the lily of the valley(幽谷百合)-第49部分

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myriad　of　little　industries？　Is　there　some　powerful　and　venomous　life
which　feasts　on　these　gentle；　tender　creatures？　My　God！　do　I　belong　to
the　race　of　tigers？

Remorse　gripped　my　heart　in　its　scorching　fingers；　and　my　cheeks　were
furrowed　with　tears　as　I　entered　the　avenue　of　Clochegourde　on　a　damp
October　morning；　which　loosened　the　dead　leaves　of　the　poplars　planted
by　Henriette　in　the　path　where　once　she　stood　and　waved　her
handkerchief　as　if　to　recall　me。　Was　she　living？　Why　did　I　feel　her
two　white　hands　upon　my　head　laid　prostrate　in　the　dust？　In　that
moment　I　paid　for　all　the　pleasures　that　Arabella　had　given　me；　and　I
knew　that　I　paid　dearly。　I　swore　not　to　see　her　again；　and　a　hatred　of
England　took　possession　of　me。　Though　Lady　Dudley　was　only　a　variety
of　her　species；　I　included　all　Englishwomen　in　my　judgment。

I　received　a　fresh　shock　as　I　neared　Clochegourde。　Jacques；　Madeleine；
and　the　Abbe　Dominis　were　kneeling　at　the　foot　of　a　wooden　cross
placed　on　a　piece　of　ground　that　was　taken　into　the　enclosure　when　the
iron　gate　was　put　up；　which　the　count　and　countess　had　never　been
willing　to　remove。　I　sprang　from　the　carriage　and　went　towards　them；
my　heart　aching　at　the　sight　of　these　children　and　that　grave　old　man
imploring　the　mercy　of　God。　The　old　huntsman　was　there　too；　with　bared
head；　standing　a　little　apart。

I　stooped　to　kiss　Jacques　and　Madeleine；　who　gave　me　a　cold　look　and
continued　praying。　The　abbe　rose　from　his　knees；　I　took　him　by　the　arm
to　support　myself；　saying；　〃Is　she　still　alive？〃　He　bowed　his　head
sadly　and　gently。　〃Tell　me；　I　implore　you　for　Christ's　sake；　why　are
you　praying　at　the　foot　of　this　cross？　Why　are　you　here；　and　not　with
her？　Why　are　the　children　kneeling　here　this　chilly　morning？　Tell　me
all；　that　I　may　do　no　harm　through　ignorance。〃

〃For　the　last　few　days　Madame　le　comtesse　has　been　unwilling　to　see
her　children　except　at　stated　times。Monsieur；〃　he　continued　after　a
pause；　〃perhaps　you　had　better　wait　a　few　hours　before　seeing　Madame
de　Mortsauf；　she　is　greatly　changed。　It　is　necessary　to　prepare　her
for　this　interview；　or　it　might　cause　an　increase　in　her　sufferings
death　would　be　a　blessed　release　from　them。〃　

I　wrung　the　hand　of　the　good　man；　whose　look　and　voice　soothed　the
pangs　of　others　without　sharpening　them。

〃We　are　praying　God　to　help　her；〃　he　continued；　〃for　she；　so　saintly；
so　resigned；　so　fit　to　die；　has　shown　during　the　last　few　weeks　a
horror　of　death；　for　the　first　time　in　her　life　she　looks　at　others
who　are　full　of　health　with　gloomy；　envious　eyes。　This　aberration
comes　less；　I　think；　from　the　fear　of　death　than　from　some　inward
intoxication；from　the　flowers　of　her　youth　which　ferment　as　they
wither。　Yes；　an　evil　angel　is　striving　against　heaven　for　that
glorious　soul。　She　is　passing　through　her　struggle　on　the　Mount　of
Olives；　her　tears　bathe　the　white　roses　of　her　crown　as　they　fall；　one
by　one；　from　the　head　of　this　wedded　Jephtha。　Wait；　do　not　see　her
yet。　You　would　bring　to　her　the　atmosphere　of　the　court；　she　would　see
in　your　face　the　reflection　of　the　things　of　life；　and　you　would　add
to　the　bitterness　of　her　regret。　Have　pity　on　a　weakness　which　God
Himself　forgave　to　His　Son　when　He　took　our　nature　upon　Him。　What
merit　would　there　be　in　conquering　if　we　had　no　adversary？　Permit　her
confessor　or　me；　two　old　men　whose　worn…out　lives　cause　her　no　pain；
to　prepare　her　for　this　unlooked…for　meeting；　for　emotions　which　the
Abbe　Birotteau　has　required　her　to　renounce。　But；　in　the　things　of
this　world　there　is　an　invisible　thread　of　divine　purpose　which
religion　alone　can　see；　and　since　you　have　come　perhaps　you　are　led　by
some　celestial　star　of　the　moral　world　which　leads　to　the　tomb　as　to
the　manger〃

He　then　told　me；　with　that　tempered　eloquence　which　falls　like　dew
upon　the　heart；　that　for　the　last　six　months　the　countess　had　suffered
daily　more　and　more；　in　spite　of　Monsieur　Origet's　care。　The　doctor
had　come　to　Clochegourde　every　evening　for　two　months；　striving　to
rescue　her　from　death；　for　her　one　cry　had　been；　〃Oh；　save　me！〃　〃To
heal　the　body　the　heart　must　first　be　healed；〃　the　doctor　had
exclaimed　one　day。

〃As　the　illness　increased；　the　words　of　this　poor　woman；　once　so
gentle；　have　grown　bitter；〃　said　the　Abbe。　〃She　calls　on　earth　to　keep
her；　instead　of　asking　God　to　take　her；　then　she　repents　these　murmurs
against　the　divine　decree。　Such　alternations　of　feeling　rend　her　heart
and　make　the　struggle　between　body　and　soul　most　horrible。　Often　the
body　triumphs。　'You　have　cost　me　dear；'　she　said　one　day　to　Jacques
and　Madeleine；　but　in　a　moment；　recalled　to　God　by　the　look　on　my
face；　she　turned　to　Madeleine　with　these　angelic　words；　'The　happiness
of　others　is　the　joy　of　those　who　cannot　themselves　be　happy；'and
the　tone　with　which　she　said　them　brought　tears　to　my　eyes。　She　falls；
it　is　true；　but　each　time　that　her　feet　stumble　she　rises　higher
towards　heaven。〃

Struck　by　the　tone　of　the　successive　intimations　chance　had　sent　me；
and　which　in　this　great　concert　of　misfortunes　were　like　a　prelude　of
mournful　modulations　to　a　funereal　theme；　the　mighty　cry　of　expiring
love；　I　cried　out：　〃Surely　you　believe　that　this　pure　lily　cut　from
earth　will　flower　in　heaven？〃

〃You　left　her　still　a　flower；〃　he　answered；　〃but　you　will　find　her
consumed；　purified　by　the　forces　of　suffering；　pure　as　a　diamond
buried　in　the　ashes。　Yes；　that　shining　soul；　angelic　star；　will　issue
glorious　from　the　clouds　and　pass　into　the　kingdom　of　the　Light。〃

As　I　pressed　the　hand　of　the　good　evangelist；　my　heart　overflowing
with　gratitude；　the　count　put　his　head；　now　entirely　white；　out　of　the
door　and　immediately　sprang　towards　me　with　signs　of　surprise。

〃She　was　right！　He　is　here！　'Felix；　Felix；　Felix　has　come！'　she　kept
crying。　My　dear　friend；〃　he　continued；　beside　himself　with　terror；
〃death　is　here。　Why　did　it　not　take　a　poor　madman　like　me　with　one
foot　in　the　grave？〃

I　walked　towards　the　house　summoning　my　courage；　but　on　the　threshold
of　the　long　antechamber　which　crossed　the　house　and　led　to　the　lawn；
the　Abbe　Birotteau　stopped　me。

〃Madame　la　comtesse　begs　you　will　not　enter　at　present；〃　he　said　to
me。

Giving　a　glance　within　the　house　I　saw　the　servants　coming　and　going；
all　busy；　all　dumb　with　grief；　surprised　perhaps　by　the　orders　Manette
gave　them。

〃What　has　happened？〃　cried　the　count；　alarmed　by　the　commotion；　as
much　from　fear　of　the　coming　event　as　from　the　natural　uneasiness　of
his　character。

〃Only　a　sick　woman's　fancy；〃　said　the　abbe。　〃Madame　la　comtesse　does
not　wish　to　receive　monsieur　le　vicomte　as　she　now　is。　She　talks　of
dressing；　why　thwart　her？〃

Manette　came　in　search　of　Madeleine；　whom　I　saw　leave　the　house　a　few
moments　after　she　had　entered　her　mother's　room。　We　were　all；　Jacques
and　his　father；　the　two　abbes　and　I；　silently　walking　up　and　down　the
lawn　in　front　of　the　house。　I　looked　first　at　Montbazon　and　then　at
Azay；　noticing　the　seared　and　yellow　valley　which　answered　in　its
mourning　（as　it　ever　did　on　all　occasions）　to　the　feelings　of　my
heart。　Suddenly　I　beheld　the　dear　〃mignonne〃　gathering　the　autumn
flowers；　no　doubt　to　make　a　bouquet　at　her　mother's　bidding。　Thinking
of　all　which　that　signified；　I　was　so　convulsed　within　me　that　I
staggered；　my　sight　was　blurred；　and　the　two　abbes；　between　whom　I
walked；　led　me　to　the　wall　of　a　terrace；　where　I　sat　for　some　time
completely　broken　down　but　not　unconscious。

〃Poor　Felix；〃　said　the　count；　〃she　forbade　me　to　write　to　you。　She
knew　how　much　you　loved　her。〃

Though　prepared　to　suffer；　I　found　I　had　no　strength　to　bear　a　scene
which　recalled　my　memories　of　past　happiness。　〃Ah！〃　I　thought；　〃I　see
it　still；　that　barren　moor；　dried　like　a　skeleton；　lit　by　a　gray　sky；
in　the　centre　of　which　grew　a　single　flowering　bush；　which　again　and
again　I　looked　at　with　a　shudder；the　forecast　of　this　mournful
hour！〃

All　was　gloom　in　the　little　castle；　once　so　animated；　so　full　of　life。
The　servants　were　weeping；　despair　and　desolation　everywhere。　The
paths　were　not　raked；　work　was　begun　and　left　undone；　the　workmen
standing　idly　about　the　house。　Though　the　grapes　were　being　gathered
in　the　vineyard；　not　a　sound　reached　us。　The　place　seemed　uninhabited；
so　deep　the　silence！　We　walked　about　like　men　whose　grief　rejects　all
ordinary　topics；　and　we　listened　to　the　count；　the　only　one　of　us　who
spoke。

After　a　few　words　prompted　by　the　mechanical　love　he　felt　for　his　wife
he　was　led　by　the　natural　bent　of　his　mind　to　complain　of　her。　She　had
never；　he　said；　taken　care　of　herself　or　listened　to　him　when　he　gave
her　good　advice。　He　had　been　the　first　to　notice　the　symptoms　of　her
illness；　for　he　had　studied　them　in　his　own　case；　he　had　fought　them
and　cured　them　without　other　assistance　than　careful　diet　and　the
avoidance　of　all　emotion。　He　could　have　cured　the　countess；　but　a
husband　ought　not　to　take　so　much　responsibility　upon　himself；
especially　when　he　has　the　misfortune　of　finding　his　experience；　in
this　as　in　everything；　despised。　In　spite　of　all　he　could　say；　the
countess　insisted　on　seeing　Origet；Origet；　who　had　managed　his　case
so　ill；　was　now　killing　his　wife。　If　this　disease　was；　as　they　said；
the　result　of　excessive　grief；　surely　he　was　the　one　who　had　been　in　a
condition　to　have　it。　What　griefs　could　the　countess　have　had？　She　was
always　happy；　she　had　never　had　troubles　or　annoyances。　Their　fortune；
thanks　to　his　care　and　to　his　sound　ideas；　was　now　in　a　most
satisfactory　state；　he　had　always　allowed　Madame　de　Mortsauf　to　reign
at　Clochegourde；　her　children；　well　trained　and　now　in　health；　gave
her　no　anxiety；where；　then；　did　this　grief　they　talked　of　come　from？

Thus　he　argued　and　discussed　the　matter；　mingling　his　expressions　of
despair　with　senseless　accusations。　Then；　recalled　by　some　sudden
memory　to　the　admiration　which　he　felt　for　his　wife；　tears　rolled　from
his　eyes　which　had　been　dry　so　long。

Madeleine　came　to　tell　me　that　her　mother　was　ready。　The　Abbe
Birotteau　followed　me。　Madeleine；　now　a　grave　young　girl；　stayed　with
her　father；　saying　that　the　countess　desired　to　be　alone　with　me；　and
also　that　the　presence　of