hemingway, ernest - for whom the bell tolls-第32部分

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ognized　it　instantly　and　would　do　it　but　he　did　not　like　it　any　more　than　he；　Robert　Jordan；　liked　it。
So　you　say　that　it　is　not　that　which　will　happen　to　yourself　but　that　which　may　happen　to　the　woman　and　the　girl　and　to　the　others　that　you　think　of。　All　right。　What　would　have　happened　to　them　if　you　had　not　come？　What　happened　to　them　and　what　passed　with　them　before　you　were　ever　here？　You　must　not　think　in　that　way。　You　have　no　responsibility　for　them　except　in　action。　The　orders　do　not　come　from　you。　They　come　from　Golz。　And　who　is　Golz？　A　good　general。　The　best　you've　ever　served　under。　But　should　a　man　carry　out　impossible　orders　knowing　what　they　lead　to？　Even　though　they　come　from　Golz；　who　is　the　party　as　well　as　the　army？　Yes。　He　should　carry　them　out　because　it　is　only　in　the　performing　of　them　that　they　can　prove　to　be　impossible。　How　do　you　know　they　are　impossible　until　you　have　tried　them？　If　every　one　said　orders　were　impossible　to　carry　out　when　they　were　received　where　Would　you　be？　Where　would　we　all　be　if　you　just　said；　〃Impossible；〃　when　orders　came？
He　had　seen　enough　of　commanders　to　whom　all　orders　were　impossible。　That　swine　Gomez　in　Estremadura。　He　had　seen　enough　attacks　when　the　flanks　did　not　advance　because　it　was　impossible。　No；　he　would　carry　out　the　orders　and　it　was　bad　luck　that　you　liked　the　people　you　must　do　it　with。
In　all　the　work　that　they；　the　_partizans_；　did；　they　brought　added　danger　and　bad　luck　to　the　people　that　sheltered　them　and　worked　with　them。　For　what？　So　that；　eventually；　there　should　be　no　more　danger　and　so　that　the　country　should　be　a　good　place　to　live　in。　That　was　true　no　matter　how　trite　it　sounded。
If　the　Republic　lost　it　would　be　impossible　for　those　who　believed　in　it　to　live　in　Spain。　But　would　it？　Yes；　he　knew　that　it　would　be；　from　the　things　that　happened　in　the　parts　the　fascists　had　already　taken。
Pablo　was　a　swine　but　the　others　were　fine　people　and　was　it　not　a　betrayal　of　them　all　to　get　them　to　do　this？　Perhaps　it　was。　But　if　they　did　not　do　it　two　squadrons　of　cavalry　would　come　and　hunt　them　out　of　these　hills　in　a　week。
No。　There　was　nothing　to　be　gained　by　leaving　them　alone。　Except　that　all　people　should　be　left　alone　and　you　should　interfere　with　no　one。　So　he　believed　that；　did　he？　Yes；　he　believed　that。　And　what　about　a　planned　society　and　the　rest　of　it？　That　was　for　the　others　to　do。　He　had　something　else　to　do　after　this　war。　He　fought　now　in　this　war　because　it　had　started　in　a　country　that　he　loved　and　he　believed　in　the　Republic　and　that　if　it　were　destroyed　life　would　be　unbearable　for　all　those　people　who　believed　in　it。　He　was　under　Communist　discipline　for　the　duration　of　the　war。　Here　in　Spain　the　Communists　offered　the　best　discipline　and　the　soundest　and　sanest　for　the　prosecution　of　the　war。　He　accepted　their　discipline　for　the　duration　of　the　war　because；　in　the　conduct　of　the　war；　they　were　the　only　party　whose　program　and　whose　discipline　he　could　respect。
What　were　his　politics　then？　He　had　none　now；　he　told　himself。　But　do　not　tell　any　one　else　that；　he　thought。　Don't　ever　admit　that。　And　what　are　you　going　to　do　afterwards？　I　am　going　back　and　earn　my　living　teaching　Spanish　as　before；　and　I　am　going　to　write　a　true　book。　I'll　bet；　he　said。　I'll　bet　that　will　be　easy。
He　would　have　to　talk　with　Pablo　about　politics。　It　would　certainly　be　interesting　to　see　what　his　political　development　had　been。　The　classical　move　from　left　to　right；　probably；　like　old　Lerroux。　Pablo　was　quite　a　lot　like　Lerroux。　Prieto　was　as　bad。　Pablo　and　Prieto　had　about　an　equal　faith　in　the　ultimate　victory。　They　all　had　the　politics　of　horse　thieves。　He　believed　in　the　Republic　as　a　form　of　government　but　the　Republic　would　have　to　get　rid　of　all　of　that　bunch　of　horse　thieves　that　brought　it　to　the　pass　it　was　in　when　the　rebellion　started。　Was　there　ever　a　people　whose　leaders　were　as　truly　their　enemies　as　this　one？
Enemies　of　the　people。　That　was　a　phrase　he　might　omit。　That　was　a　catch　phrase　he　would　skip。　That　was　one　thing　that　sleeping　with　Maria　had　done。　He　had　gotten　to　be　as　bigoted　and　hidebound　about　his　politics　as　a　hard…shelled　Baptist　and　phrases　like　enemies　of　the　people　came　into　his　mind　without　his　much　criticizing　them　in　any　way。　Any　sort　of　_clich閟_　both　revolutionary　and　patriotic。　His　mind　employed　them　without　criticism。　Of　course　they　were　true　but　it　was　too　easy　to　be　nimble　about　using　them。　But　since　last　night　and　this　afternoon　his　mind　was　much　clearer　and　cleaner　on　that　business。　Bigotry　is　an　odd　thing。　To　be　bigoted　you　have　to　be　absolutely　sure　that　you　are　right　and　nothing　makes　that　surety　and　righteousness　like　continence。　Continence　is　the　foe　of　heresy。
How　would　that　premise　stand　up　if　he　examined　it？　That　was　probably　why　the　Communists　were　always　cracking　down　on　Bohemianism。　When　you　were　drunk　or　when　you　committed　either　fornication　or　adultery　you　recognized　your　own　personal　fallibility　of　that　so　mutable　substitute　for　the　apostles'　creed；　the　party　line。　Down　with　Bohemianism；　the　sin　of　Mayakovsky。
But　Mayakovsky　was　a　saint　again。　That　was　because　he　was　safely　dead。　You'll　be　safely　dead　yourself；　he　told　himself。　Now　stop　thinking　that　sort　of　thing。　Think　about　Maria。
Maria　was　very　hard　on　his　bigotry。　So　far　she　had　not　affected　his　resolution　but　he　would　much　prefer　not　to　die。　He　would　abandon　a　hero's　or　a　martyr's　end　gladly。　He　did　not　want　to　make　a　Thermopylae；　nor　be　Horatius　at　any　bridge；　nor　be　the　Dutch　boy　With　his　finger　in　that　dyke。　No。　He　would　like　to　spend　some　time　With　Maria。　That　was　the　simplest　expression　of　it。　He　would　like　to　spend　a　long；　long　time　with　her。
He　did　not　believe　there　was　ever　going　to　be　any　such　thing　as　a　long　time　any　more　but　if　there　ever　was　such　a　thing　he　would　like　to　spend　it　with　her。　We　could　go　into　the　hotel　and　register　as　Doctor　and　Mrs。　Livingstone　I　presume；　he　thought。
Why　not　marry　her？　Sure；　he　thought。　I　will　marry　her。　Then　we　will　be　Mt　and　Mrs。　Robert　Jordan　of　Sun　Valley；　Idaho。　Or　Corpus　Christi；　Texas；　or　Butte；　Montana。
Spanish　girls　make　wonderful　wives。　I've　never　had　one　so　I　know。　And　when　I　get　my　job　back　at　the　university　she　can　be　an　instructor's　wife　and　when　undergraduates　who　take　Spanish　IV　come　in　to　smoke　pipes　in　the　evening　and　have　those　so　valuable　informal　discussions　about　Quevedo；　Lope　de　Vega；　Gald髎　and　the　other　always　admirable　dead；　Maria　can　tell　them　about　how　some　of　the　blue…shirted　crusaders　for　the　true　faith　sat　on　her　head　while　others　twisted　her　arms　and　pulled　her　skirts　up　and　stuffed　them　in　her　mouth。
I　wonder　how　they　will　like　Maria　in　Missoula；　Montana？　That　is　if　I　can　get　a　job　back　in　Missoula。　I　suppose　that　I　am　ticketed　as　a　Red　there　now　for　good　and　will　be　on　the　general　blacklist。　Though　you　never　know。　You　never　can　tell。　They've　no　proof　of　what　you　do；　and　as　a　matter　of　fact　they　would　never　believe　it　if　you　told　them；　and　my　passport　was　valid　for　Spain　before　they　issued　the　restrictions。
The　time　for　getting　back　will　not　be　until　the　fall　of　thirtyseven。　I　left　in　the　summer　of　thirty…six　and　though　the　leave　is　for　a　year　you　do　not　need　to　be　back　until　the　fall　term　opens　in　the　following　year。　There　is　a　lot　of　time　between　now　and　the　fall　term。　There　is　a　lot　of　time　between　now　and　day　after　tomorrow　if　you　want　to　put　it　that　way。　No。　I　think　there　is　no　need　to　worry　about　the　university。　Just　you　turn　up　there　in　the　fall　and　it　will　be　all　right。　Just　try　and　turn　up　there。
But　it　has　been　a　strange　life　for　a　long　time　now。　Damned　if　it　hasn't。　Spain　was　your　work　and　your　job；　so　being　in　Spain　was　natural　and　sound。　You　had　worked　summers　on　engineering　projects　and　in　the　forest　service　building　roads　and　in　the　park　and　learned　to　handle　powder；　so　the　demolition　was　a　sound　and　normal　job　too。　Always　a　little　hasty；　but　sound。
Once　you　accept　the　idea　of　demolition　as　a　problem　it　is　only　a　problem。　But　there　was　plenty　that　was　not　so　good　that　went　with　it　although　God　knows　you　took　it　easily　enough。　There　was　the　constant　attempt　to　approximate　the　conditions　of　successful　assassination　that　accompanied　the　demolition。　Did　big　words　make　it　more　defensible？　Did　they　make　killing　any　more　palatable？　You　took　to　it　a　little　too　readily　if　you　ask　me；　he　told　himself。　And　what　you　will　be　like　or　just　exactly　what　you　will　be　suited　for　when　you　leave　the　service　of　the　Republic　is；　to　me；　he　thought；　extremely　doubtful。　But　my　guess　is　you　will　get　rid　of　all　that　by　writing　about　it；　he　said。　Once　you　write　it　down　it　is　all　gone。　It　will　be　a　good　book　if　you　can　write　it。　Much　better　than　the　other。
But　in　the　meantime　all　the　life　you　have　or　ever　will　have　is　today；　tonight；　tomorrow；　today；　tonight；　tomorrow；　over　and　over　again　（I　hope）；　he　thought　and　so　you　had　better　take　what　time　there　is　and　be　very　thankful　for　it。　If　the　bridge　goes　bad。　It　does　not　look　too　good　just　now。
But　Maria　has　been　good。　Has　she　not？　Oh；　has　she　not；　he　thought。　Maybe　that　is　what　I　am　to　get　now　from　life。　Maybe　that　is　my　life　and　instead　of　it　being　threescore　years　and　ten　it　is　fortyeight　hours　or　just　threescore　hours　and　ten　or　twelve　rather。　Twenty…four　hours　in　a　day　would　be　threescore　and　twelve　for　the　three　full　days。
I　suppose　it　is　possible　to　live　as　full　a　life　in　seventy　hours　as　in　seventy　years；　granted　that　your　life　has　been　full　up　to　the　time　that　the　seventy　hours　start　and　that　you　have　reached　a　certain　age。
What　nonsense；　he　thought。　What　rot　you　get　to　thinking　by　yourself。　That　is　_really_　nonsense。　And　maybe　it　isn't　nonsense　too。　Well；　we　will　see。　The　last　time　I　slept　with　a　girl　was　in　Madrid。　No　it　wasn't。　It　was　in　the　Escorial　and；　except　that　I　woke　in　the　night　and　thought　it　was　some　one　else　and　was　excited　until　I　realized　who　it　really　was；　it　was　just　dragging　ashes；　except　that　it　was　pleasant　enough。　And　the　time　before　that　was　in　Madrid　and　except　for　some　lying　and　pretending　I　did　to　myself　as　to　identity　while　things　were　going　on；　it　was　the　same　or　something　less。　So　I　am　no　romantic　glorifier　of　the　Spanish　Woman　nor　did　I　ever　think　of　a　casual　piece　as