the lily of the valley(幽谷百合)-第52部分

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had　not　been　willing　to　make　until　the　hour　of　her　death。　She　smiled
upon　us　all　with　the　smile　of　other　days。　Her　eyes；　moist　with　tears；
gave　evidence　of　inward　lucidity；　she　saw　the　celestial　joys　of　the
promised　land。

〃Dear　Felix；〃　she　said；　holding　out　her　hand　and　pressing　mine；　〃stay
with　us。　You　must　be　present　at　the　last　scene　of　my　life；　not　the
least　painful　among　many　such；　but　one　in　which　you　are　concerned。〃

She　made　a　sign　and　the　door　was　closed。　At　her　request　the　count　sat
down；　the　Abbe　Birotteau　and　I　remained　standing。　Then　with　Manette's
help　the　countess　rose　and　knelt　before　the　astonished　count；
persisting　in　remaining　there。　A　moment　after；　when　Manette　had　left
the　room；　she　raised　her　head　which　she　had　laid　upon　her　husband's
knees。

〃Though　I　have　been　a　faithful　wife　to　you；〃　she　said；　in　a　faint
voice；　〃I　have　sometimes　failed　in　my　duty。　I　have　just　prayed　to　God
to　give　me　strength　to　ask　your　pardon。　I　have　given　to　a　friendship
outside　of　my　family　more　affectionate　care　than　I　have　shown　to　you。
Perhaps　I　have　sometimes　irritated　you　by　the　comparisons　you　may　have
made　between　these　cares；　these　thoughts；　and　those　I　gave　to　you。　I
have　had；〃　she　said；　in　a　sinking　voice；　〃a　deep　friendship；　which　no
one；　not　even　he　who　has　been　its　object；　has　fully　known。　Though　I
have　continued　virtuous　according　to　all　human　laws；　though　I　have
been　a　irreproachable　wife　to　you；　still　other　thoughts；　voluntary　or
involuntary；　have　often　crossed　my　mind　and；　in　this　hour；　I　fear　I
have　welcomed　them　too　warmly。　But　as　I　have　tenderly　loved　you；　and
continued　to　be　your　submissive　wife；　and　as　the　clouds　passing
beneath　the　sky　do　not　alter　its　purity；　I　now　pray　for　your　blessing
with　a　clean　heart。　I　shall　die　without　one　bitter　thought　if　I　can
hear　from　your　lips　a　tender　word　for　your　Blanche；　for　the　mother　of
your　children；if　I　know　that　you　forgive　her　those　things　for　which
she　did　not　forgive　herself　till　reassured　by　the　great　tribunal　which
pardons　all。〃

〃Blanche；　Blanche！〃　cried　the　broken　man；　shedding　tears　upon　his
wife's　head；　〃Would　you　kill　me？〃　He　raised　her　with　a　strength
unusual　to　him；　kissed　her　solemnly　on　the　forehead；　and　thus　holding
her　continued：　〃Have　I　no　forgiveness　to　ask　of　you？　Have　I　never　been
harsh？　Are　you　not　making　too　much　of　your　girlish　scruples？〃

〃Perhaps；〃　she　said。　〃But；　dear　friend；　indulge　the　weakness　of　a
dying　woman；　tranquillize　my　mind。　When　you　reach　this　hour　you　will
remember　that　I　left　you　with　a　blessing。　Will　you　grant　me　permission
to　leave　to　our　friend　now　here　that　pledge　of　my　affection？〃　she
continued；　showing　a　letter　that　was　on　the　mantelshelf。　〃He　is　now　my
adopted　son；　and　that　is　all。　The　heart；　dear　friend；　makes　its
bequests；　my　last　wishes　impose　a　sacred　duty　on　that　dear　Felix。　I
think　I　do　not　put　too　great　a　burden　on　him；　grant　that　I　do　not　ask
too　much　of　you　in　desiring　to　leave　him　these　last　words。　You　see；　I
am　always　a　woman；〃　she　said；　bending　her　head　with　mournful
sweetness；　〃after　obtaining　pardon　I　ask　a　giftRead　this；〃　she
added；　giving　me　the　letter；　〃but　not　until　after　my　death。〃

The　count　saw　her　color　change：　he　lifted　her　and　carried　her　himself
to　the　bed；　where　we　all　surrounded　her。

〃Felix；〃　she　said；　〃I　may　have　done　something　wrong　to　you。　Often　I
gave　you　pain　by　letting　you　hope　for　that　I　could　not　give　you；　but
see；　it　was　that　very　courage　of　wife　and　mother　that　now　enables　me
to　die　forgiven　of　all。　You　will　forgive　me　too；　you　who　have　so　often
blamed　me；　and　whose　injustice　was　so　dear〃

The　Abbe　Birotteau　laid　a　finger　on　his　lips。　At　that　sign　the　dying
woman　bowed　her　head；　faintness　overcame　her；　presently　she　waved　her
hands　as　if　summoning　the　clergy　and　her　children　and　the　servants　to
her　presence；　and　then；　with　an　imploring　gesture；　she　showed　me　the
desolate　count　and　the　children　beside　him。　The　sight　of　that　father；
the　secret　of　whose　insanity　was　known　to　us　alone；　now　to　be　left
sole　guardian　of　those　delicate　beings；　brought　mute　entreaties　to　her
face；　which　fell　upon　my　heart　like　sacred　fire。　Before　receiving
extreme　unction　she　asked　pardon　of　her　servants　if　by　a　hasty　word
she　had　sometimes　hurt　them；　she　asked　their　prayers　and　commended
each　one；　individually；　to　the　count；　she　nobly　confessed　that　during
the　last　two　months　she　had　uttered　complaints　that　were　not　Christian
and　might　have　shocked　them；　she　had　repulsed　her　children　and　clung
to　life　unworthily；　but　she　attributed　this　failure　of　submission　to
the　will　of　God　to　her　intolerable　sufferings。　Finally；　she　publicly
thanked　the　Abbe　Birotteau　with　heartfelt　warmth　for　having　shown　her
the　illusion　of　all　earthly　things。

When　she　ceased　to　speak；　prayers　were　said　again；　and　the　curate　of
Sache　gave　her　the　viaticum。　A　few　moments　later　her　breathing　became
difficult；　a　film　overspread　her　eyes；　but　soon　they　cleared　again；
she　gave　me　a　last　look　and　died　to　the　eyes　of　earth；　hearing　perhaps
the　symphony　of　our　sobs。　As　her　last　sigh　issued　from　her　lips；the
effort　of　a　life　that　was　one　long　anguish；I　felt　a　blow　within　me
that　struck　on　all　my　faculties。　The　count　and　I　remained　beside　the
bier　all　night　with　the　two　abbes　and　the　curate；　watching；　in　the
glimmer　of　the　tapers；　the　body　of　the　departed；　now　so　calm；　laid
upon　the　mattress　of　her　bed；　where　once　she　had　suffered　cruelly。　It
was　my　first　communion　with　death。　I　remained　the　whole　of　that　night
with　my　eyes　fixed　on　Henriette；　spell…bound　by　the　pure　expression
that　came　from　the　stilling　of　all　tempests；　by　the　whiteness　of　that
face　where　still　I　saw　the　traces　of　her　innumerable　affections；
although　it　made　no　answer　to　my　love。　What　majesty　in　that　silence；
in　that　coldness！　How　many　thoughts　they　expressed！　What　beauty　in
that　cold　repose；　what　power　in　that　immobility！　All　the　past　was
there　and　futurity　had　begun。　Ah！　I　loved　her　dead　as　much　as　I　had
loved　her　living。　In　the　morning　the　count　went　to　bed；　the　three
wearied　priests　fell　asleep　in　that　heavy　hour　of　dawn　so　well　known
to　those　who　watch。　I　could　then；　without　witnesses；　kiss　that　sacred
brow　with　all　the　love　I　had　never　been　allowed　to　utter。

The　third　day；　in　a　cool　autumn　morning；　we　followed　the　countess　to
her　last　home。　She　was　carried　by　the　old　huntsman；　the　two
Martineaus；　and　Manette's　husband。　We　went　down　by　the　road　I　had　so
joyously　ascended　the　day　I　first　returned　to　her。　We　crossed　the
valley　of　the　Indre　to　the　little　cemetery　of　Sachea　poor　village
graveyard；　placed　behind　the　church　on　the　slope　of　the　hill；　where
with　true　humility　she　had　asked　to　be　buried　beneath　a　simple　cross
of　black　wood；　〃like　a　poor　country…woman；〃　she　said。　When　I　saw；　from
the　centre　of　the　valley；　the　village　church　and　the　place　of　the
graveyard　a　convulsive　shudder　seized　me。　Alas！　we　have　all　our
Golgothas；　where　we　leave　the　first　thirty…three　years　of　our　lives；
with　the　lance…wound　in　our　side；　the　crown　of　thorns　and　not　of　roses
on　our　browthat　hill…slope　was　to　me　the　mount　of　expiation。

We　were　followed　by　an　immense　crowd；　seeking　to　express　the　grief　of
the　valley　where　she　had　silently　buried　so　many　noble　actions。
Manette；　her　faithful　woman；　told　me　that　when　her　savings　did　not
suffice　to　help　the　poor　she　economized　upon　her　dress。　There　were
babes　to　be　provided　for；　naked　children　to　be　clothed；　mothers
succored　in　their　need；　sacks　of　flour　brought　to　the　millers　in
winter　for　helpless　old　men；　a　cow　sent　to　some　poor　home；deeds　of　a
Christian　woman；　a　mother；　and　the　lady　of　the　manor。　Besides　these
things；　there　were　dowries　paid　to　enable　loving　hearts　to　marry；
substitutes　bought　for　youths　to　whom　the　draft　had　brought　despair；
tender　offerings　of　the　loving　woman　who　had　said：　〃The　happiness　of
others　is　the　consolation　of　those　who　cannot　themselves　be　happy。〃
Such　things；　related　at　the　〃veillees；〃　made　the　crowd　immense。　I
walked　with　Jacques　and　the　two　abbes　behind　the　coffin。　According　to
custom　neither　the　count　nor　Madeleine　were　present；　they　remained
alone　at　Clochegourde。　But　Manette　insisted　in　coming　with　us。　〃Poor
madame！　poor　madame！　she　is　happy　now；〃　I　heard　her　saying　to　herself
amid　her　sobs。

As　the　procession　left　the　road　to　the　mills　I　heard　a　simultaneous
moan　and　a　sound　of　weeping　as　though　the　valley　were　lamenting　for
its　soul。　The　church　was　filled　with　people。　After　the　service　was
over　we　went　to　the　graveyard　where　she　wished　to　be　buried　near　the
cross。　When　I　heard　the　pebbles　and　the　gravel　falling　upon　the　coffin
my　courage　gave　way；　I　staggered　and　asked　the　two　Martineaus　to
steady　me。　They　took　me；　half…dead；　to　the　chateau　of　Sache；　where　the
owners　very　kindly　invited　me　to　stay；　and　I　accepted。　I　will　own　to
you　that　I　dreaded　a　return　to　Clochegourde；　and　it　was　equally
repugnant　to　me　to　go　to　Frapesle；　where　I　could　see　my　Henriette's
windows。　Here；　at　Sache；　I　was　near　her。　I　lived　for　some　days　in　a
room　which　looked　on　the　tranquil；　solitary　valley　I　have　mentioned　to
you。　It　is　a　deep　recess　among　the　hills；　bordered　by　oaks　that　are
doubly　centenarian；　through　which　a　torrent　rushes　after　rain。　The
scene　was　in　keeping　with　the　stern　and　solemn　meditations　to　which　I
desired　to　abandon　myself。

I　had　perceived；　during　the　day　which　followed　the　fatal　night；　how
unwelcome　my　presence　might　be　at　Clochegourde。　The　count　had　gone
through　violent　emotions　at　the　death　of　his　wife；　but　he　had　expected
the　event；　his　mind　was　made　up　to　it　in　a　way　that　was　something　like
indifference。　I　had　noticed　this　several　times；　and　when　the　countess
gave　me　that　letter　（which　I　still　dared　not　read）　and　when　she　spoke
of　her　affection　for　me；　I　remarked　that　the　count；　usually　so　quick
to　take　offence；　made　no　sign　of　feeling　any。　He　attributed
Henriette's　wording　to　the　extreme　sensitiveness　of　a　conscience　which
he　knew　to　be　pure。　This　selfish　insensibility　was　natural　to　him。　The
souls　of　these　two　beings　were　no　more　married　than　their　bodies；　they
had　never　had　the　intimate　communion　which　keeps　feeling　alive；　they
had　shared　neither　pains　n