the lily of the valley(幽谷百合)-第39部分

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by　any　counterfeit；　however　well　presented　it　may　be。　England
possesses　in　the　highest　degree　that　science　of　existence　which　turns
to　account　every　particle　of　materiality；　the　science　that　makes　her
women's　slippers　the　most　exquisite　slippers　in　the　world；　gives　to
their　linen　ineffable　fragrance；　lines　their　drawers　with　cedar；
serves　tea　carefully　drawn；　at　a　certain　hour；　banishes　dust；　nails
the　carpets　to　the　floors　in　every　corner　of　the　house；　brushes　the
cellar　walls；　polishes　the　knocker　of　the　front　door；　oils　the　springs
of　the　carriage；in　short；　makes　matter　a　nutritive　and　downy　pulp；
clean　and　shining；　in　the　midst　of　which　the　soul　expires　of　enjoyment
and　the　frightful　monotony　of　comfort　in　a　life　without　contrasts；
deprived　of　spontaneity；　and　which；　to　sum　all　in　one　word；　makes　a
machine　of　you。

Thus　I　suddenly　came　to　know；　in　the　bosom　of　this　British　luxury；　a
woman　who　is　perhaps　unique　among　her　sex；　who　caught　me　in　the　nets
of　a　love　excited　by　my　indifference；　and　to　the　warmth　of　which　I
opposed　a　stern　continence；one　of　those　loves　possessed　of
overwhelming　charm；　an　electricity　of　their　own；　which　lead　us　to　the
skies　through　the　ivory　gates　of　slumber；　or　bear　us　thither　on　their
powerful　pinions。　A　love　monstrously　ungrateful；　which　laughs　at　the
bodies　of　those　it　kills；　love　without　memory；　a　cruel　love；
resembling　the　policy　of　the　English　nation；　a　love　to　which；　alas；
most　men　yield。　You　understand　the　problem？　Man　is　composed　of　matter
and　spirit；　animality　comes　to　its　end　in　him；　and　the　angel　begins　in
him。　There　lies　the　struggle　we　all　pass　through；　between　the　future
destiny　of　which　we　are　conscious　and　the　influence　of　anterior
instincts　from　which　we　are　not　wholly　detached；carnal　love　and
divine　love。　One　man　combines　them；　another　abstains　altogether；　some
there　are　who　seek　the　satisfaction　of　their　anterior　appetites　from
the　whole　sex；　others　idealize　their　love　in　one　woman　who　is　to　them
the　universe；　some　float　irresolutely　between　the　delights　of　matter
and　the　joys　of　soul；　others　spiritualize　the　body；　requiring　of　it
that　which　it　cannot　give。

If；　thinking　over　these　leading　characteristics　of　love；　you　take　into
account　the　dislikes　and　the　affinities　which　result　from　the
diversity　of　organisms；　and　which　sooner　or　later　break　all　ties
between　those　who　have　not　fully　tried　each　other；　if　you　add　to　this
the　mistakes　arising　from　the　hopes　of　those　who　live　more
particularly　either　by　their　minds；　or　by　their　hearts；　or　by　action；
who　either　think；　or　feel；　or　act；　and　whose　tendency　is　misunderstood
in　the　close　association　in　which　two　persons；　equal　counterparts；
find　themselves；　you　will　have　great　indulgence　for　sorrows　to　which
the　world　is　pitiless。　Well；　Lady　Dudley　gratified　the　instincts；
organs；　appetites；　the　vices　and　virtues　of　the　subtile　matter　of
which　we　are　made；　she　was　the　mistress　of　the　body；　Madame　de
Mortsauf　was　the　wife　of　the　soul。　The　love　which　the　mistress
satisfies　has　its　limits；　matter　is　finite；　its　inherent　qualities
have　an　ascertained　force；　it　is　capable　of　saturation；　often　I　felt　a
void　even　in　Paris；　near　Lady　Dudley。　Infinitude　is　the　region　of　the
heart；　love　had　no　limits　at　Clochegourde。　I　loved　Lady　Dudley
passionately；　and　certainly；　though　the　animal　in　her　was　magnificent；
she　was　also　superior　in　mind；　her　sparkling　and　satirical
conversation　had　a　wide　range。　But　I　adored　Henriette。　At　night　I　wept
with　happiness；　in　the　morning　with　remorse。

Some　women　have　the　art　to　hide　their　jealousy　under　a　tone　of　angelic
kindness；　they　are；　like　Lady　Dudley；　over　thirty　years　of　age。　Such
women　know　how　to　feel　and　how　to　calculate；　they　press　out　the　juices
of　to…day　and　think　of　the　future　also；　they　can　stifle　a　moan；　often
a　natural　one；　with　the　will　of　a　huntsman　who　pays　no　heed　to　a　wound
in　the　ardor　of　the　chase。　Without　ever　speaking　of　Madame　de
Mortsauf；　Arabella　endeavored　to　kill　her　in　my　soul；　where　she　ever
found　her；　her　own　passion　increasing　with　the　consciousness　of　that
invincible　love。　Intending　to　triumph　by　comparisons　which　would　turn
to　her　advantage；　she　was　never　suspicious；　or　complaining；　or
inquisitive；　as　are　most　young　women；　but；　like　a　lioness　who　has
seized　her　prey　and　carries　it　to　her　lair　to　devour；　she　watched　that
nothing　should　disturb　her　feast；　and　guarded　me　like　a　rebellious
captive。　I　wrote　to　Henriette　under　her　very　eyes；　but　she　never　read
a　line　of　my　letters；　she　never　sought　in　any　way　to　know　to　whom　they
were　addressed。　I　had　my　liberty；　she　seemed　to　say　to　herself；　〃If　I
lose　him　it　shall　be　my　own　fault；〃　and　she　proudly　relied　on　a　love
that　would　have　given　me　her　life　had　I　asked　for　it；in　fact　she
often　told　me　that　if　I　left　her　she　would　kill　herself。　I　have　heard
her　praise　the　custom　of　Indian　widows　who　burn　themselves　upon　their
husband's　grave。　〃In　India　that　is　a　distinction　reserved　for　the
higher　classes；〃　she　said；　〃and　is　very　little　understood　by
Europeans；　who　are　incapable　of　understanding　the　grandeur　of　the
privilege；　you　must　admit；　however；　that　on　the　dead　level　of　our
modern　customs　aristocracy　can　rise　to　greatness　only　through
unparalleled　devotions。　How　can　I　prove　to　the　middle　classes　that　the
blood　in　my　veins　is　not　the　same　as　theirs；　unless　I　show　them　that　I
can　die　as　they　cannot？　Women　of　no　birth　can　have　diamonds　and　satins
and　horseseven　coats…of…arms；　which　ought　to　be　sacred　to　us；　for
any　one　can　buy　a　name。　But　to　love；　with　our　heads　up；　in　defiance　of
law；　to　die　for　the　idol　we　have　chosen；　with　the　sheets　of　our　bed
for　a　shroud；　to　lay　earth　and　heaven　at　his　feet；　robbing　the
Almighty　of　his　right　to　make　a　god；　and　never　to　betray　that　man；
never；　never；　even　for　virtue's　sake；for；　to　refuse　him　anything　in
the　name　of　duty　is　to　devote　ourselves　to　something　that　is　not　HE；
and　let　that　something　be　a　man　or　an　idea；　it　is　betrayal　all　the
same；these　are　heights　to　which　common　women　cannot　attain；　they
know　but　two　matter…of…fact　ways；　the　great　high…road　of　virtue；　or
the　muddy　path　of　the　courtesan。〃

Pride；　you　see；　was　her　instrument；　she　flattered　all　vanities　by
deifying　them。　She　put　me　so　high　that　she　might　live　at　my　feet；　in
fact；　the　seductions　of　her　spirit　were　literally　expressed　by　an
attitude　of　subserviency　and　her　complete　submission。　In　what　words
shall　I　describe　those　first　six　months　when　I　was　lost　in　enervating
enjoyments；　in　the　meshes　of　a　love　fertile　in　pleasures　and　knowing
how　to　vary　them　with　a　cleverness　learned　by　long　experience；　yet
hiding　that　knowledge　beneath　the　transports　of　passion。　These
pleasures；　the　sudden　revelation　of　the　poetry　of　the　senses；
constitute　the　powerful　tie　which　binds　young　men　to　women　older　than
they。　It　is　the　chain　of　the　galley…slave；　it　leaves　an　ineffaceable
brand　upon　the　soul；　filling　it　with　disgust　for　pure　and　innocent
love　decked　with　flowers　only；　which　serves　no　alcohol　in　curiously
chased　cups　inlaid　with　jewels　and　sparkling　with　unquenchable　fires。

Recalling　my　early　dreams　of　pleasures　I　knew　nothing　of；　expressed　at
Clochegourde　in　my　〃selams；〃　the　voice　of　my　flowers；　pleasures　which
the　union　of　souls　renders　all　the　more　ardent；　I　found　many
sophistries　by　which　I　excused　to　myself　the　delight　with　which　I
drained　that　jewelled　cup。　Often；　when；　lost　in　infinite　lassitude；　my
soul　disengaged　itself　from　the　body　and　floated　far　from　earth；　I
thought　that　these　pleasures　might　be　the　means　of　abolishing　matter
and　of　rendering　to　the　spirit　its　power　to　soar。　Sometimes　Lady
Dudley；　like　other　women；　profited　by　the　exaltation　in　which　I　was　to
bind　me　by　promises；　under　the　lash　of　a　desire　she　wrung　blasphemies
from　my　lips　against　the　angel　at　Clochegourde。　Once　a　traitor　I
became　a　scoundrel。　I　continued　to　write　to　Madame　de　Mortsauf；　in　the
tone　of　the　lad　she　had　first　known　in　his　strange　blue　coat；　but；　I
admit　it；　her　gift　of　second…sight　terrified　me　when　I　thought　what
ruin　the　indiscretion　of　a　word　might　bring　to　the　dear　castle　of　my
hopes。　Often；　in　the　midst　of　my　pleasure　a　sudden　horror　seized　me；　I
heard　the　name　of　Henriette　uttered　by　a　voice　above　me；　like　that　in
the　Scriptures；　demanding：　〃Cain；　where　is　thy　brother　Abel？〃

At　last　my　letters　remained　unanswered。　I　was　seized　with　horrible
anxiety　and　wished　to　leave　for　Clochegourde。　Arabella　did　not　oppose
it；　but　she　talked　of　accompanying　me　to　Touraine。　Her　woman's　wit
told　her　that　the　journey　might　be　a　means　of　finally　detaching　me
from　her　rival；　while　I；　blind　with　fear　and　guilelessly　unsuspicious；
did　not　see　the　trap　she　set　for　me。　Lady　Dudley　herself　proposed　the
humblest　concessions。　She　would　stay　near　Tours；　at　a　little　country…
place；　alone；　disguised；　she　would　refrain　from　going　out　in　the　day…
time；　and　only　meet　me　in　the　evening　when　people　were　not　likely　to
be　about。　I　left　Tours　on　horseback。　I　had　my　reasons　for　this；　my
evening　excursions　to　meet　her　would　require　a　horse；　and　mine　was　an
Arab　which　Lady　Hester　Stanhope　had　sent　to　the　marchioness；　and　which
she　had　lately　exchanged　with　me　for　that　famous　picture　of　Rembrandt
which　I　obtained　in　so　singular　a　way；　and　which　now　hangs　in　her
drawing…room　in　London。　I　took　the　road　I　had　traversed　on　foot　six
years　earlier　and　stopped　beneath　my　walnut…tree。　From　there　I　saw
Madame　de　Mortsauf　in　a　white　dress　standing　at　the　edge　of　the
terrace。　Instantly　I　rode　towards　her　with　the　speed　of　lightning；　in
a　straight　line　and　across　country。　She　heard　the　stride　of　the
swallow　of　the　desert　and　when　I　pulled　him　up　suddenly　at　the
terrace；　she　said　to　me：　〃Oh；　you　here！〃

Those　three　words　blasted　me。　She　knew　my　treachery。　Who　had　told　her？
her　mother；　whose　hateful　letter　she　afterwards　showed　me。　The　feeble；
indifferent　voice；　once　so　full　of　life；　the　dull　pallor　of　its　tones
revealed　a　settled　grief；　exhaling　the　breath　of　flowers　cut　and　left
to　wither。　The　tempest　of　infidelity；　like　those　freshets　of　the　Loire
which　bury　the　meadows　for　all　time　in　sand；　had　torn　its　way　through
her　soul；　leaving　a　desert　where　once　the　v