the lily of the valley(幽谷百合)-第33部分

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My　sad　conjectures　were　true。　The　soft　landscape；　the　warm　atmosphere；
the　cloudless　skies；　the　soothing　poetry　of　this　valley；　which　for
fifteen　years　had　calmed　the　stinging　fancies　of　that　diseased　mind；
were　now　impotent。　At　a　period　of　life　when　the　asperities　of　other
men　are　softened　and　their　angles　smoothed；　the　disposition　of　this
man　became　more　and　more　aggressive。　For　the　last　few　months　he　had
taken　a　habit　of　contradicting　for　the　sake　of　contradiction；　without
reason；　without　even　trying　to　justify　his　opinions；　he　insisted　on
knowing　the　why　and　the　wherefore　of　everything；　grew　restless　under　a
delay　or　an　omission；　meddled　with　every　item　of　the　household
affairs；　and　compelled　his　wife　and　the　servants　to　render　him　the
most　minute　and　fatiguing　account　of　all　that　was　done；　never　allowing
them　the　slightest　freedom　of　action。　Formerly　he　did　not　lose　his
temper　except　for　some　special　reason；　now　his　irritation　was
constant。　Perhaps　the　care　of　his　farms；　the　interests　of　agriculture；
an　active　out…door　life　had　formerly　soothed　his　atrabilious　temper　by
giving　it　a　field　for　its　uneasiness；　and　by　furnishing　employment　for
his　activity。　Possibly　the　loss　of　such　occupation　had　allowed　his
malady　to　prey　upon　itself；　no　longer　exercised　on　matters　without；　it
was　showing　itself　in　more　fixed　ideas；　the　moral　being　was　laying
hold　of　the　physical　being。　He　had　lately　become　his　own　doctor；　he
studied　medical　books；　fancied　he　had　the　diseases　he　read　of；　and
took　the　most　extraordinary　and　unheard　of　precautions　about　his
health；precautions　never　the　same；　impossible　to　foresee；　and
consequently　impossible　to　satisfy。　Sometimes　he　wanted　no　noise；
then；　when　the　countess　had　succeeded　in　establishing　absolute
silence；　he　would　declare　he　was　in　a　tomb；　and　blame　her　for　not
finding　some　medium　between　incessant　noise　and　the　stillness　of　La
Trappe。　Sometimes　he　affected　a　perfect　indifference　for　all　earthly
things。　Then　the　whole　household　breathed　freely；　the　children　played；
family　affairs　went　on　without　criticism。　Suddenly　he　would　cry　out
lamentably；　〃They　want　to　kill　me！My　dear；〃　he　would　say　to　his
wife；　increasing　the　injustice　of　his　words　by　the　aggravating　tones
of　his　sharp　voice；　〃if　it　concerned　your　children　you　would　know　very
well　what　was　the　matter　with　them。〃

He　dressed　and　re…dressed　himself　incessantly；　watching　every　change
of　temperature；　and　doing　nothing　without　consulting　the　barometer。
Notwithstanding　his　wife's　attentions；　he　found　no　food　to　suit　him；
his　stomach　being；　he　said；　impaired；　and　digestion　so　painful　as　to
keep　him　awake　all　night。　In　spite　of　this　he　ate；　drank；　digested；
and　slept；　in　a　manner　to　satisfy　any　doctor。　His　capricious　will
exhausted　the　patience　of　the　servants；　accustomed　to　the　beaten　track
of　domestic　service　and　unable　to　conform　to　the　requirements　of　his
conflicting　orders。　Sometimes　he　bade　them　keep　all　the　windows　open；
declaring　that　his　health　required　a　current　of　fresh　air；　a　few　days
later　the　fresh　air；　being　too　hot　or　too　damp；　as　the　case　might　be；
became　intolerable；　then　he　scolded；　quarrelled　with　the　servants；　and
in　order　to　justify　himself；　denied　his　former　orders。　This　defect　of
memory；　or　this　bad　faith；　call　it　which　you　will；　always　carried　the
day　against　his　wife　in　the　arguments　by　which　she　tried　to　pit　him
against　himself。　Life　at　Clochegourde　had　become　so　intolerable　that
the　Abbe　Dominis；　a　man　of　great　learning；　took　refuge　in　the　study　of
scientific　problems；　and　withdrew　into　the　shelter　of　pretended
abstraction。　The　countess　had　no　longer　any　hope　of　hiding　the　secret
of　these　insane　furies　within　the　circle　of　her　own　home；　the　servants
had　witnessed　scenes　of　exasperation　without　exciting　cause；　in　which
the　premature　old　man　passed　the　bounds　of　reason。　They　were；　however；
so　devoted　to　the　countess　that　nothing　so　far　had　transpired　outside；
but　she　dreaded　daily　some　public　outburst　of　a　frenzy　no　longer
controlled　by　respect　for　opinion。

Later　I　learned　the　dreadful　details　of　the　count's　treatment　of　his
wife。　Instead　of　supporting　her　when　the　children　were　ill；　he
assailed　her　with　dark　predictions　and　made　her　responsible　for　all
future　illnesses；　because　she　refused　to　let　the　children　take　the
crazy　doses　which　he　prescribed。　When　she　went　to　walk　with　them　the
count　would　predict　a　storm　in　the　face　of　a　clear　sky；　if　by　chance
the　prediction　proved　true；　the　satisfaction　he　felt　made　him　quite
indifferent　to　any　harm　to　the　children。　If　one　of　them　was　ailing；
the　count　gave　his　whole　mind　to　fastening　the　cause　of　the　illness
upon　the　system　of　nursing　adopted　by　his　wife；　whom　he　carped　at　for
every　trifling　detail；　always　ending　with　the　cruel　words；　〃If　your
children　fall　ill　again　you　have　only　yourself　to　thank　for　it。〃

He　behaved　in　the　same　way　in　the　management　of　the　household；　seeing
the　worst　side　of　everything；　and　making　himself；　as　his　old　coachman
said；　〃the　devil's　own　advocate。〃　The　countess　arranged　that　Jacques
and　Madeleine　should　take　their　meals　alone　at　different　hours　from
the　family；　so　as　to　save　them　from　the　count's　outbursts　and　draw　all
the　storms　upon　herself。　In　this　way　the　children　now　saw　but　little
of　their　father。　By　one　of　the　hallucinations　peculiar　to　selfish
persons；　the　count　had　not　the　slightest　idea　of　the　misery　he　caused。
In　the　confidential　communication　he　made　to　me　on　my　arrival　he
particularly　dwelt　on　his　goodness　to　his　family。　He　wielded　the
flail；　beat；　bruised；　and　broke　everything　about　him　as　a　monkey　might
have　done。　Then；　having　half…destroyed　his　prey；　he　denied　having
touched　it。　I　now　understood　the　lines　on　Henriette's　forehead；fine
lines；　traced　as　it　were　with　the　edge　of　a　razor；　which　I　had　noticed
the　moment　I　saw　her。　There　is　a　pudicity　in　noble　minds　which
withholds　them　from　speaking　of　their　personal　sufferings；　proudly
they　hide　the　extent　of　their　woes　from　hearts　that　love　them；　feeling
a　merciful　joy　in　doing　so。　Therefore　in　spite　of　my　urgency；　I　did
not　immediately　obtain　the　truth　from　Henriette。　She　feared　to　grieve
me；　she　made　brief　admissions；　and　then　blushed　for　them；　but　I　soon
perceived　myself　the　increase　of　trouble　which　the　count's　present
want　of　regular　occupation　had　brought　upon　the　household。

〃Henriette；〃　I　said；　after　I　had　been　there　some　days；　〃don't　you
think　you　have　made　a　mistake　in　so　arranging　the　estate　that　the
count　has　no　longer　anything　to　do？〃

〃Dear；〃　she　said；　smiling；　〃my　situation　is　critical　enough　to　take
all　my　attention；　believe　me；　I　have　considered　all　my　resources；　and
they　are　now　exhausted。　It　is　true　that　the　bickerings　are　getting
worse　and　worse。　As　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　and　I　are　always　together；　I
cannot　lessen　them　by　diverting　his　attention　in　other　directions；　in
fact　the　pain　would　be　the　same　to　me　in　any　case。　I　did　think　of
advising　him　to　start　a　nursery　for　silk…worms　at　Clochegourde；　where
we　have　many　mulberry…trees；　remains　of　the　old　industry　of　Touraine。
But　I　reflected　that　he　would　still　be　the　same　tyrant　at　home；　and　I
should　have　many　more　annoyances　through　the　enterprise。　You　will
learn；　my　dear　observer；　that　in　youth　a　man's　ill　qualities　are
restrained　by　society；　checked　in　their　swing　by　the　play　of　passions；
subdued　under　the　fear　of　public　opinion；　later；　a　middle…aged　man；
living　in　solitude；　shows　his　native　defects；　which　are　all　the　more
terrible　because　so　long　repressed。　Human　weaknesses　are　essentially
base；　they　allow　of　neither　peace　nor　truce；　what　you　yield　to　them
to…day　they　exact　to…morrow；　and　always；　they　fasten　on　concessions
and　compel　more　of　them。　Power；　on　the　other　hand；　is　merciful；　it
conforms　to　evidence；　it　is　just　and　it　is　peaceable。　But　the　passions
born　of　weakness　are　implacable。　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　takes　an
absolute　pleasure　in　getting　the　better　of　me；　and　he　who　would
deceive　no　one　else；　deceives　me　with　delight。〃

One　morning　as　we　left　the　breakfast　table；　about　a　month　after　my
arrival；　the　countess　took　me　by　the　arm；　darted　through　an　iron　gate
which　led　into　the　vineyard；　and　dragged　me　hastily　among　the　vines。

〃He　will　kill　me！〃　she　cried。　〃And　I　want　to　livefor　my　children's
sake。　But　oh！　not　a　day's　respite！　Always　to　walk　among　thorns！　to
come　near　falling　every　instant！　every　instant　to　have　to　summon　all
my　strength　to　keep　my　balance！　No　human　being　can　long　endure　such
strain　upon　the　system。　If　I　were　certain　of　the　ground　I　ought　to
take；　if　my　resistance　could　be　a　settled　thing；　then　my　mind　might
concentrate　upon　itbut　no；　every　day　the　attacks　change　character
and　leave　me　without　defence；　my　sorrows　are　not　one；　they　are
manifold。　Ah！　my　friend〃　she　cried；　leaning　her　head　upon　my
shoulder；　and　not　continuing　her　confidence。　〃What　will　become　of　me？
Oh；　what　shall　I　do？〃　she　said　presently；　struggling　with　thoughts　she
did　not　express。　〃How　can　I　resist？　He　will　kill　me！　No；　I　will　kill
myselfbut　that　would　be　a　crime！　Escape？　yes；　but　my　children！
Separate　from　him？　how；　after　fifteen　years　of　marriage；　how　could　I
ever　tell　my　parents　that　I　will　not　live　with　him？　for　if　my　father
and　mother　came　here　he　would　be　calm；　polite；　intelligent；　judicious。
Besides；　can　married　women　look　to　fathers　or　mothers？　Do　they　not
belong　body　and　soul　to　their　husbands？　I　could　live　tranquil　if　not
happyI　have　found　strength　in　my　chaste　solitude；　I　admit　it；　but　if
I　am　deprived　of　this　negative　happiness　I　too　shall　become　insane。　My
resistance　is　based　on　powerful　reasons　which　are　not　personal　to
myself。　It　is　a　crime　to　give　birth　to　poor　creatures　condemned　to
endless　suffering。　Yet　my　position　raises　serious　questions；　so
serious　that　I　dare　not　decide　them　alone；　I　cannot　be　judge　and　party
both。　To…morrow　I　will　go　to　Tours　and　consult　my　new　confessor；　the
Abbe　Birotteaufor　my　dear　and　virtuous　Abbe　de　la　Berge　is　dead；〃
she　said；　interrupting　herself。　〃Though　he　was　severe；　I　miss　and
shall　always　miss　his　apostolic　power。　His　successor　is　an　angel　of
goodness；　who　pities　but　does　not　reprimand。　Still；　all　courage　draws
fresh　life　from