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miss billie married-第30部分

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July day。



As it chanced; naturally; perhaps; not only was

Billy thinking of Arkwright that morning; but

Arkwright was thinking of Billy。



Arkwright had thought frequently of Billy

during the last few days; particularly since that

afternoon meeting at the Annex when the four

had renewed their old good times together。  Up

to that day Arkwright had been trying not to

think of Billy。  He had been ‘‘fighting his tiger

skin。''  Sternly he had been forcing himself to

meet her; to see her; to talk with her; to sing with

her; or to pass her byall with the indifference

properly expected to be shown in association with

Mrs。 Bertram Henshaw; another man's wife。  He

had known; of course; that deep down in his heart

he loved her; always had loved her; and always

would love her。  Hopelessly and drearily he

accepted this as a fact even while with all his might

fighting that tiger skin。  So sure was he; indeed;

of this; so implicitly had he accepted it as an

unalterable certainty; that in time even his efforts

to fight it became almost mechanical and unconscious

in their stern round of forced indifference。



Then came that day at the Annexand the

discovery: the discovery which he had made

when Billy called his attention to Calderwell and

Alice Greggory across the room in the corner;

the discovery which had come with so blinding a

force; and which even now he was tempted to

question as to its reality; the discovery that not

Billy Neilson; nor Mrs。 Bertram Henshaw; nor

even the tender ghost of a lost love held the

center of his heartbut Alice Greggory。



The first intimation of all this had come with

his curious feeling of unreasoning hatred and

blind indignation toward Calderwell as; through

Billy's eyes; he had seen the two together。  Then

had come the overwhelming longing to pick up

Alice Greggory and run off with hersomewhere;

anywhere; so that Calderwell could not follow。



At once; however; he had pulled himself up

short with the mental cry of ‘‘Absurd!''  What

was it to him if Calderwell did care for Alice

Greggory?  Surely he himself was not in love

with the girl。  He was in love with Billy; that

is



It was all confusion then; in his mind; and he

was glad indeed when he could leave the house。 

He wanted to be alone。  He wanted to think。 

He must; in some way; thrash out this astounding

thing that had come to him。



Arkwright did not visit the Annex again for

some days。  Until he was more nearly sure of

himself and of his feelings; he did not wish to see

Alice Greggory。  It was then that he began to

think of Billy; deliberately; purposefully; for it

must be; of course; that he had made a mistake;

he told himself。  It must be that he did; really;

still care for Billythough of course he ought

not to。



Arkwright made another discovery then。  He

learned that; however deliberately he started in

to think of Billy; he ended every time in thinking

of Alice。  He thought of how good she had been

to him; and of how faithful she had been in helping

him to fight his love for Billy。  Just here he

decided; for a moment; that probably; after all;

his feeling of anger against Calderwell was merely

the fear of losing this helpful comradeship that

he so needed。  Even with himself; however; Arkwright

could not keep up this farce long; and very

soon he admitted miserably that it was not the

comradeship of Alice Greggory that he wanted or

needed; but the love。



He knew it now。  No longer was there any use

in beating about the bush。  He did love Alice

Greggory; but so curiously and unbelievably

stupid had he been that he had not found it out

until now。  And now it was too late。  Had not

even Billy called his attention to the fact of

Calderwell's devotion?  Besides; had not he himself;

at the very first; told Calderwell that he

might have a clear field?



Fool that he had been to let another thus lightly

step in and win from under his very nose what

might have been his if he had but known his own

mind before it was too late!



But was it; after all; quite too late?  He and

Alice were old friends。  Away back in their young

days in their native town they had been; indeed;

almost sweethearts; in a boy…and…girl fashion。 

It would not have taken much in those days; he

believed; to have made the relationship more

interesting。  But changes had come。  Alice had

left town; and for years they had drifted apart。 

Then had come Billy; and Billy had found Alice;

thus bringing about the odd circumstance of their

renewing of acquaintanceship。  Perhaps; at that

time; if he had not already thought he cared for

Billy; there would have been something more

than acquaintanceship。



But he _had_ thought he cared for Billy all these

years; and now; at this late day; to wake up and

find that he cared for Alice!  A pretty mess he

had made of things!  Was he so inconstant then;

so fickle?  Did he not know his own mind five

minutes at a time?  What would Alice Greggory

think; even if he found the courage to tell her? 

What could she think?  What could anybody

think?



Arkwright fairly ground his teeth in impotent

wrathand he did not know whether he were

the most angry that he did not love Billy; or that

he had loved Billy; or that he loved somebody else

now。



It was while he was in this unenviable frame of

mind that he went to see Alice。  Not that he had

planned definitely to speak to her of his discovery;

nor yet that he had planned not to。  He had;

indeed; planned nothing。  For a man usually so

decided as to purpose and energetic as to action;

he was in a most unhappy state of uncertainty

and changeableness。  One thing only was unmistakably

clear to him; and that was that he must

see Alice。



For months; now; he had taken to Alice all his

hopes and griefs; perplexities and problems; and

never had he failed to find comfort in the shape

of sympathetic understanding and wise counsel。 

To Alice; therefore; now he turned as a matter of

course; telling himself vaguely that; perhaps;

after he had seen Alice; he would feel better。



Just how intimately this particular problem of

his concerned Alice herself; he did not stop to

realize。  He did not; indeed; think of it at all from

Alice's standpointuntil he came face to face

with the girl in the living…room at the Annex。 

Then; suddenly; he did。  His manner became at

once; consequently; full of embarrassment and

quite devoid of its usual frank friendliness。



As it happened; this was perhaps the most

unfortunate thing that could have occurred; so far

as it concerned the attitude of Alice Greggory;

for thereby innumerable tiny sparks of suspicion

that had been tormenting the girl for days were

instantly fanned into consuming flames of conviction。



Alice had not been slow to note Arkwright's

prolonged absence from the Annex。  Coming as

it did so soon after her most disconcerting talk

with Billy in regard to her own relations with

him; it had filled her with frightened questionings。



If Billy had seen things to make her think of

linking their names together; perhaps Arkwright

himself had heard some such idea put forth

somewhere; and that was why he was staying

awayto show the world that there was no

foundation for such rumors。  Perhaps he was

even doing it to show _her_ that



Even in her thoughts Alice could scarcely

bring herself to finish the sentence。  That Arkwright

should ever suspect for a moment that

she cared for him was intolerable。  Painfully

conscious as she was that she did care for him;

it was easy to fear that others must be conscious

of it; too。  Had she not already proof that Billy

suspected it?  Why; then; might not it be quite

possible; even probable; that Arkwright suspected

it; also; and; because he did suspect it; had

decided that it would be just as well; perhaps; if

he did not call so often。



In spite of Alice's angry insistence to herself

that; after all; this could not be the case

that the man _knew_ she understood he still loved

Billyshe could not help fearing; in the face

of Arkwright's unusual absence; that it might

yet be true。  When; therefore; he finally did

appear; only to become at once obviously embarrassed

in her presence; her fears instantly became

convictions。  It was true; then。  The man

did believe she cared for him; and he had been

trying to teach herto save her。



To teach her!  To save her; indeed!  Very

well; he should see!  And forthwith; from that

moment; Alice Greggory's chief reason for living

became to prove to Mr。 M。 J。 Arkwright that

he needed not to teach her; to save her; nor yet

to sympathize with her。



‘‘How do you do?'' she greeted him; with a

particularly bright smile。  ‘‘I'm sure I _hope_ you

are well; such a beautiful day as this。''



‘‘Oh; yes; I'm well; I suppose。  Still; I have

felt better in my life;'' smiled Arkwright; with

some constraint。



‘‘Oh; I'm sorry;'' murmured the girl; striving

so hard to speak with impersonal unconcern that

she did not notice the inaptness of her reply。



‘‘Eh?  Sorry I've felt better; are you?''

retorted Arkwright; with nervous humor。  Then;

because he was embarrassed; he said the one

thing he had meant not to say:  ‘‘Don't you think

I'm quite a stranger?  It's been some time since

I've been here。''



Alice; smarting under the sting of what she

judged to be the only possible cause for his

embarrassment; leaped to this new opportunity to

show her lack of interest。



‘‘Oh; has it?'' she murmured carelessly。 

‘‘Well; I don't know but it has; now that I come

to think of it。''



Arkwright frowned gloomily。  A week ago he

would have tossed back a laughingly aggrieved

remark as to her unflattering indifference to his

presence。  Now he was in no mood for such

joking。  It was too se

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