the sleeping-car - a farce-第5部分
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you'll be sure to find him。
MR。 ROBERTS （timidly indicating a berth）。 I think that's the one。
CAMPBELL （plunging at it； and pulling the curtains open）。 You old
Tom Goodall！
THE CALIFORNIAN （appearing）。 I ain't any Tom Goodall。 My name's
Abram Sawyer。
CAMPBELL （falling back）。 Well； sir； you're right。 I'm awfully sorry
to disturb you； but； from my sister's description here； I felt
certain you must be my old friend Tom Goodall。
THE CALIFORNIAN。 I ain't surprised at it。 I'm only surprised I
AIN'T Tom Goodall。 I've been a baby twice； and I've been a man's
wife once； and once I've been a long…lost brother。
CAMPBELL （laughing）。 Oh； they've found HIM。 I'M the long…lost
brother。
THE CALIFORNIAN （sleepily）。 Has she found the other one？
CAMPBELL。 Yes； all right； I believe。
THE CALIFORNIAN。 Has HE found what HE wanted？
CAMPBELL。 Yes； we're all together here。 ＇THE CALIFORNIAN makes a
movement to get into bed again。＇ Oh； don't！ You'd better make a
night of it now。 It's almost morning anyway。 We want you to go home
with us； and Mrs。 Roberts will give you a bed at her house； and let
you sleep a week。
THE CALIFORNIAN。 Well； I reckon you're right； stranger。 I seem to
be in the hands of Providence to…night anyhow。 ＇He pulls on his
boots and coat； and takes his seat beside CAMPBELL。＇ I reckon there
ain't any use in fighting against Providence。
MRS。 ROBERTS （briskly； as if she had often tried it and failed）。 Oh；
not the least in the world。 I'm sure it was all intended； and if you
had turned out to be Willis at last； I should be CERTAIN of it。 What
surprises me is that you shouldn't turn out to be anybody； after all。
THE CALIFORNIAN。 Yes； it is kind of curious。 But I couldn't help
it。 I did my best。
MRS。 ROBERTS。 Oh； don't speak of it。 WE are the ones who ought to
apologize。 But if you only had been somebody； it would have been
such a good joke！ We could always have had such a laugh over it；
don't you see？
THE CALIFORNIAN。 Yes； ma'am； it would have been funny。 But I hope
you've enjoyed it as it is。
MRS。 ROBERTS。 Oh； very much； thanks to you。 Only I can't seem to
get reconciled to your not being anybody； after all。 You MUST at
least be some one we've heard about； don't you think？ It's so
strange that you and Willis never even met。 Don't you think you have
some acquaintances in common？
CAMPBELL。 Look here； Agnes； do you always shout at the top of your
voice in this way when you converse in a sleeping…car？
MRS。 ROBERTS。 Was I talking loud again？ Well； you can't help it if
you want to make people hear you。
CAMPBELL。 But there must be a lot of them who don't want to hear
you。 I wonder that the passengers who are not blood…relations don't
throw things at youboots and hand…bags and language。
MRS。 ROBERTS。 Why； that's what they've BEEN doinglanguage； at
leastand I'm only surprised they're not doing it now。
THE CALIFORNIAN （rising）。 They'd better not； ma'am。
＇He patrols the car from end to end； and quells some rising murmurs；
halting at the rebellious berths as he passes。＇
MRS。 ROBERTS （enraptured by his companionship）。 Oh； he MUST be some
connection。 ＇She glances through the window。＇ I do believe that was
Newton； or Newtonville； or West Newton； or Newton Centre。 I must run
and wake up baby； and get him dressed。 I shan't want to wait an
instant after we get in。 Why； we're slowing up！ Why； I do believe
we're there！ Edward； we're there！ Only fancy being there already！
MR。 ROBERTS。 Yes； my dear。 Only we're not quite there yet。 Hadn't
we better call your aunt Mary？
MRS。 ROBERTS。 I'd forgotten her。
CAMPBELL。 Is Aunt Mary with you？
MRS。 ROBERTS。 To be sure she is。 Didn't I tell you？ She came on
expressly to meet you。
CAMPBELL （starting up impetuously）。 Which berth is she in？
MRS。 ROBERTS。 Right over baby。
CAMPBELL。 And which berth is baby in？
MRS。 ROBERTS （distractedly）。 Why； that's just what I can't TELL。 It
was bad enough when they were all filled up； but now since the people
have begun to come out of them； and some of them are made into seats
I can't tell。
THE CALIFORNIAN。 I'll look for you； ma'am。 I should like to wake up
all the wrong passengers on this car。 I'd take a pleasure in it。 If
you could make sure of any berth that AIN'T the one； I'll begin on
that。
MRS。 ROBERTS。 I can't even be sure of the wrong one。 No； no； you
mustn't＇THE CALIFORNIAN moves away； and pauses in front of one of
the berths； looking back inquiringly at MRS。 ROBERTS。＇ Oh； don't ask
ME！ _I_ can't tell。 ＇To CAMPBELL。＇ ISN'T he amusing？ So like all
those Californians that one reads ofso chivalrous and SO humorous！
AUNT MARY （thrusting her head from the curtains of the berth before
which THE CALIFORNIAN is standing）。 Go along with you！ What do you
want？
THE CALIFORNIAN。 Aunt Mary。
AUNT MARY。 Go away。 Aunt Mary； indeed！
MRS。 ROBERTS （running toward her； followed by CAMPBELL and MR。
ROBERTS）。 Why； Aunt Mary； it IS you！ And here's Willis； and here's
Edward。
AUNT MARY。 Nonsense！ How did they get aboard？
MRS。 ROBERTS。 Edward came on at Worcester and Willis at Framingham；
to surprise me。
AUNT MARY。 And a very silly performance。 Let them wait till I'm
dressed； and then I'll talk to them。 Send for the porter。 ＇She
withdraws her head behind the curtain； and then thrusts it out
again。＇ And who； pray； may THIS be？
＇She indicates THE CALIFORNIAN。＇
MRS。 ROBERTS。 Oh； a friend of ours from California； who's been so
kind to us all night； and who's going home with us。
AUNT MARY。 Another ridiculous surprise； I suppose。 But he shall not
surprise ME。 Young man； isn't your name Sawyer？
THE CALIFORNIAN。 Yes； ma'am。
AUNT MARY。 Abram？
THE CALIFORNIAN。 Abram Sawyer。 You're right there； ma'am。
MRS。 ROBERTS。 Oh！ oh！ I knew it！ I knew that he must be somebody
belonging to us。 Oh； thank you； aunty； for thinking …
AUNT MARY。 Don't be absurd； Agnes。 Then you're my …
A VOICE from one of the berths。 Lost step…son。 Found！ found at
last！
＇THE CALIFORNIAN looks vainly round in an endeavor to identify the
speaker； and then turns again to AUNT MARY。＇
AUNT MARY。 Weren't your parents from Bath？
THE CALIFORNIAN （eagerly）。 Both of 'em； ma'amboth of 'em。
THE VOICE。 O my prophetic soul； my uncle！
AUNT MARY。 Then you're my old friend Kate Harris's daughter？
THE CALIFORNIAN。 I might be her SON； ma'am； but MY mother's name was
Susan Wakeman。
AUNT MARY （in sharp disgust）。 Call the porter； please。
＇She withdraws her head and pulls her curtains together； the rest
look blankly at one another。＇
CAMPBELL。 Another failure； and just when we thought we were sure of
you。 I don't know what we shall do about you； Mr。 Sawyer。
THE VOICE。 Adopt him。
CAMPBELL。 That's a good idea。 We will adopt you。 You shall be our
adoptive …
THE VOICE。 Baby boy。
ANOTHER VOICE。 Wife。
A THIRD VOICE。 Brother。
A FOURTH VOICE。 Early friend。
A FIFTH VOICE。 Kate Harris's daughter。
CAMPBELL （laying his hand on THE CALIFORNIAN'S shoulder； and breaking
into a laugh）。 Don't mind them。 They don't mean anything。 It's
just their way。 You come home with my sister； and spend Christmas；
and let us devote the rest of our lives to making your declining
years happy。
VOICES。 〃Good for you； Willis！〃 〃We'll all come！〃 〃No ceremony！〃
〃Small and early！〃
CAMPBELL （looking round）。 We appear to have fallen in with a party
of dry…goods drummers。 It makes a gentleman feel like an intruder。
＇The train stops； he looks out of the window。＇ We've arrived。 Come；
Agnes； come； Roberts； come； Mr。 Sawyerlet's be going。
＇They gather up their several wraps and bags； and move with great
dignity toward the door。＇
AUNT MARY （putting out her head）。 Agnes！ If you must forget your
aunt； at least remember your child。
MRS。 ROBERTS （running back in an agony of remorse）。 Oh； BABY； did I
forget you？
CAMPBELL。 Oh； AUNTY； did she forget you？ ＇He runs back； and extends
his arms to his aunt。＇ Let me help you down； Aunt Mary。
AUNT MARY。 Nonsense； Willis。 Send the porter。
CAMPBELL （turning round and confronting THE PORTER）。 He was here
upon instinct。 Shall he fetch a step…ladder？
AUNT MARY。 HE will know what to do。 Go away； Willis； go away with
that child； Agnes。 If I should happen to fall on you＇They retreat；
the curtain drops； and her voice is heard behind it addressing THE
PORTER。＇ Give me your hand； now your back； now your knee。 So！ And
very well done。 Thanks。
End
