the
thorns　grow　apace。〃

〃Hush！〃　she　said；　guessing　the　thoughts　my　conversation　with　the　count
had　suggested。　〃You　are　here；　and　all　is　forgotten！　I　don't　suffer；　I
have　never　suffered。〃

She　made　a　few　light　steps　as　if　to　shake　her　dress　and　give　to　the
breeze　its　ruches　of　snowy　tulle；　its　floating　sleeves　and　fresh
ribbons；　the　laces　of　her　pelerine；　and　the　flowing　curls　of　her
coiffure　a　la　Sevigne；　I　saw　her　for　the　first　time　a　young　girl；gay
with　her　natural　gaiety；　ready　to　frolic　like　a　child。　I　knew　then　the
meaning　of　tears　of　happiness；　I　knew　the　joy　a　man　feels　in　bringing
happiness　to　another。

〃Sweet　human　flower；　wooed　by　my　thought；　kissed　by　my　soul；　oh　my
lily！〃　I　cried；　〃untouched；　untouchable　upon　thy　stem；　white；　proud；
fragrant；　and　solitary〃

〃Enough；　enough；〃　she　said；　smiling。　〃Speak　to　me　of　yourself；　tell　me
everything。〃

Then；　beneath　the　swaying　arch　of　quivering　leaves；　we　had　a　long
conversation；　filled　with　interminable　parentheses；　subjects　taken；
dropped；　and　retaken；　in　which　I　told　her　my　life　and　my　occupations；
I　even　described　my　apartment　in　Paris；　for　she　wished　to　know
everything；　and　（happiness　then　unappreciated）　I　had　nothing　to
conceal。　Knowing　thus　my　soul　and　all　the　details　of　a　daily　life　full
of　incessant　toil；　learning　the　full　extent　of　my　functions；　which　to
any　one　not　sternly　upright　offered　opportunities　for　deception　and
dishonest　gains；　but　which　I　had　exercised　with　such　rigid　honor　that
the　king；　I　told　her；　called　me　Mademoiselle　de　Vandenesse；　she　seized
my　hand　and　kissed　it；　and　dropped　a　tear；　a　tear　of　joy；　upon　it。

This　sudden　transposition　of　our　roles；　this　homage；　coupled　with　the
thoughtswiftly　expressed　but　as　swiftly　comprehended〃Here　is　the
master　I　have　sought；　here　is　my　dream　embodied！〃　all　that　there　was
of　avowal　in　the　action；　grand　in　its　humility；　where　love　betrayed
itself　in　a　region　forbidden　to　the　senses；this　whirlwind　of
celestial　things　fell　on　my　heart　and　crushed　it。　I　felt　myself　too
small；　I　wished　to　die　at　her　feet。

〃Ah！〃　I　said；　〃you　surpass　us　in　all　things。　Can　you　doubt　me？for
you　did　doubt　me　just　now；　Henriette。〃

〃Not　now；〃　she　answered；　looking　at　me　with　ineffable　tenderness；
which；　for　a　moment；　veiled　the　light　of　her　eyes。　〃But　seeing　you　so
changed；　so　handsome；　I　said　to　myself；　'Our　plans　for　Madeleine　will
be　defeated　by　some　woman　who　will　guess　the　treasures　in　his　heart；
she　will　steal　our　Felix；　and　destroy　all　happiness　here。'〃

〃Always　Madeleine！〃　I　replied。　〃Is　it　Madeleine　to　whom　I　am
faithful？〃

We　fell　into　a　silence　which　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　inconveniently
interrupted。　I　was　forced　to　keep　up　a　conversation　bristling　with
difficulties；　in　which　my　honest　replies　as　to　the　king's　policy
jarred　with　the　count's　ideas；　and　he　forced　me　to　explain　again　and
again　the　king's　intentions。　In　spite　of　all　my　questions　as　to　his
horses；　his　agricultural　affairs；　whether　he　was　satisfied　with　his
five　farms；　whether　he　meant　to　cut　the　timber　of　the　old　avenue；　he
returned　to　the　subject　of　politics　with　the　pestering　faculty　of　an
old　maid　and　the　persistency　of　a　child。　Minds　like　his　prefer　to　dash
themselves　against　the　light；　they　return　again　and　again　and　hum
about　it　without　ever　getting　into　it；　like　those　big　flies　which
weary　our　ears　as　they　buzz　upon　the　glass。

Henriette　was　silent。　To　stop　the　conversation；　in　which　I　feared　my
young　blood　might　take　fire；　I　answered　in　monosyllables；　mostly
acquiescent；　avoiding　discussion；　but　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　had　too
much　sense　not　to　perceive　the　meaning　of　my　politeness。　Presently　he
was　angry　at　being　always　in　the　right；　he　grew　refractory；　his
eyebrows　and　the　wrinkles　of　his　forehead　worked；　his　yellow　eyes
blazed；　his　rufous　nose　grew　redder；　as　it　did　on　the　day　I　first
witnessed　an　attack　of　madness。　Henriette　gave　me　a　supplicating　look；
making　me　understand　that　she　could　not　employ　on　my　behalf　an
authority　to　which　she　had　recourse　to　protect　her　children。　I　at　once
answered　the　count　seriously；　taking　up　the　political　question；　and
managing　his　peevish　spirit　with　the　utmost　care。

〃Poor　dear！　poor　dear！〃　she　murmured　two　or　three　times；　the　words
reaching　my　ear　like　a　gentle　breeze。　When　she　could　intervene　with
success　she　said；　interrupting　us；　〃Let　me　tell　you；　gentlemen；　that
you　are　very　dull　company。〃

Recalled　by　this　conversation　to　his　chivalrous　sense　of　what　was　due
to　a　woman；　the　count　ceased　to　talk　politics；　and　as　we　bored　him　in
our　turn　by　commonplace　matters；　he　presently　left　us　to　continue　our
walk；　declaring　that　it　made　his　head　spin　to　go　round　and　round　on
the　same　path。

My　sad　conjectures　were　true。　The　soft　landscape；　the　warm　atmosphere；
the　cloudless　skies；　the　soothin