fennel and rue-第17部分

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mine　as　time　has　gone　on；　mother；　I　think　I　behaved　very　narrow…mindedly；
very　personally　in　it。〃

〃You　behaved　justly。〃

〃Justly？　　I　thought　you　had　your　doubts　of　that。　　At　any　rate；　I　had　when
it　came　to　hearing　the　girl　accusing　herself　as　if　she　had　been　guilty　of
some　monstrous　wickedness；　and　I　realized　that　I　had　made　her　feel　so。〃

〃She　threw　herself　on　your　pity！〃

〃No；　she　didn't；　mother。　　Don't　make　it　impossible　for　me　to　tell　you
just　how　it　was。〃

〃I　won't。　　Go　on。〃

〃I　don't　say　she　was　manly　about　it；　that　couldn't　be；　but　she　was
certainly　not　throwing　herself　on　my　pity；　unlessunless〃

〃What？〃

〃Unless　you　call　it　so　for　her　to　say　that　she　wanted　to　own　up　to　me；
because　she　could　have　no　rest　till　she　had　done　so；　she　couldn't　put　it
behind　her　till　she　had　acknowledged　it；　she　couldn't　work；　she　couldn't
get　well。〃

He　saw　his　mother　trying　to　consider　it　fairly；　and　in　response　he
renewed　his　own　resolution　not　to　make　himself　the　girl's　advocate　with
her；　but　to　continue　the　dispassionate　historian　of　the　case。　　At　the
same　time　his　memory　was　filled　with　the　vision　of　how　she　had　done　and
said　the　things　he　was　telling；　with　what　pathos；　with　what　grace；　with
what　beauty　in　her　appeal。　　He　saw　the　tears　that　came　into　her　eyes　at
times　and　that　she　indignantly　repressed　as　she　hurried　on　in　the
confession　which　she　was　voluntarily　making；　for　there　was　no　outward
stress　upon　her　to　say　anything。　　He　felt　again　the　charm　of　the　
situation；　the　sort　of　warmth　and　intimacy；　but　he　resolved　not　to　let
that　feeling　offset　the　impartiality　of　his　story。

〃No；　I　don't　say　she　threw　herself　on　your　mercy；〃　his　mother　said；
finally。　　〃She　needn't　have　told　you　anything。〃

〃Except　for　the　reason　she　gavethat　she　couldn't　make　a　start　for
herself　till　she　had　done　so。　　And　she　has　got　her　own　way　to　make；　she
is　poor。　　Of　course；　you　may　say　her　motive　was　an　obsession；　and　not　a
reason。〃

〃There's　reality　in　it；　whatever　it　is；　it's　a　genuine　motive；〃　Mrs。
Verrian　conceded。

〃I　think　so；〃　Verrian　said；　in　a　voice　which　he　tried　to　keep　from
sounding　too　grateful。

Apparently　his　mother　did　not　find　it　so。　　She　asked；　〃What　had　been　the
matter　with　her；　did　she　say？〃

〃In　her　long　sickness？　　Oh！　　A　nervous　fever　of　some　sort。〃

〃From　worrying　about　that　experience？〃

Verrian　reluctantly　admitted；　〃She　said　it　made　her　want　to　die。　　I　don't
suppose　we　can　quite　realize〃

〃We　needn't　believe　everything　she　said　to　realize　that　she　suffered。　
But　girls　exaggerate　their　sufferings。　　I　suppose　you　told　her　not　to
think　of　it　any　more？〃

Verrian　gave　an　odd　laugh。　　〃Well；　not　unconditionally。　　I　tried　to　give
her　my　point　of　view。　　And　I　stipulated　that　she　should　tell　Jerusha
Brown　all　about　it；　and　keep　her　from　having　a　nervous　fever；　too。〃

〃That　was　right。　　You　must　see　that　even　cowardice　couldn't　excuse　her
selfishness　in　letting　that　girl　take　all　the　chances。〃

〃And　I'm　afraid　I　was　not　very　unselfish　myself　in　my　stipulations；〃
Verrian　said；　with　another　laugh。　　〃I　think　that　I　wanted　to　stand　well
with　the　postmaster。〃

There　was　a　note　of　cynical　ease　in　this　which　Mrs。　Verrian　found　morally
some　octaves　lower　than　the　pitch　of　her　son's　habitual　seriousness　in
what　concerned　himself；　but　she　could　not　make　it　a　censure　to　him。　　〃And
you　were　able　to　reassure　her；　so　that　she　needn't　think　of　it　any　more？〃

〃What　would　you　have　wished　me　to　do？〃　he　returned；　dryly。　　〃Don't　you
think　she　had　suffered　enough？〃

〃Oh；　in　this　sort　of　thing　it　doesn't　seem　the　question　of　suffering。
If　there's　wrong　done　the　penalty　doesn't　right　it。〃

The　notion　struck　Verrian's　artistic　sense。　　〃That's　true。　　That　would
make　the　'donnee'　of　a　strong　story。　　Or　a　play。　　It's　a　drama　of　fate。　
It's　Greek。　　But　I　thought　we　lived　under　another　dispensation。〃

〃Will　she　try　to　get　more　of　the　kind　of　thing　she　was　doing　for　Mrs。
Westangle　at　once？　　Or　has　she　some　people？〃

〃No；　only　friends；　as　I　understand。〃

〃Where　is　she　from？　　Up　country？〃

〃No；　she's　from　the　South。〃

〃I　don't　like　Southerners！〃

〃I　know　you　don't；　mother。　　But　you　must　honor　the　way　they　work　and　get
on　when　they　come　North　and　begin　doing　for　themselves。　　Besides；　Miss
Shirley's　family　went　South　after　the　war〃

〃Oh；　not　even　a　REAL　Southerner！〃

〃Mother！〃

〃I　know！　　I'm　not　fair。　　I　ought　to　beg　her　pardon。　　And　I　ought　to　be
glad　it's　all　over。　　Shall　you　see　her　again？〃

〃It　might　happen。　　But　I　don't　know　how　or　when。　　We　parted　friends；　but
we　parted　strangers；　so　far　as　any　prevision　of　the　future　is　concerned；〃
Verrian　said。

His　mother　drew　a　long　breath；　which　she　tried　to　render　inaudible。
〃And　the　girl　that　asked　her　the　strange　questions；　did　you　see　her
again？〃

〃Oh　yes。　　She　had　a　curious　fascination。　　I　should　like　to　tell　you　about
her。　　Do　you　think　there's　such　a　thing　as　a　girl's　being　too　innocent？〃

〃It　isn't　so　common　as　not　being　innocent　enough。〃

〃But　it's　more　difficult？〃

〃I　hope　you'll　never　find　it　so；　my　son；〃　Mrs。　Verrian　said。　　And　for　the
first　time　she　was　intentionally　personal。　　〃Go　on。〃

〃About　Miss　Andrews？〃

〃Whichever　you　please。〃

〃She　waylaid　me　in　the　afternoon；　as　I　was　coming　home　from　a　walk；　and
wanted　to　talk　with　me　about　Miss　Shirley。〃

〃I　suppose　Miss　Shirley　was　the　day's　heroine　after　what　had　happened？〃

〃The　half…day's；　or　quarter…day's　heroine；　perhaps。　　She　left　on　the
church　train　for　town　yesterday　morning　soon　after　I　saw　her。　　Miss
Andrews　seemed　to　think　I　was　an　authority　on　the　subject；　and　she
approached　me　with　a　large…eyed　awe　that　was　very　amusing；　though　it　was
affecting；　too。　　I　suppose　that　girls　must　have　many　worships　for　other
girls　before　they　have　any　worship　for　a　man。　　This　girl　couldn't
separate　Miss　Shirley；　on　the　lookout　for　another　engagement；　from　the
psychical　part　she　had　played。　　She　raved　about　her；　she　thought　she　was
beautiful；　and　she　wanted　to　know　all　about　her　and　how　she　could　help
her。　　Miss　Andrews's　parents　are　rich　but　respectable；　I　understand；　and
she's　an　only　child。　　I　came　in　for　a　share　of　her　awe；　she　had　found　out
that　I　was　not　only　not　Verrian　the　actor；　but　an　author　of　the　same
name；　and　she　had　read　my　story　with　passionate　interest；　but　apparently
in　that　unliterary　way　of　many　people　without　noticing　who　wrote　it；　she
seemed　to　have　thought　it　was　Harding　Davis　or　Henry　James；　she　wasn't
clear　which。　　But　it　was　a　good　deal　to　have　had　her　read　it　at　all　in
that　house；　I　don't　believe　anybody　else　had；　except　Miss　Shirley　and
Miss　Macroyd。〃

Mrs。　Verrian　deferred　a　matter　that　would　ordinarily　have　interested　her
supremely　to　an　immediate　curiosity。　　〃And　how　came　she　to　think　you
would　know　so　much　about　Miss　Shirley？〃

Verrian　frowned。　　〃I　think　from　Miss　Macroyd。　　Miss　Macroyd　seems　to　have
taken　a　grandmotherly　concern　in　my　affairs　through　the　whole　week。　
Perhaps　she　resented　having　behaved　so　piggishly　at　the　station　the　day
we　came；　and　meant　to　take　it　out　of　Miss　Shirley　and　myself。　　She　had
seen　us　together　in　the　woods；　one　day；　and　she　must　have　told　it　about。　
Mrs。　Westangle　wouldn't　have　spoken　of　us　together；　because　she　never
speaks　of　anything　unless　it　is　going　to　count；　and　there　was　no　one　else
who　knew　of　our　acquaintance。〃

〃Why；　my　son；　if　you　went　walking　in　the　woods　with　the　girl；　any　one
might　have　seen　you。〃

〃I　didn't。　　It　was　quite　by　accident　that　we　met　there。　　Miss　Shirley　was
anxious　to　keep　her　presence　in　the　house　a　secret　from　everybody。〃

Mrs。　Verrian　would　not　take　any　but　the　open　way；　with　this。　　She　would
not　deal　indirectly；　with　it；　or　in　any　wise　covertly　or　surreptitiously。　
〃It　seems　to　me　that　Miss　Shirley　has　rather　a　fondness　for　secrecy；〃　she
said。

〃I　think　she　has；〃　Verrian　admitted。　　〃Though；　in　this　case；　it　was
essential　to　the　success　of　her　final　scheme。　　But　she　is　a　curious
study。　　I　suppose　that　timidity　is　at　the　bottom　of　all　fondness　for
secrecy；　isn't　it？〃

〃I　don't　know。　　She　doesn't　seem　to　be　timid　in　everything。〃

〃Say　it　out；　mother！〃　Verrian　challenged　her　with　a　smile。　　〃You're　not
timid；　anyway！〃

〃She　had　the　courage　to　join　in　that　letter；　but　not　the　courage　to　own
her　part　in　it。　　She　was　brave　enough　to　confess　that　she　had　been　sick
of　a　nervous　fever　from　the　answer　you　wrote　to　the　Brown　girl；　but　she
wouldn't　have　been　brave　enough　to　confess　anything　at　all　if　she　had
believed　she　would　be　physically　or　morally　strong　enough　to　keep　it。〃

〃Perhaps　nobodynobody　but　you；　motheris　brave　in　the　right　time　and
place。〃

She　knew　that　this　was　not　meant　in　irony。　　〃I　am　glad　you　say　that；
Philip。〃

〃It's　only　your　due。　　But　aren't　you　a　little　too　hard　upon　cowards；　at
times？　　For　the　sort　of　person　she　is；　if　you　infer　the　sort　from　the
worst　appearance　she　has　made　in　the　whole　business；　I　think　she　has　done
pretty　well。〃

〃Why　had　she　left　the　Brown　girl　to　take　all　your　resentment　alone　for
the　last　six　or　eight　months？〃

〃She　may　have　thought　that　she　was　getting　her　share　of　the　punishment　in
the　fever　my　resentment　brought　on？〃

〃Philip；　do　you　really　believe　that　her　fever；　if　she　had　one；　came　from
that？〃

〃I　think　she　believes　it；　and　there's　no　doubt　but　she　was　badly　scared。〃

〃Oh；　there's　no　doubt　of　that！〃

〃But　come；　mother；　why　should　we　take　her　at　the　worst？　　Of　course；　she
has　a　complex　nature。　　I　see　that　as　clearly　as　you　do。　　I　don't　believe
we　look　at　her　diversely；　in　the　smallest　particular。　　But　why　shouldn't
a　complex　nature　be　credited　with　the　same　impulses　towards　the　truth　as
a　single　nature？　　Why　shouldn't　we　allow　that　Miss　Shirley　had　the　same
wish　to　set　herself　right　with　me　as　Miss　Andrews　would　have　had　in　her
place？〃

〃I　dare　say　she　wished　to　set　herself　right　with　you；　but　not　from　the
same　wish　that　Miss　Andrews　would　have　had。　　Miss　Andrews　would　not　have
wished　you　to　know　the　truth　for　her　own　sake。　　Her　motive　would　have
been　direct…straight。〃

〃Yes；　and　we　will　describe　her　as　a　straight　line；　and　Miss　Shirley　as　a
waving　line。　　Why　shouldn't　the　waving　line；　at　its　highest　points；　touch
the　same　altitu