5 midnigh+sun-第15部分

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assisted　him　informally—though　only　in　situations　where　blood　was　not　involved。　　So　it　
wasn't　a　new　thing　to　me；　to　watch　him　interact　with　the　girl　as　if　he　were　as　human　as　
she　was。　　I'd　envied　his　control　many　times；　but　that　was　not　the　same　as　this　emotion。　　I　
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envied　him　more　than　his　control。　　I　ached　for　the　difference　between　Carlisle　and　me—　
that　he　could　touch　her　so　gently；　without　fear；　knowing　he　would　never　harm　her？　
She　winced；　and　I　twitched　in　my　seat。　　I　had　to　concentrate　for　a　moment　to　keep　
my　relaxed　posture。　
〃Tender？〃　Carlisle　asked。　
Her　chin　jerked　up　a　fraction。　　〃Not　really；〃　she　said。　
Another　small　piece　of　her　character　fell　into　place：　she　was　brave。　　She　didn't　
like　to　show　weakness。　
Possibly　the　most　vulnerable　creature　I'd　ever　seen；　and　she　didn't　want　to　seem　
weak。　　A　chuckle　slid　through　my　lips。　
She　shot　another　glare　at　me。　
〃Well；〃　Carlisle　said。　　〃Your　father　is　in　the　waiting　room—you　can　go　home　
with　him　now。　　But　come　back　if　you　feel　dizzy　or　have　trouble　with　your　eyesight　at　all。〃　
Her　father　was　here？　　I　swept　through　the　thoughts　in　the　crowded　waiting　room；　
but　I　couldn't　pick　his　subtle　mental　voice　out　of　the　group　before　she　was　speaking　
again；　her　face　anxious。　
〃Can't　I　go　back　to　school？〃　
〃Maybe　you　should　take　it　easy　today；〃　Carlisle　suggested。　
Her　eyes　flickered　back　to　me。　　〃Does　he　get　to　go　to　school？〃　
Act　normal；　smooth　things　over？ignore　the　way　it　feels　when　she　looks　me　in　the　
eye？　
〃Someone　has　to　spread　the　good　news　that　we　survived；〃　I　said。　
〃Actually；〃　Carlisle　corrected；　〃most　of　the　school　seems　to　be　in　the　waiting　
room。〃　
I　anticipated　her　reaction　this　time—her　aversion　to　attention。　　She　didn't　
disappoint。　
〃Oh　no；〃　she　moaned；　and　she　put　her　hands　over　her　face。　
I　liked　that　I'd　finally　guessed　right。　　I　was　beginning　to　understand　her？　
〃Do　you　want　to　stay？〃　Carlisle　asked。　
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〃No；　no！〃　she　said　quickly；　swinging　her　legs　over　the　side　of　the　mattress　and　
sliding　down　till　her　feet　were　on　the　floor。　　She　stumbled　forward；　off…balance；　into　
Carlisle's　arms。　　He　caught　and　steadied　her。　
Again；　the　envy　flooded　through　me。　
〃I'm　fine；〃　she　said　before　he　could　comment；　faint　pink　in　her　cheeks。　
Of　course；　that　wouldn't　bother　Carlisle。　　He　made　sure　she　was　balanced；　and　
then　dropped　his　hands。　
〃Take　some　Tylenol　for　the　pain；〃　he　instructed。　
〃It　doesn't　hurt　that　bad。〃　
Carlisle　smiled　as　he　signed　her　chart。　　〃It　sounds　like　you　were　extremely　lucky。〃　
She　turned　her　face　slightly；　to　stare　at　me　with　hard　eyes。　　〃Lucky　Edward　
happened　to　be　standing　next　to　me。〃　
〃Oh；　well；　yes；〃　Carlisle　agreed　quickly；　hearing　the　same　thing　in　her　voice　that　I　
heard。　　She　hadn't　written　her　suspicions　off　as　imagination。　　Not　yet。　
All　yours；　Carlisle　thought。　　Handle　it　as　you　think　best。　
〃Thanks　so　much；〃　I　whispered；　quick　and　quiet。　　Neither　human　heard　me。　
Carlisle's　lips　turned　up　a　tiny　bit　at　my　sarcasm　as　he　turned　to　Tyler。　　〃I'm　afraid　that　
you'll　have　to　stay　with　us　just　a　little　bit　longer；〃　he　said　as　he　began　examining　the　
slashes　left　by　the　shattered　windshield。　
Well；　I'd　made　the　mess；　so　it　was　only　fair　that　I　had　to　deal　with　it。　
Bella　walked　deliberately　toward　me；　not　stopping　until　she　was　uncomfortably　
close。　　I　remembered　how　I　had　hoped；　before　all　the　mayhem；　that　she　would　approach　
me？　　This　was　like　a　mockery　of　that　wish。　
〃Can　I　talk　to　you　for　a　minute？〃　she　hissed　at　me。　
Her　warm　breath　brushed　my　face　and　I　had　to　stagger　back　a　step。　　Her　appeal　
had　not　abated　one　bit。　　Every　time　she　was　near　me；　it　triggered　all　my　worst；　most　
urgent　instincts。　　Venom　flowed　in　my　mouth　and　my　body　yearned　to　strike—to　wrench　
her　into　my　arms　and　crush　her　throat　to　my　teeth。　
My　mind　was　stronger　than　my　body；　but　only　just。　
〃Your　father　is　waiting　for　you；〃　I　reminded　her；　my　jaw　clenched　tight。　
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She　glanced　toward　Carlisle　and　Tyler。　　Tyler　was　paying　us　no　attention　at　all；　
but　Carlisle　was　monitoring　my　every　breath。　
Carefully；　Edward。　
〃I'd　like　to　speak　to　you　alone；　if　you　don't　mind；〃　she　insisted　in　a　low　voice。　
I　wanted　to　tell　her　that　I　did　mind　very　much；　but　I　knew　I　would　have　to　do　this　
eventually。　　I　may　as　well　get　on　with　it。　
I　was　full　of　so　many　conflicting　emotions　as　I　stalked　out　of　the　room；　listening　
to　her　stumbling　footsteps　behind　me；　trying　to　keep　up。　
I　had　a　show　to　put　on　now。　　I　knew　the　role　I　would　play—I　had　the　character　
down：　I　would　be　the　villain。　　I　would　lie　and　ridicule　and　be　cruel。　
It　went　against　all　my　better　impulses—the　human　impulses　that　I'd　clung　to　
through　all　these　years。　　I'd　never　wanted　to　deserve　trust　more　than　in　this　moment；　
when　I　had　to　destroy　all　possibility　of　it。　
It　made　it　worse　to　know　that　this　would　be　the　last　memory　she　would　have　of　
me。　　This　was　my　farewell　scene。　
I　turned　on　her。　
〃What　do　you　want？〃　I　asked　coldly。　
She　cringed　back　slightly　from　my　hostility。　　Her　eyes　turned　bewildered；　the　
expression　that　had　haunted　me？　
〃You　owe　me　an　explanation；〃　she　said　in　a　small　voice；　her　ivory　face　blanched。　
It　was　very　hard　to　keep　my　voice　harsh。　　〃I　saved　your　life—I　don't　owe　you　
anything。〃　
She　flinched—it　burned　like　acid　to　watch　my　words　hurt　her。　
〃You　promised；〃　she　whispered。　
〃Bella；　you　hit　your　head；　you　don't　know　what　you're　talking　about。〃　
Her　chin　came　up　then。　　〃There's　nothing　wrong　with　my　head。〃　
She　was　angry　now；　and　that　made　it　easier　for　me。　　I　met　her　glare；　making　my　
face　more　unfriendly。　
〃What　do　you　want　from　me；　Bella？〃　
〃I　want　to　know　the　truth。　　I　want　to　know　why　I'm　lying　for　you。〃　
What　she　wanted　was　only　fair—it　frustrated　me　to　have　to　deny　her。　
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〃What　do　you　think　happened？〃　I　nearly　growled　at　her。　
Her　words　poured　out　in　a　torrent。　　〃All　I　know　is　that　you　weren't　anywhere　near　
me—Tyler　didn't　see　you；　either；　so　don't　tell　me　I　hit　my　head　too　hard。　　That　van　was　
going　to　crush　us　both—and　it　didn't；　and　your　hands　left　dents　in　the　side　of　it—and　you　
left　a　dent　in　the　other　car；　and　you're　not　hurt　at　all—and　the　van　should　have　smashed　
my　legs；　but　you　were　holding　it　up？〃　　Suddenly；　she　clenched　her　teeth　together　and　
her　eyes　were　glistening　with　unshed　tears。　
I　stared　at　her；　my　expression　derisive；　though　what　I　really　felt　was　awe；　she　had　
seen　everything。　
〃You　think　I　lifted　a　van　off　you？〃　I　asked　sarcastically。　
She　answered　with　one　stiff　nod。　
My　voice　grew　more　mocking。　　〃Nobody　will　believe　that；　you　know。〃　
She　made　an　effort　to　control　her　anger。　　When　she　answered　me；　she　spoke　each　
word　with　slow　deliberation。　　〃I'm　not　going　to　tell　anybody。〃　
She　meant　it—I　could　see　that　in　her　eyes。　　Even　furious　and　betrayed；　she　would　
keep　my　secret。　
Why？　
The　shock　of　it　ruined　my　carefully　designed　expression　for　half　a　second；　and　
then　I　pulled　myself　together。　
〃Then　why　does　it　matter？〃　I　asked；　working　to　keep　my　voice　severe。　
〃It　matters　to　me；〃　she　said　intensely。　　〃I　don't　like　to　lie—so　there'd　better　be　a　
good　reason　why　I'm　doing　it。〃　
She　was　asking　me　to　trust　her。　　Just　as　I　wanted　her　to　trust　me。　　But　this　was　a　
line　I　could　not　cross。　
My　voice　stayed　callous。　　〃Can't　you　just　thank　me　and　get　it　over　with？〃　
〃Thank　you；〃　she　said；　and　then　she　fumed　silently；　waiting。　
〃You're　not　going　to　let　it　go；　are　you？〃　
〃No。〃　
〃In　that　case？〃　　I　couldn't　tell　her　the　truth　if　I　wanted　to？and　I　didn't　want　to。　
I'd　rather　she　made　up　her　own　story　than　know　what　I　was；　because　nothing　could　be　
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worse　than　the　truth—I　was　a　living　nightmare；　straight　from　the　pages　of　a　horror　novel。　
〃I　hope　you　enjoy　disappointment。〃　
We　scowled　at　each　other。　　It　was　odd　how　endearing　her　anger　was。　　Like　a　
furious　kitten；　soft　and　harmless；　and　so　unaware　of　her　own　vulnerability。　
She　flushed　pink　and　ground　her　teeth　together　again。　　〃Why　did　you　even　
bother？〃　
Her　question　wasn't　one　that　I　was　expecting　or　prepared　to　answer。　　I　lost　my　
hold　on　the　role　I　was　playing。　　I　felt　the　mask　slip　from　my　face；　and　I　told　her—this　one　
time—the　truth。　
〃I　don't　know。〃　
I　memorized　her　face　one　last　time—it　was　still　set　in　lines　of　anger；　the　blood　not　
yet　faded　from　her　cheeks—and　then　I　turned　and　walked　away　from　her。　
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4。　Visions　
I　went　back　to　school。　　This　was　the　right　thing　to　do；　the　most　inconspicuous　way　to　
behave。　
By　the　end　of　the　day；　almost　all　the　other　students　had　returned　to　class；　too。　　Just　
Tyler　and　Bella　and　a　few　others—who　were　probably　using　the　accident　as　a　chance　to　
ditch—remained　absent。　
It　shouldn't　be　so　hard　for　me　to　do　the　right　thing。　　But；　all　afternoon；　I　was　
gritting　my　teeth　against　the　urge　that　had　me　yearning　ditch；　too—in　order　to　go　find　the　
girl　again。　
Like　a　stalker。　　An　obsessessed　stalker。　　An　obsessessed；　vampire　stalker。　
School　today　was—somehow；　impossibly—even　more　boring　than　it　had　seemed　
just　a　week　ago。　　Coma…like。　　It　was　as　if　the　color　had　drained　from　the　bricks；　the　trees；　
the　sky；　the　faces　around　me？　　I　stared　at　the　cracks　in　the　walls。　
There　was　another　right　thing　I　should　be　doing？that　I　was　not。　　Of　course；　it　was　
also　a　wrong　thing。　　It　all　depended　on　the　perspective　from　which　you　viewed　it。　
From　the　perspective　of　a　Cullen—not　just　a　vampire；　but　a　Cullen；　someone　who　
belonged　to　a　family；　such　a　rare　state　in　our　world—the　right　thing　to　do　would　have　
gone　something　like　this：　
〃I'm　surprised　to　see　you　in　class；　Edward。　　I　heard　you　were　involved　in　that　
awful　accident　this　morning。〃　
〃Yes；　I　was；　Mr。　Banner；　but　I　was　the　lucky　one。〃　　A　friendly　smile。　　〃I　didn't　get　
hurt　at　all？　　I　wish　I　could　say　the　same　for　Tyler　and　Bella。〃　
〃How　are　they？〃　
〃I　think　Tyler　is　fine？just　some　superficial　scrapes　from　the　windshield　glass。　
I'm　not　sure　about　Bella；　though。〃　　A　worried　frown。　　〃She　might　have　a　concussion。　　I　
heard　she　was　pretty　incoherent　for　a　while—seeing　things　even。