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Tales and Fantasies



by Robert Louis Stevenson











Contents



The Misadventures of John Nicholson

The Body…Snatcher

The Story of a Lie





THE MISADVENTURES OF JOHN NICHOLSON









CHAPTER I … IN WHICH JOHN SOWS THE WIND







JOHN VAREY NICHOLSON was stupid; yet; stupider men than he

are now sprawling in Parliament; and lauding themselves as

the authors of their own distinction。  He was of a fat habit;

even from boyhood; and inclined to a cheerful and cursory

reading of the face of life; and possibly this attitude of

mind was the original cause of his misfortunes。  Beyond this

hint philosophy is silent on his career; and superstition

steps in with the more ready explanation that he was detested

of the gods。



His father … that iron gentleman … had long ago enthroned

himself on the heights of the Disruption Principles。  What

these are (and in spite of their grim name they are quite

innocent) no array of terms would render thinkable to the

merely English intelligence; but to the Scot they often prove

unctuously nourishing; and Mr。 Nicholson found in them the

milk of lions。  About the period when the churches convene at

Edinburgh in their annual assemblies; he was to be seen

descending the Mound in the company of divers red…headed

clergymen: these voluble; he only contributing oracular nods;

brief negatives; and the austere spectacle of his stretched

upper lip。  The names of Candlish and Begg were frequent in

these interviews; and occasionally the talk ran on the

Residuary Establishment and the doings of one Lee。  A

stranger to the tight little theological kingdom of Scotland

might have listened and gathered literally nothing。  And Mr。

Nicholson (who was not a dull man) knew this; and raged at

it。  He knew there was a vast world outside; to whom

Disruption Principles were as the chatter of tree…top apes;

the paper brought him chill whiffs from it; he had met

Englishmen who had asked lightly if he did not belong to the

Church of Scotland; and then had failed to be much interested

by his elucidation of that nice point; it was an evil; wild;

rebellious world; lying sunk in DOZENEDNESS; for nothing

short of a Scots word will paint this Scotsman's feelings。

And when he entered into his own house in Randolph Crescent

(south side); and shut the door behind him; his heart swelled

with security。  Here; at least; was a citadel impregnable by

right…hand defections or left…hand extremes。  Here was a

family where prayers came at the same hour; where the Sabbath

literature was unimpeachably selected; where the guest who

should have leaned to any false opinion was instantly set

down; and over which there reigned all week; and grew denser

on Sundays; a silence that was agreeable to his ear; and a

gloom that he found comfortable。



Mrs。 Nicholson had died about thirty; and left him with three

children: a daughter two years; and a son about eight years

younger than John; and John himself; the unlucky bearer of a

name infamous in English history。  The daughter; Maria; was a

good girl … dutiful; pious; dull; but so easily startled that

to speak to her was quite a perilous enterprise。  'I don't

think I care to talk about that; if you please;' she would

say; and strike the boldest speechless by her unmistakable

pain; this upon all topics … dress; pleasure; morality;

politics; in which the formula was changed to 'my papa thinks

otherwise;' and even religion; unless it was approached with

a particular whining tone of voice。  Alexander; the younger

brother; was sickly; clever; fond of books and drawing; and

full of satirical remarks。  In the midst of these; imagine

that natural; clumsy; unintelligent; and mirthful animal;

John; mighty well…behaved in comparison with other lads;

although not up to the mark of the house in Randolph

Crescent; full of a sort of blundering affection; full of

caresses; which were never very warmly received; full of

sudden and loud laughter which rang out in that still house

like curses。  Mr。 Nicholson himself had a great fund of

humour; of the Scots order … intellectual; turning on the

observation of men; his own character; for instance … if he

could have seen it in another … would have been a rare feast

to him; but his son's empty guffaws over a broken plate; and

empty; almost light…hearted remarks; struck him with pain as

the indices of a weak mind。



Outside the family John had early attached himself (much as a

dog may follow a marquis) to the steps of Alan Houston; a lad

about a year older than himself; idle; a trifle wild; the

heir to a good estate which was still in the hands of a

rigorous trustee; and so royally content with himself that he

took John's devotion as a thing of course。  The intimacy was

gall to Mr。 Nicholson; it took his son from the house; and he

was a jealous parent; it kept him from the office; and he was

a martinet; lastly; Mr。 Nicholson was ambitious for his

family (in which; and the Disruption Principles; he entirely

lived); and he hated to see a son of his play second fiddle

to an idler。  After some hesitation; he ordered that the

friendship should cease … an unfair command; though seemingly

inspired by the spirit of prophecy; and John; saying nothing;

continued to disobey the order under the rose。



John was nearly nineteen when he was one day dismissed rather

earlier than usual from his father's office; where he was

studying the practice of the law。  It was Saturday; and

except that he had a matter of four hundred pounds in his

pocket which it was his duty to hand over to the British

Linen Company's Bank; he had the whole afternoon at his

disposal。  He went by Princes Street enjoying the mild

sunshine; and the little thrill of easterly wind that tossed

the flags along that terrace of palaces; and tumbled the

green trees in the garden。  The band was playing down in the

valley under the castle; and when it came to the turn of the

pipers; he heard their wild sounds with a stirring of the

blood。  Something distantly martial woke in him; and he

thought of Miss Mackenzie; whom he was to meet that day at

dinner。



Now; it is undeniable that he should have gone directly to

the bank; but right in the way stood the billiard…room of the

hotel where Alan was almost certain to be found; and the

temptation proved too strong。  He entered the billiard…room;

and was instantly greeted by his friend; cue in hand。



'Nicholson;' said he; 'I want you to lend me a pound or two

till Monday。'



'You've come to the right shop; haven't you?' returned John。

'I have twopence。'



'Nonsense;' said Alan。  'You can get some。  Go and borrow at

your tailor's; they all do it。  Or I'll tell you what: pop

your watch。'



'Oh; yes; I dare say;' said John。  'And how about my father?'



'How is he to know?  He doesn't wind it up for you at night;

does he?' inquired Alan; at which John guffawed。  'No;

seriously; I am in a fix;' continued the tempter。  'I have

lost some money to a man here。  I'll give it you to…night;

and you can get the heir…loom out again on Monday。  Come;

it's a small service; after all。  I would do a good deal more

for you。'



Whereupon John went forth; and pawned his gold watch under

the assumed name of John Froggs; 85 Pleasance。  But the

nervousness that assailed him at the door of that inglorious

haunt … a pawnshop … and the effort necessary to invent the

pseudonym (which; somehow; seemed to him a necessary part of

the procedure); had taken more time than he imagined: and

when he returned to the billiard…room with the spoils; the

bank had already closed its doors。



This was a shrewd knock。  'A piece of business had been

neglected。'  He heard these words in his father's trenchant

voice; and trembled; and then dodged the thought。  After all;

who was to know?  He must carry four hundred pounds about

with him till Monday; when the neglect could be

surreptitiously repaired; and meanwhile; he was free to pass

the afternoon on the encircling divan of the billiard…room;

smoking his pipe; sipping a pint of ale; and enjoying to the

masthead the modest pleasures of admiration。



None can admire like a young man。  Of all youth's passions

and pleasures; this is the most common and least alloyed; and

every flash of Alan's black eyes; every aspect of his curly

head; every graceful reach; every easy; stand…off attitude of

waiting; ay; and down to his shirt…sleeves and wrist…links;

were seen by John through a luxurious glory。  He valued

himself by the possession of that royal friend; hugged

himself upon the thought; and swam in warm azure; his own

defects; like vanquished difficulties; becoming things on

which to plume himself。  Only when he thought of Miss

Mackenzie there fell upon his mind a shadow of regret; that

young lady was worthy of better things than plain John

Nicholson; still known among schoolmates by the derisive name

of 'Fatty'; and he felt; if he could chalk a cue; or stand at

ease; with such a careless grace as Alan; he could approach

the object of his sentiments with a less crushing sense of

inferiority。



Before they parted; Alan made a proposal that was startling

in the extreme。  He would be at Colette's that night about

twelve; he said。  Why should not John come there and get the

money?  To go to Colette's was to see life; indeed; it was

wrong; it was against the laws; it partook; in a very dingy

manner; of adventure。  Were it known; it was the sort of

exploit that disconsidered a young man for good with the more

serious classes; but gave him a standing with the riotous。

And yet Colette's was not a hell; it could not come; without

vaulting hyperbole; under the rubric of a gilded saloon; and;

if it was a sin to go there; the sin was merely local and

municipal。  Colette (whose name I do not know how to spell;

for I was never in epistolary

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