hemingway, ernest - for whom the bell tolls-第39部分

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forever！〃
〃How　much　longer　do　you　think　we　will　have　this　detail？〃
〃I　don't　know；〃　the　corporal　said。　〃But　I　wish　we　could　have　it　for　all　of　the　war。〃
〃Six　hours　is　too　long　to　be　on　guard；〃　the　soldier　who　was　cooking　said。
〃We　will　have　three…hour　watches　as　long　as　this　storm　holds；〃　the　corporal　said。　〃That　is　only　normal。〃
〃What　about　all　those　staff　cars？〃　the　soldier　on　the　bunk　asked。　〃I　did　not　like　the　look　of　all　those　staff　cars。〃
〃Nor　I；〃　the　corporal　said。　〃All　such　things　are　of　evil　omen。〃
〃And　aviation；〃　the　soldier　who　was　cooking　said。　〃Aviation　is　another　bad　sign。〃
〃But　we　have　formidable　aviation；〃　the　corporal　said。　〃The　Reds　have　no　aviation　such　as　we　have。　Those　planes　this　morning　were　something　to　make　any　man　happy。〃
〃I　have　seen　the　Red　planes　when　they　were　something　serious；〃　the　soldier　on　the　bunk　said。　〃I　have　seen　those　two　motor　bombers　when　they　were　a　horror　to　endure。〃
〃Yes。　But　they　are　not　as　formidable　as　our　aviation；〃　the　corporal　said。　〃We　have　an　aviation　that　is　insuperable。〃
This　was　how　they　were　talking　in　the　sawmill　while　Anselmo　waited　in　the　snow　watching　the　road　and　the　light　in　the　sawmill　window。
I　hope　I　am　not　for　the　killing；　Anselmo　was　thinking。　I　think　that　after　the　war　there　will　have　to　be　some　great　penance　done　for　the　killing。　If　we　no　longer　have　religion　after　the　war　then　I　think　there　must　be　some　form　of　civic　penance　organized　that　all　may　be　cleansed　from　the　killing　or　else　we　will　never　have　a　true　and　human　basis　for　living。　The　killing　is　necessary；　I　know；　but　still　the　doing　of　it　is　very　bad　for　a　man　and　I　think　that；　after　all　this　is　over　and　we　have　won　the　war；　there　must　be　a　penance　of　some　kind　for　the　cleansing　of　us　all。
Anselmo　was　a　very　good　man　and　whenever　he　was　alone　for　long；　and　he　was　alone　much　of　the　time；　this　problem　of　the　killing　returned　to　him。
I　wonder　about　the　_Ingl閟_；　he　thought。　He　told　me　that　he　did　not　mind　it。　Yet　he　seems　to　be　both　sensitive　and　kind。　It　may　be　that　in　the　younger　people　it　does　not　have　an　importance。　It　may　be　that　in　foreigners；　or　in　those　who　have　not　had　our　religion；　there　is　not　the　same　attitude。　But　I　think　any　one　doing　it　will　be　brutalized　in　time　and　I　think　that　even　though　necessary；　it　is　a　great　sin　and　that　afterwards　we　must　do　something　very　strong　to　atone　for　it。
It　was　dark　now　and　he　looked　at　the　light　across　the　road　and　shook　his　arms　against　his　chest　to　warm　them。　Now；　he　thought；　he　would　certainly　leave　for　the　camp；　but　something　kept　him　there　beside　the　tree　above　the　road。　It　was　snowing　harder　and　Anselmo　thought：　if　only　we　could　blow　the　bridge　tonight。　On　a　night　like　this　it　would　be　nothing　to　take　the　posts　and　blow　the　bridge　and　it　would　all　be　over　and　done　with。　On　a　night　like　this　you　could　do　anything。
Then　he　stood　there　against　the　tree　stamping　his　feet　softly　and　he　did　not　think　any　more　about　the　bridge。　The　coming　of　the　dark　always　made　him　feel　lonely　and　tonight　he　felt　so　lonely　that　there　was　a　hollowness　in　him　as　of　hunger。　In　the　old　days　he　could　help　this　loneliness　by　the　saying　of　prayers　and　often　coming　home　from　hunting　he　would　repeat　a　great　number　of　the　same　prayer　and　it　made　him　feel　better。　But　he　had　not　prayed　once　since　the　movement。　He　missed　the　prayers　but　he　thought　it　would　be　unfair　and　hypocritical　to　say　them　and　he　did　not　wish　to　ask　any　favors　or　for　any　different　treatment　than　all　the　men　were　receiving。
No；　he　thought；　I　am　lonely。　But　so　are　all　the　soldiers　and　the　Wives　of　all　the　soldiers　and　all　those　who　have　lost　families　or　parents。　I　have　no　wife；　but　I　am　glad　that　she　died　before　the　movement。　She　would　not　have　understood　it。　I　have　no　children　and　I　never　will　have　any　children。　I　am　lonely　in　the　day　when　I　am　not　working　but　when　the　dark　comes　it　is　a　time　of　great　loneliness。　But　one　thing　I　have　that　no　man　nor　any　God　can　take　from　me　and　that　is　that　I　have　worked　well　for　the　Republic。　I　have　worked　hard　for　the　good　that　we　will　all　share　later。　I　have　worked　my　best　from　the　first　of　the　movement　and　I　have　done　nothing　that　I　am　ashamed　of。
All　that　I　am　sorry　for　is　the　killing。　But　surely　there　will　be　an　opportunity　to　atone　for　that　because　for　a　sin　of　that　sort　that　so　many　bear；　certainly　some　just　relief　will　be　devised。　I　would　like　to　talk　with　the　_Ingl閟_　about　it　but；　being　young；　it　is　possible　that　he　might　not　understand。　He　mentioned　the　killing　before。　Or　was　it　I　that　mentioned　it？　He　must　have　killed　much；　but　he　shows　no　signs　of　liking　it。　In　those　who　like　it　there　is　always　a　rottenness。
It　must　really　be　a　great　sin；　he　thought。　Because　certainly　it　is　the　one　thing　we　have　no　right　to　do　even　though；　as　I　know；　it　is　necessary。　But　in　Spain　it　is　done　too　lightly　and　often　without　true　necessity　and　there　is　much　quick　injustice　which；　afterward；　can　never　be　repaired。　I　wish　I　did　not　think　about　it　so　much；　he　thought。　I　wish　there　were　a　penance　for　it　that　one　could　commence　now　because　it　is　the　only　thing　that　I　have　done　in　all　my　life　that　makes　me　feel　badly　when　I　am　alone。　All　the　other　things　are　forgiven　or　one　had　a　chance　to　atone　for　them　by　kindness　or　in　some　decent　way。　But　I　think　this　of　the　killing　must　be　a　very　great　sin　and　I　would　like　to　fix　it　up。　Later　on　there　may　be　certain　days　that　one　can　work　for　the　state　or　something　that　one　can　do　that　will　remove　it。　It　will　probably　be　something　that　one　pays　as　in　the　days　of　the　Church；　he　thought；　and　smiled。　The　Church　was　well　organized　for　sin。　That　pleased　him　and　he　was　smiling　in　the　dark　when　Robert　Jordan　came　up　to　him。　He　came　silently　and　the　old　man　did　not　see　him　until　he　was　there。
〃_Hola；　viejo_；〃　Robert　Jordan　whispered　and　clapped　him　on　the　back。　〃How's　the　old　one？〃
〃Very　cold；〃　Anselmo　said。　Fernando　was　standing　a　little　apart；　his　back　turned　against　the　driving　snow。
〃Come　on；〃　Robert　Jordan　whispered。　〃Get　on　up　to　camp　and　get　warm。　It　was　a　crime　to　leave　you　here　so　long。〃
〃That　is　their　light；〃　Anselmo　pointed。
〃Where's　the　sentry？〃
〃You　do　not　see　him　from　here。　He　is　around　the　bend。〃
〃The　hell　with　them；〃　Robert　Jordan　said。　〃You　tell　me　at　camp。　Come　on；　let's　go。〃
〃Let　me　show　you；〃　Anselmo　said。
〃I'm　going　to　look　at　it　in　the　morning；〃　Robert　Jordan　said。　〃Here；　take　a　swallow　of　this。〃
He　handed　the　old　man　his　flask。　Anselmo　tipped　it　up　and　swallowed。
〃_Ayee_；〃　he　said　and　rubbed　his　mouth。　〃It　is　fire。〃
〃Come　on；〃　Robert　Jordan　said　in　the　dark。　〃Let　us　go。〃
It　was　so　dark　now　you　could　only　see　the　flakes　blowing　past　and　the　rigid　dark　of　the　pine　trunks。　Fernando　was　standing　a　little　way　up　the　hill。　Look　at　that　cigar　store　Indian；　Robert　Jordan　thought。　I　suppose　I　have　to　offer　him　a　drink。
〃Hey；　Fernando；〃　he　said　as　he　came　up　to　him。　〃A　swallow？〃
〃No；〃　said　Fernando。　〃Thank　you。〃
Thank　_you_；　I　mean；　Robert　Jordan　thought。　I'm　glad　cigar　store　Indians　don't　drink。　There　isn't　too　much　of　that　left。　Boy；　I'm　glad　to　see　this　old　man；　Robert　Jordan　thought。　He　looked　at　Anselmo　and　then　clapped　him　on　the　back　again　as　they　started　up　the　hill。
〃I'm　glad　to　see　you；　_viejo_；〃　he　said　to　Anselmo。　〃If　I　ever　get　gloomy；　when　I　see　you　it　cheers　me　up。　Come　on；　let's　get　up　there。〃
They　were　going　up　the　hill　in　the　snow。
〃Back　to　the　palace　of　Pablo；〃　Robert　Jordan　said　to　Anselmo。　It　sounded　wonderful　in　Spanish。
〃_El　Palacio　del　Miedo_；〃　Anselmo　said。　〃The　Palace　of　Fear。〃
〃_La　cueva　de　los　huevos　perdidos_；〃　Robert　Jordan　capped　the　other　happily。　〃The　cave　of　the　lost　eggs。〃
〃What　eggs？〃　Fernando　asked。
〃A　joke；〃　Robert　Jordan　said。　〃Just　a　joke。　Not　eggs；　you　know。　The　others。〃
〃But　why　are　they　lost？〃　Fernando　asked。
〃I　don't　know；〃　said　Robert　Jordan。　〃Take　a　book　to　tell　you。　Ask　Pilar；〃　then　he　put　his　arm　around　Anselmo's　shoulder　and　held　him　tight　as　they　walked　and　shook　him。　〃Listen；〃　he　said。　〃I'm　glad　to　see　you；　hear？　You　don't　know　what　it　means　to　find　somebody　in　this　country　in　the　same　place　they　were　left。〃
It　showed　what　confidence　and　intimacy　he　had　that　he　could　say　anything　against　the　country。
〃I　am　glad　to　see　thee；〃　Anselmo　said。　〃But　I　was　just　about　to　leave。〃
〃Like　hell　you　would　have；〃　Robert　Jordan　said　happily。　〃You'd　have　frozen　first。〃
〃How　was　it　up　above？〃　Anselmo　asked。
〃Fine；〃　said　Robert　Jordan。　〃Everything　is　fine。〃
He　was　very　happy　with　that　sudden；　rare　happiness　that　can　come　to　any　one　with　a　command　in　a　revolutionary　arm；　the　happiness　of　finding　that　even　one　of　your　flanks　holds。　If　both　flanks　ever　held　I　suppose　it　would　be　too　much　to　take；　he　thought。　I　don't　know　who　is　prepared　to　stand　that。　And　if　you　extend　along　a　flank；　any　flank；　it　eventually　becomes　one　man。　Yes；　one　man。　This　was　not　the　axiom　he　wanted。　But　this　was　a　good　man。　One　good　man。　You　are　going　to　be　the　left　flank　when　we　have　the　battle；　he　thought。　I　better　not　tell　you　that　yet。　It's　going　to　be　an　awfully　small　battle；　he　thought。　But　it's　going　to　be　an　awfully　good　one。　Well；　I　always　wanted　to　fight　one　on　my　own。　I　always　had　an　opinion　on　what　was　wrong　with　everybody　else's；　from　Agincourt　down。　I　will　have　to　make　this　a　good　one。　It　is　going　to　be　small　but　very　select。　If　I　have　to　do　what　I　think　I　will　have　to　do　it　will　be　very　select　indeed。
〃Listen；〃　he　said　to　Anselmo。　〃I'm　awfully　glad　to　see　you。〃
〃And　me　to　see　thee；〃　the　old　man　said。
As　they　went　up　the　hill　in　the　dark；　the　wind　at　their　backs；　the　storm　blowing　past　them　as　they　climbed；　Anselmo　did　not　feel　lonely。　He　had　not　been　lonely　since　the　_Ingl閟_　had　clapped　him　on　the　shoulder。　The　_Ingl閟_　was　pleased　and　happy　and　they　joked　together。　The　_Ingl閟_　said　it　all　went　well　and　he　was　not　worried。　The　drink　in　his　stomach　warmed　him　and　his　feet　were　warming　now　climbing。
〃Not　much　on　the　road；〃　he　said　to　the　_Ingl閟_。
〃Good；〃　the　_Ingl閟_　told　him。　〃You　will　show　me　when　we　get　there。〃
Anselmo　was　happy　now　and　he　was　very　pleased　that　he　had　stayed　there　at　the　post　of　observation。
If　he　had　come　in　to　camp　it　would　have　been　all　right。　It　would　have　been　the　intelligent　and　correct　thing　to　have　done　under