john ingerfield and other stories-第10部分

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months　afterwards；　was　a　reformed　character。　　Indeed；　the　pendulum　of

my　conscience　swung　too　far　the　other　way；　and　I　grew　exaggeratedly

remorseful　and　unhealthily　moral。



There　was　published　in　those　days；　for　the　edification　of　young

people；　a　singularly　pessimistic　periodical；　entitled　The　Children's

Band　of　Hope　Review。　　It　was　a　magazine　much　in　favour　among　grown…up

people；　and　a　bound　copy　of　Vol。　IX。　had　lately　been　won　by　my　sister

as　a　prize　for　punctuality　（I　fancy　she　must　have　exhausted　all　the

virtue　she　ever　possessed；　in　that　direction；　upon　the　winning　of

that　prize。　　At　all　events；　I　have　noticed　no　ostentatious　display　of

the　quality　in　her　later　life。）　　I　had　formerly　expressed　contempt

for　this　book；　but　now；　in　my　regenerate　state；　I　took　a　morbid

pleasure　in　poring　over　its　denunciations　of　sin　and　sinners。　　There

was　one　picture　in　it　that　appeared　peculiarly　applicable　to　myself。

It　represented　a　gaudily　costumed　young　man；　standing　on　the　topmost

of　three　steep　steps；　smoking　a　large　cigar。　　Behind　him　was　a　very

small　church；　and　below；　a　bright　and　not　altogether　uninviting

looking　hell。　　The　picture　was　headed　〃The　Three　Steps　to　Ruin；〃　and

the　three　stairs　were　labelled　respectively　〃Smoking；〃　〃Drinking；〃

〃Gambling。〃　　I　had　already　travelled　two…thirds　of　the　road！　　Was　I

going　all　the　way；　or　should　I　be　able　to　retrace　those　steps？　　I

used　to　lie　awake　at　night　and　think　about　it　till　I　grew　half　crazy。

Alas！　since　then　I　have　completed　the　descent；　so　where　my　future

will　be　spent　I　do　not　care　to　think。



Another　picture　in　the　book　that　troubled　me　was　the　frontispiece。

This　was　a　highly…coloured　print；　illustrating　the　broad　and　narrow

ways。　　The　narrow　way　led　upward　past　a　Sunday…school　and　a　lion　to　a

city　in　the　clouds。　　This　city　was　referred　to　in　the　accompanying

letterpress　as　a　place　of　〃Rest　and　Peace；〃　but　inasmuch　as　the　town

was　represented　in　the　illustration　as　surrounded　by　a　perfect　mob　of

angels；　each　one　blowing　a　trumpet　twice　his　own　size；　and　obviously

blowing　it　for　all　he　was　worth；　a　certain　confusion　of　ideas　would

seem　to　have　crept　into　the　allegory。



The　other　paththe　〃broad　way〃which　ended　in　what　at　first　glance

appeared　to　be　a　highly　successful　display　of　fireworks；　started　from

the　door　of　a　tavern；　and　led　past　a　Music　Hall；　on　the　steps　of

which　stood　a　gentleman　smoking　a　cigar。　　All　the　wicked　people　in

this　book　smoked　cigarsall　except　one　young　man　who　had　killed　his

mother　and　died　raving　mad。　　He　had　gone　astray　on　short　pipes。



This　made　it　uncomfortably　clear　to　me　which　direction　I　had　chosen；

and　I　was　greatly　alarmed；　until；　on　examining　the　picture　more

closely；　I　noticed；　with　much　satisfaction；　that　about　midway　the　two

paths　were　connected　by　a　handy　little　bridge；　by　the　use　of　which　it

seemed　feasible；　starting　on　the　one　path　and　ending　up　on　the　other；

to　combine　the　practical　advantages　of　both　roads。　　From　subsequent

observation　I　have　come　to　the　conclusion　that　a　good　many　people

have　made　a　note　of　that　little　bridge。



My　own　belief　in　the　possibility　of　such　convenient　compromise　must；

I　fear；　have　led　to　an　ethical　relapse；　for　there　recurs　to　my　mind　a

somewhat　painful　scene　of　a　few　months'　later　date；　in　which　I　am

seeking　to　convince　a　singularly　unresponsive　landed　proprietor　that

my　presence　in　his　orchard　is　solely　and　entirely　due　to　my　having

unfortunately　lost　my　way。



It　was　not　until　I　was　nearly　seventeen　that　the　idea　occurred　to　me

to　visit　a　Music　Hall　again。　　Then；　having　regard　to　my　double

capacity　of　〃Man　About　Town〃　and　journalist　（for　I　had　written　a

letter　to　The　Era；　complaining　of　the　way　pit　doors　were　made　to

open；　and　it　had　been　inserted）；　I　felt　I　had　no　longer　any　right　to

neglect　acquaintanceship　with　so　important　a　feature　in　the　life　of

the　people。　　Accordingly；　one　Saturday　night；　I　wended　my　way　to　the

〃Pav。〃；　and　there　the　first　person　that　I　ran　against　was　my　uncle。

He　laid　a　heavy　hand　upon　my　shoulder；　and　asked　me；　in　severe　tones；

what　I　was　doing　there。　　I　felt　this　to　be　an　awkward　question；　for

it　would　have　been　useless　trying　to　make　him　understand　my　real

motives　（one's　own　relations　are　never　sympathetic）；　and　I　was

somewhat　nonplussed　for　an　answer；　until　the　reflection　occurred　to

me：　　What　was　HE　doing　there？　　This　riddle　I；　in　my　turn；　propounded

to　him；　with　the　result　that　we　entered　into　treaty；　by　the　terms　of

which　it　was　agreed　that　no　future　reference　should　be　made　to　the

meeting　by　either　of　usespecially　not　in　the　presence　of　my　aunt

and　the　compact　was　ratified　according　to　the　usual　custom；　my　uncle

paying　the　necessary　expenses。



In　those　days；　we　sat；　some　four　or　six　of　us；　round　a　little　table；

on　which　were　placed　our　drinks。　　Now　we　have　to　balance　them　upon　a

narrow　ledge；　and　ladies；　as　they　pass；　dip　the　ends　of　their　cloaks

into　them；　and　gentlemen　stir　them　up　for　us　with　the　ferrules　of

their　umbrellas；　or　else　sweep　them　off　into　our　laps　with　their　coat

tails；　saying　as　they　do　so；　〃Oh；　I　beg　your　pardon。〃



Also；　in　those　days；　there　were　〃chairmen〃affable　gentlemen；　who

would　drink　anything　at　anybody's　expense；　and　drink　any　quantity　of

it；　and　never　seem　to　get　any　fuller。　　I　was　introduced　to　a　Music

Hall　chairman　once；　and　when　I　said　to　him；　〃What　is　your　drink？〃　he

took　up　the　〃list　of　beverages〃　that　lay　before　him；　and；　opening　it；

waved　his　hand　lightly　across　its　entire　contents；　from　clarets；　past

champagnes　and　spirits；　down　to　liqueurs。　　〃That's　my　drink；　my　boy；〃

said　he。　　There　was　nothing　narrow…minded　or　exclusive　about　his

tastes。



It　was　the　chairman's　duty　to　introduce　the　artists。　　〃Ladies　and

gentlemen；〃　he　would　shout；　in　a　voice　that　united　the　musical

characteristics　of　a　foghorn　and　a　steam　saw；　〃Miss　'Enerietta

Montressor；　the　popular　serio…comic；　will　now　happear。〃　　These

announcements　were　invariably　received　with　great　applause　by　the

chairman　himself；　and　generally　with　chilling　indifference　by　the

rest　of　the　audience。



It　was　also　the　privilege　of　the　chairman　to　maintain　order；　and

reprimand　evil…doers。　　This　he　usually　did　very　effectively；

employing　for　the　purpose　language　both　fit　and　forcible。　　One

chairman　that　I　remember　seemed；　however；　to　be　curiously　deficient

in　the　necessary　qualities　for　this　part　of　his　duty。　　He　was　a　mild

and　sleepy　little　man；　and；　unfortunately；　he　had　to　preside　over　an

exceptionally　rowdy　audience　at　a　small　hall　in　the　South…East

district。　　On　the　night　that　I　was　present；　there　occurred　a　great

disturbance。　　〃Joss　Jessop；　the　Monarch　of　Mirth；〃　a　gentleman

evidently　high　in　local　request　was；　for　some　reason　or　other；　not

forthcoming；　and　in　his　place　the　management　proposed　to　offer　a

female　performer　on　the　zithern；　one　Signorina　Ballatino。



The　little　chairman　made　the　announcement　in　a　nervous；　deprecatory

tone；　as　if　he　were　rather　ashamed　of　it　himself。　　〃Ladies　and

gentlemen；〃　he　began；the　poor　are　staunch　sticklers　for　etiquette：

I　overheard　a　small　child　explaining　to　her　mother　one　night　in　Three

Colts　Street；　Limehouse；　that　she　could　not　get　into　the　house

because　there　was　a　〃lady〃　on　the　doorstep；　drunk；〃Signorina

Ballatino；　the　world…renowned〃



Here　a　voice　from　the　gallery　requested　to　know　what　had　become　of

〃Old　Joss；〃　and　was　greeted　by　loud　cries　of　〃'Ear；　'ear。〃



The　chairman；　ignoring　the　interruption；　continued：



〃the　world…renowned　performer　on　the　zither〃



〃On　the　whoter？〃　came　in　tones　of　plaintive　inquiry　from　the　back　of

the　hall。



〃HON　the　zither；〃　retorted　the　chairman；　waxing　mildly　indignant；　he

meant　zithern；　but　he　called　it　a　zither。　　〃A　hinstrument　well…known

to　anybody　as　'as　'ad　any　learning。〃



This　sally　was　received　with　much　favour；　and　a　gentleman　who　claimed

to　be　acquainted　with　the　family　history　of　the　interrupter　begged

the　chairman　to　excuse　that　ill…bred　person　on　the　ground　that　his

mother　used　to　get　drunk　with　the　twopence　a　week　and　never　sent　him

to　school。



Cheered　by　this　breath　of　popularity；　our　little　president

endeavoured　to　complete　his　introduction　of　the　Signorina。　　He　again

repeated　that　she　was　the　world…renowned　performer　on　the　zithern；

and；　undeterred　by　the　audible　remark　of　a　lady　in　the　pit　to　the

effect　that　she'd　〃never　'eard　on　'er；〃　added：



〃She　will　now；　ladies　and　gentlemen；　with　your　kind　permission；　give

you　examples　of　the〃



〃Blow　yer　zither！〃　here　cried　out　the　gentleman　who　had　started　the

agitation；　〃we　want　Joss　Jessop。〃



This　was　the　signal　for　much　cheering　and　shrill　whistling；　in　the

midst　of　which　a　wag　with　a　piping　voice　suggested　as　a　reason　for

the　favourite's　non…appearance　that　he　bad　not　been　paid　his　last

week's　salary。



A　temporary　lull　occurred　at　this　point；　and　the　chairman；　seizing

the　opportunity　to　complete　his　oft…impeded　speech；　suddenly

remarked；　〃songs　of　the　Sunny　South〃；　and　immediately　sat　down　and

began　hammering　upon　the　table。



Then　Signora　Ballatino；　clothed　in　the　costume　of　the　Sunny　South；

where　clothes　are　less　essential　than　in　these　colder　climes；　skipped

airily　forward；　and　was　most　ungallantly　greeted　with　a　storm　of

groans　and　hisses。　　Her　beloved　instrument　was　unfeelingly　alluded　to

as　a　pie…dish；　and　she　was　advised　to　take　it　back　and　get　the　penny

on　it。　　The　chairman；　addressed　by　his　Christian　name　of　〃Jimmee；〃

was　told　to　lie　down　and　let　her　sing　him　to　sleep。　　Every　time　she

attempted　to　start　playing；　shouts　were　raised　for　Joss。



At　length　the　chairman；　overcoming　his　evident　disinclination　to　take

any　sort　of　hand　whatever　in　the　game；　rose　and　gently　hinted　at　the

desirability　of　silence。　　The　suggestion　not　meeting　with　any

support；　he　proceeded　to　adopt　sterner　measures。　　He　addressed

himself　personally　to　the　ringleader　of　th