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kinsfolk; in the little churchyard where she used to gather daisies

in her childhood!  It takes a great deal of love to keep down the °

climbing sorrow' that swells up in a woman's throat when such

memories seize upon her; in her moments of desolation。  But if a

foreign…born woman does willingly give up all for a man; and never

looks backward; like Lot's wife; she is a prize that it is worth

running a risk to gain;that is; if she has the making of a good

woman in her; and a few years will go far towards naturalizing her。〃



The Tutor listened to Number Five with much apparent interest。  〃And

now;〃 he said; 〃what do you think of her companion?〃



〃A charming girl for a man of a quiet; easy temperament。  The great

trouble is with her voice。  It is pitched a full note too high。  It

is aggressive; disturbing; and would wear out a nervous man without

his ever knowing what was the matter with him。  A good many crazy

Northern people would recover their reason if they could live for a

year or two among the blacks of the Southern States。  But the

penetrating; perturbing quality of the voices of many of our Northern

women has a great deal to answer for in the way of determining love

and friendship。  You remember that dear friend of ours who left us

not long since?  If there were more voices like hers; the world would

be a different place to live in。  I do not believe any man or woman

ever came within the range of those sweet; tranquil tones without

being hushed; captivated; entranced I might almost say; by their

calming; soothing influence。  Can you not imagine the tones in which

those words; 'Peace; be still;' were spoken?  Such was the effect of

the voice to which but a few weeks ago we were listening。  It is hard

to believe that it has died out of human consciousness。  Can such a

voice be spared from that world of happiness to which we fondly look


forward; where we love to dream; if we do not believe with assured

conviction; that whatever is loveliest in this our mortal condition

shall be with us again as an undying possession?  Your English friend

has a very agreeable voice; round; mellow; cheery; and her

articulation is charming。  Other things being equal; I think you; who

are; perhaps; oversensitive; would live from two to three years

longer with her than with the other。  I suppose a man who lived

within hearing of a murmuring brook would find his life shortened if

a sawmill were set up within earshot of his dwelling。〃



〃And so you advise me to make love to the English girl; do you?〃

asked the Tutor。



Number Five laughed。  It was not a loud laugh; she never laughed

noisily; it was not a very hearty laugh; the idea did not seem to

amuse her much。



〃No;〃 she said; 〃I won't take the responsibility。  Perhaps this is a

case in which the true reading of Gay's line would be



          How happy could I be with neither。



There are several young women in the world besides our two Annexes。〃



I question whether the Tutor had asked those questions very

seriously; and I doubt if Number Five thought he was very much in

earnest。





One of The Teacups reminded me that I had promised to say something

of my answers to certain questions。  So I began at once:



I have given the name of brain…tappers to the literary operatives who

address persons whose names are well known to the public; asking

their opinions or their experiences on subjects which are at the time

of general interest。  They expect a literary man or a scientific

expert to furnish them materials for symposia and similar articles;

to be used by them for their own special purposes。  Sometimes they

expect to pay for the information furnished them; at other times; the

honor of being included in a list of noted personages who have

received similar requests is thought sufficient compensation。  The

object with which the brain…tapper puts his questions may be a purely

benevolent and entirely disinterested one。  Such was the object of

some of those questions which I have received and answered。  There

are other cases; in which the brain…tapper is acting much as those

persons do who stop a physician in the street to talk with him about

their livers or stomachs; or other internal arrangements; instead of

going to his office and consulting him; expecting to pay for his

advice。  Others are more like those busy women who; having the

generous intention of making a handsome present to their pastor; at

as little expense as may be; send to all their neighbors and

acquaintances for scraps of various materials; out of which the

imposing 〃bedspread〃 or counterpane is to be elaborated。



That is all very well so long as old pieces of stuff are all they

call for; but it is a different matter to ask for clippings out of

new and uncut rolls of cloth。  So it is one thing to ask an author

for liberty to use extracts from his published writings; and it is a

very different thing to expect him to write expressly for the

editor's or compiler's piece of literary patchwork。



I have received many questions within the last year or two; some of

which I am willing to answer; but prefer to answer at my own time; in

my own way; through my customary channel of communication with the

public。  I hope I shall not be misunderstood as implying any reproach

against the inquirers who; in order to get at facts which ought to be

known; apply to all whom they can reach for information。  Their

inquisitiveness is not always agreeable or welcome; but we ought to

be glad that there are mousing fact…hunters to worry us with queries

to which; for the sake of the public; we are bound to give our

attention。  Let me begin with my brain…tappers。



And first; as the papers have given publicity to the fact that I; The

Dictator of this tea…table; have reached the age of threescore years

and twenty; I am requested to give information as to how I managed to

do it; and to explain just how they can go and do likewise。  I think

I can lay down a few rules that will help them to the desired result。

There is no certainty in these biological problems; but there are

reasonable probabilities upon which it is safe to act。



The first thing to be done is; some years before birth; to advertise

for a couple of parents both belonging to long…lived families。

Especially let the mother come of a race in which octogenarians and

nonagenarians are very common phenomena。  There are practical

difficulties in following out this suggestion; but possibly the

forethought of your progenitors; or that concurrence of circumstances

which we call accident; may have arranged this for you。



Do not think that a robust organization is any warrant of long life;

nor that a frail and slight bodily constitution necessarily means

scanty length of days。  Many a strong…limbed young man and many a

blooming young woman have I seen failing and dropping away in or

before middle life; and many a delicate and slightly constituted

person outliving the athletes and the beauties of their generation。

Whether the excessive development of the muscular system is

compatible with the best condition of general health is; I think;

more than doubtful。  The muscles are great sponges that suck up and

make use of large quantities of blood; and the other organs must be

liable to suffer for want of their share。



One of the Seven Wise Men of Greece boiled his wisdom down into two

words; NOTHING TOO MUCH。  It is a rule which will apply to food;

exercise; labor; sleep; and; in short; to every part of life。  This

is not so very difficult a matter if one begins in good season and

forms regular habits。  But what if I should lay down the rule; Be

cheerful; take all the troubles and trials of life with perfect

equanimity and a smiling countenance?  Admirable directions!  Your

friend; the curly…haired blonde; with florid complexion; round

cheeks; the best possible digestion and respiration; the stomach of

an ostrich and the lungs of a pearl…diver; finds it perfectly easy to

carry them into practice。  You; of leaden complexion; with black and

lank hair; lean; hollow…eyed; dyspeptic; nervous; find it not so easy

to be always hilarious and happy。  The truth is that the persons of

that buoyant disposition which comes always heralded by a smile; as a

yacht driven by a favoring breeze carries a wreath of sparkling foam

before her; are born with their happiness ready made。  They cannot

help being cheerful any more than their saturnine fellow…mortal can

help seeing everything through the cloud he carries with him。  I give

you the precept; then; Be cheerful; for just what it is worth; as I

would recommend to you to be six feet; or at least five feet ten; in

stature。  You cannot settle that matter for yourself; but you can

stand up straight; and give your five feet five its full value。

You can help along a little by wearing high…heeled shoes。  So you can

do something to encourage yourself in serenity of aspect and

demeanor; keeping your infirmities and troubles in the background

instead of making them the staple of your conversation。  This piece

of advice; if followed; may be worth from three to five years of the

fourscore which you hope to attain。



If; on the other hand; instead of going about cheerily in society;

making the best of everything and as far as possible forgetting your

troubles; you can make up your mind to economize all your stores of

vital energy; to hoard your life as a miser hoards his money; you

will stand a fair chance of living until you are tired of life;

fortunate if everybody is not tired of you。



One of my prescriptions for longevity may startle you somewhat。  It

is this: Become the subject of a mortal disease。  Let half a dozen

doctors thump you; and knead you; and test you in every possible way;

and render their verdict that you have an internal complaint; they

don't know exactly what it is; but it will certainly kill you by 

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