the lily of the valley(幽谷百合)-第50部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


her　father；　saying　that　the　countess　desired　to　be　alone　with　me；　and
also　that　the　presence　of　too　many　persons　would　fatigue　her。　The
solemnity　of　this　moment　gave　me　that　sense　of　inward　heat　and　outward
cold　which　overcomes　us　often　in　the　great　events　of　life。　The　Abbe
Birotteau；　one　of　those　men　whom　God　marks　for　his　own　by　investing
them　with　sweetness　and　simplicity；　together　with　patience　and
compassion；　took　me　aside。

〃Monsieur；〃　he　said；　〃I　wish　you　to　know　that　I　have　done　all　in　my
power　to　prevent　this　meeting。　The　salvation　of　this　saint　required
it。　I　have　considered　her　only；　and　not　you。　Now　that　you　are　about　to
see　her　to　whom　access　ought　to　have　been　denied　you　by　the　angels；
let　me　say　that　I　shall　be　present　to　protect　you　against　yourself　and
perhaps　against　her。　Respect　her　weakness。　I　do　not　ask　this　of　you　as
a　priest；　but　as　a　humble　friend　whom　you　did　not　know　you　had；　and
who　would　fain　save　you　from　remorse。　Our　dear　patient　is　dying　of
hunger　and　thirst。　Since　morning　she　is　a　victim　to　the　feverish
irritation　which　precedes　that　horrible　death；　and　I　cannot　conceal
from　you　how　deeply　she　regrets　life。　The　cries　of　her　rebellious
flesh　are　stifled　in　my　heartwhere　they　wake　echoes　of　a　wound　still
tender。　But　Monsieur　de　Dominis　and　I　accept　this　duty　that　we　may
spare　the　sight　of　this　moral　anguish　to　her　family；　as　it　is；　they　no
longer　recognize　their　star　by　night　and　by　day　in　her；　they　all；
husband；　children；　servants；　all　are　asking；　'Where　is　she？'she　is
so　changed！　When　she　sees　you；　her　regrets　will　revive。　Lay　aside　your
thoughts　as　a　man　of　the　world；　forget　its　vanities；　be　to　her　the
auxiliary　of　heaven；　not　of　earth。　Pray　God　that　this　dear　saint　die
not　in　a　moment　of　doubt；　giving　voice　to　her　despair。〃

I　did　not　answer。　My　silence　alarmed　the　poor　confessor。　I　saw；　I
heard；　I　walked；　and　yet　I　was　no　longer　on　the　earth。　The　thought；
〃In　what　state　shall　I　find　her？　Why　do　they　use　these　precautions？〃
gave　rise　to　apprehensions　which　were　the　more　cruel　because　so
indefinite；　all　forms　of　suffering　crowded　my　mind。

We　reached　the　door　of　the　chamber　and　the　abbe　opened　it。　I　then　saw
Henriette；　dressed　in　white；　sitting　on　her　little　sofa　which　was
placed　before　the　fireplace；　on　which　were　two　vases　filled　with
flowers；　flowers　were　also　on　a　table　near　the　window。　The　expression
of　the　abbe's　face；　which　was　that　of　amazement　at　the　change　in　the
room；　now　restored　to　its　former　state；　showing　me　that　the　dying
woman　had　sent　away　the　repulsive　preparations　which　surround　a　sick…
bed。　She　had　spent　the　last　waning　strength　of　fever　in　decorating　her
room　to　receive　him　whom　in　that　final　hour　she　loved　above　all　things
else。　Surrounded　by　clouds　of　lace；　her　shrunken　face；　which　had　the
greenish　pallor　of　a　magnolia　flower　as　it　opens；　resembled　the　first
outline　of　a　cherished　head　drawn　in　chalks　upon　the　yellow　canvas　of
a　portrait。　To　feel　how　deeply　the　vulture's　talons　now　buried
themselves　in　my　heart；　imagine　the　eyes　of　that　outlined　face
finished　and　full　of　life；hollow　eyes　which　shone　with　a　brilliancy
unusual　in　a　dying　person。　The　calm　majesty　given　to　her　in　the　past
by　her　constant　victory　over　sorrow　was　there　no　longer。　Her　forehead；
the　only　part　of　her　face　which　still　kept　its　beautiful　proportions；
wore　an　expression　of　aggressive　will　and　covert　threats。　In　spite　of
the　waxy　texture　of　her　elongated　face；　inward　fires　were　issuing　from
it　like　the　fluid　mist　which　seems　to　flame　above　the　fields　of　a　hot
day。　Her　hollow　temples；　her　sunken　cheeks　showed　the　interior
formation　of　the　face；　and　the　smile　upon　her　whitened　lips　vaguely
resembled　the　grin　of　death。　Her　robe；　which　was　folded　across　her
breast；　showed　the　emaciation　of　her　beautiful　figure。　The　expression
of　her　head　said　plainly　that　she　knew　she　was　changed；　and　that　the
thought　filled　her　with　bitterness。　She　was　no　longer　the　arch
Henriette；　nor　the　sublime　and　saintly　Madame　de　Mortsauf；　but　the
nameless　something　of　Bossuet　struggling　against　annihilation；　driven
to　the　selfish　battle　of　life　against　death　by　hunger　and　balked
desire。　I　took　her　hand；　which　was　dry　and　burning；　to　kiss　it；　as　I
seated　myself　beside　her。　She　guessed　my　sorrowful　surprise　from　the
very　effort　that　I　made　to　hide　it。　Her　discolored　lips　drew　up　from
her　famished　teeth　trying　to　form　a　smile；the　forced　smile　with
which　we　strive　to　hide　either　the　irony　of　vengeance；　the　expectation
of　pleasure；　the　intoxication　of　our　souls；　or　the　fury　of
disappointment。

〃Ah；　my　poor　Felix；　this　is　death；〃　she　said；　〃and　you　do　not　like
death；　odious　death；　of　which　every　human　creature；　even　the　boldest
lover；　feels　a　horror。　This　is　the　end　of　love；　I　knew　it　would　be　so。
Lady　Dudley　will　never　see　you　thus　surprised　at　the　change　in　her。
Ah！　why　have　I　so　longed　for　you；　Felix？　You　have　come　at　last；　and　I
reward　your　devotion　by　the　same　horrible　sight　that　made　the　Comte　de
Rance　a　Trappist。　I；　who　hoped　to　remain　ever　beautiful　and　noble　in
your　memory；　to　live　there　eternally　a　lily；　I　it　is　who　destroy　your
illusions！　True　love　cannot　calculate。　But　stay；　do　not　go；　stay。
Monsieur　Origet　said　I　was　much　better　this　morning；　I　shall　recover。
Your　looks　will　bring　me　back　to　life。　When　I　regain　a　little
strength；　when　I　can　take　some　nourishment；　I　shall　be　beautiful
again。　I　am　scarcely　thirty…five；　there　are　many　years　of　happiness
before　me；happiness　renews　our　youth；　yes；　I　must　know　happiness！　I
have　made　delightful　plans；we　will　leave　Clochegourde　and　go　to
Italy。〃

Tears　filled　my　eyes　and　I　turned　to　the　window　as　if　to　look　at　the
flowers。　The　abbe　followed　me　hastily；　and　bending　over　the　bouquet
whispered；　〃No　tears！〃

〃Henriette；　do　you　no　longer　care　for　our　dear　valley；〃　I　said；　as　if
to　explain　my　sudden　movement。

〃Oh；　yes！〃　she　said；　turning　her　forehead　to　my　lips　with　a　fond
motion。　〃But　without　you　it　is　fatal　to　me；without　THEE；〃　she　added；
putting　her　burning　lips　to　my　ear　and　whispering　the　words　like　a
sigh。

I　was　horror…struck　at　the　wild　caress；　and　my　will　was　not　strong
enough　to　repress　the　nervous　agitation　I　felt　throughout　this　scene。
I　listened　without　reply；　or　rather　I　replied　by　a　fixed　smile　and
signs　of　comprehension；　wishing　not　to　thwart　her；　but　to　treat　her　as
a　mother　does　a　child。　Struck　at　first　with　the　change　in　her　person；
I　now　perceived　that　the　woman；　once　so　dignified　in　her　bearing；
showed　in　her　attitude；　her　voice；　her　manners；　in　her　looks　and　her
ideas；　the　naive　ignorance　of　a　child；　its　artless　graces；　its　eager
movements；　its　careless　indifference　to　everything　that　is　not　its　own
desire；in　short　all　the　weaknesses　which　commend　a　child　to　our
protection。　Is　it　so　with　all　dying　persons？　Do　they　strip　off　social
disguises　till　they　are　like　children　who　have　never　put　them　on？　Or
was　it　that　the　countess　feeling　herself　on　the　borders　of　eternity；
rejected　every　human　feeling　except　love？

〃You　will　bring　me　health　as　you　used　to　do；　Felix；〃　she　said；　〃and
our　valley　will　still　be　my　blessing。　How　can　I　help　eating　what　you
will　give　me？　You　are　such　a　good　nurse。　Besides；　you　are　so　rich　in
health　and　vigor　that　life　is　contagious　beside　you。　My　friend；　prove
to　me　that　I　need　not　diedie　blighted。　They　think　my　worst　suffering
is　thirst。　Oh；　yes；　my　thirst　is　great；　dear　friend。　The　waters　of　the
Indre　are　terrible　to　see；　but　the　thirst　of　my　heart　is　greater　far。
I　thirsted　for　thee；〃　she　said　in　a　smothered　voice；　taking　my　hands
in　hers；　which　were　burning；　and　drawing　me　close　that　she　might
whisper　in　my　ear。　〃My　anguish　has　been　in　not　seeing　thee！　Did　you
not　bid　me　live？　I　will　live；　I　too　will　ride　on　horseback；　I　will
know　life；　Paris；　fetes；　pleasures；　all！〃

Ah！　Natalie；　that　awful　crywhich　time　and　distance　render　coldrang
in　the　ears　of　the　old　priest　and　in　mine；　the　tones　of　that　glorious
voice　pictured　the　battles　of　a　lifetime；　the　anguish　of　a　true　love
lost。　The　countess　rose　with　an　impatient　movement　like　that　of　a
child　which　seeks　a　plaything。　When　the　confessor　saw　her　thus　the
poor　man　fell　upon　his　knees　and　prayed　with　clasped　hands。

〃Yes；　to　live！〃　she　said；　making　me　rise　and　support　her；　〃to　live
with　realities　and　not　with　delusions。　All　has　been　delusions　in　my
life；　I　have　counted　them　up；　these　lies；　these　impostures！　How　can　I
die；　I　who　have　never　lived？　I　who　have　never　roamed　a　moor　to　meet
him！〃　She　stopped；　seemed　to　listen；　and　to　smell　some　odor　through
the　walls。　〃Felix；　the　vintagers　are　dining；　and　I；　I；〃　she　said；　in
the　voice　of　a　child；　〃I；　the　mistress；　am　hungry。　It　is　so　in　love；
they　are　happy；　they；　they！〃

〃Kyrie　eleison！〃　said　the　poor　abbe；　who　with　clasped　hands　and　eyes
raised　to　heaven　was　reciting　his　litanies。

She　flung　an　arm　around　my　neck；　kissed　me　violently；　and　pressed　me
to　her；　saying；　〃You　shall　not　escape　me　now！〃　She　gave　the　little　nod
with　which　in　former　days　she　used；　when　leaving　me　for　an　instant；　to
say　she　would　return。　〃We　will　dine　together；〃　she　said；　〃I　will　go
and　tell　Manette。〃　She　turned　to　go；　but　fainted；　and　I　laid　her；
dressed　as　she　was；　upon　the　bed。

〃You　carried　me　thus　before；〃　she　murmured；　opening　her　eyes。

She　was　very　light；　but　burning；　as　I　took　her　in　my　arms　I　felt　the
heat　of　her　body。　Monsieur　Deslandes　entered　and　seemed　surprised　at
the　decoration　of　the　room；　but　seeing　me；　all　was　explained　to　him。

〃We　must　suffer　much　to　die；〃　she　said　in　a　changed　voice。

The　doctor　sat　down　and　felt　her　pulse；　then　he　rose　quickly　and　said
a　few　words　in　a　low　voice　to　the　priest；　who　left　the　room　beckoning
me　to　follow　him。

〃What　are　you　going　to　do？〃　I　said　to　the　doctor。

〃Save　her　from　intolerable　agony；〃　he　replied。　〃Who　could　have
believed　in　so　much　strength？　We　cannot　understand　how　she　can　have
lived　in　this　state　so　long。　This　is　the　forty…second　day　since　she
has　either　eaten　or　drunk。〃

Monsieur　Deslandes　called　for　Manette。　The　Abbe　Birotteau　took　me　to
the　gardens。

〃Let　us　leave　her　to　the　doctor；〃　he　said；　〃with　Manette's　help　he
will　wrap　her　in　opium。　Well；　you　hav