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people　who　hardly　know　what　to　do　with　their　money　that　it　is　well　to

suggest　to　them　any　new　useful　end　to　which　their　superfluity　may

contribute。　　I　am　not　in　alliance　with　Mr。　Quaritch；　in　fact；　I　am

afraid　of　him；　for　if　I　stayed　a　single　hour　in　his　library；　where　I

never　was　but　once；　and　then　for　fifteen　minutes　only；　I　should　leave

it　so　much　poorer　than　I　entered　it　that　I　should　be　reminded　of　the

picture　in　the　titlepage　of　Fuller's　〃Historie　of　the　Holy　Warre：

〃We　went　out　full。　　We　returned　empty。〃



After　the　teacups　were　all　emptied；　the　card　containing　Number

Seven's　abridged　history　of　two　worlds；　this　and　the　next；　was　handed

round。



This　was　all　it　held：



After　all　had　looked　at　it；　it　was　passed　back　to　me。　　〃Let　The

Dictator　interpret　it；〃　they　all　said。



This　is　what　I　announced　as　my　interpretation：



Two　worlds；　the　higher　and　the　lower；　separated　by　the　thinnest　of

partitions。　　The　lower　world　is　that　of　questions；　the　upper　world　is

that　of　answers。　　Endless　doubt　and　unrest　here　below；　wondering；

admiring；　adoring　certainty　above。　Am　I　not　right？



〃You　are　right；〃　answered　Number　Seven　solemnly。　　〃That　is　my

revelation。〃



The　following　poem　was　found　in　the　sugar…bowl。



I　read　it　to　the　company。　　There　was　much　whispering　and　there　were

many　conjectures　as　to　its　authorship；　but　every　Teacup　looked

innocent；　and　we　separated　each　with　his　or　her　private　conviction。

I　had　mine；　but　I　will　not　mention　it。





　　　　　　　　　　THE　ROSE　AND　THE　FERN。



Lady；　life's　sweetest　lesson　wouldst　thou　learn；

Come　thou　with　me　to　Love's　enchanted　bower：

High　overhead　the　trellised　roses　burn；

Beneath　thy　feet　behold　the　feathery　fern；

A　leaf　without　a　flower。



What　though　the　rose　leaves　fall？　　They　still　are　sweet；

And　have　been　lovely　in　their　beauteous　prime；

While　the　bare　frond　seems　ever　to　repeat；

〃For　us　no　bud；　no　blossom；　wakes　to　greet

The　joyous　flowering　time！〃



Heed　thou　the　lesson。　　Life　has　leaves　to　tread

And　flowers　to　cherish；　summer　round　thee　glows；

Wait　not　till　autumn's　fading　robes　are　shed；

But　while　its　petals　still　are　burning　red

Gather　life's　full…blown　rose！









VI



Of　course　the　reading　of　the　poem　at　the　end　of　the　last　paper　has

left　a　deep　impression。　　I　strongly　suspect　that　something　very　much

like　love…making　is　going　on　at　our　table。　　A　peep　under　the　lid　of

the　sugar…bowl　has　shown　me　that　there　is　another　poem　ready　for　the

company。　　That　receptacle　is　looked　upon　with　an　almost　tremulous

excitement　by　more　than　one　of　The　Teacups。　　The　two　Annexes　turn

towards　the　mystic　urn　as　if　the　lots　which　were　to　determine　their

destiny　were　shut　up　in　it。　　Number　Five；　quieter；　and　not　betraying

more　curiosity　than　belongs　to　the　sex　at　all　ages；　glances　at　the

sugarbowl　now　and　then；　looking　so　like　a　clairvoyant；　that　sometimes

I　cannot　help　thinking　she　must　be　one。　　There　is　a　sly　look　about

that　young　Doctor's　eyes；　which　might　imply　that　he　knows　something

about　what　the　silver　vessel　holds；　or　is　going　to　hold。　　The　Tutor

naturally　falls　under　suspicion；　as　he　is　known　to　have　written　and

published　poems。　　I　suppose　the　Professor　and　myself　have　hardly　been

suspected　of　writing　love…poems；　but　there　is　no　telling；there　is

no　telling。　　Why　may　not　some　one　of　the　lady　Teacups　have　played　the

part　of　a　masculine　lover？　　George　Sand；　George　Eliot；　Charles　Egbert

Craddock；　made　pretty　good　men　in　print。　　The　authoress　of　〃Jane

Eyre〃　was　taken　for　a　man　by　many　persons。　　Can　Number　Five　be

masquerading　in　verse？　　Or　is　one　of　the　two　Annexes　the　make。

believe　lover？　　Or　did　these　girls　lay　their　heads　together；　and　send

the　poem　we　had　at　our　last　sitting　to　puzzle　the　company？　　It　is

certain　that　the　Mistress　did　not　write　the　poem。　　It　is　evident　that

Number　Seven；　who　is　so　severe　in　his　talk　about　rhymesters；　would

not；　if　he　could；　make　such　a　fool　of　himself　as　to　set　up　for　a

〃poet。〃　　Why　should　not　the　Counsellor　fall　in　love　and　write　verses？

A　good　many　lawyers　have　been　〃poets。〃



Perhaps　the　next　poem；　which　may　be　looked　for　in　its　proper　place；

may　help　us　to　form　a　judgment。　　We　may　have　several　verse…writers

among　us；　and　if　so　there　will　be　a　good　opportunity　for　the　exercise

of　judgment　in　distributing　their　productions　among　the　legitimate

claimants。　　In　the　mean　time；　we　must　not　let　the　love…making　and　the

song…writing　interfere　with　the　more　serious　matters　which　these

papers　are　expected　to　contain。



Number　Seven's　compendious　and　comprehensive　symbolism　proved

suggestive；　as　his　whimsical　notions　often　do。　　It　always　pleases　me

to　take　some　hint　from　anything　he　says　when　I　can；　and　carry　it　out

in　a　direction　not　unlike　that　of　his　own　remark。　　I　reminded　the

company　of　his　enigmatical　symbol。



You　can　divide　mankind　in　the　same　way；　I　said。　　Two　words；　each　of

two　letters；　will　serve　to　distinguish　two　classes　of　human　beings

who　constitute　the　principal　divisions　of　mankind。　　Can　any　of　you

tell　what　those　two　words　are？



〃Give　me　five　letters；〃　cried　Number　Seven；　〃and　I　can　solve　your

problem！　　F…o…o…1…s；those　five　letters　will　give　you　the　first　and

largest　half。　　For　the　other　fraction〃



Oh；　but；　said　I；　I　restrict　you　absolutely　to　two　letters。　　If　you

are　going　to　take　five；　you　may　as　well　take　twenty　or　a　hundred。



After　a　few　attempts；　the　company　gave　it　up。　　The　nearest　approach

to　the　correct　answer　was　Number　Five's　guess　of　Oh　and　Ah：　Oh

signifying　eternal　striving　after　an　ideal；　which　belongs　to　one　kind

of　nature；　and　Ah　the　satisfaction　of　the　other　kind　of　nature；　which

rests　at　ease　in　what　it　has　attained。



Good！　　I　said　to　Number　Five；　but　not　the　answer　I　am　after。　　The

great　division　between　human　beings　is　into　the　Ifs　and　the　Ases。



Is　the　last　word　to　be　spelt　with　one　or　two　s's？　　〃asked　the　young

Doctor。



The　company　laughed　feebly　at　this　question。　　I　answered　it　soberly。

With　one　s。　　There　are　more　foolish　people　among　the　Ifs　than　there

are　among　the　Ases。



The　company　looked　puzzled；　and　asked　for　an　explanation。



This　is　the　meaning　of　those　two　words　as　I　interpret　them：

If　it　were；if　it　might　be；if　it　could　be；if　it　had　been。　　One

portion　of　mankind　go　through　life　always　regretting；　always　whining；

always　imagining。　　These　are　the　people　whose　backbones　remain

cartilaginous　all　their　lives　long；　as　do　those　of　certain　other

vertebrate　animals；the　sturgeons；　for　instance。　　A　good　many　poets

must　be　classed　with　this　group　of　vertebrates。



As　it　is；this　is　the　way　in　which　the　other　class　of　people　look　at

the　conditions　in　which　they　find　themselves。　　They　may　be　optimists

or　pessimists；　they　are　very　largely　optimists；but；　taking　things

just　as　they　find　them；　they　adjust　the　facts　to　their　wishes　if　they

can；　and　if　they　cannot；　then　they　adjust　themselves　to　the　facts。　　I

venture　to　say　that　if　one　should　count　the　Ifs　and　the　Ases　in　the

conversation　of　his　acquaintances；　he　would　find　the　more　able　and

important　persons　among　themstatesmen；　generals；　men　of　business

among　the　Ases；　and　the　majority　of　the　conspicuous　failures　among

the　Ifs。　　I　don't　know　but　this　would　be　as　good　a　test　as　that　of

Gideon；lapping　the　water　or　taking　it　up　in　the　hand。　　I　have　a

poetical　friend　whose　conversation　is　starred　as　thick　with　ifs　as　a

boiled　ham　is　with　cloves。　　But　another　friend　of　mine；　a　business

man；　whom　I　trust　in　making　my　investments；　would　not　let　me　meddle

with　a　certain　stock　which　I　fancied；　because；　as　he　said；　〃there　are

too　many　ifs　in　it。　　As　it　looks　now；　I　would　n't　touch　it。〃



I　noticed；　the　other　evening；　that　some　private　conversation　was

going　on　between　the　Counsellor　and　the　two　Annexes。　　There　was　a

mischievous　look　about　the　little　group；　and　I　thought　they　were

hatching　some　plot　among　them。　　I　did　not　hear　what　the　English　Annex

said；　but　the　American　girl's　voice　was　sharper；　and　I　overheard　what

sounded　to　me　like；　〃It　is　time　to　stir　up　that　young　Doctor。〃　　The

Counsellor　looked　very　knowing；　and　said　that　he　would　find　a　chance

before　long。　　I　was　rather　amused　to　see　how　readily　he　entered　into

the　project　of　the　young　people。　　The　fact　is；　the　Counsellor　is

young　for　his　time　of　life；　for　he　already　betrays　some　signs　of　the

change　referred　to　in　that　once　familiar　street　song；　which　my

friend；　the　great　American　surgeon；　inquired　for　at　the　music…shops

under　the　title；　as　he　got　it　from　the　Italian　minstrel；



　　　　　　　　　　〃Silva　tredi　mondi　goo。〃



I　saw；　soon　after　this；　that　the　Counsellor　was　watching　his　chance

to　〃stir　up　the　young　Doctor。〃



It　does　not　follow；　because　our　young　Doctor's　bald　spot　is　slower　in

coming　than　he　could　have　wished；　that　he　has　not　had　time　to　form

many　sound　conclusions　in　the　calling　to　which　he　has　devoted　himself

Vesalius；　the　father　of　modern　descriptive　anatomy；　published　his

great　work　on　that　subject　before　he　was　thirty。　　Bichat；　the　great

anatomist　and　physiologist；　who　died　near　the　beginning　of　this

century；　published　his　treatise；　which　made　a　revolution　in　anatomy

and　pathology；　at　about　the　same　age；　dying　soon　after　he　had　reached

the　age　of　thirty。　　So；　possibly　the　Counsellor　may　find　that　he　has

〃stirred　up〃　a　young　man　who；　can　take　care　of　his　own　head；　in　case

of　aggressive　movements　in　its　direction。



〃Well；　Doctor；〃　the　Counsellor　began；　〃how　are　stocks…　in　the　measles

market　about　these　times？　　Any　corner　in　bronchitis？　　Any　syndicate

in　the　vaccination　business？〃　　All　this　playfully。



〃I　can't　say　how　it　is　with　other　people's　patients；　most　of　my

families　are　doing　very　well　without　my　help；　at　this　time。〃



〃Do　tell　me；　Doctor；　how　many　families　you　own。　　I　have　heard　it　said

that　some　of　our　fellow…citizens　have　two　distinct　families；　but　you

speak　as　if　you　had　a　dozen